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264 · Nov 2015
Good day
Xnihilo Nov 2015
It's almost one
still i'm awake
the day is gone
while I was away
inside your dream
I wish I stayed

you wore my name like it was yours
into your joy I saw no fault
has time made me your enemy?
has love made me your tragedy?
take me back to the dream
where my thoughts are still clean
Where your touch is still keen
263 · Aug 2017
Untitled
Xnihilo Aug 2017
I felt it leave that night,
The deep whisper inside the blight.
A tyrant voice with a song of reason.
hardy, bruised, and fiercely seasoned.

It left in the icy winter wind,
taking the last good thing a good man defends.
The last good thing that makes a man,
now a hollowed creature with an act to pretend.
263 · Jan 2016
Pros And Cons
Xnihilo Jan 2016
My only crime was human love,
a clear and divine sign from God above,
that life is meant to spend in bliss,
but you already made a list,
of things you want and things you don't,
and on that list, I was a con
256 · Jan 2016
Metaphors
Xnihilo Jan 2016
It served only to break my mind,
and put a dagger to my side,
when you swore that you were mine,

But it's okay,
Lucifer is on his way,
entering the golden gate,
to brighten the night and shorten the day,

But don't worry, I'll be fine,
Earth is where my love died,
and hell is where I feel alive.
253 · Nov 2015
Afraid
Xnihilo Nov 2015
A million miles from home,
I'm going to hell,
Don't bother making prayers,
You never cared,
Instead you should all dance,
Cause I'll be nowhere,

My voice, despite its echo
Was never heard,
And the words I left to find me,
They were never read

Until now the only thing I ask
Is to spend what's left me:
Tiny pieces of mistakes,
Where you left me,
In the space where I met Ms. Insanity.
Where I'll never love again,
because you left me
253 · Jan 2016
HOPE
Xnihilo Jan 2016
My voice is too quiet to be heard.
My words are too hidden to be read.
So why forsake my loyal bed
for a crusade that was born dead?
251 · Nov 2015
Brave
Xnihilo Nov 2015
Have my appreciation for your beauty ruin me
Have my heart melt only again to freeze
Whatever the aftermath, whatever the cost, will you pay it with me?

If I promise to love you tonight and tomorrow, will you do the same?
Or will I again fall to the old ways

It doesn't matter
Or maybe I'm too tired to see what comes after
Maybe the fire will have me again
But to you, to love, I must attend

I will meet hell and the demons that homes it
I will pay the river shade in the tunic
Like brave Dante and wise Virgil
for your love, I will best the devil
250 · Jan 2016
Go again
Xnihilo Jan 2016
I always thought of myself as something special,
so much that the very words I speak would go viral,

I always knew I was too different,
it was a gift given to me by my first demon,

until every night I go out again,
thinking with each mistake, I am destined to win

but the world would have me be proven wrong and a loser
so you will forgive me while I treat this alcohol as a painkiller
250 · Apr 2016
Evil
Xnihilo Apr 2016
Would you trust me If I told you I knew evil?
Would you believe these words if they were spoken not by a hero?
No?
I dreaded so.

To the nature that holds so strong,
that fixes the compass to right and wrong,
I pray you peace,
and leave us be
so that a human is full and whole,
complete in mind, body, and soul.

So, yes, I've met evil. Though not in me,
but in the world I can only see.
246 · Jan 2016
Soul
Xnihilo Jan 2016
Deep into the shadows of the whispering cold
comes into life the talks of the old,
along they shout such tales to be told,
of beauty, of lies--what madness unfolds,
and the form that they take, and the faces they hold,
devised a reflection to capture my soul,
the one thing that matters, the sole thing I'm owed,
would not have been mine were I not so bold.
245 · Nov 2015
So they say
Xnihilo Nov 2015
They say when your heart is broken,
the heart dies,
that is just a lie to heal a moment,
the truth is, the heart is well alive,
it sprouts like a tree, oozing blood, pain, and torment
you pretend you don't feel; you pretend you are petrified,
but you feel it: every stab, every burn, every torn tendon

So is Cupid's trickery,
so is the curse of love:
an immortalized heart to spend eternity in misery.
243 · Nov 2015
Goodbye
Xnihilo Nov 2015
I've tormented myself to stay afar
I rode the night with nothing but the stars
and a current of pulsating regrets
those I deeply fear I will not soon forget

I'm growing weary of this immortal loneliness
But everything I utter is rendered a mess
May I hear a last song to cure my strife?
your sweet melody, your divine light

Tell me I have lost
show me how much happiness cost
make me a soulless corpse
and I will forever flee from your thoughts
I think I'm done with sad stuff. Even I'm starting to get tired of it.
241 · Nov 2015
Who are we?
Xnihilo Nov 2015
In bullying noise, I was forced to grow into a boy.
There, I learned that truth and lie are the same,
Like the great Sphinx-a beast with my face.

That's the kind of world we are left to live in,
where to survive another day, we must hide deeper what's within:
the faceless smiles on the face of servers; the fake words spoken to make clever, and the grand gestures to buy favors.

