Until our ties to this world release
May all of the wonders never cease
May all of the beautiful moments increase
As they have every day
Since the moment I first met you
Every tear ever shed
So unclear, or stained red
Becomes joyous instead
Whether dreaming or waking
Whether demons have fled
Or they scream in our heads
There are angels that tread
The same path we are taking
With every sunrise that drowns out the night
With every sunset that darkens our light
Through losing and winning
Through wrong and through right
I still have to catch my breath
Every time I catch a glimpse of you
I'm left speechless and amazed
With every smile and every gaze
In so many different ways
I fall more in love with you
It's so hard to pretend
I'm not in love with my best friend
When, without warning, without end
With everything you say and do
I fall so much further in
No matter how much I defend
The fact that you cannot extend
The same for me as I do you
For your heart belongs to another man
Who shares your emotions, and soon you have plans
Your moments together will soon be at hand
And I will still be your friend
Just the same as every moment
Since the moment I first met you
For, although, many moments, this tears me apart
You've awakened my hope, and mended my heart
Even though it feels broken, it still loves every part
Of every moment we share
Just the same as it has every day
Since the moment I first met you
I would not dream of losing one minute
Or missing one memory when you are in it
I'll take hell and heaven, and all that comes with it
To be able to spend another moment with my best friend
Just the same as I have every day
Since the day I first met you
Until our ties to this world release
May all of the wonders never cease
May all of the beautiful moments increase
As they have every moment of every day
Since the moment I first met you

Count them out...these lazy days
Where winds doth rage, but nothing sways
And nothing moves
Although the voices sing much louder when all is still
So many shouts...so many crazed
With ideas and wonders to confuse and amaze
Which only goes to prove that sometimes stillness can't be stilled
And, wanting nothing more than this:
To adorn the page with my writer's kiss
Caressing keys
So as to lay out every word each muse has bred
The opportunity so often missed
In writing when the urge insists
Then...vacancies
The moment lost when ideas have fled
The words remain despite my lack
Of calling all my muses back
And time slips by
As ideas become memories that scream
The scattered pieces staring back
Awaiting moments to attack
And come to life
Just as the dreamer wakes into the dream

We are each of us entwined
In our hearts and in our minds
But we're broken, and we're battered
And we're shattered, and we're torn
We don't know just what we're saying
Til the memories start replaying
And we see what truly mattered
And what we were fighting for
The second hand keeps taking
Little pieces in our waking
As the dreamer that now screams inside
Cries out for something more
And our hearts keep on repeating
Throughout all bent on defeating
Both the strength and sanity we find
When we feel there is no more
The smiles keep returning
Through the lessons we are learning
For our memories still bring laughter
Just the same as they bring tears
This journey we have taken
Both forgiven and forsaken
Will soon be forever after
Be it days or weeks or years
So no matter what was done
With every battle left unwon
We're still here, and we're still standing
Even when we feel we're lost
Every love that left us bleeding
Every fear we kept on feeding
Every last misunderstanding
All gave more than what they cost
For the knowledge we can gain
From every single ounce of pain
Shapes the way we see tomorrow
And everything that we hold dear
Even when we're far apart
We're forever heart to heart
Be it smiles or be it sorrow
In my heart, you're always near

It's sometimes ironic, really, having patience.
Especially when it is for something that may never happen.
Doubly so when it is for something that probably never will.
Why does the heart want what it wants despite the mind knowing better?
Does not the mind dictate the function of the heart?
If not for the mind, would not the heart cease to function at all?
Why, in it's mortal control over every beat, does the mind not intervene?
Why, despite all logic and all proof to the contrary, does the mind allow the heart to proceed?
Is it not a futile resistance fully apparent to but cause even more emotional pain?
Maybe it is because when it seems there is nothing left to hope for,
Nothing is the only thing left for hope to hold on to.

