I had my first baby
When I was still a child myself
I was fifteen
When she intruded my world
The best intrusion
I've ever come across
And from day one
She was " boss"

A baby girl was placed on my heart
I was awe struck and in love
Right from the start
As I looked at her features
The breath of fresh air
I looked at her filling my life
It was no longer bare

I was a child
With a babe in arms
But I chose to love her
And protect her against harm

I grew up beside her
She taught me love and patience
She showed me whole love
And in me she created

A better person
A woman that grew
My little girl beside me
Nothing I couldn't or for her
wouldn't do

She is now fourteen
A different girl to the one I had been
Thankfully .....

She is simply Devine
Everyday of her life
We grew up together
Side by side

I had three other babies
There all beautiful
And my world
But this poem is for
My first baby girl

We fight
Because were passionate
The same fire inside
She lights up this whole world
Because she's to confident to hide

She's my baby girl
From the first moment I held her inside
And each time I look at her
I no she saved my life

........... A small cry ...........

Baby girl
I'll love you till i die
And even then
Ill love you from afar
Because you are

My guiding star x

I have only one layer
I'm about to strip it bare
I'm about to submit to your desires
Of *** , **** , and hair

I'm giving in to inhibitions
As I spread myself before you on the bed
You better save some pocket change
Cause I intend on breaking
your wooden bed head

I'm about to lift my knees
Arch my back and beg please

I'm about to ask you ever so nicely
To make it harder
And hold me tightly

I'm about to try positions
A body is not meant to form
I'm about to make sure
Your ready to preform

I'm about to put signage
"Take care , slippery when wet"
Ready , set
And I'm gonna beg for more
You can bet

Harder and more forceful each time
I'm gonna have you gagging for breath
As hell meets heaven
And life measures ****** death

You say "oh how you look like heaven tonight "
As I guide you through hell
On this wild ride

You say I look somewhat like your wife
Maybe this morning
But I'm nothing like her tonight

Move with my body
And you'll get it just right

I am the officer in charge tonight

So shut your mouth
And let's go round for round
In a different type of fight
Let's keep it going
Until we break through the moon  light
I'm not from heaven
Nor a mother
Tonight
But for these few dark hours

A ***** ***** housewife x

Excuse my proclaimed innocents
But it's my finest stroke of brilliance
This grievance is a hindrance
Balance lost in an instance

I am being convicted
For a crime I may or may not have committed

A judge and jury will have sentenced me before my guilt can be omitted

The crime and punishment
Aren't fitted

Because it's a punishable offence
That I never owned up to or admitted

Trial me for your sake
Truth will see me acquitted

See I seek the justice in who I am
I am not worse or better my friend

My sanity should not be on trial
Is it you or I that is in denial

I have no regrets or pretence
I have a tough skin that just doesn't relent

I have a lifetime sentence
Time already spent

The shackles and cuffs
Don't tie me to your argument

For I am freedom in a pen
Try as you might
Come and come at me again

I'll write you a sentence
You will never see light again

Torture and hang me
Walk me down dead mans row
The soul inside me
Is stronger than you could no

Beat me
Bash me
Bury me alive

My written words
Will be the parts of me strong enough to endure and survive x

I think I have multiple personalities
As every emotion washes over me
One minute I'm smiling a million miles away
The next I am crying
There's no words to say
I think I bit the apple of ever changing tides
Cause just one day in my life
is like a ******* roller coaster ride
When I'm right , I'm wrong
When I'm up
something quickly knocks me down a peg or two
And if I look in control
I'm fooling me as much as you
I open my eyes
The days filled with possibilities
But it ends up the same
Exhausted by the ever changing personalities
It's not you
It's me
The way it's always been
I wash myself clean
From head to toe
But somehow I'm still *****
I've let myself go
And I promise myself a day at a time
When the sun rises
Everything is always fine
But as the hours tick tock
So does my enthusiasm
As my body twitches
my head spasms
If you hear it enough
Then it's enough to believe
Even though your sure it's untrue
You've heard it so much it seems real to you
The personalities start to peel
I wonder if I managed to break them one at a time
Theres a person so deep
That no one can find
If I vision myself hard enough
What will be the conclusion
I'd probably be standing
Amongst my own confusion
For I'm an illusion
hard like rock
I can take a mind beating
and still stand faithful
Hard to break me
I'm  like Fort Knox
You can punish me sideways
Or straight up and down
And I'll forgive you in a moment
For I hold forgiveness golden crown
Because there's a person in me
And if she feels one ounce of love
She'll hang on for dear life
For a pound would probably be asking to much
She's willing to forget the hurt you had her see
And love you with whole heart
Eternally
Then there's another girl
She makes your **** real
Makes the pleasure feel like nothing you ever did feel
Makes you aware of how grateful you should be
Cause nothing in this life gives you better love than she
She's loyal and strong
And always out of bounds
And you worship her feet
You treasure her ground
But you don't feel this feeling to long
For eventually you say something
And she swallows her tongue
Subdued and submissive
She crumbles to your needs
She builds you a fortress
And always agrees
Runs for you
Jumps for you
Can never reach quite far enough
Balancing legless to hold you above
And sometimes a day feels so heavy on her shoulders
But she switches personalities
And it lets her become a soldier
1,2,3,4
She marches along
And in a second she will have a different apron on
See....
There's many personalities
They all serve a purpose
They keep her composed
So when she feels naked
She'll actually be fully clothed
When she feels lost
She'll no exactly where to be
Because the personalities
Switch her to the person she needs you to see
Am I talking as a third person ?
There all in here with me
Walk in my shoes
They fit one of me comfortably ....

