As we talk the heart which belongs to another begins to protest.
I try to ignore the scorning pulse throughout my veins as i type in the words to tell him about my day.  
He doesnt know that the heart is already taken but that doesn't matter Why must I suffer when I can have something better.

I am confused (O.o) I just don't know what to say
What was that (\O.o/), Yesterday?
I heard and now feel conflicted
I Was given and feel even more conflicted
WHat is going on?
What is happening?
I need an answer but don't know how to approach it. :/

How can you look at me
   With those cool ocean eyes?
Whenever you do
   It hits me every time.
I get lost in your seas
   With unrequited waves
hitting me
drowning me
There's no way to save
   No way to save
There's no way to save
It's this heart's demise
It hits me every time
Those cool ocean eyes.

I sit and wonder if you think of me
I wonder if you have me in your dreams.
Do you talk as if I am there?
and tell me that you really care.
Have you lost yourself in thoughts of me and you
Thought of how we could make it through.
Do you kiss the pillow convincing yourself that its is me?
Do you look at my picture every night?
Do you miss those days when you hugged me?
Do you regret not telling how you really felt?

If you do, then me and you are the same.

Take a deep breath.
Now let it out.
Count to ten
Count again.
Smile dont let it quiver
Start to walk, walk away.
Count to ten
Count again

Can you hear the voices?
Rippling around in my head
Are you sure you can't hear them?
You do! You do! I know you do!

Can you smell those sweet words?
Ruffling up your ears and nose,
After you tasted the sounds a silence makes.
Yes! I do, I do, I do


Celebrate with me, the rebirth of death
Reach for... Wait! what was that?
At the corner there is a man you say?
Yes there is! RUN, RUN RUN!!! HAHAHA

Crazy? no, no, no no, no,  not crazy
Restless Yes, but never crazy
AH! There goes another voice beckoning me to retreat to my mind
Your voice is being drowned by it , So I bid thee ado, farewell,  good bye

Can you hear the voices? The forsaken voices( That crowd us)?
Rippling around the spaces between us.
Are you sure you can't hear them? They speak to you as well as me.
You do! You do! I know you do!

Can you smell those sweet words, they sent to our scentless ears,
Ruffling and echoing in your nose?
After you tasted the sounds silence made just for us.
Yes I do, Oh I do and so do you.

Celebrate the rebirth of our memories death.
Reach for what's left before they dissipate into nothing.
At the corner is that a man? Who comes to haul and imprison my sanity
Yes it is! RUN! RUN! RUN! Hahahaha, It's only my mind projecting what I fear.

Crazy? No, no, no, no, no Not crazy.
Restless yes, Inventive maybe, but never never ever crazy.
Ah! There's a friend beckoning, telling me to retreat to the safety of my mind to rest until I am lucid.
You should too, rest until you are lucid. We must do what the voices tell us.

A field of flowers
   will never remain absolute in purity

Cupid, you fool
You devil in disguise
You are not the god of love
Torture is your tool

You shot your arrows
and hit me but the rest
Hit him not, and you didn't want to waste another
So he doesn't love me but I love this fellow

He loves me not and you could have made him
You could have nicked his heart like you did mine
But No, Cruel Cupid, You ignored my pleas
Ignored them with no attention
Can't you see this love does shine
If he cannot love then spare me

Cupid spare me from this torture
Spare me from this unwanted wanted love
Take my heart and undo your magic
Spare me, Cruel Cupid
undo what's done

He shot from the sky high above the clouds and found his mark
Shot through the middle, cupid’s arrow pierced my heart
Cruel Cupid, the arrow struck and caused me to fall onto the ground
My head was hit and, no stars but your face circled me round.

