In the distance, through the yonder
Comes the Circumstance of Chance
How he longs to find his other
As he stumbles through each dance
Incomplete and in disorder
Yet a smile so often shines
In the deepest of his tortures
Yet, each move becomes sublime
For even in the times
The stumble turns into a fall
He stands until he stumbles once again
As he dreams outside the lines
And finds the laughter in it all
Though sometimes not until the tears have shed

In the distance, through the yonder
One day there will come a glance
Someone stopping so to ponder
On such clumsy elegance
As her loneliness and torture
Start to fade for the first time
For she sees in such disorder
What's been missing all this time
A feeling so devine
And yet, so scary, will enthrall
As broken pieces start to fit again
The glance, returned in kind
As they both begin to fall
The unspoken token setting hearts to mend

In that moment, he'll discover
She's the partner in this dance
Long awaited, for no other
Ever gave him such a glance
And the distance will grow shorter
In between her heart and mine
Such elegant disorder
As our hearts become entwined
And after all the times
We felt alone throughout it all
We'll find that loneliness has met its end
Together, we will find
That we will rise within this fall
Until our hearts are soaring once again

Inner truth, enlighten me
For I know not what to say
Emotions, overeagerly,
Enticing disarray
Until the words I saw so clear
Entagle in the web
Held captive only oh so near
To a freely flowing ebb
For when it all falls down again
There are no words to say
For tears scream louder once again
While stealing sane away
As everything I thought I knew
Begins to realign
It took its cue and overthrew
My calm and peace of mind
Until the words I long to touch
Slip sweetly, yet away
The colours and the flavors
Such a vast array of gray
And only my frustration
Comes to blindly lead the way
Both my sin and my salvation
In tomorrow's yesterday
As in each end and in each close
A new beginning opens
It sheds its light unto the woes
Of tragedies unspoken
Revealing every inner night
To crawl before the sun
As every shrouded, desperate plight
Begins to come undone
In the cycle of my sadness
Melting into joy, then pain
In each yesterday's tomorrow
With each memory that remains

Just what do you think you're doing?
Tell me, who do you think I am?
Where is this anger coming from?
I just don't understand
How expressing my opinions
Sounds as if I critisize
If it differs from the vision
You may see through your own eyes
I don't mean to sound opposing
I don't mean you disrespect
For I honor your opinions
It is you who dared reject
For opinions sometimes differ
We will not always agree
But condemning me for mine
Is something you won't see from me
For it isn't your opinions
But your actions that offend
If you can't take what you're giving
Tell me, whose the better man?
I won't deny the differences
That make us who we are
I will deny the poisons
That your words would leave as scars
Your judgements do not injure me
They are your own addiction
Differences should set us free
Not deepen the affliction

A bushel and a peck
Of disregards and disrespects
Are carried out, and carried in
Thrown away, and come again
Just make sure not to neglect
The phony air you may detect
In the ones you thought were friends
Who proved to be naught but pretend
It's no wonder now that trust
Becomes so hard for each of us
When so many now conceding
In the act of our misleading
Seem to be so true and just
All the while forsaking us
Yet we still keep on repeating
Giving chances to the fleeting
As respect collects its dust
Wasted so on the unjust
For each time our hearts are broken
By each treacherous word spoken
Each betrayal leaves us scarred
Cut so deep by disregard
Until we question every token
As sincere or falsely spoken
And to trust at all seems hard
Despite how honorable we are
Though we know we should be open
When there are others just as broken
Because time and time again
So many wronged give up and in
To the behaviors of those taking
The false friends and all those faking
Until we just don't know when
Our trust will be honored again
Or to prove we're but mistaking
As our hearts continue aching

All of these things that I write
And every word therein
Are more for my self than anyone else
They are advice to my self
Even when they may seem otherwise
Especially when pain is the only reminder that I'm awake
I am talking my way out of the places my mind takes me
The remedy for what ails me
And sometimes, hopelessness having it's way
I know that there are brighter days ahead
For they call to me
Giving me reason to hope at all
Even on the days I am my own worst enemy
But, sometimes one cannot break free of one's cell
Unless every inch of such is explored
For shadows do not always bring demise
More often than not, they bring answers
Sometimes found within the questioning despair
Strength never comes without experience
And victory never comes without a fight
But, even the losses are victories
For I learn more about my self
And what I can endure
What breaks me, and what makes me stronger
Fear does not mean weakness
Failure does not mean defeat
Just as victory does not mean success
It all depends on the lessons that come thereafter
And the intent of each attempt
Because sometimes what I want is not mine to have
Even when it is something everyone desires in their own way
Though mind and heart cannot agree
Sometimes suffering hand in hand
Sometimes content in the joy of desires unobtained
But, always waiting...
Longing...
Dreaming...
Lamenting......
Rejoicing
For, even in wishes ungranted
Dreams yet untrue
Nightmares revisited and unresolved
It is the knowledge of beauty
There are still things in this world worth suffering for
There is still wonder and magic in the midst of chaos
There is still strength in my weakness
Pleasure despite my pain
Smiles in calamity
And the only way to defuse the effects of my depression
Is to study every aspect of emotion
Mainly, those most volitile to my mental destruction
Disarming sadness by personal description
Metaphores and precise actualities
Spoken not by the creative mind
But by the afflictions of my soul
Turning the darkness upon itself
Before I completely turn on my self

At times, I believe I am more than just my own worst enemy
At times, it seems I am incapable of finding peace
No matter how I struggle to find comfort in the fact that my day will come
There are too many days where everything seems like nothing
And far too few where nothing seems like everything
Maybe it is just this depression that I can never quite shake
Or maybe it is the fact of so many years holding to the words I speak to others
As the comfort they provide finds no home in my own endeavours
For it is getting harder to hold to hope more often in the bad times
When the bad times come more frequently, with no resolution but unrestful sleep
And the dreams that have finally returned to me
Bring more often than not what I cannot have and cannot hold
As if living ghosts, too impatient to wait for their demise
There are so many in the physical world who seek my words and advice
When that very advice fails me time and time again
And I cannot understand how such a thing can be so
I have waited so long, and have held to hope until my fingers have bled
But far too often it seems hope is all I get in return
Until even my poetry, which is so often my salvation, begins to seem monotonous to me
And every day that passes waiting for things to improve becomes a little harder
My words become more struggled and strangled
And the only consolation is that they may help others, even if not myself at times
Maybe it is just so many years of waiting, with no change or relief
Maybe it is just my depression finally getting the better of me
Maybe I am just not as strong as I used to be
So weary and tired from this repetitive journey
Travelling so many weary miles
Only to find myself at the beginning time and time again
Until even when there are smiles and laughter
Even when there are shoulders to cry on and friends beside me
Even when the storms of mind flee and the world seems beautiful
Even when I know things can't stay like this forever
The seconds drag on like hours
The hours seem as days
And the days seem eternal
And the only hope left to hold on to
Is that hope continues to hold on as tightly as I do
Until my day finally arrives

Down into the night doth slip
The dreams that bring both smiles and frowns
Slowly, they instill their grip
Upon the sleepy little towns
Following the Sandman
On his slightly sly and weary rounds
Spilling not one grain of plan
Upon the tear stained battleground
And as the breathing deepens
Fading in and out of tune
These Harbingers come creeping
With their visions old and new
And to each, they will justify
Each reason for their crimes
In metering out empathy
Or sorrow unsublime
Until each one finds sweet release
Or ******* in their slumber
Awakening to much the same
In the spell each still are under