He walks In with a plan
His daddy's gun in his hand
He was dealt the decision
And was now on a mission

He sat in his room
On the end of his bed
And waited the minutes
So slow were the seconds

The hand on the clock
He watched
Ever so loud
Was each tick tock

His head was spinning
But he had no choice
He was the man in this house
Even though he was only a boy

He heard the last bits of her screaming
After his mumma had taken her latest beating

She was the strongest woman
In her every being

She copped a flogging
Almost every second night
When her husband was full of grog
And he started to run dry

He heard her make a move to her room
And he knew she was safe
Time now coming to soon
For his coming fate

He waits for the creaking
The steps on the floorboards
His heart thumping hard
As his daddy tripped drunk over
Hidden cords

Just as his daddy approached his little sisters room
To do what he did nightly
As he sinned under the moon

His daddy stumbled swearing up to his knees
As his boy stepped into the hallway
Faced his father
With eyes pleading

Daddy your not going
to go in their tonight
Mummas had enough
And my sister is to young for this life

"******* boy
Who do you think you are "
As his son stood taller
And confronted him
Eyes hard

You beat on my mother
You abuse my sister
And I've had enough
Nows the time for you to listen

And as his daddy stood up
All his 6"2
His son smiled to himself and said
Daddy .....
I've always been bigger than you

Daddy plunged forward
But his eyes saw the shine
His son with his gun
And a glean in his eye

Daddy stopped in his tracks
" son pass me the gun "
Your sister is safe
And I promise I won't beat your mum

The putrid *****
Back to his old tricks
But the boy wasn't falling
for none of this

And as daddy stepped forward
With a clenched fist
It was then
He heard
The gun go click

The pressure to his stomach
Didn't hurt like he thought
Because he was gutless
And only blood poured

He went down slowly
And couldn't help but notice
The look of relief
On His only sons face

He knew he was a man now
As he took his rightful place

The boy watched his father
Die right there in the hall

And in unison
The closing of two doors

His mother came to his side
And took his fathers gun
She looked in his eyes
And said
"I've got this son "

As he sat with his sister
And the police combed the hall
She cuddled him tight
He  cuddled her  more

They could hear whispers
As their mother spoke
She said
" officer he was drunk must have fallen
And croaked "
He must have been cleaning it
Or putting it away
I'm sorry sir I was asleep
And so were they

My husband always was playing with that gun
My husband always was just a failing drunk

As the officer looked into this broken woman's eyes
He saw her bruises
As they covered her lies

He said mam
I'm sorry for your loss

He patted her son and said
Well now " boy you are boss "

They walked through their days
Better and knowing
Life was brighter
For that ******* going x

Horror shop
Porcelain and dust ...


It's sits there
Staring at me
Porcelain
It's ****** up freaky
I watch it's eyes bleed
Did my eyes deceive me
The clown frowns
Menacingly

It sits there
Four legs and a tail
Porcelain feline
Gives me the creeps
I swear the ****** just purred
Licked it's whiskers as it sleeps

Moose heads stuck up on a wall
Stuffed with stuffing
Manicured horns
I am sure this creature died in vain
And it's crazy eyes
Disguise it's missing brain
It looks at me
Am I going insane ?

