what is one to do when in waiting?
Twidle thumbs like a child?
Or perhaps watch the cars as they roar on by?
Compose music only you could hear with the sounds of the Street?
Or sit on a bench with pencil and pen?
Observe strangers with their hands on food?
Observe strangers whistling with nothing to do?
Whats one to do when in waiting?

They're good for you heart but not for the racists.

Thank you for letting me hold him.
Thank you for letting him ask if I wanted anything to eat
Thank you for his side hug.

Thank you for my frantic search for him
Thank you for our awkward dance
Thank you for all the eyes staring and all the awwings at us as I was about to kiss him
Thank you for his embrassed  Not it front of everybody
Thank you for dissappearing as we kissed.
Thank you for leaving me just hanging there wanting more
Thank you.

Dear you,

I miss you and as I am sitting here typing away my feelings like letting water flow I realize what I should have done. I should I have wrapped my arms around you though you would have protested and told you that things were going to be okay even if I didnt know what I was saying.
I should have never placed barriers between us to protect you because you were trying to climb over, well it seemed as if you were. All these should haves cloud my mind and whenever I think it over I begin to have the feeling of sadness as it grows. Each Should have feeds it and it grows taller and sadder.
I should have kissed you, ignoring the consequences that would be sure to follow.
I should have held your hand longer and Should have spoken to you more.
I shouldnt have lied and said that the candy was just for friends
I should have never say okay because it wasnt okay that I was being Second Choice.
I should have stood my ground and told you that I really like you and that me being some hand me down, some black market brand of clothing wouldnt do.
God, I miss you.
And the ways about you.
Your happiness when it leaked out.
Your smile when it broke through
Even you anger and your stupidity.
I miss all of that.
You were the best thing that happened to me but not because we were ever together because we never were but because everything I did was proof that I cared about you.
Now I am left with fragments of hopes and dreams always blurred with disire.
Anthony Taylor Triplett, A danger to say your name,
I still want you
I should give up I should stop with this wanting and this longing
Because It will never be. But I have never been one to look on the datk side of things.
I cling on to the notion that we will be togehther like a piece of lint refusing to let go of cloth.

I will close with this.

XOXO

Where are you on this lonely night in May?
Did your car go up and die while you were on the way?
Or maybe you left for you could not stay?

Where are you while I sit on this chair?
Did you stop and think of How I cared?
Or Maybe you took your heart and left me bare?

I want to hold his hand, whoever he may be
I want to look deep into those eyes knowing he'll have me.
I want to feel safe and secure with just that look
Knowing that This was the best decision we took.

I want to dance akwardly as I move with my lead feet
Trying not to step on his.
I want to whisper I love you into his ear with all watching
And Lean in giving him a kiss.

I want to hear "Till Death you part"
And Hear him say "I do with all my heart"
And I reply the same
Feeling the same


I want this and more on my Wedding Day

Mama please sit down
I have something to say
Mama, I'm Gay.

Mama, I've known for some time
It's something I've grown to accept
and it's something I've kept.

Mama, why do you scream?
Why all this yelling, this casting blame?
Don't you know that I'm the same?

Mama, don't cry, please don't cry
So many tears have already been shed
One my pillows and on my bed.

Mama, I wanted you to know
Out of love this action was taken
And No my dad didnt touch me and I'm not mistaken.

Mama, why would I choose this life
Knowing what I feel at the moment
And how I experience torment.

Mama, I can never change
No amount of praying or saying
Can change what's inside me.

Mama, Please sit down, Take a breath
I am sorry if I am not what you prefer
But I ask you to think it over.

Mama, I've done what's needed
Can you let me back into your heart
Or will your ignorance keep us apart?

At night, the Cool night,
The solitary night
I wait for you.
The crickets mutter
and the wind plays amongest the leaves.

At night, the cool night,
The lonesome night
I wait for you.
The stars send hidden codes
and the moon, the luminous moon
talks slowly.