All of these things that I write
And every word therein
Are more for my self than anyone else
They are advice to my self
Even when they may seem otherwise
Especially when pain is the only reminder that I'm awake
I am talking my way out of the places my mind takes me
The remedy for what ails me
And sometimes, hopelessness having it's way
I know that there are brighter days ahead
For they call to me
Giving me reason to hope at all
Even on the days I am my own worst enemy
But, sometimes one cannot break free of one's cell
Unless every inch of such is explored
For shadows do not always bring demise
More often than not, they bring answers
Sometimes found within the questioning despair
Strength never comes without experience
And victory never comes without a fight
But, even the losses are victories
For I learn more about my self
And what I can endure
What breaks me, and what makes me stronger
Fear does not mean weakness
Failure does not mean defeat
Just as victory does not mean success
It all depends on the lessons that come thereafter
And the intent of each attempt
Because sometimes what I want is not mine to have
Even when it is something everyone desires in their own way
Though mind and heart cannot agree
Sometimes suffering hand in hand
Sometimes content in the joy of desires unobtained
But, always waiting...
Longing...
Dreaming...
Lamenting......
Rejoicing
For, even in wishes ungranted
Dreams yet untrue
Nightmares revisited and unresolved
It is the knowledge of beauty
There are still things in this world worth suffering for
There is still wonder and magic in the midst of chaos
There is still strength in my weakness
Pleasure despite my pain
Smiles in calamity
And the only way to defuse the effects of my depression
Is to study every aspect of emotion
Mainly, those most volitile to my mental destruction
Disarming sadness by personal description
Metaphores and precise actualities
Spoken not by the creative mind
But by the afflictions of my soul
Turning the darkness upon itself
Before I completely turn on my self

A bushel and a peck
Of disregards and disrespects
Are carried out, and carried in
Thrown away, and come again
Just make sure not to neglect
The phony air you may detect
In the ones you thought were friends
Who proved to be naught but pretend
It's no wonder now that trust
Becomes so hard for each of us
When so many now conceding
In the act of our misleading
Seem to be so true and just
All the while forsaking us
Yet we still keep on repeating
Giving chances to the fleeting
As respect collects its dust
Wasted so on the unjust
For each time our hearts are broken
By each treacherous word spoken
Each betrayal leaves us scarred
Cut so deep by disregard
Until we question every token
As sincere or falsely spoken
And to trust at all seems hard
Despite how honorable we are
Though we know we should be open
When there are others just as broken
Because time and time again
So many wronged give up and in
To the behaviors of those taking
The false friends and all those faking
Until we just don't know when
Our trust will be honored again
Or to prove we're but mistaking
As our hearts continue aching

I see myself where I want to be
Then open my eyes to find myself here
Held captive by everything that should save me
And somehow set free by the things that I fear
Asleep in the hours the sun should sustain me
Awake in the hours the moonlight should claim
Never to know which will rise and forsake me
Never to know which to thank or to blame
The harder I try, the more sleep escapes me
To try not all renders slumber undone
I sleep when I wake, and awaken in sleeping
Rest never comes even when it is won

Tonight, my demons danced throughout the halls of my insanity
Enticing and awakening my slumbering duress
Delighted to be roaming free despite the chains they're shackled in
Knowing that the key to freedom lies in my distress
Those oh so sneaky devils slipped the doubts and memories in again
Just a morsel at a time, until it grew into a feast
The tickle of the trickle as the madness spread like emptiness
Delivered me so quickly to the belly of the beast
Soon I fully realized the damage I was taking
As they sank their teeth into the memories that hurt the most
And the future seemed much further than a dream after awakening
Threatening to fade out like a long forgotten ghost
I struggled and I raged, and finally caged my demons once again
But not without a scar or two upon my weary hide
So do not mistake my limp in stride as weakness or as failure
It but represents my victory over the enemy inside

So many things I'd like to do
So many things I'd like to say
So many reasons why I should
But so many things get in the way
Sometimes these things aren't what I've chosen
Sometimes it seems they've chosen me
Sometimes they are my own mistakes
Sometimes it's who I've failed to be
But every time, in every way
I still strive so to find my voice
Sometimes struggling to find
The words that make my heart rejoice
For just to hear myself out loud
It drowns the voices in my head
And calms my sorrows and my fears
No matter who else may have read
For we each write for our own reasons
And we each write in our own styles
With a different flavor we each season
We each provide both frowns and smiles
And we each know exactly why
We choose to let our words flow free
In every instance, every time
I know just what mine mean to me
It matters not who may agree
Or who may not like every line
For it's the message that means more
Than how each one may be designed
And I can't change my feeling's flow
Whether supported or berated
This is my hope, this is my voice
No matter whether loved or hated

Words cannot bring but much more than a fling
If they aren't reflected by actions
You can say all you want; you can say anything
But I want more than brief satisfaction
You can tell me you want me, that you love and you care
But promises cannot console me
For mere words are always all I'm ever given
And words without love cannot hold me
So many have spoken the kindest of words
And thought that alone would sustain me
While treating me harshly, as more of a slave
Wanting love, all while treating me hatefully
I will not accept, nor will I justify
Being treated as less of a lover
When I've honored each one of my words and my promises
Despite lack of such from the other
No more hollow words, and no more broken promises
I will not take part in your one sided high
If you can't show me love just the same as you'd have it
Then the only thing left to say now is goodbye

This world can be either a heaven or a hell. What defines it for each of us is whether we allow the fire to devour us, or use it to light our way.

