Everything is a lie when it comes to me
I guess sometimes the truth is just hard to see
But really I'm just living my life in agony
Hoping things will get better when you're not around
But here I am banging my head on the ground
Trying to Crack the code

Words filled with lies crawl out of the swamp that is your ****** mouth.
Pouring out one after another
Following the instructions of your evil mind
We have all fallen prey to your wicked propaganda
It has filled our minds with lies hidden behind beautiful words that lure and entice our attention in order raise chaos within the system
Your words are sharp and edged with lies,
Lies that cut deep as I watch the vein bleed
For they have no meaning in a mind like mine
I am one
Of many words
But I am few
Of many lies

I'm going mad
And
No one belives it.
I'm always sad
And
Everyone sees it.
Although I am
The only one
Who feels
It.
Pain surrounds me
I feel everything
But free.
I've held myself down
And
Oppressed my own mind.
I've tried fighting it
But the battle within only moves to hurt
Me and not you.

I am alone
we are alone
Alone in the world
alone in our minds
through withered spirits
And broken hearts
we are pushed away
forced to be alone
forced to die
as we live and breathe
We have no choice
we must suffer
but I
must suffer Alone

I never saw it coming
Everything was fine
I was kinda happy
could've been
A lot better
But
Then it all fell apart when
I was diagnosed with cancer
First I lost the ability to live a normal life
Then I lost my mind
Then I lost my feelings
Now I am lost in hope of finding myself.

Tonight I dream,
But tomorrow i awaken.
I lay dowm in hopes of seeing you, but I seem to forget the the pain you bring.
Is it I who has mistaken your kindness for affection.
Or you
Who has mistaken my affection for kindness.
Either way we are both stranded on the dangerous island of love.
We endure the conditions of it day in and day out.
Bright warm steamy days,
Dark lonesome nights filled with wanderlust and pain.
I only seek to know where you are
when my love is vein.

I feel cursed to be who i am,
Because no one seems to enjoy my presence.
I am utterly alone in this life.
I feel like I bother you and everyone I attempt to converse with.
I feel like the insignificant spec of dust, but not even the wind cares to ******* away.
I'm just cursed to rot here alone, where no living soul can hear my lonesome moan.

But as I begin to lose hope in my attempts to communicate, I find you.
A girl
Who has for so long trapped herself im my mind.
But you my dear seem to ignore me
The same way everyone else does.
Few understand my pain.
Few understand the lonsosme nights i spend begging for sleep.
The days become restless and the curse continues,
To tear me apart
And leave me stranded
With a shattered heart.

There will always be a part of me set aside for you.
Alone in my heart
Alone in my mind
There it is dying only for you
There it is
Hoping that one day you will see
The painful daze you left me in
There it is
As you walk past me
And fake a smile.
And there I am.
A hopeless romantic
A bitter fool for you
A lost cause in the eyes of society.
And then there's you...
At times you seem to never leave my mind
You wander through my dreams
You are in every tear i shed.
You are the blood inside my heart
You are the thoughts in my head as i end the day and realize that part of me is all about you

At the time it probably seemed like a good idea.
But believe me when I say that in  time you shall regret it.
And there a crowd will stand
Saying "I told you so."
You may feel a sense a satisfaction when it's all over.
But either way in the end, many will still fail to realize
That we were only killing ourselves.

Today the sun shines bright and as it falls to the sky is illuminated with wonderful lights
Magic fills the air
And we are all happy.
Nothing is wrong
But
Nothing is right.
But for tonight everything is at ease

Things are changing O' so rapidly,
My life is running through the list of possible situations I could be placed in,
And I feel that I am being placed in the best places.
At times it seems foolish or nerv
Wrecking, and over all difficult
But I push on
I fight the battle
Because I have been low before
And at a low one forgets the high.
But when at high, one forgets how low things can be.
But I will not forget.
I will always remember the low.
I will remember the low is beneath me.
But I know the High is within grasp.
And no longer shall I settle for the low.

Life is falling apart
And my mind is everywhere.

Your love for me is like my love for life;
I pretend it's there but we both know it isn't

If only she would turn around and smile
if only she would look me in the eyes
Then she would see the tender soul with In me
Hoping only for a chance at happiness

But the truth is she ignores me
she never thinks of me
and she never will....