At night, the cool night,
The confided to myself night
I wait for you.
The creatures do not stir
For they hear a sound so foregin
The clouds protect the stars and the moon
Clouding what they might see.

I catch my breath and
my lungs cool over.
"Its me" you say
Its you I say
At night, the warm night
The acompained with my love night
I run away with you.

Where does it come from?
This love so foregin
With is language hard to comprehend
and its ways so different from other feelings.
Where does it come from?

Take a deep breath.
Now let it out.
Count to ten
Count again.
Smile dont let it quiver
Start to walk, walk away.
Count to ten
Count again

A drop of rain but not from the sky is caught by a leaf but not from a tree
Its a tear and a finger you see.

Stop but how can you
Only can someone else make you see.
Right not you are blinded by things that can never be
Right now I take a deep breath
You are not to blame. Its my fault I should have stoped it long ago.

The sea never looked as it does now.
Raging and destructive while the Clouds try to protect whats above.

The Sea never called men
Told them all was well
While behind the calm waves
Raged hunger.

The waves never rose in the air
and collied with other waves
in pure spite, desgrading the laws Nature put in place.

They never swallowed men
Drowing them with its hatered
Leaving them to sink to darkness
where they could find cold harsh solitude.

Never has any of this occured
until now.

Hear me when I say this

I can never go back to that place

The walls are covered with carvings made with fingernails
Covered in dents and brusies scars of battles its won.

I can never go back into that place

The hinges never stay slient even when the door is closed
They only speak in taunts spinning lies and hateful truths.

The floor is covered with tears
Blood
and memories that never saw light.

I can never go back into that place.
You cant make me.

Embedded in my soul are the words never spoken.
Kept hidden behind a curtain of uncertainity.

Embedded in my soul are the actions never taken
Kept locked in cages of regret.

But you told me that I was the sun for your flowers
The rain for your flowers

But you told me I was the tune you played
The song you sung.

But you told me that I was the ember worth saving
The fire worth feeding.

But now you tell me that I am nothing to you.

Come! screams the wind
Come and Dance with me!
But he is not my friend,
Nor will he ever be.

Come! Whispers the shadows
Come and Jest with I
But as he creeps on by
I notice evil intent in his eyes
As they shimer and  glow.

Come! beckons the ocean
But its fast and slow motion
make me nauseous
and Cautious


Come! Orders the Sun
But I am not one to be ordered
So I turn my back and shun
The king.

I dont listen to none of them
I wont Come nor Will i ever

After running over the cat and the dog, the car
kept on going but it never got far.
It got hit by an on coming truck.

There once was a dog
who ran thorugh the fog
towards an on coming car.

Once there was a cat
but it ran into the path
of an on coming car.

A sky dyed in majenta ,but watered almost to a faint, is threatened by hints of gray.
The sun sets more westward, its another end of the day
More hints of gray paint
are underway.

A song never sung
never written
for fear of being rejected.

A play never shown
never written
for fear of being rejected.

A love never prusued
never cherished
For fear of being rejected.

A wish never wished
never hoped
for fear of being rejected.

A meeting never met
never considered
for fear of being rejected.

Don't be afraid
do it.
you never know what might happen.

You have to give it a chance

With your head rested upon the pillow
I hear the thoughts you never tell.

With your chest exposed to the cool night air
I hear the secrets kept in your heartshell.

With your feet slightly uncovered
I see where you been.

With your lips partly opened
I hear his name.

I am leaving in the morning before you wake up
and make the coffee.

I am leaving before the kiss that should leave me grinning
as I leave for work.

I am leaving before you go out again.

Thank you sleepless night
for showing me the truth.

