They tell me you're no good
That much is understood.
But they don't know you like I do
No they don't know you like I do.


Your mistakes cover your path
They prevent them to see
That if they were rooted and thrown aside
A good guy you could be.

I guess I am tangled in your hair again.
Anchoring my boat in your eyes.
but now this time
I wonder what is going to happen?

There is no escaping the feelings that compass my path.
They lead to you every time.
You are North,
South,
East,
West.

When the days are cold with the snow covering the ground
While black birds fly over head
As tracks are left ,things that once were.

Let yourself feel the music
The somber tone that  swells and dwells in your heart.
Let in drown you in beats that vibrate the walls.

When you feel this music just let it take over.
Don't be afraid to sway with it.
Dance with it.
Sing with it.

Let it take over.

I don't mean to hurt people
But I end up doing it anyway
One way or another.

I don't mean to be how I am
I try everyday to better myself
But it seems what I am slips through the cracks.

I guess this is an apology
for hurting the people I do.
For being how I am when the
Person I am is a selfish *******.

I am sorry.

One look
Took my breath from my lungs and into the air
To be one of many breaths you took away from me.

One look
Melted my bones leaving me impaired,
unable to walk properly.

One look
Rushed all these memories of Pain sprinkled on top of Hope
an order I didn't want.

One look
and I knew that the only way to stop
With all the Picasso meshed feelings
is to avoid you.

The rain pelts the window,
The Boyfriend who tries to get my attention,
Throwing its rocks at the window,
But I ignore and continue on with my work.

Mrs. Livingston wants a paper written
A 5 page paper
And Things like annoying rain mustn’t distract me.

Though the rain is easy to ignore
There is one thing that I can’t ignore.
Him.
He is there in the back of my mind
Occupying the space where numbers from math class should be,
Where my History homework on Napoleon should be,
Where He shouldn’t be.

Golden eyes flash before me once the room goes white,
A scent seduces my nose though it’s in my mind
Just a memory brought back to life
A ghost intruding when it need not.

Why? Why can’t he leave me alone?
Yet I know it’s not him that’s in the wrong
It’s me
And My gay ways.

Latching onto him
Clasping his words in its hands
Soaking up every syllable
Every word
Everything about him
Like a sponge soaking up the bubbles , suds, water, and germs.

The paper! I must get back to the paper!
He can’t be in my mind when I have much writing to do.
But
I like him.
More than like him.

I remember when at first I dug my heels into the ground
Refusing to fall
Then as time went on
The heels got eroded
The ground beneath me got eroded
My determination was eroded.
And
I
Fell.

An object forced to the ground not because of gravity
But because he had something about him
Something that made my body sing,
With bulking, twisting, and jittering.

Was it his smile?
That one little curve.
That one little curve with such shine
And such sweetness
It could melt ice
And have more sugar than a pack of Hershey Kisses.

Maybe his hair?
The constant loops
Of Wheat
Of sand
Of soft wool.
Taking me on a ride that never seem to end.

Or perhaps his Words and Speech?
The constant dragging out words
The sweet tune of the Hillbilly in his vocals.
Lost in his words that never made sense
Until I thought more of it.

Or maybe his demeanor?
The laid back student who dreams of going cross country in a van.
The one who seems to have everything figured when he can’t figure if he is up or down.
The one who attracts the negative and it turns to problems
The one who surprises me with his out of the blueness.
And takes me on such a high that it shatters by heart when he drops me.

I have to stop.
He is taken from me
That is a thought I mustn’t forget.
Why spend this time
Thinking
Wanting
Loving
Liking
Wishing
Hoping
When he has been taken from me.
I must finish the paper.
I don’t have much time.

Yes I am jealous.
The fire seeps out my eyes and into your Lover.
I dont hate her.
Just hate that she is with you.
Funny that i am in this perdiceriment again.
Cupid is running a cruel game.
The Irony.
yes i am jealous.
I like you.

He searches the crowd.
Scanning the familar faces
and
the unfamilar faces.
But alas he cant find what he is looking for.

Maybe the one he wants is lost in the ocean of faces.
Hidden amongest all the smiles and scowls.
Maybe he has gone under drowned by the laughs and sidetalks.
or
maybe he never took the plunge.
Not able to dive in.