For quite some time now
My life has been
Centered
On
One thing.
A girl.

A girl that has made me laugh, smile, think, and cry.
I laughed as she humored me
I smiled as we shared our similarities
I thought as she opened my eyes with her strong words.
And I cried when she said it all meant nothing to her.

But maybe she lied.
Maybe she still listens to the Zeppelin Cds I gave her for Christmas.
Maybe she thinks about me durring Led Zeppelin 1.
Maybe then she understands what she put me through.
But I still wonder How many more times
she'll do the same thing again.

I dream about her a lot.
Not as much as I use to, but I still do.
Except before she was in my dreams.
Now she is in my nightmares...

Before she would smile and hold my hand.
But now she stands there laughing as I suffer from a broken heart.

Night after night there she is watching me toss and turn.
If she would talk to me I would ask her, When?
When will she let me wake up in peace?
When will she love me?
NEVER.

My mind is tired of all the stupid things people think I care about.
My mind is lost because of the pointless problems I stress over.
My mind hurts me by thinking of girl that refuses to even look at.
My mind tells me to do it, to pull the trigger of that 32. Revolver and just let the problems of my mind ooze out.
My mind weighs the options everyday and I find myself lost because I want to die but a part of me stil thinks that she cares.
But I know nothing matters anymore.
The girl I love passes me by and looks away in disgust.
My Father talks to me like I'm some kind of prince, But in reality I'm just a useless stoner.
My Mother hates me for trying to protect her.
She says that she never wants to ******* see me again
My Brother is sewing the sseeds of evil and is throwing his entire life away.
My mind doesn’t care about anyone, not even me.
My mind just keeps telling me death is the only way out, and I want out **NOW

It feels great in the moment
The moment when you are having a dream and
she shows up.
Every thing is forgotten the moment she shows up
And tells me everything is okay
Because she was wrong
And as accept her with open arms

I wake up.
From the hell that is, my imagination
And I begin to realize that she is really gone...

I don’t want to think about her anymore.
But I just can't seem to get her out of my head.
I know she never thinks about me,
so why am I always stuck with the thought of her?

Every day, she is there.
In my head
And it hurts, it hurts to know
That you and I have no future outside of my thoughts
Because in reality you ignore me
you see me and quickly look away,
and you dont know how much that ******* hurts
how much it hurts to be in love with a girl like you.
A girl who innocently prances around my mind and turns me into a nervous wreck.
why?
I curiously asked her
because I don’t want to hurt you
Well then why does my heart hurt the way it does?
because I must forget.
I must rid my mind of the thoughts she left behind!
But I can't
as much as I want too
*I just can't

We made eye contact today
It was an accident
We both tried avoiding it
But our blank stares collided
Normally this would have been great
But not this time
This time it was different
This time I saw hate in her eyes
Maybe the pain I once saw was caused by me
And now this is why
Her pain has come to hate me.

Why did it start?
To end in disaster.
Why did you end it like that?
To get away.
Why did you do it?
To be cruel.
Why do you insist on treating me this way?
Because I am love and
I am here to **** you.

My mind is hollow.
Why?, you ask,
Because of her.
She drove my mind to the point of insanity
All thats left is the thought of her.
The thought of her heavenly voice,
And all those exotic ideas she put in my mind
That is all my mind has time to process.

I saw her again today.
I had forgotten how beautiful she was.
Her long black hair
Her tired brown eyes
It hurt me when I looked at her and she looked away
I know its my fault, but why must she ignore me in such a cruel manner.
I still remeber when she said she didn't want to hurt me
But to this day all she has done is hurt me.
I know its foolish of me but
I still love her
Even after all the she put me through
I still love her
I just hope one day she'll love me
She better hurry before I give up on her.

My time has passed.
The chance I hoped for is now lost,
I lost my chance the same way I lost you.
Maybe I never had a chance, just like I never had you.
I mean theres nothing I can do to change your mind,
But I hope someday you change and we can finally be together.
I still think about you from time to time.
I think about those big brown eyes of yours
You said they were just eyes and I told you I saw so much more than just eyes.
Oh how I miss your sweet smile
and that adorable laugh of yours.
If only I could go back to the first day I met you
Before I knew that the time would pass me by so fast.