At times, I believe I am more than just my own worst enemy
At times, it seems I am incapable of finding peace
No matter how I struggle to find comfort in the fact that my day will come
There are too many days where everything seems like nothing
And far too few where nothing seems like everything
Maybe it is just this depression that I can never quite shake
Or maybe it is the fact of so many years holding to the words I speak to others
As the comfort they provide finds no home in my own endeavours
For it is getting harder to hold to hope more often in the bad times
When the bad times come more frequently, with no resolution but unrestful sleep
And the dreams that have finally returned to me
Bring more often than not what I cannot have and cannot hold
As if living ghosts, too impatient to wait for their demise
There are so many in the physical world who seek my words and advice
When that very advice fails me time and time again
And I cannot understand how such a thing can be so
I have waited so long, and have held to hope until my fingers have bled
But far too often it seems hope is all I get in return
Until even my poetry, which is so often my salvation, begins to seem monotonous to me
And every day that passes waiting for things to improve becomes a little harder
My words become more struggled and strangled
And the only consolation is that they may help others, even if not myself at times
Maybe it is just so many years of waiting, with no change or relief
Maybe it is just my depression finally getting the better of me
Maybe I am just not as strong as I used to be
So weary and tired from this repetitive journey
Travelling so many weary miles
Only to find myself at the beginning time and time again
Until even when there are smiles and laughter
Even when there are shoulders to cry on and friends beside me
Even when the storms of mind flee and the world seems beautiful
Even when I know things can't stay like this forever
The seconds drag on like hours
The hours seem as days
And the days seem eternal
And the only hope left to hold on to
Is that hope continues to hold on as tightly as I do
Until my day finally arrives

Things we want to say, and never do
Things we want to do, and never try
Do we live to lie about the truth?
Don’t we live the truth in every lie?

Why try and place the blame? It’s we who choose
We want it all, and let it slip away
We only love what surely will abuse
Abusing what we love most every day

Dodging blame by claiming good intentions
Intending to pretend we weren't wrong
Is there truth in nothing we are saying?
Have we been saying nothing all along?

Harken thee unto the words unspoken
Long unbroken is the silence we disdain
Every memory brings new words to choke down
How they go down like the poison they became

Wanting more despite what we’re forsaking
No mistaking we’ve been waiting far too long
If only we could hear what we’re not saying
Disobeying what our hearts know can’t be wrong

I am a demon
I am an angel
Consumed by my desire
Tryin’ to make it through the fire
I know the feeling
I know it too well
Yet it keeps me in control
Despite the need to drown my soul
And though the hunger
Still mounts within me
I can all too clearly see
The better man who dwells in me
I am the broken
But I am made whole
For I know that I can love
Strong enough to rise above my pain

It may not be a message that we don’t already know
But sometimes a reminder is exactly what we need
For sometimes in this life, only darkness seems to show
Causing hope and strength to slowly wither and recede
Sometimes we hesitate to walk the path that leads to happiness
Because the shadows loom, and we lose sight of what’s to gain
But, the beauty still exists within the darkness when it falls
And the beauty in us all still screams to shine despite the pain
Our focus may be shadowed, and our sorrows may take hold
Our doubts may hold us back while we give in to lies we’re told
Or we may simply give up, without realizing that is what we’ve done
It’s in these times that we should strive much harder than before
To hold on to the beauty of the truth of what’s in store
And remember who we are, no matter what is said or done by anyone
Remembering to live and laugh and love with no regrets
To learn from our mistakes, and to forgive, but not forget
And find the hidden beauty that’s been shining in the darkness all the while
Although sometimes it seems our efforts are in vain
The things we want the most are often hardest to obtain
But, even on our darkest days, there waits for us an unexpected smile

This calm you see within me
Is sometimes a raging storm
Drowning out my senses
'Til I can't feel anymore
Sometimes the raging storm
Becomes my calmest time of all
The beauty of destruction
Strengthens me, restoring all
The darkness that surrounds me
Seeks to gain complete control
Not seeing that my weaknesses
Are stronger than they seem
This light you see within me
Is the shadow of my soul
Shining with the brilliance
Of a thousand broken dreams
If you see me as a stranger
Then a stranger you must be
For I have felt your every pain
And you the same of me
We're rattling our cages
'Til we understand our flaws
These truths I understand
Do you understand at all?