And the one who searches
is wasting his time.
Scanning the familar faces
and
the unfamilar faces.
Just wasting his time.

Sitting right beside you, I just felt an awareness.
Every touch.
Every vibration.
Every breath.
I was aware of everything.
and Iiked it.

I liked it.
Every touch sent chills through out my body.
chilling my spine.
My mind.
My heart.

Every vibration vibrated my soul.
Vibrated my soul.
vibrated my very core.

Every breath cooled and warmed my neck.
Sent me to the wind.
Sent me to the sun..
And i liked it.

This might sound cliche or cheesy
or just plain wrong but i dont care.
I liked it.

One of those pictures poems*       
    
 Need.                                                  
  Don't I come ­                                 High Memories.  Breathe                          I've
                ­                            A                                    ­    Those                        To                              ­    Far
                                      Feel               ­                       All                       Harder                             How
                                 Me                          Remember                     Gets                                    See
  Makes I It I
Take Take Take Take
               I I I I
     Step  Step  StepStep
Every  Every  Every  Every

Sometimes I can't help but to think
If you are writing poems about me
Like I write poems about you.

Turn the faucet on and let the water do its job.
Let the water swirl and spin
Let it drag all those lies down.
Let it drown it and never come up to breathe.

Is it the wind that running past the trees, causing the trees to whisper once touched?
Or
Is it you a ghost of my heart talking to me trying to communicate something worthtelling?

For two days tears were shed
For things that could have been
For things that were in my head.
For two days I felt the emptiness
As it slipped away, my happiness
Always feeling loneliness

For two days water stained in red
Fell onto the floor and onto the bed
Not in my body like it should instead
For two days I was blanketed by sadness
As I grew weary from the madness
That caused a bit of bitterness

For Two days I cried
For Two days I asked why
For Two days things still don't seem like they should
No light in the tunnel nor at the end
For Two days all feels lost.

To be happy, I can never be happy
Not when I put my happiness in the back of the line and escorts hers
to the front.

Just above my head, hung the question I have been dying to ask.
It linger above me, a cloud waiting to let the words rain down.
May I have this Dance
He looked at me with a curious gaze
Taking in what he saw.
Sorry but I already have some one to dance with
Clouds gathered above my head clumping together
This time only rain, no words Fell down.

They tell us that love is something that should be seen with the heart.
Not the eyes that can become fixated on only the appealing things which are not necessarily the most important.
But one can not cast a finger and dictate shame nor blame
For is it not in our nature to be pulled by the appealing things?
Maybe instead of casting blame on the lover why not at the appealing things?
For they are the ones that cause the lover to see with the eyes and not the heart.

I was told at a very early age that I could do the very things I wanted to do.
Being young and foolish I spoke "I want to be Blue"
My parents laughed at me and patted my head
Told me to try something realistic instead
Before sending me off to sleep in my bed.

Years later, With more miles walked
With more things heard, with more words to talk
With more memories and thoughts confusing to me
I read a book.

"Am I blue?" It said, a collections of stories, a window to see through
Reading it brought my confusing thoughts to view.
And then I realized I am blue.

Blue in this sense meant that I had likings
Likings that were not ordinarily normal yet still in the realm of Normalcy.
It was the sense of I liked guys in the way I "should" like girls
In the sense I am more attractive to his golden curls.

I got to be blue, and still get to be blue, and forever get to be blue
Just not in the way I thought I would.

The sun was hanging low, talking to the sea, talking to me.
Sinking even lower it was talking to the breeze, strained whispers to the sea.

The sun was hanging high talking to the sky, talking to my
Shy imagination.

I didn't sleep well last night
With the summer heat making my clothes grab and choke me.
With thoughts piling in my head overflowing onto the pillow.
With me talking to the room in whispers thinking of you.
and then I was able to fall asleep.
A deep sleep.
A nice sleep.

I saw you in the class seating there working away on the work that was handed to you by the teacher.
It was a sight that made me laugh for you never worked as hard as you did in my dream.
I had to leave and I got up with a groan wanting to fill the air.
I walked to the door and when I turn you were staring at me.
and I you.
You smiled
I smiled.
I had to close the door.
But The last thing that i saw was your smile.

The sun talks to the trees.
The trees listen intently
absorbing every word.

The rain talks to the earth
sometimes pelting it with its words
The earth pays close attention
Soaking up every word.