Dust and objects fill the space
I don't see an exit
Free from this place
And a little old lady looks at me with a grin
She's about to say something
But keeps it in
Offers me a cup of tea
I accept with discomfort
It sits in a carousel
A porcelain horse
Playing a concert

The antique cup full of
Water and ....
roaches
Dread filled heat
Traps me as
A new figure approaches

I don't remember walking in
Surrounded by dust and porcelain
I search for the exits once again

**** me

There a cage in-between
It's a dead stuffed Tweetie bird singing
It's wings are together with
Bad sewing

I take a seat on a leather couch
The dust springs in the air
With the smell of
musk and mouse
This is a horror shop
Not a house
Not a museum
I can not describe enough
The details in what I am seeing

A solid old piano
With keys of ivory
Start to play
Hauntingly
They call me
There's no one behind the music
I slowly creep towards it
And a decapitated
foot taps
The foot pump
Toes are mangled and daunting
The tunes amazing

I stand frozen
The old lady encroaching

Puts her hand on my shoulder
And whispers the words
She has been holding

A handkerchief stained with blood
She is folding
Over and over
In tiny little squares
Until finally she
Has the perfect edges

Opens her mouth and I hear

Dear sweet child
Look around
Look at the creatures
The porcelains
The distorted mannequins
The dust you've been storing

Now move aside the cobwebs
See the window over there
Open it child
Breath some fresh air

Then look back at the horror shop
And think real hard .....
For it's important
You must
Or you'll sit on a shelf
And you to will collect dust x

She boards the train
It's her daily routine
She has done this trip
Could do it in her sleep
Today feels no different
Just another trip to the city
But from the corner of her eyes
She sees a man sitting

She looks up
And without warning
Her heart skips a beat
There's a stranger
Instantly she's aware of him
In the opposite seat

He looks disheveled
He looks world class
And the only thing he has in his possession
is his boarding pass

He is looking out the window
And playing with a rip in his jacket
And she's unsure how the other passengers
can't hear her heart
Making a god awful racket

He doesn't look at her
Doesn't no she exists
she stares the whole time
Her eyes can only see him

He looks like he's from another era
A different part of the world
And his soft features have a charm
And her head is in swirls

She has missed her stop
Most Of the passengers dispersed
She doesn't even think about being late for work

She is entranced and obsessed
She's spell bound and possessed
The strangest feeling
On board this morning train
She doesn't even notice that outside it's begun to rain

The train reached the last station
The drivers voice
chimes through the speaker
The trains final destination
And it has reached it

She stumbles out of her chair
Fixes her hair
She's out of her element
But doesn't really care

She opens her lips
Her eyes on his
He faces her
Theirs confusion on his

She quietly whispers
"Sir this is the last stop "
And he looks pleased with himself when he replies
" well miss"
" best you be getting off"

As heavy as her feet are
She turns them away
And just when she starts to leave
He said "miss excuse me "
"what did you say ?"

"I'm sorry sir for the rudeness
But I was telling you the train has terminated "
He looked at her puzzled
And said
"I'm sorry could I have a minute "

Sure "
she stood uncomfortable
Yet happy for the time
Her head and heart beat were in a rapid decline

He raised his chin
And asked
Miss can you see me ?

She said
Sure I can
I can't stop looking

He looks confused
But lightly amused
He leans casually against the train post

He whispers with his beautiful lips
She leans in closer to listen

" miss .... But I am a ghost "

I've been on this train for many
years
I died in this very seat
The man that killed me
Was where you sat
Directly opposite me "

Feeling light headed
She fell from her feet
And landed into his arms

He said no one had ever seen me
Or spoken to me
And I never take notice anymore

I can't believe I missed it  
When someone so beautiful entered through the train doors

But you must go now
And he kissed her lips
The trains terminated
I'm awful sorry sweet miss

Collecting herself she walked to the doors
And watched them as they
slowly close
He watched her in amazement
Through the rain on the window

She looked at  the train
number
It was number 7'11

She thought how ironic since theirs a soul on it
That hasn't quite made it to heaven

She searched for that train every single day
And when she finally found it
He wasn't there
He was watching from a distance
He just couldn't resist her

He knew she was searching
Felt her sadness in the air

But he also
knew to her it wouldn't be fair

She caught that same train
Every single day
Hoping for one more glimpse
But she knew it was never to be
And so did he
As ghosts love just doesn't  exist x

You and what army
Are going to come forth and wound me
You line up like soldiers
I count you
One two and three

That's not an army
That's you and your two hands
One is over your mouth and the other on your ****

I'm guessing you felt the full force of my kick

You stand tall with precision
But your heartless in you mission
I have your heart twisting
In my words I create your prison

Decision

Do you take me on or not
Cause I'm coming full force with everything I got
Retreat retreat
Before you feel my heat
My heart will eat yours

In just one ******* beat

You and your army
Better take a back seat
Look and listen

Learn from me !