Te quiero
yo Pienso  que te amo

Todo los dias yo pienso en ti
Todos los dias yo oigo tu voz
Todas las noches me acuesto contigo en mi mente

Te quiero
Yo pienso que te amo

Yo no se como explicar
Yo no se como decir
Yo no se
Yo no se nada pero
yo si se que

Te quiero
Yo pienso que te amo

I have to revist the past for the past contains you
I wish you were not in the past but in the present beside me
I wish that the future contained you and me but
I am not sure what the future holds

No one does

Though my love was in its infantcy
you were patient.

you were proud with every step I took and appluaed the almost steps for they were almost a step further for the last.
When I fell and wanted to stay seated and not bother with getting up you helped me get back on my feet and try agian.
when i needed guidance you were there to hold my hand all the way until i could love on my own.

There was a lover
Whose skin glowed and refelcted snow
whose eyes held the sea and a boat for the crossing
whose hair caught the suns gentle smile and waved
whose apperance was requested every night but only in the room of the others mind

To write and write
and write
and write
and write.

Under the stars
Beyond the woods with their whispers and taunts
Lies my Heart in the well.

I dropped it there
for the well is deserted
No human makes their commute beyond the woods.

The cold waters caressed my heart until it grew warm and use to the water.
The light gave a view of the walls and I was content.
The walls were wet and covered in slime.
No one would want to crawl in here to save it.
that's what I want.

Insects swim along side the walls trying not to drown
Trying not to be in death's hands.
my heart will not be ever in death's hands
They made a pact.
As long as my heart is in the well
Away from love
Death will keep it alive.

Forgotten Memories are just that, forgotten.
Until some force makes you see.
They replay from within showing your soul things of the past.
Things that bring it to radiate as the sun would on a hot day
And
Things that put it to shame like a dog who disobeyed his master as he tucked his tail between his legs.
Things that lets giggles and laughter fill the room
And
Things that make it cry in pain  as memories pierce and stab.
Forgotten Memories are just that
Until they come back and you remember.

LOVE
I
F
THE
SOUL

Nothing speaks to me more than the feeling that blossoms
Whenever our hands touch.

Nothing speaks to me than the feeling that blossoms
whenever our lips touch.

Nothing speaks to me more than the feelings
I develop inside me like the product sugar and sulfuric Acid

Time and time again
I failed to conceal the love
That seeped through the cracks.

It trickled down, it
Flooded my thoughts and actions.
Love leaked through the cracks

Leaving me in awe.
Confessing all that I could
I let love run through.

I
There are more colors than
Just seeing black or White

II
Inbetween there are other colors
Than just black or white.

III*

Different Colors make a protrait
Not just black or white

I love you.
It's space, time, and all things infite.
You're an Sight, a scenic view
With every aspect of you I can never forget.
Like the sun in the sky
Or a candle with a dancing flame.
Like when the sun kisses the wings of a butterfly
Or when there's a glow in your name.

I love you.
You can see it when I hold you hand.
You can feel it with the kisses that are true.
I'll give each part of my heart and
every part of my soul to you.

I love you.

Everyone is talking about you.
Shall I ?
She Refuses

Let me think.

I enter my thoughts and this is unsettling
Not because of what I might think but because it's like taking a boat into a storm, directly into a storm
with the "yes" and "no" 's pelting you.

The words that induce the feeling of being less than inferior are also the words I like to hear.
The way are spoken, as if I am less than inferior makes my eye twitch buy makes my mouth likewise.

Let me think.

The clouds are mounting on top each other as if they are trying to show who is the better cloud, cloudy the sky turning it gray.

The way words fall and into my ears is not a way I would chose and yet it still intrigues me just a bit.
The words that are exchanged are like hearted. Meant to be fun but then again are they really?

Let me think.

The sky declares that a race of water should be held. And race they do. Falling quickly.

Choices are needed to be made.
Choices indeed.
Let me think.
I need a moment to think.

Don't tell, say, speak words that
cause me to shake, shiver, vibrate in fear.

Show me love, affection, compassion
But don't show hate, distaste, dread.

