Let’s stay this way.
Old white T-shirt stained with grass
     on the floor with the axe cologne lingering in my nostrils
Visit my hair with your fingertips
      don’t be afraid.
Eventually place your hand on my cheek
      to steady your lips as you give me a gentle kiss.

Look into my eyes
Oh! How I love looking into the oceans you carry
     My soul ventures with the intent of being lost.
Visit my arms and I will be the gravity
    holding you to my chest
        as you listen to our heart.
Eventually let’s stay in a position
     where one listens to our heart
         as we fall asleep.

Let your thoughts of the outside world
       Jump the tracks, fall into a river
            And drown.
Only the thoughts of you and me
       Should be kept from falling
            Should be kept
               On the tracks.
Visualize you and me, hand in hand, ring in ring,
        Just this visualization is needed nothing more.
Eventually the love between us will be greater than all

Let your heart direct your path not your mind.
Open your heart to new feelings but never close it to old.
Venture with your sleeves and your heart rolled up and take that plunge.
Eventually you will find the one you will love... eventually...

Left with nothing save a memory folded neatly in my pocket
Only this and nothing more.
Very slowly I take it out and feel the ruff edges and soft sides.
Every now and then I open it to see the rose that is drawn inside.

Left with nothing but a token of what could have been.
Only this and nothing more.
Volumes are spoken on this paper with every curve
Every line drawn.

Let it, I let it fill my heart with wanting and longing, let it shower me with the love I have
Only to feel my heart heavy with all the feelings I don't want but want.
Vexing this is, I don't understand it.
Every Time I see you I hold it close to me.

Is awkward.

One minute you are conjoined
lovers
You can't tell where one ends and the other begins

The next You were surgically removed
Ex's
One is off in the gym while the other is in the cafeteria

"love is a battlefield" they say
But they fail to mention that it is a blood bath of a war
They are careless to tell that in this war
Not only is your heart broken but you mind and your spirit also

They don't tell you about the hole that is left
The scar that has to be worn as a reminder of a battle lost
Or when two fight for the same prize
One is happy and wears the crown with triumph and pride
While the other is left to clean up the mess
The broken remnants of their heart
No all they say is "love is a battlefield"

You have to find out by yourself
That love is a war fought with handgrenades and missles
Fought with poisnious gases and deadly two-face spies
Love is a war fought fire with fire

They don't say that one might never be happy again
They don't say that one might feel as if life is over
No, all they say is "life is a battlefield."
The rest you must learn on your own.

Love is the blind man who wears sunglasses on his eyes
and holds his cup out, begging for money
He can't see who gives him money
but when he hears the coins drop and hit his cup
He is grateful

He can't tell if the money giver is dark as night
Nor can he tell if the money giver is plae as snow
All he knows is they took the time to
spare what they could give

As he uses his walking stick to tap the pavement
He hears the cup make the noise of joy
He thanks the giver and hears the sound of a baseball bat

He doesn't know if they bat for one team
or if they bat for the other
Or maybe they bat for both
But that doesn't matter they took their own money and gave him some

He walks some more and he continues
to hear money hit the cup
With each sound he gives a smile
A smile for every money giver
becasue he doesn't care who you are or what you do
He cannot see

He is the blind man
He is love

Lost in the night's arms
Only the chill of the winter
        reminds me
Vividly of memories
         Nicking at my heart
Eventually it will stop
           Right?

When we were children we would pluck flowers from the ground
We would rotate the flower and sigh deeply
We would pluck one petal and close our eyes
and say "_ Loves me" and our hearts would ring with happiness
We would see their eyes
See their face
then we would pluck the next petal
" Loves me not"

Our hearts would beat with sadness
With every pump making us cold
making us wonder why
Making us shed one tear

We would go back and forth
"_ Loves me"
"_ Loves me not"

A wish, a hope, a dream
This game, childish game would be played
Just to know
and When The last petal revealed a truth wanted
Nothing could ruin the feeling that was experienced

But when The last petal would reveal a truth not wanted
We would ball up the petals and the flower stem and throw them to the ground
Stomp on the ground and cry how cruel the world is

We would all play this game of Love me .... love me not
a  wish a hope a dream

There was a lover
Whose skin glowed and refelcted snow
whose eyes held the sea and a boat for the crossing
whose hair caught the suns gentle smile and waved
whose apperance was requested every night but only in the room of the others mind

Time and time again
I failed to conceal the love
That seeped through the cracks.

