All hindrances which doth come against me
I deem thee unwound and broken down
All powers which doth hinder and refrain me
I deem thee uncrowned, and henceforth bound
All blocks and breaks thee hast forced upon me
I return upon thee three hundred fold
All chains with which thee hath so long bound me
I imprison thee for unending time untold
All blessings thee hath withheld from me
I claim and receive with all heart, mind, and soul
All abundance thee hath withheld from me
I claim and receive, not in part, but in whole

Bleeding Darkness and Light

The gods sometimes see fit to bestow upon me blessings
While devils only always rejoice in my cursings
The curse of the truth I oft’ fail in addressing
Is though my cup runneth over, I oft’ find I’m thirsting
For despite moments flying with my back to disgrace
There is always a fall as new tears scar my face
Just as dark becomes light, so does light become dark
And betwixt hell and heaven, I’m left falling apart
Both my demons and angels rage on ‘til my death
With no victory left certain ‘til I take my last breath

Embrace one or the other, I’ve been told all my life
Hands stripped to the bone from ferocity’s clutch
The shine and the shadow both enthrall and entice
No matter the choice, there are those quick to judge
Condemning both sins and good deeds I’ve done
Each a nail in the coffin of a heart forged in agony
Every trespass ill spoken, every kindness unwon
My darkness and light equally perceived as malady
But when darkness and light coexist hand in hand
In embracing them both, am I cursed to be ******?

The sun and the moon share an endless romance
Crawling light, creeping shadow in endless array
Each dusk and each dawn, living ghosts which entrance
Light and shadow embracing day to night, night to day
As the sun illuminates certain features of beauty
So the moon emphasizes gorgeous features its own
To say one is any lesser than t’other be cruelty
A blasphemy some will still fail to bemoan
In judging me as lesser, the folly be thine own
For in darkness, as in light, I am equally home

Let my angels rejoice and my demons entice
I embrace light and shadow with paint and with pen
Both my tears and my laughter I have oft’ sacrificed
In both losing myself, and finding myself again
Learning both the gods and monsters I’ve battled are my friends
Each leading me to where I should always have been
Embracing myself as a whole, not in part
Winning wars with myself where once I did flee
Portraying it all in my words and my art
Both reality, and imagination set free

When now and forever may feel like not ever
When push comes to shove, and your heart hits the floor
Each time when you wonder if things will get better
Remember just what it is we're fighting for
Though it seems far away
Come a time
Come a day
Everything we've been dreaming will be in our arms
Hear me now when I say
You're my life
You're my way
Although I can't protect you from all of life's harms
This is our love story
Take my hand
And trust me
Together we'll weather the wickedest storms

Gaining momentum through murkiest mists,
The lacking of sight learn to feel their way along……

“Wherefore hast thou been, Squire Dingus?”
Asked Idiocy, with a wink and a smile.
“I’ve been to the end of this verse, and reverse”
Said Dingus to Idiocy, in shades of denial.
“I’ve been to the end of this verse, and reverse…?”
Asked Dingus of Idiocy, with a wink and a smile.
“…Wherefore hast thou been, Squire Dingus?”

What can we say
with blinded eye
to those who do not see as we?
Neither eye for eye
nor tooth for tooth
will e’er disguise or rewrite the truth,
let alone erase the fact
that we oft o’erlook this grimality:
being a prisoner
or being set free
depends upon our actions’ definition of truth.

Scarification of word upon page
Insanity’s bleed of the heart, mind, and soul
For better or worse
In darkness
In light
Neither silence nor rage relinquish control
Through flights of such fancy
In falls of despair
Rejoicing and mourning too quickly in turn
I yearn for the pages
My wounds must be scratched
Thoughts screaming like banshees
Yet, my essence still burns
Raging on despite shadows devouring flames
Through the madness and hunger
I’m starving for more
I implore hell and heaven
All time in between
Release me from nothing to all that’s in store
I know there’s a flow that shall wash me away
‘Til the shores are awash with the wreckage of sane
Let my veins leave their stains
Until all that remains are the words I most need to say