My soul melted, my heart burned with cupid’s love spell
You are the one for me and I know that to be true
I want you but if I can’t then oh well
Cupid’s arrow made me love you

Etching the pencil deeper, tearing the skin.
Engraving the pain onto some visible canvas
The paper screams what I want to scream
Cussing and yelling words I dont say often
The blood doesnt trickle run, or smudge.
It stays stationary blood.
I carve the words, bleed the paper
and will continue to do so
so i wont cut myself

I love you; those words were spoken with honey
But I could not allow it to pull my heart
Though sugar coated those words were
I knew that you were lying to me

A touch you gave sent chills of warmth
But hidden in that touch was not love but deception
A hidden agenda you had but what?
Do I stay or do I go forth?

**** love for it blinds me
Causes me to see past what I shouldn’t
Makes me melt when I should stand firm
**** you love, this shouldn’t be

I don’t know anymore as I listen to your angelic voice
Falling hard for you, afraid of hitting stone
Can’t find the power to resist, This love is powerful
I feel like my hands are tied like there is no choice

**** this love for what it puts me through
Ecstatic to see you but then I cry
For I want you to be with me
Oh, **** this love that made me love you

And we danced all night
with our hearts entangled in feelings
That neither of us could explain.

The lights illuminated your face.
My face.
Your eyes.
My eyes.

And it was something in that moment
that ignited a spark.

We grew closer.
Our bodies  pressed together.
And.......
It was just another dream.

DANG IT!
I still care
I still dream
And I even started to put your hat in my book Bag again

Your hook is in deep and it won't come out and I won't let it out
SHAME ON ME!

Your blue eyes reel me in
Your little hugs make my back tingle
DANG IT!!!!
I STILL WANT YOU

Hehehe I can't believe I am like this
One mintue I don't want you
The next You are mouth watering
Like a white Cookie with Blue M&M;'s

I still like you
GOD!!!!!
UHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
**** IT TO HEAVEN
DANG IT this heart wants you badly

And then the light went out.
With darkness on top of me I crawled towards the door.
With darkness around me I strained as my arm reached for the ****.
With Darkness beside me I gritted my teeth and turned.
With darkness laughing at me I failed.
Darkness consumed me.

Darkness consumes this world and not because the Sun runs away into the other part of the Earth every night.
No, this world consumed by darkness because of the people who live on it. They themselves are covered in evil with it seeping  through their pores and polluting their minds.
The only hope that this world has, to see more light amongst the dark, is if people start to realize that having evil run through their veins is the most evil anyone can do.
Until then this world will be forever veiled in Darkness.

Death came knocking on my bedroom door.
Death was welcomed a long distant friend, so I let Death In.
Let death in with one implore
"Lead me to where I must be, Lead me swiftly to my End."

And the hand of Death soothed your pain.
Death rested his handed, reassured you that it would be easy to go to the next life.

Not Seen, Not heard
Rather not see him nor hear
as he drowns and chokes on his tears
Chose not to speak, No, won't say a word

In the clutches of death
With his white bony fingers rattling
As he grabs a hold of the boy

Death is now the parent
Not the other one
Who chose not to pay any mind

Death's winter hand touched my heart.
He held it turning my blood to ice.
He took it with him and left.
I was left with no heart.
Left empty.

Throw you onto the wall
Clasps on your hands with a firm touch
Prevent escape with my body upon yours
and kiss you

I am on the bed
With my hand upon your chest
My lips on your head.

You wrap your arms 'round
As you whisper sweet nothings
As you keep me bounded

Bite gently my neck
As you trace my happy trail
Then take a rain check

Then leave out the door
As you kiss gently my lips
Leave me wanting more

He holds me with love
I hold him with love
The exhaustion takes over
Now we need to sleep.
Or
Maybe have more fun?

How has it come to this?
A book once vibrant in cover and fluent in language
Now tattered and dropped into a recycle bin.
I can hear them now,
The many in the landfills and recycle plants
“Judge me not by my remains but by my essence.”
But we discard based on looks and physical holes in plots.
We ignore the beauty of language and character development
For pristine copies of the new
When sometimes
The old would have worked just as well.
A book once vibrant in cover and fluent in being
Now tattered and forgotten.
How has it come to this?

