Lights contort and shatter
In their intricate complexities
Dissolving and revolving
Like souls
Long lost
Left wandering
Weaving and deceiving
As if nothing else could ever matter
Necessities evolving
So embossed with deepest ponderings
Faces come and go
Against the flow
Erupting viciously
Through hues which leave no clues
To what ensues when wavelengths recombine
Traces of the flowing
Disappear within unknowing
For when the patterns re-emerge
Each one is redefined

Inklings of intuition
Come and go as sun and moon
Feel them cling like premonition
Sprouting forth and into bloom
Rising in their joyous triumph
Then, withering in dewy gloom
Fading just as they awaken
But, to be born again so soon
This process of elimination
Ever changing with each passing
Finding life and ruination
In each healing and each lashing
Sipping from the ancient vessels
Pouring forth their emptiness
Like rivers unto weary souls
Whose sins cry out to be confessed

Adrift in tides of raging stillness
Pouring from eyes of hell and heaven
Nothing less than unfulfilled
As lessons of these truths, unleavened
Pollinate the buds of reason
In every reincarnate flower
As every sin, in every season
Drowns and starves each passing hour
Bringing life, and taking same
As time stands still and tarries on
Sun to night, and moon to day
In shattered light and broken dawn
The hunger screaming from within
For sustenance, not hollow acts
Each wasted moment is a sin
For time, once lost, can't be gained back

Have we enjoyed the pain and madness
Just a little more than we should?
If only we could
We can't stumble into darkness any faster
Even if we wanted to
Why would we want to?
It's festered somewhere deep within
Until we found ourselves again outside
Between the cries
With Cheshire smiles and sainted skin
We walk where only ghosts have been
This time we should try

To mend our broken hearts
Before our love completely fades
We can heal the memories
Insisting to invade
Hatred brings no pleasure
Our love can conquer all
Tragedy and ecstasy
Depend on how we fall...

Have we enjoyed the pain and sadness
Just a little more than we should?
If only we could
Is there nothing we can do or say
To take this pain away?
I know we can work this through
'Cause I'm still humbled by the gladness
Of the cherished moments I have spent with you
The many and the few
Broken hearts can never mend
If pride is all that we'll defend
Let's try one last time

For we still hold each others hearts
Though they continue breaking
There are still more smiles to share
If we'll just stop forsaking
Life can still be beautiful
Despite our sorrow's cost
We can find ourselves again
Despite the love we've lost...

So, let's enjoy the love and gladness
Just a little more like we should
I know that we could...

Why do we spend so much time
Thinking about dying
Hurting ourselves
Focusing on pain
Instead of living
Seeking beauty and joy
And focusing on what makes us smile?

Why do we spend so much time
Telling others they are good enough
That they are loved
That they are stronger than they believe
That they are more than what people may say
That they are truly beautiful
Inside and out
Trying to get them to believe they are
Not just to make them feel better
But because they truly are
While we spend so little time
Telling ourselves the same things
Or believing that we, ourselves, are truly beautiful?

Why do we spend so much time
Focusing on those who won’t pay attention
Or those who only give us negative attention
Focusing on those who don’t truly love us
Suffering when they treat us in such ways
And missing them when they are gone
While spending less time
Focusing on those who pay attention
Focusing on those who truly love us
Cherishing the way they treat us
And enjoying the time we have with them?

Why do we spend so much time
Trying to be someone we aren’t
And hating who we are
For anyone who would rather change us
Than to love us as we are
Letting anyone convince us we aren’t good enough
Instead of being who we are
And loving who we are
Knowing we are good enough
No matter who may tell us otherwise
Even if the ones saying so are ourselves?

Why do we spend so much time
Worrying about what others think
Focusing on what others hate about us
And letting what others hate about us
Change the way we should see ourselves
While trying to make the people who don’t care happy
Instead of cherishing what people think
Focusing on what others love about us
Loving ourselves despite who may hate us
Despite what anyone may hate about us
Believing in ourselves
Just as much as we believe in others
Letting the good ways people see us
And what people love about us
Change our focus from self hate
To self love
Despite what anyone
Including ourselves
May hate about us?

Why do we spend so much time
Arguing with people who want us to argue
Hating people who want us to hate
Instead of ignoring those who cannot interact decently
And loving them despite their hatred
Not because of their disrespectful actions
But because they, like us, are still human?

Why do we spend so much time
Saying how we don’t agree
With the way people disrespect
With the way people insult
With the way people try to hurt us
Only to disrespect those who disrespect us
Insulting those who insult us
Hurting those who hurt us
Showing the same disrespects and dishonors
Instead of being the example we want others to be
Despite being treated less than we deserve by anyone?