All of the miles before us unfold
Uncertainly leading to stories yet told
The pleasures and pains, the joys and the woes
Retreating and greeting wherever we go
The sun and the moon dancing by overhead
While we’re sleeplessly dreaming or resting our heads
Bringing light to the dark, bringing darkness to light
Sometimes chilling the day, sometimes warming the night
As we see what we feel, and we feel what we see
As we loathe what we have, and we want what can’t be
As we right ‘til we’re wrong, and we wrong ‘til we’re right
As we run from the battle, and rage in the fight
There’s not one of us perfect; not one of us made
To make all the right choices from birth to the grave
Sometimes we will conquer, and sometimes we’ll fall
Sometimes we’ll have faith, and sometimes we’ll lose all
But to lose is to win if we’ll learn from the past
Instead of retreating from shadows we’ve cast
Rising up from the ashes and shedding our skins
Though it feels like the end, it is where we begin
Finding strength in our weakness and knowledge in pain
As we unleash our courage, and fear we restrain
For the future’s unwritten…a past yet to be
And the only thing certain is uncertainty

It is undeniable how we torture ourselves, and yet we still deny that it is by our own hands. We blame the objects of our desires when it is merely our indecisiveness that causes us to suffer. When we finally reach our own conclusions, and act upon them, that is when we will find freedom...even if it sometimes feels like damnation.

Our very existence is comprised of one moment replacing the next. After its role in the greatly debated, but as yet unknown grand scheme, each moment is replaced by yet another, just as it has from whatever beginning there may have been to whatever end may come.
        The earliest moments of eons ago are lost to us as if they never existed at all, and came to pass despite our knowledge of such, just as eons from now, every moment we experience will be lost, just as if it had never been at all, to whatever conscious entities may dwell in such impending recesses of time...just as the moments each one of us have not found to be significant enough to remember in our own personal conscious awareness have already been lost to us, both individually and as a collective whole, despite having been. The tragedy of this is that far more moments are forgotten than will ever be remembered, despite every single moment having an impact on the next, even if it appears that it does not.
        Why, then, do the moments remembered seem to have so much more of an impact upon us and the moments to come than the moments we have forgotten? Because they are the moments that create and destroy. They are the moments that bring sorrow and joy. They are the moments that matter most, for whatever significance they hold. They are the moments that make the greatly debated, but as yet unknown grand scheme so grand.
        This moment…this very moment…this is the moment for each of us to make every remaining moment in our conscious awareness a moment to remember, for all too soon, our moment will be gone, and the only thing that will ever matter is what we made of each moment in our own moment of existence.

Harvesting the sorrow of a thousand broken dreams
Will never drown the sorrow of but one tear shed in loss
Fearing moments passed as if they’re moments yet to come
Will only still the moments when we gain from what we’ve lost
Reliving the nightmares of the things that could have been
Only blinds us to the beauty of the dream that’s yet to come
Believing you’re not beautiful by words from blinded eyes
Only steals away the beauty of the one you have become

Give us but a sentence
Or a few well chosen words
And we may spawn a notion
Either brilliant or absurd
A random act of madness
Or a moment of pure bliss
A story of sweet sadness
Or of moments such as this
When words, in their arrangement
Intertwine and slowly bleed
Breeding such derangement
With a hunger now to feed
Snatching each descriptive
In its greedy, glistening jaws
As it grows well past addictive
And sits sharpening its claws
Ingesting and infesting
Each idea and each phrase
Unrelenting…never resting
In this phosphorescent haze
Such verbalent harassment
In our corner of the void
Where sanity is absent
And all silence is destroyed
Boldly resonating
Every long unspoken word
Only further complicating
What we’ve said and what they’ve heard
For the visions greatly differ
From one victim to the next
For some will find its clarity
And some will fall perplexed
Some will find enlightenment
Some find truth’s demise
Some will find their hearts’ content
While some simply despise
So many worlds of pure creation
Emanating from our choice
Of preordained annunciations
Giving simple thoughts such voice