Heart torn apart. Blood dripping down my hand
 
But before it all happened you looked me in the eyes you saw innocence and kindness but like everyone else you were wrong. 

Although I may have loved you I just couldn't help myself.
That love I had for you would soon turn to hate and you would soon come to fear me for my evil ways. 
I tried to remain calm when I read the message but instead I snapped, and in spite of rage I killed you. 
You were the one thing I truly loved, but after it happened I began to hate my self. 
After I left you In a pool of blood, they tried to take me away for what I did but instead I took the easy way out...

I wish I could tell you the truth, but I'm afraid of what the truth might do to us.
I'm afraid to lose you, you're my last and only hope I have left in this world. 
Why?
Why do you treat me as if I'm not good enough for you?
Is it because I care?
Is it because I wish be there for you?
Or is it because you know that after what you did to me you don't deserve me?
What is it?
That is all I would like to know.

You say you understand, that you know what it feels like, but you don't know what I've been through.
How can you say you understand if you've never felt my pain? I've suffered the pain and frustration of love. But no matter how hard I try I know you'll never be mine. 
Was i foolish to believe that one day I would be able to hold you In my arms?
Of course I was, I just wasn't man enough to admit it to myself.
Even as I began to slip away I just couldn't possibly **** myself, my love for you just wouldn't let me.
But now I regret stopping myself, now that you see me as just another one of your slaves...

You and I see the world differently but we both make the same mistakes.
You judge me for who I am, but I judge you for who you're not.
Open to each others suggestion we form a bond of love and wisdom.
But I fear that soon this will end and we shall part.
Even after you brutally tore apart what we had, even now that you hate me, I still look back at the past and smile.
Was I wrong to believe that we could actually have a future together? 
I know you never loved me but I loved you and although you never cared for my love I gave you all I had to give.
I still remember when it happened. I'm sure you laughed as I cried. 
I'm sure my pain left you overjoyed. 
But even after my painful past I still cry when I think of what we could of had. 
I'm sure none of this matters to you, but I thought you should know how I felt before I ended it all for good......

They say that if you love something you must set it free.
Does this mean that I am stuck with everyrhing I hate?
Have I been forced to give up on love?
Or has your love for me turn to hate?
Could it be true?
Or is it just another one of your lies?

Think of the past when things were being destroyed. Remember how calm we were?
We didn't care we were free to die in peace. 
But now nobody respects us, now we're just things of the past. 
Remember when we used to say nothing could hurt us? When things were peaceful we were untouchable. 
But now peace is a thing of the past, an ancient myth, just make believe in a child's mind. 
Now we stand at the edge ready to jump and die for our freedom. 
But before You jump ask yourselves was it worth the pain, the suffering, what about the future. 
Without peace our only form of freedom is death.

How will this end?
Who will be there to stop us from ourselves when we once again become animals?
Will we be left to die in peace or will we live forever In this hell? 
I can't wait and die when I'm told to.
You expect me standby while you enslave the human race.
Well I refuse to live under your idiotic laws.
I wish to be free in this world and if death is the only way then I have no more words left to say.

I keep having these dreams they're starting to seem like nightmares.
Sometimes I even wonder if they mean something, but I know I'm wrong. 
Although I see the signs, I ignore them, I choose not to believe my thoughts.
I know the end is near, but what still confuses me is whether it's the end of our world or the end of my world.

Dare to live a life of freedom
Free your eenslaved mind and allow your life to change the world

Be free and the world will always except you
Be a slave and the world will hurt you
The opportunity is here
Take it and be yourself for once.

Life is hard, but life is not impossible
At this very moment we are all waiting for something
Something we have all heard of but never experienced, this something is death
Death is easy, you sit there and die.
No more decisions.
No more thoughts.
No more problems.
Just sorrow left in the hearts of your loved ones.
Which brings us to another very important aspect of life; love.
Love is difficult, difficult to find and difficult to keep, but why? Why is it all so difficult? Why is it that all of this is just so ******* difficult? Why is death so easy? So easy that if i wish to quit on life death is always there, but the problem is that i have never met death, therefore i can never be in love with death and If i am to spend an eternity with death i must first learn to love it.