The distance today traveled by my heart matched my calloused feet.
The roads where many while my tired heart never had time to sleep.
With every love and ever feeling
every touch
and
every sensation
My heart traveled that same as my feet.

Does it ever stop?
The overflowing of blood as the shards slice open the arteries of your heart?
The constant drying of the puddles of salt saturated tears?
The scattered painful memories sprinkled here and there throughout your day?
Does the pain ever stop?

They sing as if there was a song,
A joyous song to sing.
But with them dangling in the wind and me knowing the truth
I know they harmonize a somber tune.

Numbers and names get lost in the wind
and some are forgotten
A somber, forgotten tune.

The thought of you gone is a thought I hate.  
For you gone is like my heart is missing.    
But you chose to go and make your mistake,
So tonight it's not you I'm kissing.        
Did you even think of what I would say?
Or what I would do after I found out?
Lusted after ones who would never stay,
You decided to take a different route.
But pull the brakes, stop the spinning now.      
Though I despise the thought of you not here,
I rather have nothing and him with thou  
Than you lusting 'round while you call me "Dear".
So let me tell, This love I had was true
But like a distraught bird, it done and flew.

Do not let them see
The jagged pieces you hold
For blood might scare 'em

Sometimes it's too much
For a broken heart to be
Seen all tattered up.

Do not let them see
Your blood shot drained of tears eyes
For loss might scare 'em

Sometimes it's too much
For the rivers to be seen
Drained of love and soul.

Don't take me for granted cause I may let you fall
may let your undoings consume you.

Don't ignore that I might be losing patience  cause I may just let go
And watch you stagger to keep your balance.

Don't  acknowledge I'm there and then keep going
Cause I may just ignore your presence completely

Don't expect me to turn around to wave good bye
Cause no Goodbye is worth saying or waving

Don't forget that I can leave it all behind
And never
Not once
Not even a twitch of my neck
look back

The cold morning air taunted us while we waited.
I took a seat, book in hand and used the words to block out the outside world known as my reality.
I was quite content with how the words seem to wrap themselves around me, warm me, love me then I heard my name.
My name is the only thing that can take the words, twist the words, and break the words so they may come down, no longer able to protect me.
“I keep forgetting that you are gay, you don’t act it.”

Maybe it’s because when words are not enough to keep others out I flip the switch and act straight.
Maybe it’s because I know that expressing my true inner feelings could get eyebrows to raise and eyes to glare, could get people to snicker and laugh behind my back and have their hands protect the words that they let drain into others ears.
Maybe it’s because at home one dim glow of light in any shape or form could make my shoulder freeze as my mother turns to her phone trying her best to ignore me.
Maybe it’s because at school one friend might be the same as me but when their parents arrive I need to protect them like a mother bear protecting the young.
Maybe it’s because I like the things that I do, the things I say, the way I walk, the way I talk, the way I sing, the way I laugh, the way I smile at romance.
Maybe it’s because that’s just the way I am.

Don't leave me behind as you walk out the door
Don't leave me behind sprawled on the kitchen floor
For the longest time I have had these feelings for you
But somehow my message was not getting through

Don't leave me behind as you turn the corner
Don't leave me behind as you go and love her
For the longest time I fought to ignore
But somehow I always wanted more

Don't leave me behind,
just don't leave me behind
For I want to always call you mine
For the longest time I have watched from a distance
So don't leave me behind please just listen

Hold me dont let me go
Dont let me fall into darkness
Tighten your grip on my heart
Dont wavry or loosen

I need you and want you
Dont ever let me go
You are my air, my water
you protect me from the cold

I love you more than the earth needs the sun
I love you
Dont ever let me go

Stop.
Don't.
Tell.
Me.

Stop.
Don't.
Say.
It.

No.
                     I. Don't. Want. It.
                        Don't. Need. It.
Shh.
Stay. Quiet.