I see the fall of everything that I love
It slips slowly through my fingers as I struggle to hold on
As I lose touch with who I know myself to be
For I can only be happy with nothing for so long
Before I have to have something, anything, to feel alive
For the emptiness inside grows much like hope…
It feeds on what it is given, thriving on every crumb
As time and time again, hope bares only the bitter fruit of dismay
Withering a little more upon the vine at every instance
Fermenting under the constant process of loss
Becoming a creeping toxin unto the soul
Enticing doubts and fears, beckoning sorrow closer
The emptiness devours every sliver of my joy
As it cracks and it shatters beneath the weight of waiting…
Waiting on something, anything, to get better
So as to fill the emptiness with hope once more
Starving the darkness that now consumes me

Movement, as if weighted in a quickly thickening mire
Pain so unrelenting, as if pierced with blades of fire
Snapping like a bass line in each gesture; in each breath
Whispering of days to come, more eminent than death
Tugging at the strings, further crippling the dance
Bleeding out chaotic rhythmic complication unromanced
Leaving me to wonder whether days like these will end
This lunacy of hope…is it real, or but pretend?
Wading through such torment, longing for the chance to smile
Hoping that each instance sweetly lingers yet a while
Adding laughter to the madness, leaching pleasure from the pain
In the knowledge that such sufferance was not survived in vain

Intentions lay shattered and scattered about
Now remnants of what could not be
The veil rent asunder, revealing all doubt
And the face we tried hard not to see
The beautiful thistle amidst scores of thorns
Still ****** us, and begs us to bleed
Just as the dreams that we still so adore
Sometimes sprout from the darkest of seeds
When even hope falters, and faith seems a lie
When demons rejoice, and angels doth cry
And every step draws the conclusion much further away
Every tear that resides behind eyes
Far too weary to open upon their demise
Will still succumb to the fall despite their dismay
The death of mortality’s endless charade
Lingers on as the lifeless continue to fade
Far beneath the parading of ghosts who continue to try
The cries of the broken a sweet serenade
Such an effortless potion that swiftly invades
The hearts of those who still refuse to die

The phantom progression of wanting the need
Still continues to tear at the soul
Ignoring the loss and the pain as it feeds
Upon every ounce of control
As the broken rise up from the fathomless ashes
Still screaming, and daring to dream
Holding to hope as it wails and it gnashes
Knowing nothing is all that it seems
While our time slips away with each grain through the glass
Our tears come and go, as the dew on the grass
And the frost of our frozen emotions still flees with the sun
We fall, and we rise, sprouting forth from the seeds
Of our failures and losses, and sweetly we bleed
Our journey through dark disenchantment now scarcely begun
Our every dream has been nearer than far
But none of us know just how close that we are
Until we dare to take just one step more
This thicket of briers now slowing us down
But protects the great beauty of what may be found
To be the very thing worth dying for

Beauty suppressed; locked away
Memories that dare to bleed
Words we long to hear and say
Held at bay by silent screams
Euphoria of my heart’s contentment
Drown out by a sea of tears
Grasping for a single moment
Buried by such tragic years
Losing hope, and losing self
Losing everything but time
Frozen in this silent hell
The victim of such selfish crimes
Waiting for the day to come
When light and love return once more
The webs of sorrow come undone
In the love I’ve long been dying for
A selfless act
A tender kiss
A gentle touch
A pure caress
A heartfelt word
A sigh of bliss
Emotion sheathed in tenderness
As words that cannot be contained
Echo through the waking dream
Euphoria of my hearts contentment
Bursting open at the seams

Consumed with emotion much against my consent
I am torn apart, and somehow, so content
Not sure of this potion…how it leaves me intent
Yet, I drink thereof, refusing to relent
Such beauty and wonder within but a smile
I hope that this pain will linger yet a while
My heart rent asunder, yet my feelings run wild
Even though my hope may be but denial
Alive to the torture of both pleasure and pain
I’ll never acknowledge this may all be in vain
I cannot step closer…I cannot turn away
Sweetly hellish, my *******, with love but the chain

This is no secret that I keep from myself
I am drowning, yet I will not cry for help
Forever, I’ll need you, and I may be fooling myself
But my desire cannot be dispelled
A slave to the notion…a slave to the chance
That one day, you’ll return my stolen glance
These thoughts set in motion still defy circumstance
But, even the thought of you leaves me entranced
My mind in disorder…my silence in vain
Sometimes the heart breaks when love won’t be contained
It will not be cornered…it won’t be kept at bay
It won’t be forsaken, and forever remains
Alive to the torture, be it pleasure or pain
Each moment I’m near you, I’m swept further away
I dare to step closer…I will not turn away
‘Til the day that you softly whisper my name

Sheathed in the darkest of pure enchantment, I am left mystified and intrigued…bound by the spell that is you. My very essence reaches out to you, searching for purchase along such a treacherously even ***** in this barren waste, longing for the tears of heaven to fall from questionable skies that loom, but never quench, exhaling a breath of wind that caresses, yet never consumes, giving power to the sorrow that now takes wing and soars to heights unknown.

