Anxiety
Depression
How is it you control me
Every fight
Both day and night
‘Til my words cannot console me?
Am I blind?
Am I weak?
Have I just been strong too long
Without the love I once had faith in
‘Til both faith and hope are gone?

~

So many people say they want someone who loves them truly
So many people say they want someone who understands
So many people say they want a true, kind hearted person
While refusing to give credit to the ones they find at hand

They want someone to show them everything they’ve ever dreamed of
They want someone to be there through the calm and through the storm
They want to be loved perfectly, along with imperfections
While they reject each imperfection found with hate and scorn

They want someone to show them truth and honor such as they deserve
Dishonoring the truths they’re shown with unwarranted lies
Continuing to push away the very love they’re looking for
While treating those they push away the same as those despised
They cannot see that they’ve become the same as those who’ve done them wrong
Believing they are justified in everything they’ve done
They have been done wrong so many times that they’ve been blinded
It’s here I see that, just like me, they were strong for way too long

Just how long can one be strong while their weaknesses are preyed upon?
Just how long can one seek the truth when all they’ve found are lies?
Just how long can one have faith in everything they’ve been hoping for
Before faith begins to falter, and hoping comes to be despised?

~

There are, by far, too many people in this world who lie about love
Because they know if they pretend to be true, they can use someone for all they can
‘Til they’ve had their fill
‘Til they’re caught
Or ‘til they find someone from whom to take more
It matters not, as long as things continue on as they had planned
Not caring who they hurt, as long as they can gain what they desire
Leaving such good hearted people broken and in pain
Until, for far too many, faith is lost in what they’re hoping for
Because the love they’re shown proves to be lies again and again

None of us experience exactly the same circumstance
For, even when they’re similar, the variables change
Some of us are more prone to depression and anxiety
The same for fear and doubt, though they effect us all the same
Some of us can tolerate, or withstand, these things longer
While some of us will reach our limits sooner than the rest
This timeframe individually depends upon our heartache
Along with depth of love and trust that each of us invest
As well as the severity of sufferance we each endure
Each time we’re left to feel we’re cursed after feeling we were blessed

For those of us with clinical depression and anxiety
We torture ourselves more each time, convinced that giving up is best
It makes it that much harder to have faith in what we’re hoping for
Especially when we think we’ve finally found the love that’s true
The hardest part of faith and hope is holding on until the day
We find the one who, just like us, will prove their love is true

~

Anxiety
Depression
For so long you have controlled me
But I still fight
Both day and night
Though sometimes words just won’t console me
I will find the love I seek
For I’ve been waiting far too long
To lose my faith and give up hope
Despite this pain that lingers on

Taken
By so many emotions
Mistaken
Maybe I’m just a fool
Contemplating
Was it all just a notion?
Debating
Are there exceptions to the rule?

Hoping
For these things that cannot be
Coping
And not doing very well
Devastation
Will I ever be set free?
Maybe heaven
Is just another name for hell

I am still here
I am still waiting
In sorrow
Depression
Confusion
Lack of understanding
Anxiety
Hope
All echoing in the pieces of my broken heart
Waiting for a continued hello
Waiting for the furthering and strengthening of a friendship
For something
Anything
To see if there will be any words at all
Even if those words only end up being good bye
Or, if there is only more silence
For, even though the words spoken have said so much
They have also said so little
But there were still words
Now, the only words are mine
I’ve said all I know to say
Everything that I feel
In every way that I know how
But, all that returns to me is silence
Echoing back to me my own words
Magnified by my doubts and fears
Causing me to wonder...
Have I said it all right?
Have I said it all wrong?
Have I said everything I can?
Have I said too much?
Or, have I said nothing at all?
Are the words I have said
In so many ways
No different than silence?
Am I not trying hard enough?
Or, am I trying too hard?
Right now, all I can think about is you
All I can write about is you
All my worries
Fears
Doubts
Hopes
Wishes
They are all you
But…
As much as I can hope
Wish
Pray
Maybe the best thing I can do
Is what feels like the worst thing I could possibly do
Maybe the best way to try is not to try
Maybe the best thing to do is nothing
The only thing left for me to say is good bye
Even so
I am still here
I am still waiting

Though the sun shines brightly in spite of the storm
This sorrow devours me, insisting to stay
Both teasing and taunting in stammer-less form
‘Til the hope that I hold to so fiercely doth sway
For, just when I thought I had finally found
The love I have dreamed of, and haven’t yet seen
My fortune denies me a love so profound
‘Til there’s nothing but silence, as love flees from me

I wonder, again, just how it can be so
How can such words be spoken if not from the heart?
If you meant what you said, why so suddenly go?
If your heart isn't in it, were they true from the start?
I've meant every word I have spoken to you
Now, I’m the only one speaking at all
If your love wasn't real, or you’re not sure it’s true
Tell me, why would you show it while watching me fall?
Or, to challenge my waiting as if I were a fool
Just to fool me when I couldn't wait anymore?
Have I been but a game, and your words but the tool
To hurt someone so you would not hurt anymore?