I pour out my heart and the poisons therein
So often left choking both ways
How it rips me apart
Every stitch of my heart
Each alive to the part they so willingly play
Every off-kilter beat
Each advance and retreat
Merely passion and madness refusing to die
Every veil rent asunder
Every spell that I’m under
Alive in the echoes of lifetimes gone by
Endlessly melting in stammerless form
As the norm and the oddity meld into one
May my ink cut me deeply
Be each death not in vain
May the lifeless of spirit again be reborn

Wrapped up in such loneliness
I pine in regret
Of all the years I have let pass me by
There's no way to attone for the time I have lost
While they whisper in screams of your name
Yet, I'm home in this place
For its where knows your face
And falls ever further each beat of your rhyme
I can never forget our moment in time
I know I'll never be the same

I have taken from me all but my misery
Though each smile is sincere
Every one masks my pain
For in life, as in love
I have lost more than won
Even so, all I have is my everything
If my smiles would only wear masks of sorrow
Maybe I could unbreak my demise
But my heart always leaps off quick as a blink
With each word from your inkwell tongue

There resides here a soul named Often
No more fitting a name could it be
For so often does Often find solace
In the darkness which has him besieged
For although the emotion is torture
There is something his pain cannot hide
There is depth to a soul brought down to its knees
When the hope still within will not die

He’s journeyed each night through the hours
For in sleep, he is slave to the dark
The light founds him restless and weary
Though they both find him tortured of heart
Yet, his passions continue to drive him
To find beauty in madness and pain
For the darkness brings light to the blinded of sight
And the knowledge the fight’s not in vain

Two fires rage within him
One disease, and one the cure
Together, they devour him alive
His strength, as well as weakness
Both ensuring what’s in store
Through the never
Neither severing their ties
Two forces bound within him
Light and Shadow
Thin as air
Each one desiring to claim him
When he’s lost and unaware
In their torment, they destroy him
In their thirst, he has been drained
His hunger now cries out
But in his heart, love still remains

In movements made of whisper
With the grace of broken dreams
He walks amidst the barely living
Wondering when he’ll finally die
Be it emptiness or madness
Be it ecstasy or pain
It’s all the same when his forever bides its time
For the desire within him grows
As every victory takes its toll
But even so, he tends to hold
To every hope that brings him pain
Most times failure feels to be the only truth he’s ever known
But deep within his heart, love still remains

No prophecy is written of the shadows being slain
So the war against the dark goes ever on
We can cast out all our demons
But there surely will be more
Even though each night bows down before the dawn
The light can’t always conquer every shade that rests inside
Some will thrive despite the darkness or the day
They can rob of us of our reason
They can rob us of our rhyme
‘Til the fire that once burned brightly slowly fades

Every hero can grow weary when the battle takes its toll
But even villains sometimes dare to save the day
It’s our choices that define us
Not our past or where we’re from
For each one of us, at some point, lost our way
We are sinners judging sinners who sin differently than we
Even though we all have demons of our own
It shouldn’t be religion that should teach us right from wrong
But the heart to show respect as we’d want shown

Intentions bear their witness to the folly of us all
They neither slow nor hasten our demise
It’s not when we stop breathing that the Reaper’s blade will fall
It’s when we cease to live before our time
It’s every little thing we can’t forgive us of ourselves
And every time we lie and say “I’m fine…”
In every pain we bury ‘til our hearts are overwhelmed
In every bitter tear of which we cry
It’s every time we sacrifice a piece of who we are
For love that isn’t mutual and true
It’s every good intention we believe with all our heart
Which later proves the worst thing we could do
Each time, it feels as if part of us dies
Until we hate the person we’ve become
While raging deep within remains the self we’ve always been
Still crying out to see the battle won
We intend to do the right thing every next time as they come
But if we’re fine, then why are we so sad?
If we intend to free ourselves of hurting ‘til we’re numb
Can we ever make the good outweigh the bad?