It trickled down, it
Flooded my thoughts and actions.
Love leaked through the cracks

Leaving me in awe.
Confessing all that I could
I let love run through.

The light petals of love's flower
spin in the air
dance in the air.
Entertaining all who watch them make their way down
into the hearts which are hungry for a piece of love.


They land gently
softly.
They land.

Devoured
Eaten
enjoyed.

Where does it come from?
This love so foregin
With is language hard to comprehend
and its ways so different from other feelings.
Where does it come from?

Love is a few words
written on white lined paper
Passed, Read, and Ignored.

Why do I still love you when you hurt me?
Is it because love makes you blind?
Covers the mistakes with clouds and mists
uses the blur when it sees them kiss?

I want to let it all go
let the cards fall where they may
Let the dust settle where it wants
but I can't
Love won't let me.

I love you
I like you.
I want you.
to hold and cherish
to love.

I never thought that I would be loving at a distance
Never thought those blue eyes would be a blur
My heart cracked when you almost kissed him
It Broke every time when you kissed her

I was a fool to believe you could love me
I felt my heart crawl back to safety
I was a fool to stand from a far and see
you wrap you arms around her
And believe it was me.

I was in love with you
But only from a distance
The gap between us grew.
The hole in the sweater that couldn't be mended

There is no blame to be thrown around
No angry words to be directed at any one but me

I was a fool.
A fool who believed that anything was possible
A fool on cloud nine.
A fool from a distant.

I heard them songs you's been singin'
Them low time lonely kinda blues
I heard them songs you's been singin'
As you've been tuggin on them shoes
It ain't no problem to have them low time blues
Only, make sure to tug em right them holey worn shoes.

Now, how comes ya hollerin' 'bout someone done done you wrong?
Just take all them feelings in ya heart and turn them into song.
How comes ya writin lyrics with voodoo curses to cut like knives?
Just wish 'em a blessed day and go on with ya life.

I heard them songs ya been singin
and I says time to change up the tune.
I heard them songs ya been singin
You low time lonely kinda blues.

We must feed faith
to have hope.
We must feed hope
to have love.

Picked the card I had
But you didn't pick my heart.
Out of all the magic tricks you could do
You have yet to pull my heart from all the hearts in your deck.

My heart, the delicate glass, broke and the pieces flew out of my ****** hands.
All my time was wasted, all my smiles, my "how are you's", my wishes wasted
K, I feel okay you know I won't let my distaste my "Oh hell NO" show
Everyone deserves happiness right? Yeah so I will leave you 'lone



Moving on, they said and you know I did
Eventually I did

Mama please sit down
I have something to say
Mama, I'm Gay.

Mama, I've known for some time
It's something I've grown to accept
and it's something I've kept.

Mama, why do you scream?
Why all this yelling, this casting blame?
Don't you know that I'm the same?

Mama, don't cry, please don't cry
So many tears have already been shed
One my pillows and on my bed.

Mama, I wanted you to know
Out of love this action was taken
And No my dad didnt touch me and I'm not mistaken.

Mama, why would I choose this life
Knowing what I feel at the moment
And how I experience torment.

Mama, I can never change
No amount of praying or saying
Can change what's inside me.

Mama, Please sit down, Take a breath
I am sorry if I am not what you prefer
But I ask you to think it over.

Mama, I've done what's needed
Can you let me back into your heart
Or will your ignorance keep us apart?

Mama , the weather outside speaks hunger.
The air whispers in syllabic groans
as it holds my bloated stomach.
I've seen the sun with cheeks full of food
but it wastes the food  by ejecting globs at my face
whenever I gaze upon it.
Perhaps the air can carry me through this winter.
Perhaps I can go to sleep.

Depending where he goes
He might feel empty with no love to quench his thirst
Or he Might feel as if his heart is swollen and will burst.

He walks along the street drenched with the tears of the World
The howls push against his face and feels the love, more like the lack of.

He walks along the street filled with the syrup of the morning dew
and Warmed by the ray's of the Sun above
He feels no lack of love.

And it's as if the universe wanted to be cruel
and take her away.  No, she is not dead but I feel her leathery soul crumbling as the walls stand tall and block her from reaching my outstretched hand. I fidget, tremble while applying my mascara and the brush falls into the sink. ****, No, I won't ..cry.... and I see her growing distant drowning in the black rivers. ****....I didn't even say ....good- but I shake my head from that thought. God I am a mess staring into the mirror but then my side feels a pressure and my neck arouse in her memory...****....Ummm.....No, NO. Where is she anyway.....and why are my rivers black.....thats right mascara....