Why do we spend so much time
Standing together in hatred against those who hate
Instead of standing together in love
Showing them the same love we show each other
Despite their hatred towards us?

Why do we spend so much time
Hating others
Hating ourselves
Disrespecting others
And in doing so, disrespecting ourselves
Instead of loving others as we want to be loved
Loving ourselves as we want others to love us
Loving ourselves as we want others to love themselves
And respecting others
As well as ourselves
The same way we want others to respect us
Even if they do not?

Why do we spend so much time
Judging those who judge us
While saying they have no right to judge
Or trying to stop anyone from speaking freely
While defending our right to speak freely
Condemning them because their words offend us
While justifying ourselves in doing the same?

Why do we spend so much time
Pushing some of those who love us away
All while promoting love
Searching for love
And wondering why we can never find it?

Why do we spend so much time
Opposing such hypocrisy in others
In all the ways that we do
When we are all hypocrites in our own ways?

Why do we spend so much time
Destroying love
Denying love
To ourselves and to others
In all the ways that we do
All the while promoting love
Searching for love
Dreaming of love
Wishing for love?

I wish we knew

I wish we all could see
The true beauty of love

Then maybe we could stop doing these things
To ourselves and to others
Just as we wish others could stop

Maybe we could love ourselves
Just as much as we wish others could love us
Even if they may not

Maybe we could show everyone else
The same love we want them to show us
Even if they do not

Maybe we could respect others
As well as ourselves
The same way we wish others would respect us
Even if they refuse to

Maybe we could be the example
We wish others would be
Even if they won’t

It’s about time we all did

As I sit here and write through this silence of night
The voices wage war once again in my mind
The hopeful and hopeless, both blinded by sight
Bleed more dust from their armor
Never settling score
I hold dear the light, through the violent plight
The choice of my rage…to defend what is mine
To hold to the hope that soon, all will be right
No more pain will I harbor
For I’m worth so much more

The words don’t come easy as battles rage on
Especially when I’m my own greatest foe
Tortured by every word, right or wrong
Second guessing my self
Every which way I turn
I want to give up, but I want to go on
Serenity somewhere adrift in my woe
It seems that I’ve battled myself for so long
I’ve lost touch with myself
And I’ve left me to burn

Somewhere there’s a lie between myself and I
Both of us perfect strangers who cannot agree
To hope and to try, or to give up and die
If I can’t save myself
Maybe I can save me
If I find peace of mind, maybe I can survive
But which piece holds my peace still remains to be seen
When the plans of both I and myself go awry
Am I fooling myself?
Will I ever be free?

My darkness and light both continue their fight
If there is an end, it’s one I’ve yet to find
Try as I might, nothing seems to go right
Each attempt now much harder
Than each time before
So I sit here and write through this silence of night
As the voices wage war once again in my mind
The hopeful and hopeless, both blinded by sight
Bleed more dust from their armor
Never settling score

This emptiness inside me...

How it seems to grow
From a whisper to a scream…

From a shadow to a night unending…

Crying out for change
For something temporary
To fill the void between now and forever
Even though I know…

Temporary will only feed the emptiness
And merely pacify the pain of loneliness…

Not only for me...

But for another

Is it wrong to want someone to hold
To want someone to hold me
To chase away each other’s darkness
In companionship and calm
In passion and compassion
In mutual understanding and desire
Knowing it will only be temporary
Until we each find our forever?

Maybe…

Maybe not…

All I know is this:

Every time what seemed to be my forever
Turned out to be only temporary...

The emptiness grew more fiercely...

Instantaneously...

And the nights grew longer…

Loneliness became more lonely…

My heart more broken

And if I can curse the sky…

Curse my name…

Knowing how much harder it will be…

How can I condone…

How can I expect…

How can I allow…

How can I ask anyone for temporary
No matter how much it may appeal to either of us...

Temporarily?

If I know it would do more to destroy love
Than to create love…

Why does temporary even appeal to me at all at times?

Because…

Sometimes…

Temporary feels like forever

But…

Temporary always ends

No matter how long it takes…

Temporary always ends

So…

No matter how long the nights…

No matter how long the wait…

No matter how lonely loneliness may seem…

I wait...

Though the emptiness inside me grows...

No matter how loud the whisper...

No matter how silent the scream…

I will wait for my forever
Because this pain is only temporary
And temporary always ends…

Even when it feels like forever

I paused before a puddle
Gazing into its shallow murk
Seeing my reflection therein
And I wondered…

Am I here on the outside
Seeing myself as I truly am…

Or am I the reflection of who I think I am
Seeing myself clearly for the first time?

Am I looking into the murk…

Or am I looking up out of it?

So cold, this wind of uncertainty
But my rippling reflection shivers more than I