Indefinite, the infinate
Forever hides no lies
Whether passing in a moment
Quaking eons in demise
Or drawn out upon each lifetime
We have yet to fully live
Every chance could be the right time
If the take reflects the give

Behold, the sacred nature of insanity
Oh, how we burn in the fires we feed
Hoping one day that things will be different
Yet denying they ever will be

No amount of emptiness can express how alone we are
When we fall too far and there feels no end in sight
Giving everything we have to feel the faintest spark
Lighting up the dark just to make it through the night
No amount of words can express or profess our broken hearts
As we fall apart when it all still feels so right
We bury every ounce of pain
All in vain, for it loves the dark
It’s never very far
But, neither is the light

Lingering moments in time out of mind
Acknowledging cracks on the face of each when
Perfections persistence each instance to rule
Proves fools of us all every time, and again
For nothing will be everything that we’ve dreamed of
Especially when some scarcely dare dream at all
The hope that destroys us will yet prove to save us
If we’ll keep from shattering each time we fall

No matter how complicated our pain,
grand our joy,
pure our love,
or deep our sorrow,
we can never truly find the words
to express just how we feel.
Metaphors,
descriptives,
or long-winded phrases,
no words we can form
will ever actuate
what it is we truly feel.
Whether we use scarce few
or many
to express our emotions,
our words are still but vague reference cards
in the library of soul.

He sat with shattered heart in hand,
studying each shard
so as to find where love went wrong.
Suddenly, it all became clear.
Every piece he had tried to give to any other
still resonated with her voice,
reflected her face,
and dripped of her essence.
His heart still belonged to her.
No other would ever be able to claim it.

No amount of words,
love or lust,
would ever tear his heart away.
Effort and denial,
each painted on smile;
none would chase her from his dreams.
With hope he burned,
as he slowly learned
that happiness has always been
deep within each part
of his broken heart.
It was time to let it breathe.

I know I am my own disaster
Even as I fall, so grow the flames
I rise, but feel I’m sinking faster
The caster of my sorrow, I’ve proclaimed
That I, when into myself gazing
May never tame the sorrows come to play
I know that it’s myself I am betraying
Denying everything my heart proclaims

At times, I find the things I fight for
Become the things that slowly tear me down
It’s hard to know just what to die for
When so much I have faith in lets me down
My heart still knows what I cry out for
When all falls down, and every in-between
The truth of it all: I’m misleading myself
When through it all, I know what true love means

Yet, I tell myself the same things
And I sell myself the lies
I ignore I’ve been forsaken
By my painted on disguise
As I fall a little deeper
In regret and in despair
‘Til the day time brings me nearer
To the love my heart declares

And so, I’ve come to love disaster
Sometimes, it seems the only truth at all
But even so, I will not make it master
I fight myself through every bitter fall
I know true love is some day waiting
In my heart of hearts, I can’t deny
Someday, when I’ve finished breaking
I’ll know just what it is to feel alive

So with every lifeless motion
I hold on to peace of mind
Even when it so betrays me
And I feel so dead inside
Raging on against the darkness
I embrace with such disdain
Knowing once, my heart was happy
And it will be once again

So I tell myself the same things
I’ve ignored too many times
Knowing so much has been taken
But I will not lose the fight
Every day, my heart falls deeper
Someday, hearts will be declared
When I open up my eyes
I hope to see you standing there

And here it is, out in the open,
as if not even trying to hide.
It is ourselves who choose to bury
the very facts which we deny.
Too often truths can drain our strength
when all we'll do is keep disguised
the choices we know we must make
once we realize we've embraced demise.

The beasts of my creation battle ‘gainst those born within
As I rage here in my silence never letting my self in
Watching my self slowly crush me despite pushing me away
Wondering which one I will be when all my pieces have their way

Just where along the line
did how anyone feign judge us
in superficial and disrespectful ways
become how we judge ourselves?
No one has any such power to destroy us
other than that which we allow.
This includes the power
we have over ourselves.
We’ve torn ourselves apart for far too long.
We have the power to heal.
The time has come to rebuild.