Harken unto the voices crying out from the fathomless depths of your heart. Meditate on infinite truths long forgotten, held hostage by fear, loss, and denial. Pain will come to you in times both fair and foul. It is a given. But, let it not end your transition into everything you've ever wanted to be, for it is not the circumstances in life that hold us at bay, but letting our failures convince us to give up before we have taken our final breath.

Oh, the ringing in my ears
When silence comes, and I can’t hear
The emptiness desired in my argumental mind
For it is not the confusion in any given moment
But that of the negative and the positive
Stretched out over such unendingly short moments
Compounded together in knowledge I often fail to see
Accepted and treasured in this slumbering wake
Some days wishing it to end
Some days daring it to continue
Silently screaming as it tortures me
Smiling as it sustains and strengthens me
Waiting for the night to come
Waiting for the night to end
The sun, both a blessing and a curse
The moon, both enemy and friend
A tug of war between chaos and calm
In each I drown
And without either one, I suffocate
Neither one alone brings true peace
How I wish for simplicity
And long for complication
Never seeming quite satisfied with either
Even on days when I feel like I’m dying
I have never felt so alive
Therein lies my madness
Therein lies my sanity

I am the master of my own creation
I am the collector of odd and of strange
I am the foreseer of my own damnation
The beggar and chooser of choices and change
I am the destroyer of hope and of fear
I am the mistaker, and I am the fool
I am the inventor of all now unclear
I am the forsaker, I am the uncool
I am not impressed with mere words and no actions
I am the reaction when actions are lies
I am the rejection, I am satisfaction
I am the confusion that bleeds from the eyes
I am the enlightened, I am the disturbed
I am the content, and I am the absurd
I am the illness for which there's no cure
I am the lost miracle seldom observed
I am one with my darkness, I am one with my light
I am one with my sorrow, I am one with my joy
I am one with my loss, I am one with my fight
I am victor and loser...I am love's broken toy

I tripped and stumbled in my head
And almost fell right out of bed
But oh so still, I still fell into laughter
For realities and dreams, it seems
Can both burst open at the seams
Contaminating every ever after
Sometimes in ways of poisoned woes
Sometimes in cures we suffer slow
While either way destroying our perceptions
Until the plans we’ve so long made
Are lost in much unwanted trade
As we learn yet again from self deception
Believing things could never be
Much worse or better in between
While never quite preparing for each reckoning
Sometimes when we have at all
We fail to understand the flaws
The only thing that’s missing now is everything

The future will be brighter
Though the present may be dark
We may be swarmed by shadows
But there still resides a spark
Just a flicker in the madness
Of the peace of mind we seek
If we'll focus on forever
And not the moments we are weak
For the trials that present themselves
Just when we think we've won
Are what makes us even stronger
Through the next to come undone
If we never learned to fight
And we never learned to stand
How could we ever expect
To one day hold our dreams in hand
Happiness is never easy
And our sorrows always try
To steal away our drive and focus
With their bitter, crippling lies
The more we focus on what's wrong
Instead of all that's still so right
The more we hold to hopelessness
Despite still standing through each fight
We fought so well and sometimes fell
To be just where we are today
To give up now, we'd waste it all
Throwing everything away
We far too often fail to see
When sorrows seem to gravitate
That everything we hope and dream
Can be ours if we'll fight and wait
For nothing worth it is ever easy
And nothing easy will satisfy
For more than just a fleeting moment
A moment we could stand and fight
Tears and sorrows have their place
But only temporarily
Reminding us of just how much
We hope and dream our lives to be
To give us reasons we should try
Reminding us just why we fight
Our shadows are but cast by things
Between us and our hard won light
We must focus not on shadows
But on every better day ahead
We can either fight for peace of mind
Or slowly lose our minds instead

