I’ve pleaded for death
For my life to be done
I’ve called for the reaper
But he hasn’t come

I’m afraid to die
I’m scared it will hurt
But life hurts so much
It can’t be much worse

Then it will be over
The pain and the stress
The longing and sadness
And deep loneliness

I wish that my parents
Hadn’t had me
That I’d never been born
And that I wasn’t me

I’m tired of trying
And giving my all
Of doing my best
Only to fall

I’m tired of loving
With my heart on my sleeve
Of being reminded
That everyone leaves

I don’t want to die
But I’m sick of life
It’s a double-edged blade
On a big scary knife

Both choices ****
Either way I lose
Nothing is easy
Whichever I choose

Lonely and lost
In a world full of fears
I cry and call out
But nobody hears

Or else they don’t care
Which is even worse
People don’t tell you
But apathy hurts

So I sit and I cry
My eyes full of tears
Lost and helpless
Alone with my fears

Anger takes over
I’m out of control
Righting an injustice
My only goal

I’m not thinking straight
I’m acting dumb
My heart’s so impassioned
That my brain is numb

Fighting for vengeance
With a righteous wrath
Anger has blinded me
To any other path

Not thinking it through
I’m not being smart
I’m not using my brain
Just following my heart

There will be a price
I’ll have to pay
But I’m too angry
To care today

I’m not in control
Just along for the ride
Driven by Anger
With Right on my side

What’s right and what’s smart
Aren’t always the same
‘Cause life isn’t fair
And victims get blamed

It isn’t right
But you can’t change the facts
Sometimes you shouldn’t
Fight back when attacked

I’ll have to pay
For my actions today
My fault or not
I’ll pay either way

Losing control
Always costs quite a lot
Whether you’re right
Or whether you’re not

So fight for control
Hold onto the wheel
Try to steer straight
However you feel

‘Cause if you don’t
It’s you that will pay
For letting control
Of the wheel get away

There’s no one to hold me
To tell me “It’ll be alright”
No one to love me
Or to kiss me goodnight

I’m always alone
With no one to care
Longing for someone
Who isn’t there

Wishing for love
On every star
Looking for comfort
From near or far

Hoping for someone
Who will honestly care
Waiting for someone
Who will always be there

Wanting to love
And be loved just the same
For someone to know me
Not just my name

Longing and searching
In vain so it seems
Only ever finding love
In my dreams

Am I destined
To be alone?
To wonder through life
Unloved and unknown?

So hungry for love
Someone to call mine
Desperately hoping
For some kind of sign

Something to tell me
He’s on his way
He’s searching for me
And he’ll find me one day

That someone will love me
That someone will care
That I won’t be alone
That he will be there

Waiting and hoping
For it to be true
I guess for now
That’s all I can do

Most people don’t notice
As I’m sinking down
Some say “Cheer up!”
Wow! I’m all better now

Thanks for the help
I’m glad you were here
I’m no longer sad
You've filled me with cheer

Is that what they think?
That’s all that it takes?
They tell me “cheer up”
And my heart no longer aches?

I wish it were that simple
A magical cure
Everything is better
After hearing those two words

But really nothing’s better
If just proves that you don’t understand
You've always stood on solid ground
But I’m sinking in quicksand

Now I’m sinking faster
Your words cut to the bone
I know it wasn't your intent
But you made me feel more alone

You say “cheer up”
Why didn't I think of that?
I guess you think
I want to feel this bad

Or else you think I’m stupid
Why else would I be so sad?
If being happy were so easy
Wouldn't everyone be glad?

So next time please think
Before you say “cheer up”
If someone’s already sad
It could make them just give up

Worthless, useless
Helpless, alone
Uncared-for, forgotten
Unwanted, unknown

A burden, an anchor
A cross to bear
A big obligation
You wish wasn’t there

That’s all that I am
And all I can be
I can’t pull my weight
Or make you love me

A weight on your chest
Not letting you breathe
A cloud full of rain
That you just want to leave

I wrote a letter once.
Of all the things I wanted to tell you, but was too afraid to.
I wanted to tell you how you made me feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest and stomped on.
I wanted to tell you that you made me worthless and that no one would ever love me again.
I wanted to tell you that I feel like an imbecile for ever thinking I meant anything to anyone.
I wanted to tell you that at 3:35 in the morning, when I'm awake crying, you're the only person on my mind.
I wanted to tell you that you're the reason I have to have caffeine pumping through my veins in order to function.
but I didn't say any of that.
I told you that I still love you.

When i close my eyes i see it
With each breath i feel
Tasting the bitter and the sweet
Loving the music i hear
It is boundless without shape
Yet distinct in every mutation
The in all forms it is beautiful
In every eye unique