I am not perfect, and I hate the word,
but at least I'm honest; at least my visage reflects the world.
235 · Jan 2019
Can It Be
Xnihilo Jan 2019
Can it be?
Can she be?
And me?
Can I see?
Quite as well as she sees me?
Or will it flee,
In some deep, dark side of me?
Or can she be...?
And me...?
Will I... finally be free?
Or...will I be the same old me,
Wondering what she can be?
233 · Dec 2015
Always And Forever
Xnihilo Dec 2015
We're not in love,
in fact, we despise the word,
and if we ever come across it,
we surely will slay it,
together,
always and forever

We found something better,
something free without a master,
something that understands the age of time,
something stronger than love's fever,
each other,
always and forever
231 · Dec 2015
Comedy 1
Xnihilo Dec 2015
I'll take what love you have to give, if even temporary,
I'll do anything to tame this murderous worry
I'm tired of the sorrow that mount,
Into a tidal wave to take me nowhere but down

While all I see in descend are happy faces,
Which inspires my belief that happiness must be a racist

For what cruelty would deny my kind, monsters, life's prime luxury,
Nothing but happiness, like a guitar without strings,

While there it is in my existence,
Yet so far out of it that it seems an illusion

In the end, all I can do is laugh,
At life's horrid joke on my behalf
229 · Jan 2016
Ascension
Xnihilo Jan 2016
If you search, you will not find me,
and these words, you will never read,
my weary voice, you will never hear,
my warm touch, you will never feel
until when I die, do not shed a tear
228 · Dec 2015
Together
Xnihilo Dec 2015
I met a bird that couldn't fly,
and a fish that couldn't swim;
I met an owl that hated the night,
and a bee that couldn't sting,

And they all asked me, "why?"
I said, "because some of us are made of the broken parts of our better,"
so they asked, "Then how do we get by?"
I answered, "maybe if we stick together,"
and we all laughed so hard, we cried.
227 · Nov 2015
Reaper
Xnihilo Nov 2015
I never wanted to be me;
My skin, it kills,
and my glare cuts deep.

I never wanted to reap,
whether to oblivion or divinity.

all I've ever wanted was to be free,
to make my own path; to be just me.

But life has ****** me to see cruelty feed,
to strip me of mourn, to strip me of fear.

So I pray and hope when end is near,
my fate as death will disappear.
224 · Jan 2016
Philosopher King
Xnihilo Jan 2016
I am nothing,
I know nothing,
all I see is changing,
all that lives is dying,
until the sun is done giving
223 · Sep 2019
#1
Xnihilo Sep 2019
#1
What a pity to be so undone
The greatest of tragedies to be unsung.
With each step weighing the weight of ten suns.
Finally I got the message; I’m done.
221 · Nov 2015
Powers that be
Xnihilo Nov 2015
I'm not insane,
I'm just in pain
not the kind that hurts, however, the kind that stains
and washes us away like blood in a heavy rain
but we all go on pretending we were born to reign,
to forget our life is meant to live and die in vain,
a truth made all too plain
by Adam's sons, Abel and Kane

So see, I'm not insane, for it's all been written,
from the beginning, we were born beaten,
and the powers that be, the big fat men,
they all laugh and call us heathens
219 · Nov 2015
To the end
Xnihilo Nov 2015
We are all being hunted,
so, we run through time,
tripping who we were behind.

quickly, we stretch  our existence,
with foolery to save what's weakened.

But even then, even there, the rider follows,
gracefully hopeful to fill what's hollowed.

She is a reminder that all things, even pain, fades,
and we... well, our turn is long awaited.
213 · Feb 2016
Let Not
Xnihilo Feb 2016
Let not kindness cause you harm,
or the threat of loneliness make you calm,

Let not fear break your heart,
when true love comes to see your faults,

Let not their opinions shape your form,
to rage through life as a crashing storm,

and finally, let not flaws be your cause,
accept reality, and take what's yours
212 · Nov 2015
Moon dance
Xnihilo Nov 2015
Talk to me loud; talk like you're not stone.
Let sing these words cluttering your bones.
Talk to me again and again and again.
Play that song in your heart til god see it banned.
Dance that dance you dance,
that smile under the moon that makes me want to sin.
Fill my heart with this danger.
Make love not my stranger,
and I am yours forever.
204 · Jan 2016
Hound Of The East
Xnihilo Jan 2016
come one, come all to the tale of the east,
where stayed a great hound who did nothing but eat,
so all of it's foes thought it a simpleton beast,

when finally captured, the people rejoiced,
to later realize it hadn't a choice,
to be what it is, and pretend to be lost,
with a terrorizing roar to serve as its voice.
Cries for help are rarely properly heard, so listen closely, please.
196 · Nov 2015
Worried
Xnihilo Nov 2015
If you're worried about me,
don't worry about me.
you see, I'm almost home,
and I've grown an addiction for being alone.
When mistress love draws too close,
remember, I was baptized in fire to cleanse my soul.

I poisoned my mind to think clearer,
I stabbed my heart to see the meaning of deader,
so no, let's not play the game "who's crazier,"
cause whatever you do, I promise you, I'll do better.

When your lips begin the words, "I miss..."
allow me, it was you who left me dismissed
so don't worry about me, love
even when it seems I'm falling from above
I'm not, I'm just flying upside down,
so you don't see me frown
192 · Nov 2015
Freedom
Xnihilo Nov 2015
I know I promised I would call,
but i'd rather you believe me a liar than a coward,
and I'd rather have you hate me than control me.

I read your letter;
I could hear your words in it,
they were beautiful, as usual,
but no longer enchanting.
I know your game:
you're scared to be alone, so you cast a spell to drag me along.
But I broke it, your intoxicating...
your addicting taste.

I still have the collar,
the one you had bound my neck.
I guess some venom never leave the blood,
some memories never leave the mind.

— The End —