Whatever the weather, the storm never shines
When whenever comes never, through all the tears cried
Love seems tethered to severing all of its ties
In my search for love’s truth…only finding disguise
Have I searched for true love for so long, but in vain?
Am I not worth your time, but only this pain?
Do I mean nothing to you?
Why do you refrain?
Is it truth or denial, what silence remains?

You dared challenge me when I said I was waiting
So now, in your silence, I dare challenge you
Tell me, even in friendship, why are you forsaking
A love we can share that can be pure and true?
Is it you, or is it me that you are most scared of?
Sometimes, our heaven lies just beyond hell
Have we both not already suffered enough?
Am I not worth your effort, or even farewell?

Tell me, who’s in denial?
Is it you, or is it me?
Is your silence because my words have been wasted?
Or, are you but wasting our time foolishly
Afraid of a love we both scarcely have tasted?
Love can be dreamed
Love can be felt
But love’s only truest when it can be shared
My feelings are true
What do I mean to you?
Whether friendship or more…tell me, will you not dare?
Will you not break this silence?
Will you not take a chance?
Has your heart been so broken that you’d so break mine?
Our friendship does not have to lead to romance
And we both deserve more than for you not to try

For, whatever the weather, the sun can still shine
If you’ll choose more than never, despite the tears cried
We are both worth much more than you severing ties
Without saying a word, or even good bye
Are my words and my actions to you but in vain?
Is our friendship not worth more to you than refrain?
Is it you, or is it me?
Why do you abstain?
Is it truth or denial, what silence remains?

When unto night ill dreams befall
When into light the shadows creep
What is illusion?
What is confusion?
What is the truth in what's said or unspoken?
I've tried to understand it all
But I may be thinking way too deep
So many exclusions
With so few conclusions
Is it untruth, or a heart oh so broken?

Has everything that I've been through so changed me
That I just can't see poeple's hearts anymore?
Maybe I've become blind
To all pain but what's mine
Sometimes I just don't know what to think at all
But there is one thing that I know shouldn't be
The loss of a memory before it's in store
We're but wasting our time
With each moment declined
We think we're so smart, but know nothing at all

I've spoken each word I feel and fear
And I've tried from the depth of my heart to explain
Why I can't reach conclusion
Why, for me, it's confusion
And the only thing certain is you've changed your mind
Somewhere amidst all that you've let me hear
From the start and the after, you seem to abstain
I don't want an illusion
And I don't want exclusion
I want to know all that you're feeling inside

I want to know your heart
All your pains, and all your joys
Both before and after we first met
What elates, and what annoys
I want to know just how you feel
On nothing and everything
I want to know how you see you
And the hopes to which you cling

I can keep talking, and you can stay silent
Or we both can go our seperate ways
But both would hurt more
Than not trying much more
To relate to each other through smiles and scars
But the only way that I'll feign to be silent
Is if you can open to me in some way
My heart has been poured
And just what was it for?
So completely, you'll know we can share heart to heart

I want to spend whatever moments
Which God sees fit in giving us time
To share every smile
With each moment worthwhile
Loving friends to the end through the good and the bad
I want you to know we're both poets
Both in words and in actions, in kind
We've both walked weary miles
And we've both faced our trials
But we've both found our passions in times between sad

I want to continue to know you
Every day that we possibly can
When the days in-between
Bring but words on a screen
Because we'll ever be thankful we're friends as we are
That's why I continue to show you
Every day that I possibly can
You have brought out of me
Someone I couldn't see
I want to know your heart

I want to know your heart
All your pains, and all your joys
Your smiles and frowns
Your ups and downs
Let silence be destroyed
I want to know our friendship
Means as much to you as I
That we both can defend
A love shared between friends
Because friendship is worth every fight
I want you to know my heart
And to know these things of me
Each moment is what we make it
And there are moments left to be
I want us to know there's a next time
In each moment we know we must part
I want us to cherish our friendship
My friend, I want to know your heart