I wear  my insensitivity along with my silence well.
Under those materials No one can tell
That I am messed up inside.
Or can they?

The truth is
I  greater than like you
But less than love you
I am in the middle

This math circles me 'round
I don't know if I should add 20 or take away 20
I don't know if I should multiply by a 100 for the kind words you say
Or If I should divide by 100 for making me feel like crap

Should I square or find the square root
Find The Cosine or the Sine
Divide by 2 because you might love me halfway
or just multiply by zero cause your love is not there

I don't like this Math Problem
This Math Problem of love

Maybe it was the poison I fed myself everyday?
"With time it will fade and become a shadow leaving 'fore the sun comes"
Maybe it was the crazy notion I mixed in my potions
"bury the past, hurry up fast, never look back"
Maybe it was me all along?
Maybe, Just maybe....

Hmmmmmm
This could work
Could be
Could happen
This could actually work

Maybe it should have been me and you holding hands
Holding each other as we sleep
But then again maybe not

Maybe it should have been us exchanging rings, saying "I do"
Till death do us part
But then again maybe not

Maybe this
Maybe that
Maybe we were meant to think of what could have been
But then again maybe not

The yonder blue hills were covered in white.
I, I pulled the present closer and tight.
What lingered behind was bitter and cold.
All those memories dark tainting my soul.
The memories melted leaving me parched
like snow on a Sunday sometime in march.
The night before I 'tempted to collect
but like all my thoughts I tend to forget.

And then I lost myself in your meadows
  A foolish thing to do.
I took in the scent of flowers petals
   A foolish thing to do.
I warmed at your Sun's "hello"
  A foolish thing to do.
Why I fell for this fellow?
   He had a pleasant view.

The point of making one
is not to make the same mistake
even if you want to.

M
I    X
     E
D

Fe
   e l
i  n g
         s
You say

Give you some space to breath

Well I can do that
I can do just that

S          P                  A                    C             E




B                  R              E             A                  T              H             E            
  



Do you still have mixed feelings ??

Maybe I am a monster , one who wears the sheep's skin
         When in truth I am a creature with no heart
          When in truth everything I touch turns into ashes
Only people don't see me as such, I am the angel
           To them I sing only harmonic tunes not demonic
            To them I can never be the demon that I am
Nothing I say or do will make them heed my warnings
            They are drawn to the light that is mixed in with the darkness
             They are drawn to my "Good mornings" for one who greets will never hurt.
Sometimes, though, I am not a monster nor a demon brought from hell
               I help those in need with all my strength
               I help those in need in hope my evil with be negated by the good I do.
This notion brings comfort late at night when my past settles in my dream
                 Waking me with such discomfort that I jolt up throwing the past out of my head
                  Waking me with such agonized discomfort that I drenched the bed with my body's tears.
Ever wondered if you are a monster? Everyone is at some point or are they?
                   Are there actual human beings who escort evil out the door without a disrespecting word?
                   Are there actual human beings who turn the other cheek and even let evil do veil things to
                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                    Them.
R*etrospectively, I am a monster one with the sheep's skin draped over my darkness
                            Only people disregard what's inside and look at my good side.
                             Only people don't understand, as much as I am angel
                                                          I am A monster

Why must my thoughts flee leaving me with no words to my defense whenever you come near?
Why must  my knees fail at their post leaving me with no way to get away when ever you come near?
Why must my heart shatter, cut my arteries but then be reassembled heated with your non love whenever you come near?

I
There are more colors than
Just seeing black or White

II
Inbetween there are other colors
Than just black or white.

III*

Different Colors make a protrait
Not just black or white

The morning rain
fills  the room with cold whispers of love
He tried to ignore it all but
the echoing of the metal being struck
induced the feelings to come in a rush.
D
r
i
p
p
i
n
g
     against his will.