They don't know, they really don't know
That beside this heart in so much pain
,in so much pain that the blood leaks instead of flowing,
Is a loaded gun.
Ready at any moment
at any given moment
To release a blessing
A gift
to them from me.

A               N                                  K
   B                E                                    N
     O                  V                                    E
       ­  Y                 E                                    W
                          ­     R


                   T
                 H
               A
            T                               T
                                                H
             ­                                  E                          R
                                    ­                                          A
                     ­                                                               I
­                                                                 ­                     N
C
   O
     U
        L
          D                 S
                                  O
                           ­              o
                                        T
                     ­                H
                                    E                          ­                       H                          P
                                    ­                                                       I                           A
                                                               ­                               S                         I
                                                               ­                                                            N

Take me back to the past
where my life was perfect
Where the only trouble was if I had to wear blue or Red.

Take me back quickly
because the troubles of the present
Can only lead to my destruction
In the future.

I have felt the sting of love
And The emptiness of lost
The high of happiness
The consumption of anger

Sitting back watching the trees move when the wind moves
I look back to yesterday.

Those moments of the past now become my present
as my head is shown fragments.

There goes my friend from long ago smiling like a fool
but only smiling because I smiled like a fool too.

There goes the tears salting the blanket
as I hear the screams of my mother and sister.

There he goes walking trying to fit in with the crowd
when I know he would fit in with me at my side.

There she goes on with her pretty face smiling and laughing but knowing we may
never see each other again.

There I go looking forward watching myself as I look back to yesterday.

There is one thing that we all live with.
Its buried in our thoughts. Whispers of possibilities cloud our heads because  of it.
That thing is Regret.
We regret one thing or another.
Something we did and/or we something we didn't do.
It haunts us every waking moment, as we greet the day with half of dreams still in our heads.
As we walk down the stairs letting the noise of it play and replay.
Regret is something that will always occur
This is what I regret.

There isn't a day, there isn't a night
When I don't think
of What
I should have said.

Lost in those words
I should have said.
Confronted every time by those words
I should have said.
I want to be yours
I want to be at your side
I think I love you
Can I be yours even if it is for a while


Now, what is it that you Regret.

I sit and wonder if you think of me
I wonder if you have me in your dreams.
Do you talk as if I am there?
and tell me that you really care.
Have you lost yourself in thoughts of me and you
Thought of how we could make it through.
Do you kiss the pillow convincing yourself that its is me?
Do you look at my picture every night?
Do you miss those days when you hugged me?
Do you regret not telling how you really felt?

If you do, then me and you are the same.

you took my heart for a walk
Strolling along side by side
Clinging onto to each other.

You took my heart out to sing
Singing melodies only we understood
Humming along with each other.

You took my heart out in the rain
to share that feeling like they have when they kiss in the rain
Letting that feeling make my heart shiver in pure love.

You took my heart
out for love and you succeeded

Feeling lost, in this self made ocean
I can't keep control of my emotions
They just leak out through my holey pores
And I am even leaking from my core.
I don't know how to stop them anymore.

You came in with your "I'm ****" swag
Busy looking through the menu items
that you didn't bother pulling up your pants from their sag.

Your eyes looked over the items with such judgment
This one is too fat
This one is too skinny
This one doesn't know how to have fun
This one can't even compete
Its a wonder that you finally made a choice.

Your mouth watered
Your heart growled desperate to be fed
But the manger told you that they don't have that any more.
So he gave you back your money instead.

And life just goes on
But hearts that are anchored deep
Can never move on.

We're young so shouldn't we take every chance we get
Live life to the fullest, have days we won't forget
Make choices with no thoughts and no regrets
have love with a Julio or Juliet.

We're young so shouldn't we be loud
Yammering and Hammering be a thundercloud
Say what we feel just yell out loud
and have those moments when we are proud.

We're young so shouldn't we take a chance
Too increase our hearts with some teen romance
To dream of places like France
To not worry who sees how we dance

We're young so shouldn't we cheer
Have that "you can't touch me" atmosphere
Never feel like we have to disappear
away from the pressure just to preserve.