Just I don't know, have a clue or an idea.
Eh

If I can't kiss you
Let my lips say your name sweetly

If I can't hold you
Let me close enough to where I feel your presence

If I can't love you
Let me show it in hidden smiles and gestures

If I can't do anything
Just let me try

The moon was surrounded by it's servants
scattered every which way.
Some stayed stationary as to protect it
others rushed by to chase some unseen enemy.

Feed me with things that are edible
Only things that are edible.
Only things that I like.
Don't ever feed me things that will cause indigestion.

Life?
I don't know how to go on?
let me refer to the instructions.
Oh wait there isn't any.

When I listen to my heart,
I hear the whispers, the wishes it shoots at the first star it sees.
The hopes and dreams that always seem reachable but then again not reachable.

When I listen to my heart,
I can hear it telling me that I should stay away from him.
I hear the protests and the strain as it tries to pull away
but at the same time I hear it secretly telling itself that it wants.

When I listen to my heart,
I hear the sighs of not wanting to continue with anything.
The tired groans pulse throughout my body.
Telling me that I should stop and rest.

When I listen to my heart,
I hear the blood pump through the veins.
That's all really

When I listen to my heart
I sometimes listen and sometimes don't.

The leaves shake and speak with a foreign tongue.
The leaves shake in the way the shadows dance
and I am in a forest sea.

Because
Everything you try to mimic is not you.

Because
Every sound from your mouth is false and not yours.

Because
Every day when you get up you look in the the closet and choose who to wear this time you lose a little bit of yourself

Because
Everyone doesn't see unique every day

Because
Eventually being you is the only thing you have left.

I am
The boy who walks with his head down low
Blocking the white static that leaks from their mouths with the sounds I create with my mind.
I never look people in the eye not because I am afraid but because if they look into mine they will see all the secrets and all the pain. Shadows of my past, a past not worth mentioning.

I am
The girl who stares at her reflection and only sees the imperfection hanging from her sides.
I cover my arms with black sweaters  to hide the rough edges, the roads that will lead to a damaged heart.
I stare at the ceiling and see a world beyond my reach and the beatings of reality come and bruise my skin.

I am
The child who looks up to the one's who are "right" and mimic them, I am their puppet.
I see the world with colors.
The word "why" is always on the tip of my tongue always wanting to come out
like some popper.
I am too young to know what the world is really like so I stay safe in the comforts of my imagination.

I am
the stranger who longs to be heard but can never make a sound. My voice is a series of silent syllables.

I am.....

I never thought that I would be loving at a distance
Never thought those blue eyes would be a blur
My heart cracked when you almost kissed him
It Broke every time when you kissed her

I was a fool to believe you could love me
I felt my heart crawl back to safety
I was a fool to stand from a far and see
you wrap you arms around her
And believe it was me.

I was in love with you
But only from a distance
The gap between us grew.
The hole in the sweater that couldn't be mended

There is no blame to be thrown around
No angry words to be directed at any one but me

I was a fool.
A fool who believed that anything was possible
A fool on cloud nine.
A fool from a distant.

With my bagel on an inexpensive cheap napkin and my coffee two minutes settled, I stare at the enemy.
He, She, Whatever it may be, jeers and snorts at me while doing it blankly.

But its not the only thing.

The tool that I conjured from the box I  placed beside me refuses to move or even let it's blood flow to create figures, figures that could be read with the proper eyes.
On further inspection it wasn't the tool's lack of response rather my mind's lack of settling.
Should blood be spelt for love and betrayal, should it cover every white space available. or should the blood run sideways Or maybe not at all?

I look at my watch, the coffee is now five minutes settled

The sun greets me though his presence was already known.
I look out the window and feel him trying to get my attention but I dare not look.
There is a tree, a young sapling,  bowing down or at least acknowledging his superior.
Black feathers occupy a small are of the window and I am greeted with a quiet hello, but it sounded as if someone was waring about some car.
Then the feathers seem to disappear.

The watchers of the world below drift on by, some content with the state of the world others not so much.
I close the curtain. There is more to see later, just not at the moment. Perhaps when I have time to spare  I will check what's outside again.