I am your worst ******* enemy
What you get
Will be before you see
I'm stealth in my decision
Take it from freedom

Read em
I am not afraid
I'll stand back
And watch you decay
Theirs no truth in a single ******* thing you say

Your army does not live to see another day

You and what army
Are going to wound me

I look around
Your the only wounded soldier I see x

As the knife pieced in
it punctured my lung
With the tips of his fingers
he twisted my tongue

With a bite of his teeth
He ripped my flesh out in chunks
The blood welling in my eyes
dripped as it stung

There's a rope hanging from the roof
I'm sure it's where I'll be hung

It hurts
But it has to be done

For I have witnessed way to much
Even the sensitivity of my killers touch

I almost succumb and fell in love

As you do when you naive
and young

He led me to the slaughter
With promises of Rose water
He said my ruby lips
Were destined to be his

He said I had the finest
Body that god gifted a woman
And then he fluttered his lashes
And drew me closer to him

He treated my body
Like an award winning prize
Whilst all the time
Sizing me up with his eyes

He fed me plump
To fatten my flesh
He said I looked edible
As he cupped my *******

Just as my body gave way to my mind
He tied my hands and covered my eyes

Panic and lust
Twisted and combined
Lost were my thoughts
As we reached a new compromise

He fed me sustenance
Just as he fed me lies
And I knew then and there
By his hands I would die

Relief washed over him
As I gave myself freely
I surrendered myself up to him
My eyes pleading
Me kneeling

And if I died by his watch
Then it wouldn't take long
I think I knew he'd **** me
.....all along

As I sipped rose water from his hands shaped as a cup
The knife slowly tore through
As he made the first cut

The shape of a heart
The incision delicately ripped into my chest
He drew first blood
As he kissed my *******

The blade hot as hell
The desire as wild
I couldn't communicate
With pain and pleasure I was dying
I wanted it to stop
But my head wasn't measured
I'd fallen in love
And the fear hadn't yet registered

Just as my mind faded
And the life fell out of me
I looked in his eyes
Blue piercing lovely

He would be the last vision I see
As he killed me violently
And Sexually

As my corpse lay naked and cut
My soul floated in the air just above

I looked at me lying lifeless in his embrace
I looked at the love etched on my face
Even in death
I still couldn't see
Blinded by his light
Of instability

I heard from his lips
The words amazing grace
How sweet the sound ......

Then Felt my body
Being lowered into the ground x

I lent you a whisper
But I wanted it back
It was only for you to hear
Keep it under your hat

I gave you a secret
It was detrimental to me
That you kept it hidden
Under bolt lock and key

I trusted you with the knowledge
Of how easy I break
And you said that you'd hold on to it
For goodness and my sake

I gifted you
More than half of my life
But I'm asking for it back
Because it is mine

You can stay
You can love me
Do what you please
But I need to make my own choices
My mistakes are a beautiful freedom
And hand to heart
I promise to learn through them

I forgot who I am without you
Always check with you first
And at a time it was cute
But now it's a curse

I'm not sure who I am with you
It seems you've taken her to
Trying to protect me
But making me rely
Dependant on you

I feel as if we are breaking
In two different halves
You've got mine
And I have your
heart

Lovers in time become
A whole
With two separate laughs
Lovers with objections
On the others part

There's a distance
And a closeness
And somewhere In between
There's a price we both pay
To be you and me

I love that you love me
With force and energy
But I hate that you take pieces of me with your jealous insecurities

I love you more than these words
I love you so much
That it often hurts
But there's nothing worse

Than a girl with freedom
She fought and battled for
And still she is caged
Wanting just a little more
locked in a cage
Released not often
When she does she runs with rage
Digging a hole for her coffin

Making it deep
Making it wide
So when she jumps in
There's enough air she won't die

I want me back
Me whole
I want the girl you fell in love with
And I want you to no

That I'll always love you
And most likely always be here

But I need to set boundaries
And you need to adhere

Because I'll love you longer
When I am stronger
I'll love you wiser
When you open your eyes up

Instead of simply slipping away
Why don't we as TWO people
Pave our own ways
Meet in the middle
And come together as one
Breath a little
Knowing we both have won

I gave you everything
Everything you now see
All I'm asking is for
Is for you to give back a little of me x