We're young

Some days I just want to take my life and cut the cords that connect me to the world.
Rip my roots from the ground and shake off every memory that makes me.
Some days I just want to let my breath be the last breath and slowly drift in the wind to be carried to someplace that is better than where I am.
Some days my head whats to explode but I take that pain and shift it to my heart and let it explode there; its already been destroyed by the bombs every one kept sending.
Some days my tears are not enough to fill the hole in my already broken heart and they just slip on my through the cracks.
Some days my smiles cant cover the frowns and the paint just falls off.
Some days I want to be left alone so I can let the silence be my drugs to get me to my high.
Some days I rather have a laugh in my pocket than in the back of my throat.
Some days I don't know what I want.

I left my heart out on the line,
To dry after my tears
washed away the pain.

Hurry up Heart.
Dry so I can fold you
and place you neatly back in my chest.
And then take you out.
So you can be worn again
on my sleeves.

I once hid amongest the shadows.
I hid with them for so long that
the Shadows became friends, family, everything I needed.
They understood my pain and made it theirs.
Cried when I cried.
Screamed when I screamed.
Stayed silent when I was silent.

They even understood the storm that was brewing inside.
They used their own darkness to cover the storm
so when I looked within it was black.  
But I was with the shadows out of fear.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of reality.

One day I grew and left the shadows comfort
each other no longer afraid but sometimes
I long to live amongest the shadows again.
For they were, after all, friends, family, and everything I needed.

In my dreams, I still feel, hear, and see you.

You are just barely there, barely in my longing dreams.

And just when I feel your arms around my body

When I feel the fire buring in my wanting soul.

When I want nothing more than just to hold you

I wake up and you becoming just another longing dream.

My heart has travled a thousand miles.
A thousand words. A thousand Feelings.
Never really tiring as it travels further into the unknown.

And each day it feels the heat.
And each night it feels the loneliness.
And each day it feels complete.
And each night it feels emptyness.

My heart has travled a thousand miles.
A thousand words. A thousand Feelings.
Never really tiring as it travels further into the unknown.

Do you remeber of the love we had?
Do you remeber of the kisss shared?
Of our hands searching for a hold on us?
Of our keep secret, no one knows, affair?
I do, for it was a love that was rare.
Do you remeber of how curious
We were, exploring every chance we got?
Filled with passion that could be dangerous.
They would say that our love was hideous,
that the lord above hates, In hell we'll rot
But we ignored everything that was said.
Do you remember how we loved alot?
Of how much we wanted to go and wed?
I do but now that love so rare is dead.

With the tears barely dry
with the pain barely gone
you say
Forgive me.

With my words all tangled.
With my mind still turning
You say
Forgive me.

But I can't forgive you
Not after this.

His name is on the tip of my tounge
It held an angelic, harmonic sound
as if a bell or two were rung.

His name floats around somewhere in my mind
Ran away when he left for morning
Searched my clouded head but I cannot find

His name. What was his name?
Perhaps its hidden amongest the tangled sheets
I cannot remeber I'm in shame

What was his lovely name?

There was space between my fingers but now the space is occupied
with my other hand who felt cold.

Forgive me,
for I took the liberty
of borrowing your red pen.

It broke
with no ink between strokes
I'll buy you a new pen.

I have never been more afraid of the dark than now.
All the emptyness that occupied what should have been light
made me realize that I myself am empty and filled with foolishness, filled to the brim with nothing but foolishness.

Here, we must be quicker than the click of a picture.
There are men who come to take me away.
Dont protest, Dont shh!
(Where the ******* is he)
(Calm down, he sure aint far I can smell his fear, seeping out his pores. Lattering the ground beneath him every moment he breathes)
Take the message
Take it I say!
Let no eyes steal a glance not even your own.
This message is for him A vital piece to the puzzle he forges.
(He cannot hide! Look even the moon looks for him and the shadows abandon him)
I will let you a moments escape.
HEre I am you wretched fools!
(The Messenger here at last your death will please the Earth as your blood quinches its thirst)
Now!
Fly
Soar
Take the message and run!

If you were to read my poems
it would be in the safety of your room.

If you were to asorb every I love yous and I want yous
it would be under the watchful eyes of the stars and the moon.

If you were to develop feelings of pleasure and were to, in result, smile
It would be when all were asleep.

If you were to love me because of my poems
It would be in the corner of your heart this secret you would keep.

Making a living they sell knick knacks
While others sell fruit for snacks.
They come to you wanting the chance
to make you ,once you leave, money lack.