You can take away the sun
So it won't shine to give warmth
You can take away the moon
So it won't calm the seas
You can take away the very air I breathe
So I can't draw in breath to live
But Don't take away my poems

You can beat me until purple shows
You can slap me till my skin is raw
You can shoot me in the heart
and rip it to sherds like it was made of paper
But don't take away my poems

My poems are my children
Made from my own mind
Made from my own hands
And even if one might be different from the other
They are still mine
My painful memories
My compliants about life
My sorrows
My joys

You can take away my identity
You can take away my very name
You can even make it that I don't live no more
and waste away in a field where I can't be found
But Don't take away my poems

Oh! the *** has been stirred with a lighting hands
The smoldering water and clumps of bubbles
Have been spilling in hopes to scald his hand.

Do you think of me when i think of you
Do you think of my eyes of when I think of yours
Do you think of my laugh when I think of yours
Do you think of me when I think of you

Last night I dreamnt  
I was a middle aged man running from the law.
The buttoned up shirt once white
Gasped and sighed with the wallowing of the wind.
It's tattered tongues trembled, trickling blood from a gaping hole in my chest.
And I caught my breath

Caught the specks of dust along the corners of my lips
Caught the murmuring of animals, the vagabonds of night
but not th-

And just like my dreams
Let the concept of myself
be nothing but dreams

The morning dogs whine about being let out
but I am too lost in my dreams to even care.
Hairspray and Vampires **** play on the TV
but remnants of my dream are what I see.

Lost in eyes that chill me over
Lost in the ice covered sea.
Lost in a dream state that let's me be
in an embrace as I rest on he.

I had the same dream before
Not in the same context
Maybe not in the same scenario

But The same thing happened

I kissed you and I still remember every detail
We were wrestling each other and you know in those movie scenes
Where the world seems to slow
And their faces seem to glow

That was what happened.

You were on top with your hat, it was the red and black  one
And I was on bottom smiling like a goofball and just having fun.

You leaned in slowly ever so slowly
Like time itself was slowing down for us
So we could enjoy the moment.

I got lost in your eyes
Got lost in the sea
Got lost and didn't want to return

You closed your eyes and I did mine
I was in darkness for a moment
But I could feel your warmth
And that was all I needed
For that particular moment

Then I felt your lips on my lips
And then I woke up and man did I give a Flying Flip!

Now you told that you had a dream
That you kissed me
I don't know what happened in your dream
I don't know what you felt
I don't know
But The same thing happened
You kissed me

It's funny how we had a similar dream

My need is to let my pen drip and let the puddles form letters. These letters find who they feel comfortable with like my hand searches for a pen or pencil because it feels comfortable with one. My right hand feels naked, feels as if a part of it has been cut away, if there is not a writing tool in its grasp or near its fingertips. I am sure the letters feel naked as well without the other letters to form words. The words move left, some push to get their spot on the right, until all are in their proper place and a story appears. But the problem is never what to tell though there is much to say. No the problem is how to share a story. Should I compose a book with a character’s flaws and misgivings and then he or she rises to the top? Or should I be very blunt, pluck one word from the endless word vine and let the letters run sideways? Or maybe just tell a story in the format of 5-7-5? Or just let my hand move to and fro until words no longer clog my head and cloud the insides of my eyes, until I empty for the day? However I tell my story, or the story of others, my pen, or whatever tool I use, will never dry. It will drip endlessly

I can't breathe.
Words flood my lungs.
I can't brea-
(dead)

Don't hug me or even do that smile
You really don't want to do that, I don't need to do that
Let's not make jokes with each other about liking each other
A girlfriend you have so please no more but I should tell myself that.
Not so sure that stopping is going to work. I just don't know. besides the Sugar cookie with Blue M&Ms; you are the only guy I actually like. so....

His lips tasted of regret but mine tasted of forgiveness.
When he looked into my eyes he knew I would forgive him.

Don't tell, say, speak words that
cause me to shake, shiver, vibrate in fear.

Show me love, affection, compassion
But don't show hate, distaste, dread.

Just I don't know, have a clue or an idea.
Eh