You see this whole, lively, I ain't got problems over here smile.
You do? Then x-ray it.
Let the radiation radiate what's underneath skin, fat, and blood.
You'll see that inside, my muscles are actually being pulled down to a frown.
A frown so broken and crooked,
A twisted piece of my soul,
It's an exact replica of my damaged heart.

I don't know what happened but early this morning after drinking a monster and watching a movie I got hit by inspiration in result I wrote many poems a few a posted an hourish ago but I got more to post. It is weird that it strikes you like that.

“Are you the boy? Or, Are you the girl?”
Society gets this idea that being gay
One has to be the ‘Boy” while the other the “girl”
But in truth one cannot be the girl.
For there are two guys.

Take your heart and let it whisper to mine.
Let them both have a conversation only we could translate.
Let them both write endless poetry but only the ones written with our love.
Let them laugh,
Let them cry,
Let them be together.
Take your heart and let it whisper to mine.

Etching the pencil deeper, tearing the skin.
Engraving the pain onto some visible canvas
The paper screams what I want to scream
Cussing and yelling words I dont say often
The blood doesnt trickle run, or smudge.
It stays stationary blood.
I carve the words, bleed the paper
and will continue to do so
so i wont cut myself

What if God Was a Female.
What if she was okay with everything we did as humans as long as we helped each other in our time of need. AS long as we respected others.

What if the Devil is actually something that is inside of us And She can communicate with it? and that's how they both made an agreement that they would let us do what we wanted.
So if a person didn't like to smoke but then smoked The devil inside of them won. and if a person resisted their own temptations She won.
What if she created not Adam and Eve but two organisms and let them go from there? Helped when needed?
What if didn't care in what we believed in but cared if we used what we believed in against others?
What if everything we thought we knew was wrong?

And he spoke
And I melted
He reached
I pulled back
He walked
But I walked away

If you are not sure of what you want then you should leave me alone.
Don't come up to me and expect me to fold your problems and place them neatly back in your closet.
Don't come up to me with your arms around me to hold you up when you want to fall down.
Because every single time you do I want to
Not fold your problems but take them to Goodwill because someone else can use them.
Not hold you to keep you from falling but hold you to keep you close to my heart.
If you are not sure then stay away from me.

Is it wrong to love when you are with her?
Am I in the wrong to say you I prefer?
If I am in the wrong then don't right me.
Just let me hold on to this fantasy.

I forgive you even after all the wrong you've done
My heartstrings you play,you pluck, and sometimes strum.
Creating a song within me, a song just for us
A song played to feed the romantic lust.

Don't leave my heart hanging on the line after dried
Pull it into the safety of your heart with pride
If I am in the wrong then don't right me
Just let me hold onto this fantasy.

Forgiveness comes easily
Something you breathe everyday
Something that needs to be there just in case you need it.

You get angry when something is done
but then you let the anger disappear like your half awake dreams
And the forgiveness comes to the rescue.
Love is a complicated thing

Purple
Winter Green
Hats
A
Non-attentive
Stupid
Ice
Wheat
Cocky
Funny
Show off
Romantic

I hear the leaves as the wind strums through them.
They all vibrate, humming, churning the air.

I hear the trees hit the low notes
Groaning a long peaceful note.

The river's drops jump everywhere
ding, Ding Ding
Hitting all the rocks lightly, softly, swiftly.

The summer is packing it's bags
Slowly moving out.
Fall has already settled
Or has it?
Winter is just it's turn.
While Spring is enjoying it's vacation.

I lied to you not because I wanted to deceive you but because I couldn't let you see how torn my heart was.
It only showed up today because yesterday I was in shock.
The bomb was thrown as y'all walked on by and I just shut down only going through motions that weren't even thought of.
Today I was to put it bluntly ******.
****** at you
at her
At myself.

And your hugs,
My talking to you,
my trying to impress you,
you walk back to her side
didn't help

No
It didn't help

you asked
your questions
One after another
but I could not answer you without
my tongue (trip)ping over themselves.

Yes, I am mad that you are dating her
and
No, I won't be fine.

Yes, I want to cry some tears
but
No, I won't let them fall.

Yes, I want to punch you
but
No, I won't can't mess with that cute face.

Yes, I am jealous
but
no, I won't try and mess with y'alls relationship


Yes, I want to kiss your cheek again
but
No, I can't, won't again.

yes, This hurts unlike the other times
but
No, I can't let you see it.

Yes, I will admire you
and
No, I won't look away

yes,
No,
Yes,
No

Draw me a picture
with my heart in two pieces
not with the shattered line drawn in the middle
but with them on opposite sides
Because one side is still needing to catch up.

Why do I still love you when you hurt me?
Is it because love makes you blind?
Covers the mistakes with clouds and mists
uses the blur when it sees them kiss?

I want to let it all go
let the cards fall where they may
Let the dust settle where it wants
but I can't
Love won't let me.

I love you
I like you.
I want you.
to hold and cherish
to love.

