I hate the days when pain rains down
Like long forsaken tears and drowns
My every thought and action in a sea of agony
I hate the way those days drag on
Until I feel I can’t go on
While losing all my time with those who mean so much to me
I hate what this **** does to me
I wish the night would smother me
But I know it won’t happen…I’m not going to pretend
I hate it all. I hate it all.
I hate the fact that I hate it all
I hate how much it feels like this is never going to end

this self-loathing is too much for me to bare.
i mean i bare everything:
the actions, the words,
the snickers with
an inflamed chest.
and the struggle cannot be conquered;
i am no soldier, no fighter - subhuman.
i struggle for a sense of purpose
like an infected toilet brush
or maybe a half-chewed pencil eraser. quality beats quantity
but i cannot quantify how many tears i have shed
or the glass-stained memories
that leave ****** scratches on mind.
all along there was no end to this journey,
but shattered dreams paint a more vivid picture
than happiness ever could.

A while ago, the mirrored me,
in my reflection looked tired, you see,
This went on and on, oh my,
The time has really passed me by,
It's with regret I now accept,
However long, I've ****** slept,
Without being so tactfully told,
That I'm not just tired, but getting old.