There grows an idea, but dare I acknowledge?
Or will it slip by like each time come before?
I once was so strong, but it seems I've forgotten
Abandoning all that I've been fighting for
My honesty bleeds to the tune of redemption
But somehow the lies still disguise what I know
I’m secretly plotting out my own deception
For I can’t hold on ‘til I learn to let go

Tarry, not I, in all hope as I’m groping
For one final thread as it whispers goodbye
I torture myself, and then say that I’m coping
Expecting much more than I ever deny
I hold myself back, unaware that I’m choking
While fashioning chains, both of tears and of smiles
Aware of the sufferance I am provoking
So blind to the joy I've pursued all the while

Nothing to gain ever comes without losing
But I've lost so much nearly nothing remains
I wonder so often, and find it confusing
How long must I wait ‘til I feel more than pain?
All of this time, I’m defeating the lesson
Repeating the questions again and again
Losing myself in my self-wrought depressions
As each time I tell myself, “Never again…”

The voices compete for control of my actions
Conflicting all knowledge; disturbing my calm
There is no retreat…I hang on by a fraction
Despite knowing I do not want this at all
Rage and frustration of my own creation
Explode past my lips in the form of a scream
As I now let go of my self-condemnation
And take back the power to follow my dream

I’m numb to my reflection
For I cannot see the face
Of the man that I once knew so long ago
I’ve used up my transgressions
Finding laughter in their place
As I stumble down this path so few will go
A slave to good intention
I’ve so often been disgraced
Both in saying and containing how I feel
But with lyrical invention
All my demons are displaced
Reality’s a lie…my dreams are real
In wording and in phrasing
I can take the bitter truth
And the depth of my emotion finds its voice
I do not mind erasing
So the words will ring out true
For I am the author of my fate of choice
It’s history I’m making
Even if it’s mine alone
And I’ve learned more from myself than I can share
But there is no mistaking
When it comes to what I’ve shown
I’ve already done much more than most will dare
I dare not take for granted
Any laugh or any smile
Or any tear that may befall my weary eyes
Every moment is enchanted
Both the pleasant and the vile
The knowledge of it all leaves no surprise
To some, it may seem silly
Such a waste of time, I know
But to others, it may help to light the way
The message I’m instilling
In each plain or rhythmic flow
Truly helped me find myself along the way
For there, in my reflection
Waits the man I used to know
Aware of everything I need to say
Upon further inspection
I can see that I have grown
Not just older, but now wiser every day
These pains that I have conquered
Every battle lost and won
Need not be for me to journey through alone
For together, we are stronger
And we’ve scarcely now begun
As we blindly feel our way through the unknown

Be careful what you wish for
Be careful what you pray
For the memory of what may pass
May haunt your every day
Take it as you leave it
But leave not what you take
For the future of tomorrow
May not learn from our mistakes
Seek out hidden beauty
Even on the darkest days
For the world would have you blinded
By its standards and clichés
Send it with a whisper
Receive it with a scream
But show you no emotion
Lest they feed upon your dreams
For we have been sedated
By the narrow minded ways
Of the preferences of masses
Who set standards and abhor
The triumph of devotion
And emotions we have claimed
In all they fail to see
And fail to fight for anymore
The world keeps on forgetting
Just how beautiful it feels
To be exactly who you are
Instead of trying to conform
As we are deemed eccentric
Or looked down upon as odd
Even hated for our differences
And sometimes, just ignored
By those who cry, “Be different!”
Yet still refuse to change
Unless directed by collectives
As they string themselves along
When did we become the outcasts?
When did we become absurd
For loving what they’ve come to hate
Before our time is gone?
Maybe it’s not only
That they’ve given up their dreams
Just maybe, and quite simply
They’ve been sleeping far too long

Into the sea of fantasy doth slip my mind again
Wading through the waters where the waves still kiss the shore
With you, it's only plain to see my love will find no end
Each day, I dive much deeper than I ever dared before
The current that now carries me out past the raging tides
So swiftly drags me further than return will ever lend
So sweetly am I swallowed by this pain I feel inside
Knowing I can never reach the shore beyond your feelings' end