I use to be in the closet
I use to go through all these false motions
Feel all these fake emotions
I would put the straight face on
But I would always feel out of place

The closet was where I would pack away all my insecurities.
I would put them in boxes for later so I could look back at the dark memories.
And whenever I felt threaten
I would hide in the closet.

But the walls would sometimes come too closely
I would get claustrophobic
As it suffocated me slowly.

Running out of oxygen, I would pelt the door with my fists to be let out  
I would scream, beg and shout to be let out
And when I finally mustered the strength to cross the threshold
I was shoved back in
I was told that I couldn’t love him
That I should have never been
I love you but I hate your sin.
Time and Time again.

I fought as they shut the door and turned the lock
I was in the closet but this time the new me wanted to be free
The half king, Half queen me wanted some liberty.
I tore the hinges from the closet door off
I tore down the walls and pounded them into dust
And after looking at my beautiful destruction I felt justice

Because the closet is man-made invention
To keep us under control.
The story no one mentions but they know it by heart
So they stay away and not wanting any comprehension.
It’s something they use to stifle us so we won’t make a sound.
Something that will keep our feelings hidden in the background.
So it won’t mess up their “beautifully normal” foreground.

But I say no more

No more should we have to go back to the closet
To where we must feel shame
To where we must bear chains
To where we have many names
To where it gets dies, our flame

The closet must be, no more

If a kiss on my wounds could make it all better
I would have you kissing me every day.
but I will settle for this one on my hand
And cherish it.

Left with nothing save a memory folded neatly in my pocket
Only this and nothing more.
Very slowly I take it out and feel the ruff edges and soft sides.
Every now and then I open it to see the rose that is drawn inside.

Left with nothing but a token of what could have been.
Only this and nothing more.
Volumes are spoken on this paper with every curve
Every line drawn.

Let it, I let it fill my heart with wanting and longing, let it shower me with the love I have
Only to feel my heart heavy with all the feelings I don't want but want.
Vexing this is, I don't understand it.
Every Time I see you I hold it close to me.

A simple kiss on the cheek
Could make everything
better.

Just one little kiss
Just a simple peck
Could make me feel
Better.

A simple kiss could take what I feel
Morph it from fantasy to reality.

Just one
Simple
Little
Kiss.

Don't be foolish.
Pledge allegiance with the moon and stars.
With the creatures of the night.
With the shadows that hide dexterous spies.
In the end it us who win.

Besides...we have ...cookies.

The lights were dimmed but shadows were still laid across the wall
Dancing along with the small blow from mother nature.
In the room along the walls, with the shadows, pictures were hanged.
Some were covered with darkness preventing themselves from being seen
while others the dimmed lights illuminated parts of them.

I saw him with new eyes.
Gay eyes.
(Though, these eyes have always been gay eyes.)
I noticed his long nose,
a slide for the sweat that took the ride down
landing where his foot had once been.

I noticed his hair, a wildness of blond,
Going this way
That way
No way.
His eyes of the sea darted this way
That way
No way.
I shivered as the sea breeze touched me
whenever he looked my way.

I noticed his smile.
A smile that pulled at my ****** muscles so I could grin.
Yes, I saw him.
With new eyes
old eyes
Gay eyes

Don't hug me or even do that smile
You really don't want to do that, I don't need to do that
Let's not make jokes with each other about liking each other
A girlfriend you have so please no more but I should tell myself that.
Not so sure that stopping is going to work. I just don't know. besides the Sugar cookie with Blue M&Ms; you are the only guy I actually like. so....

And life went on while you went away
No Crashing of the stars, no stopping of the world Nothing.
Today I saw you and my heart fluttered but it wasn't that big of flutter like it use to be.
Ha, maybe you are not my whole world like I use to think maybe just a part that makes my life more sweet.
Or maybe I am getting use to not having you and already moving on to the guy who makes me laugh
          all the time, to the one who speaks adorably, to the one who's touch still lingers even when he is gone.
No Crashing of the stars nor moon with Earth, nothing
Y*ou I still like but I don't know. I don't know how to go about anything anymore.

And I still carry with me
That drawing.
It's covered in wrinkles on its once flawless white skin.
Fold marks were never there but now after folding it so many times
After so many openings to see how beautiful your soul could be
The paper is slowly coming apart.
I still carry it where ever I go.
I sleep with it in my pocket and hold onto to it when I need you to protect me from the dark and its shadows.
Even when I am next to you in person I carry it.
Do you know that I carry it?
That drawing of the rose.
The one you gave me on Valentines day.

It's in my pocket
Right
Now.

Anthony, I still have it.

Let my words warm you
Let my arms protect you now
Let my love save you.

I am here for you
So why not use me tonight
As the pillow you will kiss.

Let my love warm you.
Let my love protect you now
Let my love save you.

The morning dogs whine about being let out
but I am too lost in my dreams to even care.
Hairspray and Vampires **** play on the TV
but remnants of my dream are what I see.

Lost in eyes that chill me over
Lost in the ice covered sea.
Lost in a dream state that let's me be
in an embrace as I rest on he.

