A whisper that is too far away, too far to be heard so it's lost in silence.
A fragment disconnected from a sentence, disconnected from thought forgotten and buried by other words.
A child who is left behind, struggling to keep up, stumbling and reaching out but is never acknowledged.
What's left after winds leave destruction in thier wake, ripping away the roots that hold things in place, leaving spaces that can never be filled.
Or
It's just a group of water droplets frozen before their prime, clumped together and 18,000 feet in the air.

Red
Is what I see when I feel the world turning against me

Orange
when I had some time to cool off

Yellow
I don't know why I would feel this color

Green
when I see that all the things i have tired failed

Blue
When the one I love is gone

Indigo
Is there a feeling for this color

Violet
Sounds like when I get violent

With my eyes wide open I see through all the false truths
But should I disregard them and ignore what I see
Turn my eyes blind and fill myself with a false truth?
Or, confront them and try to make sense of why this is the way it is
keep my eyes open and empty my self from these lies?

Maybe it should have been me and you holding hands
Holding each other as we sleep
But then again maybe not

Maybe it should have been us exchanging rings, saying "I do"
Till death do us part
But then again maybe not

Maybe this
Maybe that
Maybe we were meant to think of what could have been
But then again maybe not

The sun, the big ball of light up in the sky, warms me.
The breeze, the whispers of the world, cools me.
The trees, the elders with wisdom but can't speak, shades me.
The river, the playful one with it running, chills me.

When the pain becomes unbearable I take my headphones and cover my ears
I turn the volume up to block out their banters

Eric Himan Fill my soul with words that make me feel okay
let your Folk calm the angry waters in my soul

Mother Monster let me know that I am safe
and I should never give up

Adele teach me of love lost
Ke$ha let me party till I feel my body go numb


All of you!

Sing! Sing and be my shield!

A
taste
        in my
                      mouth
Reminds
               me of you
... again

Slowly or maybe quickly you are pulled in.
Only after a few notes you realize, this is my story
Never thought it could tell your story perfectly
Getting every memory right
Sending you flying with emotions just because they got your story right.

Ripples spread throughout the water
Another drop hits disrupting the beautiful ripples.
I watch more drops fall and look to the sky feeling a sense of sadness
Not that there is something to be sad for it's just that the world is crying that's all

Remaining slight for a minute  then I cry along with the world
Another tear falls disrupting the ripples, the beautiful ripples.
I let them fall and look to the sky feeling the world's sadness wrap itself around me.
Not stopping it from keeping me warm, Not going to stop crying not until the world stops.

My mind buzzes with excitement as I get ready
Looking in the mirror I feel okay and stroll out the door
I get there and feel as if I am coming alive

The clock ticks the seconds away and I feel the dread
I feel myself coming close to tears though I told myself not to
I am on my way home
I get there

What's next........Summer.

Jack Frost nibbles on my ears, on my fingers, on my nose
I sheepishly cover what I can except my nose.
He gets angry, cold even, and resorts to chewing and gnawing what's exposed.

I can't keep on with him trying to harm me. I must hide.
There is a room to which I walk in so I can hide.
But Jack the stealthy being seep through the cracks, made it inside.

There is no where to run.

He creeps closer, closer still and as his presence becomes more evident my body beings to shake.
But not in fear, for I have no fear of Mr.Frost, but because he has that effect on everybody.
His mere presence can induce anybody's body to shiver in his wake.
He makes you want to cover yourself with the clothes on your back to protect yourself from his bitter iciness.

That is  Jack Frost's job.

Flames scorch my heart.
I hear the crackles and smell the smoke
Remember when you told me that I was the only one?
Ever think of what I would do?

Forgive? There is no forgiveness to give.
I can’t believe you let me believe in truth that was a burning lie.
Remember when you held my hand, when you confessed your love for me?
Ever think of what I would say?

Feel the intensity? I do
I can feel myself being consumed by what blazes inside
Remember when I told you that I loved you and wanted only you?
Ever wondered how fast love burns out?

And yet his name lingers on the tip of his tongue.
Intruding once in awhile, sweetening his tongue.
And yet his voice echoes inside his ears
Making his cheeks flush, his heart strings strum, his ears burn.
And yet his smile flashes in his mind
Leading him to smile, to retreat and imagine  in his mind

He say's it's no more
And yet he still feels the flame
He says the opposite of the truth
And yet he yearns for him
He tells stories and crafts lies, morphing and shaping them to fit the purpose
And yet he still loves him.

They sing as if there was a song,
A joyous song to sing.
But with them dangling in the wind and me knowing the truth
I know they harmonize a somber tune.

Numbers and names get lost in the wind
and some are forgotten
A somber, forgotten tune.