When the lyrics of a song
   Carry not a meaning
        When the symbolism of the melody
              Starts to fade into the notes.
                      When a song is just that a song
                             You've Moved on.
                                                ....But the love is still there

So you are not that way
The way you raised your voice made it clear
But why do I feel like the words spoken were more of fear
than anything else

Just so you know my heart you did play
But I will not bring myself to cry tears
Nor Will I cry that you weren't a fellow queer
or at least bi

I will ask around for someone else
And will try to look at my options more
And you might be a little sore
Reminding me that I still like you

But I will try to ignore be strong within myself
What kind of love Am I looking for?
For someone to stand with me and not hide behind the closet door
If there is a door to hide behind

Music frees the soul. It takes the soul on a journey where everything seems to be different yet the same. Up is down and yet down is still down. Music allows the feelings to seep through your cracks and attach themselves to the beat and melody. Music frees the soul. It frees my soul.

I was saved by  
The notes that were passed on high and low
The beats that vibrated my body right and left

I was saved by
The emotion invested in words
The stories I wrote with passion

I have a dream
A dream that seems not to far our there
It doesn't touch the stars or the moon
It touches the horizon

It's a balloon losing air
Slowly coming towards me
And I anxiously wait for it to fall before my feet

This dream is what most people dream of
They think of every detail
Who to invite
Should they use Red Tulips or White roses
Should  they use chocolate icing for the cake or just plain white

My dream is a bit different
Sure I dwell on the details but they are nothing
I could care less if we have a cake
I could care less if we had roses falling behind us as we said our vows

My dream is that I can say two words
To words that will bind me to one person for life
For better and for worse

I know that in some states that I can go
Find that one guy and get married
But I want to be able to get married and it be recognize everywhere
I want to be able to say to strangers "This is my husband" in every corner of the world

This dream is not far fetched it is slowly occurring
A snail but I can wait for that dream to come true
For it to be known that Marriage is the one way to show love
A commitment of two people who love each other

Under the stars
Beyond the woods with their whispers and taunts
Lies my Heart in the well.

I dropped it there
for the well is deserted
No human makes their commute beyond the woods.

The cold waters caressed my heart until it grew warm and use to the water.
The light gave a view of the walls and I was content.
The walls were wet and covered in slime.
No one would want to crawl in here to save it.
that's what I want.

Insects swim along side the walls trying not to drown
Trying not to be in death's hands.
my heart will not be ever in death's hands
They made a pact.
As long as my heart is in the well
Away from love
Death will keep it alive.

I have waited for a long time
With my Heart hanging by a thread.
Barely hanging on I could feel the cool air chilling my heart freezing the blood.

But now you pulled my heart in and covered it with your arms keeping it warm
I no longer have to wait
No longer feel cold
Not with you at my side

Let my words warm you
Let my arms protect you now
Let my love save you.

I am here for you
So why not use me tonight
As the pillow you will kiss.

Let my love warm you.
Let my love protect you now
Let my love save you.

My love for you is like Violin dubstep
Starting out slowly moving effortlessly as if I were in space
Then it hits with  a bang

Pushing me right
Pushing left
Makes me drop
Makes me rise
Oh , my love for you makes my feet come to life

I get lost in the Rhythm
One Beat
Two beats
Four beats and more
Pulls and plucks my heart string back and forth

Yes , my love for you is like Violin Dubstep
This senstaion that I get is nothing but ecstasy
Winding me up for the big finale
LOVE Oh love is Violin Dubstep

His name is on the tip of my tounge
It held an angelic, harmonic sound
as if a bell or two were rung.

His name floats around somewhere in my mind
Ran away when he left for morning
Searched my clouded head but I cannot find

His name. What was his name?
Perhaps its hidden amongest the tangled sheets
I cannot remeber I'm in shame

What was his lovely name?

And I heard the whispers in the night.
Whispers that came from within.
Your name was barley audible but I understood that my heart was crying.
Repeating your name.

We walked side by side with the leaves whispering with each other.
Talking the length of our walk.
I don't think you saw that my smiles
were Morse code.
The wider they were, the toothier they were, it meant
"I like you."

Naturally I would have grabbed your hand
Naturally I would have leaned in and let the aromas not be carried by the wind by breathing you in
Naturally I would have pulled you close, felt your breath become quick
felt your heart be the drums in your ribcage band
Kiss those lips and smile again.

Naturally That's what I would have done.
But Naturally I can't.

I hear the leaves as the wind strums through them.
They all vibrate, humming, churning the air.

I hear the trees hit the low notes
Groaning a long peaceful note.

The river's drops jump everywhere
ding, Ding Ding
Hitting all the rocks lightly, softly, swiftly.