When you can't stop thinking of them
When you wake up and the first thing on your mind is them.
When you remember all the ******* they put you through but still smile.
When you look up to the clouds and you swear you can spell out their name if you shift some clouds here and there.
When Alicia Keys "No one" is playing in your head.
When you forgive them before they even tell you what they did.
When you see something and you know they would like to have whatever you saw or do whatever you saw.
when you know that at that moment and possibly forever they are the only ones who can make you feel loved.

And we danced all night
with our hearts entangled in feelings
That neither of us could explain.

The lights illuminated your face.
My face.
Your eyes.
My eyes.

And it was something in that moment
that ignited a spark.

We grew closer.
Our bodies  pressed together.
And.......
It was just another dream.

Yeah...my heart is broken.....but .......it will be reassembled....and beat faster.....every.....time...I see him..........and break again.....and again....and again.....

Yeah...my heart is calling....but...it will lose it's voice......and stay silent.....regain vocal sounds......every time.....he speaks to me......and be lost....again, and again........and ....again.

Yeah.... I love him....that *******....my *******....my *******.....

yeah.... I cry...for him....cause of him....
yeah.... he is on my mind......every day......every night

yeah.... I love him........................................... I ......love.....him.

Yeah.......

Everything just disappears.
The walls are not there.
the shower heads are not there.
the people are not there.
Just us.

But there is one thing that does stay.
Its him.
His eyes.
His scent.
His face.
His name.

You see while I fill the void inside me
I think of him.
While I indulged on a feast that satisfied my lust
I think of him.
His name.
His face.
His scent.
His eyes.

I stopped not because the food wasn't good
But because him in my mind was becoming to great.
making me realize that I wasn't eating with him but with another.

I just don't know.
I love him.
That is all I know at the moment.

I just don't know.
I feel like crying.
That is all I know at the moment.

I just don't know.
I can't take a chance when I know how I feel.
That is all I know at the moment.

I just don't know.

It has gotten so bad that when ever I leave after class
My stomach twitches knowing that i will see you in the halls
See you on the stairs
See you every morning and every afternoon.

Picked the card I had
But you didn't pick my heart.
Out of all the magic tricks you could do
You have yet to pull my heart from all the hearts in your deck.

I have waited for a long time
With my Heart hanging by a thread.
Barely hanging on I could feel the cool air chilling my heart freezing the blood.

But now you pulled my heart in and covered it with your arms keeping it warm
I no longer have to wait
No longer feel cold
Not with you at my side

The butterflies don't leave me alone.
But then again they have been bothering for a few days now.
Just seeing you the butterflies come back and their wings barley touch me.

This heart calls out, screaming out your name, trying to get your attention.
But that was then.
This heart calls out,whispering your name loudly, wanting your attention.
This is now.

And it seems that your humming bird ways, the coming and hovering, tell me that you have answered the calling, the screaming, the whispering of your name.
But the thing about now is I so desperately want you to revive the voice in my heart but i am not sure if you will.

Let your heart direct your path not your mind.
Open your heart to new feelings but never close it to old.
Venture with your sleeves and your heart rolled up and take that plunge.
Eventually you will find the one you will love... eventually...

Do I have a second chance?
Is this what a second chance looks like
With you following me
With you looking at me with does blue eyes I have always adored?

Or are you drowning in the no attention?
Desperate for some that you latch onto to me
knowing that I still what you at my side

The rain greets me,
Touching my face
Gently,
Caressing my face
Sweetly.

The rain talks to me.
Echoing in my ears
softly,
whispering in my ears
lovingly.

The rain leaves me
Distancing itself from me
Quickly
moving away from me swiftly.

The breeze greeted my face,
Though I rather it be him,
With a gentle touch.

He left me alone
Without a proper goodbye
Left me all alone.

A memory played
In my aching shattered heart
This memory played:

“I mustn’t do this”
But his body replied “Yes”
And we shared a kiss.

My hands on his face
And his on mine. We lost track
Of time as we kissed.

“I mustn’t do this”
But his heart and soul
Replied differently.

His shirt laid on the
Floor. Mine came right after his.
On the bed we kissed.

My fingers traveled,
His fingers traveled also.
Locking together.

Night fell upon us,
And we danced the night away.
Tangling the sheets.

Many days we spent
Holding onto each other.
During the summer.

Many nights we spent,
Finding places that sent chills
Throughout our bodies.

“I love you” He said
On that starry summer night.
“I love you” but then

He left me alone.
Without a proper good bye
Left me all alone.

Why? Was he afraid?
Afraid of what this could mean?
Afraid of this love?

His whispered words still
Linger inside my scarred soul.
Words that hurt my heart.

A blaze burning up
Any oxygen in me,
Taking it from me

Sadness replaces
All that was inside of me
Replaces him

Every memory
Every thought of him
Was fed to fire

I am left shattered,
With nothing besides what was
And what could have been.

He left me, left me
Without a proper goodbye
Left me all alone.

The hills, a chain of ups and downs, touch the sky
While the clouds go about their business.
The water, without taste, runs out and into the jugs
while the birds talk amongest themselves.
I watch the hills once more and have that memory of water without taste in my mind.
While the sun goes down just a tad bit.