The silence was killing me so I broke it with the whip of a whisper.
It shattered the silence for only a moment before going back to the daunting quiet that was suffocating me.
The silence was battling with the noises that  wanted to come from my throat and for a moment it won
But then I was able to break through the barriers and silence cried.

And let your arms catch me before I fall.
Let your name drip from my lips.
Let me become just another one who doesn't need you.
and let me fall and fall again.

The light dims and the ground is covered in shadow.
As I sit on the damp grass I feel a breeze.
A cool breeze that makes my skin tense slightly
A cool breeze that makes my shiver slightly.

The clouds wander around in the sky
playing with each other.
The sun sinks over the hills letting everything be covered by darkness.

I don't move from my position and inhale the scents that surround me.
A scent from the trees and flowers twirl and fill my nostrils
A scent from the grass tries to intrude.

The morning will be here in short time
But I can't wait for it.
So I get up and go home.

Leaving the damp grass behind.

Can you hear the voices? The forsaken voices( That crowd us)?
Rippling around the spaces between us.
Are you sure you can't hear them? They speak to you as well as me.
You do! You do! I know you do!

Can you smell those sweet words, they sent to our scentless ears,
Ruffling and echoing in your nose?
After you tasted the sounds silence made just for us.
Yes I do, Oh I do and so do you.

Celebrate the rebirth of our memories death.
Reach for what's left before they dissipate into nothing.
At the corner is that a man? Who comes to haul and imprison my sanity
Yes it is! RUN! RUN! RUN! Hahahaha, It's only my mind projecting what I fear.

Crazy? No, no, no, no, no Not crazy.
Restless yes, Inventive maybe, but never never ever crazy.
Ah! There's a friend beckoning, telling me to retreat to the safety of my mind to rest until I am lucid.
You should too, rest until you are lucid. We must do what the voices tell us.

The thought of you gone is a thought I hate.  
For you gone is like my heart is missing.    
But you chose to go and make your mistake,
So tonight it's not you I'm kissing.        
Did you even think of what I would say?
Or what I would do after I found out?
Lusted after ones who would never stay,
You decided to take a different route.
But pull the brakes, stop the spinning now.      
Though I despise the thought of you not here,
I rather have nothing and him with thou  
Than you lusting 'round while you call me "Dear".
So let me tell, This love I had was true
But like a distraught bird, it done and flew.

Can you hear the voices?
Rippling around in my head
Are you sure you can't hear them?
You do! You do! I know you do!

Can you smell those sweet words?
Ruffling up your ears and nose,
After you tasted the sounds a silence makes.
Yes! I do, I do, I do


Celebrate with me, the rebirth of death
Reach for... Wait! what was that?
At the corner there is a man you say?
Yes there is! RUN, RUN RUN!!! HAHAHA

Crazy? no, no, no no, no,  not crazy
Restless Yes, but never crazy
AH! There goes another voice beckoning me to retreat to my mind
Your voice is being drowned by it , So I bid thee ado, farewell,  good bye

The beating of the drum inside your chest when you see but they are unaware of your presence,
The pulsing of the blood throughout the body when everything stands still when you are next to them,
The wanting to be held by their arms as they hold onto another,
The longing of a touch from them because you believe they are the only ones who can give you satisfaction,

The breaking of the drum inside your aching chest when you know it cannot be
The freezing of the blood throughout your body when everything seems to halt when you can't have,
The wanting to be alone when it all seems lost,
The longing to move on but knowing that they still enter your thoughts, your dreams

Enemy in sight and I crouch behind the tree.
Sweat rolls from my forehead onto my cheek.
There is a thumping in my ear and I realize that it's the blood being pushed quickly by my heart.

I whisper to my sweet Roger
He is ready.
The Enemy is in sight.
Does he know that his life is about to end.
That each breath is closer to death.
That each second that goes by is a second closer to death.

I **** Roger and he clicks.

The enemy stops all movement, stops all vibrations.
I have a shot.

I take it.

The shot echos throughout woods.

He is dead.

Depending where he goes
He might feel empty with no love to quench his thirst
Or he Might feel as if his heart is swollen and will burst.

He walks along the street drenched with the tears of the World
The howls push against his face and feels the love, more like the lack of.

He walks along the street filled with the syrup of the morning dew
and Warmed by the ray's of the Sun above
He feels no lack of love.

Just let me
                          
                       G
                              O

Just let me

                       F
                            A
                                    L
                                    L

Just let me Feel
                              
             F
                 R
                    E
                       E

Stop.
Don't.
Tell.
Me.

Stop.
Don't.
Say.
It.

No.
                     I. Don't. Want. It.
                        Don't. Need. It.
Shh.
Stay. Quiet.