Gazing into ever after, I see naught, but for disaster
Somehow, being happy only leads to my demise
Trying to heal, I break what’s broken
Fighting not to let the ghosts in
Choking on the words my bleeding heart so ill-advise

My losses and my failures always seem to plague my mind
But I’m trying to hold on for better days
Smiles and laughter
Then disaster, always close behind
Too often I un-sleep the night away

Too many seconds in a day when time stands still
I’ve had my fill
But to un-break my will is something that may never come to be
I’ve fought myself for far too long
I’m losing strength to carry on
Just how long until there’s nothing left of me?

Too many words so sweetly spoken
Hope the smoke I slowly choke on
Even so, not wishing to take back a word of what I’ve bled
Just how do I defend against a night that never ends?
My every fear insisting to be fed

Gazing into ever after, I see naught, but for disaster
Somehow, being happy only leads to my demise
Trying to heal, I break what’s broken
Fighting not to let the ghosts in
Choking on the words my bleeding heart so ill-advise

Some may think it’s not that bad
But too long, it’s been my hell
Where everything I set my heart to fades away
Becoming scarred with my chagrin as sorrow tangles deep within
Each smile I find is never long to stay

In my heart and in my mind there seems no peace that I can find
When every dream that seems come true
Comes crashing through all efforts made
‘Til even beauty can’t console a weary heart that’s never whole
Just a broken-hearted fool out on display

When comes the day when I can say
It’s worth the price my heart has paid?
Has every war I’ve waged against myself been fought in vain?
If happiness will come, I beg it soon
Lest I succumb to the darkness where no trace of me remains

Gazing into ever after, I see naught, but for disaster
Somehow, being happy only leads to my demise
Trying to heal, I break what’s broken
Fighting not to let the ghosts in
Choking on the words my bleeding heart so ill-advise

Am I doomed forever after?
Is there naught but for disaster?
I want so much more from life than merely to survive
Tired of always being torn open
Never whole, but wholly broken
When will come the day my bleeding heart can finally thrive?

Voices of stone in a chorus of madness
Multitude sorrows embedded in bone
Confliction entangling efforts towards gladness
'Til the purest of heart still feel all alone
Condemning the hopeful to hells of defeat
Not so much by another as much as ourselves
As hope slowly bleeds to be born self-deceit
Choking the hearts of our souls so dispelled
Reminding ourselves more of how we have failed us
Than any a beauty our lives so possess
Becoming the ones who will come back to haunt us
When we realize we are the ones we forget

Broken is the notion that the one we love will feel the same
For some things, despite want and wait, are just not meant to be
Although our hope and effort may feel wasted, this is not the case
For it shows how boldly we will fight for true love still unseen
And even though sometimes it feels like we've become too broken
For anyone to love us even though our love is true
One day, someone will come along, whose heart will sing so for us
That the love we find when hearts entwine will pale all we ever knew

If I said all that I want to
If I said all that I’d dare
I’m afraid that you would run from me
And the feelings I’d declare
I’ve come to care so for you
That sometimes, it brings despair
Oh, the things I long to share with you
If you, as well, would dare

Gazing into ever after, I see naught, but for disaster
Somehow, being happy always leads to my demise
In trying to heal, I break what’s broken
Fighting not to let the ghosts in
Choking on the words my bleeding heart so ill-advise

In ways, we’re both imperfect
And our hearts wear many scars
Some days can be tormenting
Some nights are worse by far
Sometimes to keep from breaking
We hide ourselves away
Trying to fight our demons
To find we’re breaking, anyway

At times, it does get better
Sometimes, it feels much worse
One day, we feel we’re healing
The next, it seems we’re cursed
Some days, the smiles seem endless
Some days, there are only tears
We hope for bright tomorrows
While we’re haunted by our years

But I know that when I’m near you
I don’t feel so insane
And if I could, I’d take away
Your sorrow and your pain
Even if I can’t, I still want you
I want your all
To be with you through good and bad
Together, stand or fall