Up out of the gloom we sometimes rise
Surrounded by gloom we sometimes stay
Each of us clawing away in our tombs
At the walls we have built 'round our hearts on display
For things never seem to go quite the same way
As we so would have had it in our way alone
And the realization doth seldom occur
That with too many standards now written in stone
How could we expect others to share our reactions
When often it's so hard controlling our own
The advice that we give never failing to fail us
The fruit fallen far from the seeds we have sown
We can't expect others to treat us respectfully
If not the same respect we've ourselves shown
Or do unto others a harm or an action
We wouldn't want done to ourselves, nor condone
We each should treat others as we'd so be treated
Forgiving as we would have others forgive
Honoring truth as we honor each other
In word and in action, in take and in give
Know that we all are exactly the same
In different ways and to different extremes
We all feel the same, just to different depths
We all have our different versions of dreams
In so many ways, if not so many words
For different reasons, despite circumstance
Whether shrouded in silence or screamed in frustration
We feel the same pain, whether dulled or enhanced
And to some, our words may not fulfill the description
While to others, our words can be so exact
For each of us show every joy and each sadness
With different emotions and different acts
Some contain them so well behind veils of fake smiles
Some show them so boldly in voice and in song
Some drown in them, so isolated from reason
Some mirror what they wish they'd been for so long
So many more ways with which we all express
How we feel, how we think, how we rise, how we fall
We are different forms sharing life individually
We are one in the same, we are one, we are all

Time can be both fast and slow
Fleeting, or stretching forever
It can allow our every plan
Or so deny, and seem like never
Sometimes the things we'd like to do
Seem never to occur
No matter whether time drags on
Or slips by in a blur
But all the things we'd like to do
Will come to us in time
Maybe not just when we'd like
But when the time is right

I took a walk to the edge of the waters
To gaze at what waits beyond the tide
As to catch but a glimmer, if nothing more sacred
Just a sliver of future and the answers it hides
But a whisper of promise adrift on the breeze
Calming storms that bring with them a raging of tears
But, the rain clouds still form as my troubles increase
And the waves wave goodbye to the hope I held dear
Just as if they were certain that in crashing that way
They could drown out my spirit and drag me to sea
And then drag me through fathoms of darkest abyss
As to tear me away from the dreams yet to dream
But, they just cannot see all the treasures they offer
As they each run away, leaving gifts in the sand
How a shell, now so empty, still has beauty to shine
In the eyes filled with sorrow that so well understand
What it is to be hollow; what it is to be drowned
What it is to be swallowed and spit out again
Then continue to shine when the waves have receded
In the knowledge that every storm has an end

How many times, and in how many ways
Will the pain keep returning and beg me to stay?
Is it all just a wish that I hope will come true,
Or have I been but hoping that you’re wishing, too?
Every tear that I hide, and each smile that I fake
When I feel I don’t know how much more I can take
Are but shards of the dreams that I thought would come true
As they work their way out to make room for the new
And I keep to myself all this pain that now rests
In what feels like a hole now devouring my chest
Though I feel like I’m dying, it helps me to thrive
For if not for the pain, how could I feel alive?
It’s what drives me to keep going on every day
Through the cold, lonely nights when I can’t find my way
And it helps me to feel when I can’t feel at all
Giving strength to my weakness and flight to my fall
But one day it will go, for it won’t have a choice
And my demons will flee as my angels rejoice
When the one who will cherish and never forsake
Will fight all to be with me, whatever it takes

The waking world is dreaming with its eyes half open wide
And I am but another lonely soul
With visions often fleeting in their clarity, as I
Continue wishing time would make them so
Longing for the future doesn't help to make it so
Any sooner than its time is meant to be
More a self inflicted torture than a punishment, I know
But it can't be helped when you're so far from me

Call it what you will, for good or ill, or not at all
My feelings on this aren't soon to change
I cannot find the words, nor rhyme the feeling that enthralls
The normalcy is feeling oh so strange
Each time I hear your voice, or feel your touch when you are near
Then wake to find it once again a dream
I hold you oh so dear, but I have yet to know your name
Or in my waking hold you oh so near

Although our time is yet to come, I feel you in my heart
And every day, you're often on my mind
Sometimes I feel I'll come undone the longer we're apart
Even so, it's you I long to find
You may not know my name, or see my face with open eyes
But I know you dream of me as I do you
If we can but remain true to the promises of time
We'll find each other when our time is due

So, let us keep on dreaming with our eyes shut oh so wide
Until the two of us, such lonely souls
Encounter our first greeting, and we finally realize
Our dreams are wide awake and finally so
The promise of our future, heart to heart, will finally show
That loneliness can't stop what's meant to be
It only makes us stronger 'til the day that time bestows
Our heart's desire into waking dream