Create a world with just you and I
Only problem is I might not be in that world because I
Don't know what I want. I like you that is true but just not in that way.
You were on my mind for the time being but then I started to realize that I like you but just as friends


But Do I?????
Is that what I really think?
I don't know

You couldn't help yourself could you?
You had to listen to that snake that was basically telling you sweet nothings.
Didn't you at least once questioned why a snake was talking to you in the first place?
I am pretty sure that it was the only creature that could talk so why weren't you like
OHHHH HELLL NO

You ate the fruit cause it's suppose to give you wisdom
Yeah it gave you wisdom only because you made a mistake

Then you had to share the wealth with Adam
it's bad enough you went out and believed a snake, maybe you were high or something,
But you had to get poor little Adam in trouble too.

Now he made a mistake and got wiser
now Because of y'all two we all grow old and die
Women have to have pain when giving birth
Men have to break their backs picking up weeds and junk

This is all true
It's according to the bible
but what gets me
is that Snake talked
and you didn't even blink an eye.

When I shake my head I can hear it swish and I know I let some out but there is still more
My hands are not yet cramping, are not yet begging to be rested
I must keep on going until I shake my head and it makes no sound.

Some say that every minute is too much
Some say everyday is too much
But I say it's not enough
it's better to have too much then not having any at all

So I keep on writing whatever comes to mind
I keep penning love poems
I keep typing acrostics

You can never have too much

Darkness consumes this world and not because the Sun runs away into the other part of the Earth every night.
No, this world consumed by darkness because of the people who live on it. They themselves are covered in evil with it seeping  through their pores and polluting their minds.
The only hope that this world has, to see more light amongst the dark, is if people start to realize that having evil run through their veins is the most evil anyone can do.
Until then this world will be forever veiled in Darkness.

People
Only need
Every word
They can muster up to
Recite on to paper what they really feel.
You, me, and everyone can write poetry


I will use language
To morph and create a world
That mirrors my own

That tells a story
Of me and what I've been through
All the ups and downs

Poets do the same
They combine this and that and
Everything to make

To make Poetry.
A language only poets
Can understand well.

Take me out to places that I will never see again
Fake a smile here and there while you see other men
Make me chase for your love while you I defend
Wake me up from this dream when my heart can't amend
Break me from fantasy cause it would've never been.

Circle me now, Love
Circle me now and keep on going
make my head spin with wanting
Make my heart beat with longing
Circle me now, love
Circle me now and forever

After years of thinking and considering I know
That I am an Atheist.
Hours on end I have thought about it but the answer was always No you don't  believe
Everyone who does believe tells me that it might be because I am gay and don't like what they say about
           people like me. And if they don't know that I am Gay they say I just haven't let him in my heart
I* will not lie and say it didn't cross my mind that my homosexuality might have been a factor but it's
               not. And I can't let something in my heart when I don't believe that it can even be there.
Saddest person I might be for the ones who tell me that but At least I never Waver in standing for my
     belief.
The answer as to why i don't believe is A) I am more on the science side and B) I just never did.

Rain fell from the sky
Drains into my soul
I regret something
That I never told

Can you hear the noise when a heart breaks?
Could you hear mine?
I did.

I felt the hums and I heard the creaks
Then the groans echoed throughout my body.
It cracked once, It cracked twice, then it shattered.
It felt like shards of glass against the arteries,
Against the inner walls.

Could you hear my somber tune?
Can you hear the song a heart creates when it is broken?
I did.

Wishes  are for children
Dreaming also
Reality is too strong to ignore because it hits you everyday
Reminding you that it's always going to be there
And there isn't time to wish and dream.

With you not at my side, i spend my days looking into the blue hills.
I watch them as they guard my homeland and then as time makes them turn  into a deeper state of sadness i watch the skies.
The sky is a vast black blanket with tiny holes that allowed some light to shine through but those holes don't keep me warm and i start to feel the solitude.

Alone with only my breathing audible i feel the cold creep up beside me overshadowed by  the night and i welcome both for i need the company.
Without you i am nothing. Just a mere shell and the only evidence that it still works is the heart that is cracked but still manages to beat, slowly but still manages to beat.

I'm alone.
I am alone.

I am very alone.

Fireworks in the sky
BOOM CRACK
They illuminate the darkness with vibrant colors
But there is something missing

Oh yeah it you beside me so we can watch them together

BOOM
Where are you
CRACK
Should I look for you amongst the stars

Where are you
BOOM

I look but can't seem to find you
CRACK
The sky is illuminated with vibrant colors
There are fireworks in the sky
And I watch them by myself
Watch them all alone

Maybe it's already been predetermined
That I will never be fully happy
And just bwing the rebel that i am
I fight for the contrary

Maybe it's been already decided
That I will always feel pain
And just being the person that i am
i numb myself with a sryinge of false sense of security

maybe it's  been forseen
That i will never get what i want
And being the stubborn bull
i try to have, try to get what i want

But then agian
There will always be pain
There will always  be the sense of not being happy
There will be always the wanting but never having
So
Maybe it's all in my head.