I don’t just want the laughter
I don’t just want the smiles
I’ll hold your hand through the brighter days
And through the weary miles
I’ll laugh with you, and I’ll cry with you
Which I do now, near or far
I don’t want just the best of you
I want everything you are

So let both smiles and sorrows come
Whether joyful or dismayed
I’ll always be here for you
Even when you need your space
I won't ask for what I wouldn't give
I’ll want all the same from you
I only want your everything
I hope you’ll want mine, too

Silence filled the shadowed halls,
confusing voices once so loud,
for not even their echo could be heard,
even if only for a moment.
But, sometimes a moment is all it takes
for realization to set in.
For so long, there was always sorrow despite smiles.
Now, there are always smiles despite sorrow.

I’ve made it through the darkest days
Through long and lonely nights
But not without both tears and scars
Which dimmed my blinding light
I’ve lost myself within myself
Each time I think I’m found
I sink back to the bottom
As in open air, I drown

Surrounded by the ones I love
I still feel all alone
Each time I feel I’m healing
I’m cut right back to the bone
The only things I’ve wanted
Are what matter most of all
But every time I venture close
Much farther do I fall

“I’ll be fine”
“I’ll be OK”
“One day, all will be well”
It feels like lies
But still I fight my way through mental hell
Even as I wonder if some day will ever be
Sometimes, I feel I only hope
For what can never be

Once upon a long ago
Yet lingering each day
The mind confines what heart defines
Then twists it every way
Forming mountains out of mole hills
Crafting worries from thin air
‘Til the things which should not vex me
Cast my heart into despair

In my surety, I worry
In my bravery, I fear
In my strength, I fashion weakness
‘Til my joy sheds sorrow’s tears
While the victories fought long for
Find defeat within my mind
I convince myself unworthy
Of what I want most to find

If any hope should cease to matter
If any wish should cease to be
If any dream should wake unwoven
It’s because I’ve doubted me
But when years have brought but failure
Every hope shot down in turn
Each broken dream and ungranted wish
Leaves my confidence to burn

If faith can move a mountain
Tell me why I feel so low
And feel a failure though I’m trying
Filled with misery and woe
Even when my smiles are widest
I’m still haunted by despair
Although I hold fierce to hope
My doubts seem always to be there

So if it takes a word to matter
Bringing beauty so to bloom
May I cast the spells of silence
Deep within depression's tomb
May I vanquish all my demons
Which not even love can tame
As you do the rest with but your voice
Your all…even your name

I have poured my heart out.
I’ve bitten my tongue.
Neither has seen fit to set me free.
In my heart’s captivation, whether spoken or stilled,
my words do no more than imprison me.
These lyrics of love were once my salvation.
Now, they but bind me in chains they’ve once broken.
How I long for the song which remains unsung;
held captive by words that may never be spoken.

Visions refined in the darkest of dreams
Bring the cold light of day to the all I’d unsee
As the beauty long sought and fought long to protect
Still crumbles to dust in no hand but my own
For awake in this nightmare, there’s no real sleep at all
My doubts and my fears playing true to the end
My demons are real, but they come not to steal
What I give up so willingly when I lose my way
Under skies that bleed rage but wash the heart wicked
My screams fuel the fires of innocence lost

The storyline changes
Desire rearranges
‘Til the beast slain within awakens hungry for more
Beneath bridges still burning in wells buried deep
Springs the everything I thought I never would be
The souls I am reaping
And the lives I am stealing
In my eyes may be another’s
But, in truth, are my own

The corpses of my personalities lay scattered
In such disarray, much the way they had lived
No longer tormented by the hells of living
Lost in whatever hell awaits them hereafter
As the unending hunger that now consumes me
Devours even the love of beauty and beauty of love
Leaving nothing but sorrow and emptiness
Such emptiness which demands to be fed