The one fear I have is not dying because I bled out
Nor is it death by suffocation.
The one fear that I have is not losing my self though I rather not lose myself.
It's not not being able to speak anymore
No my one fear is that I might not be good enough for you.

I have never had any things like this before.
It might seem odd for a guy like me
Who seems so confident and such
But the truth is I never dated anyone I actually liked
that is until I began dating  you.

I don't know what to do,
I am just a baby learning it's first steps
learning it's first words.
I am relative new to all this.
This dating thing, this liking.

I don't know if I should hold onto you or stay a good few inches away.
I don't know if I should kiss you on the cheek or on your lips.
I don't know what to do. I just don't.

Walking along the aisles, thinking about stuff
All of a sudden I turn the corner and BAM There you are
Looking at you made my stomach churn and made my hands cold
Moments like this you don't prepare for
Anthony I saw you but made sure you didn't see me
Risked myself by talking quietly cause I didn't want you to hear me let alone see me
Times like that you don't prepare for. I know I didn't

With everything seeming so boring
You were the only thing with color.
Everything was always black and white but
When you came around, everything you touched seem to light up with pink, blue, yellow
You were the color white that gets mixed in with everything to make it be brighter

"What should I do?"
Talk

T
   A
         L
                  K

to them.


All you have to is talk.
Find out about their interests
Their favorite color
Something
Anything

Just fill the air with question marks
and answers
Not with silences
Just talk

NO! I don't want any of your promises
Throw them at me, think that I will catch them
But NO! I will let them fall

NO! I don't want any of your time
I already gave you enough of mine
NO! NO! NO!

....................
...................
Okay........
Maybe.­.........
Find Yes.

"Will you be at the pearly gates?"
No, sorry, I already booked my table in Hell.

"You need Jesus and need to serve him"
Sorry, I have my own demons that will serve me.

"God loves all and will help you"
Sorry I have the devil to help me

I made a reservation in Hell
but it wasn't my choice
I was just born with my name already on the table draped with a rainbow table cloth.

So Sorry can't get saved
Or go to heaven
I have a reservation in hell.

Never have I ever thought that you would be gone.
The notion of you leaving me didn't enter my thoughts because it was never welcomed.
You were never going to leave me. You leaving me is like the Sun leaving the Earth to be blanketed by space. It was just never going to happen
Until It did.

Once it did, I was at lost for words.
It was as if i was left to be blanketed by space.
It was as if a part of me was torn from my soul
Once it did, I was lonely.

All that I have left are the memories that we both share.
The laughter, the tears, the I wish you were my sibling,
I visit each memory like an old friend and have a cup of coffee with him.
I relished the fact that I could still hear your laughter in the corners of my mind.
I don't regret a minute, a second, a millisecond of the time we had together
And I hope you don't either.

Way before that song polluted the air
Before it became the number one on the charts
Before Taylor was even going out with Harry
I knew you were trouble when you walked in.

With your smile you took me too places that were in my head
and it is a shame on me because I could tell right from the beginning
that you were trouble.

And the Saddest fear that creeps in is not that you never loved me
Or him or her or anything
It's that I may never stop liking you.

So I knew you were trouble when you walked in
and laying on the cold hard ground I still like you.

Going about my days with nothing more than my heart that beats involuntary to keep my alive.

Honestly I just don't know why I keep going when everything seems so dead.

Only my heart that beats involuntary keeps me going. It beats with an unwanted force.

Stop Heart just stop. I don't want to feel my blood course through my veins reminding me that I am still
     alive and can still feel pain. I don't want to be blanketed and be kept warmed by the damp loneliness  
That surrounds me.

Late at night when all are asleep
I lay in the bed and the thought of you knocks on my door.
Should I open and let my imagination fill in the void?
Let your invisible arms wrap around me?
Let your fingers play with my hair as you breathe into my neck?
Or should I not bother at all and let you keep knocking?
Let you get tired of knocking at my door that I refuse to open because letting you in is like letting the bugs in?
Let the thought of you float in the air but not bother to reach out and grab hold of it?
Let myself be lonely because I know that in reality this would never happen?

All these questions I don't have time to think about
Because I already opened the door.
The impulsive and lonely part of me already took the initiative and let the thought of you in.
I snuggle upon your chest and take in your cologne.
I hug you and bury my nose onto your neck.
I begin kissing you and letting my instinct take over I whisper your name.
I feel you. Feel your presence. But I also feel the air.