Madness blooms within the triumphs
Which never seem to come to pass
Despite the efforts, so much remains the same
In days which seem repetitive and unchanging
Smiles become masks which feel like home
For I've become familiar with hiding myself away
Even at times when I'm most myself
Until I feel like I'm winning the war of losing my way
But, I know just what I'm fighting for
Against myself, and against the world
Despite my losses, I will rage
Through every sorrow, until my last breath
For though, at times, Fate can be so cruel
It's never so much as I am to myself
And when it seems there is nothing left to destroy
The only thing left to do is rebuild

In the future, there’s a fire
That in the present, burns within
Sometimes raging
Sometimes smoldering
Oft’ reborn to blaze again
It consumes us in such sorrow
‘Fore re-blooming us in joy
The sorrows we are facing now…
But a chapter in love’s story

Although sometimes we long for smiles of any day before
There will come a day when we'll find smiles which touch our hearts much more
So if any day, your memories refuse to let you go
Hold on, for one day happiness will be more than dreamt or known

Such symmetry well rationed
In the balance of desire
When love is true, desire blooms
Without, it dies by fire
If love be born, then let it soar
To rise forever higher
Let’s cease to be but casualties
And find balance in our desire

Beyond this loss of mind
Slipping through the hands of time
Remaims a dream of love unseen
That will not be denied
It longs to be set free
To become reality
This loneliness of in-between
Will never dull its cry
It cannot be contained
And at times, drives me insane
As it lies in wait
Both calm and irate
For the day it can finally thrive

Nothing is perfect in the taking of chances
There's always a chance that we've wasted our time
And often, it feels as if time has wasted us
Feeling destroyed when those chances forsake us
But, it simply closes the doors we've lingered too long within
Giving us opportunity to chance upon another
For although wasted effort plays cruelly upon our hearts
No effort at all hurts much worse in regret
So we must take our chances
Yes, they can leave us worse for wear most times
But never broken beyond repair
It may feel so
But only to give us strength in our weakness
To tear down walls when there are no doors to chance upon
As there can be no joy without sorrow
No courage without fear
No determination without failure
Without our weaknesses to give us strength
We would have no fighting chance at all

I had no clue that I could set water afire
until in drowning, I began to burn…

Shattered once was I
So many awkward pieces
Too many remain

Rest my weary eyes
My dreams more than forsake me
It leaves me insane

Despite raging storms
No winds dare disturb this night
Yet, it howls within

Love fuels what it calms
In darkness or divine light
Bittersweet chagrin

Forgive my desire
I’m so long without love’s touch
Better off alone

Adding to the fire
Loneliness beyond too much
It scars to the bone

Somewhere in between
Nightmare with no end in sight
Can’t seem to outrun

Future yet unseen
Save me from myself tonight
I’m coming undone

Loving me is war
I’ve lost myself many times
Nothing much remains

Will no other heart
Wholly broken just as mine
Show me no refrain?

So many reside in this chaotic mind
There is barely room for myself
So much of me sways towards the darkest of days
Seeking heaven
Finding naught but hell
Too many times
I find I’m missing the rhyme
For my reason is lost in despair
I wonder if I’ll ever be myself again

Poetic lines cannot bleed as my eyes
My words never fall as my tears
I’m losing my strength
Despite all I have tried
Nothing’s harder than battling fears
But maybe
In time
I’ll soon find that I’m fine
For the better, I’ve waited my share
Maybe one day
I will find my heart in peace again

There are needs that feed my fire
There are needs that douse my flame
There are needs to need
And no need to need at all
Sometimes hoping more than needing
Sometimes begging more than wishing
Sometimes wishing not to have to beg at all
Trying hard to be my true self
Not the self I’ll never truly know
No stranger to the stranger I’ve become
Tired of feeling like I’m feeling
Never waking
Always dreaming
Far too many days spent wishing I were numb
I don’t mean to be so needy
But I don’t need to be alone
I don’t need to feel this sorrow every day
I don’t need to pour my heart out
But I’ve no need to bite my tongue
I need the one who’d wish to steal my heart away

A person can be unworthy of another
because they refuse to be
who they need most themself to be,
just as another can be unworthy of someone
for the reasons they wish that someone
to be who they need them most to be.

A person can say they desire
a true, mutual love,
and yet,
turn away and deny someone
who shows them that they are desired
the way they desire to be,
just as another can show someone
a love unmutually true,
and be so blind in sorrow of rejection
to see the true, mutual love
beating for them in the heart of another.

We can say that we need someone,
but more often than not,
we are so focused on wanting a specific someone
that we overlook or ignore the right someone.

We build up the objects of our desire
to be who we believe they should be for us,
while we tear down those who desire us
for everything we truly are.

We drown in such sorrow
when our love for another proves unmutual,
yet we offer the desert to another
when showered with a love sincere and true.

Despite all of this,
we still wonder why
our hearts are always broken.

My words are but pages
from a collection of unwritten novels.

My heart is an ever-expanding library,
dedicated to you.

You should come check it out sometime.

Such a torn, weary heart
Its own blood on its hands
Knowing which way it now must go
The battle’s been long
All did not go as planned
And the victory has yet to be won
For it’s so hard to flee
When you’re your own worst enemy
You’re weaknesses already known
It’s hard to be strong
When it’s by your own hand
You find yourself undone

Now a new fork in the road less traveled
Just as hard a choice as the last
Once again the decision:
To let it all go
Or continue reliving the past?
For though one ghost is laid to rest
Still others remain
Screaming on
Denying request
For one moment of rest
Some days, it’s so hard to move on

But, the war carries on
The new battle so long
The heart wonders, “Will this stand be my last?
Has it all been in vain
To now find myself slain
‘Fore this dream I have fought for comes true?”
With weapon still drawn
Its resolve almost gone
Deeming failure won’t be its repast
It thrusts through the heart of its self
Weak, yet strong
Winning naught but the battle anew

Yet, time and again
Both in loss and in win
The heart finds strength deeper within
‘Til it meets its last breath
With all strength it has left
It will war with its self once again
For it would rather die fighting
Than to fight not at all
Even if all is lost therein
Despite heartache’s disease
My heart longs to be free
In anothers true love 'til the end

My heart is tired of holding on
To things that cannot be
These broken dreams I’ve long held to
Bring only misery
My hope has been my downfall
My persistence, my demise
‘Til I find the self I once knew
Now no longer recognized

No stranger to such heartache
Yet, a stranger I’ve become
I’ve battled so long with my mind
It’s left me quite undone
The strength I once possessed
Has left me weak and paralyzed
Afraid to try for anything
Myself I now despise

I fall in love too deeply
Such has now become a curse
Consumed by hellish loneliness
Reflected in each verse
In all the love I have to give
I’ve none to give myself
A self-condemning irony
Both in and of itself

Yet, even in my downfall
How my heart desires to fly
To rise above my sufferance
To find the strength to try
But sometimes letting go
Is just as hard as holding on
When both see fit to break my heart
In sleepless nights so long

Why is it that we hold so fiercely in both mind and heart to someone who does not fight for us in action, heart, and emotion as we do for them, when there is someone who would fight just as hard for us as we would for them?

Why do we continue  to bleed every word of our love and emotion to someone who says almost nothing in return, leaving us to bleed out in such sorrow, when there is someone who would speak the words which would sustain our heart as our words would sustain theirs through both sorrow and joy?

Why do we continue to hold to someone who does not hold to us at all, or to someone who only holds to the pieces of us they deem worthy while rejecting or trying to change the rest to suit their own version of perfection, when there is someone longing to embrace us as the perfect imperfection we are?

Why do we continue to embrace someone who makes us feel we are not worthy of true, mutual love, despite the love we still hold for them, when there is someone standing before us who desires to love us the very way we both long for love to be?

Why, after every failed attempt with someone, and the desire to try with another, do our hearts still war so violently between knowing when to walk away and when to try just one more time?

Which is the truest measure of our hearts’ insanity…refusing to let go of someone whose love for us has proven repeatedly to be unmutual in the way our hearts desire and long for, or refusing to embrace someone who longs to mutually love us, and to be loved by us, in all of the ways we’ve long been dreaming, wishing, and hoping true love could be?