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Dec 2017 · 714
23 Meets 33
You.
A force beyond my control.
Her.
Fated to enter my world.
When?
Life was already upside down.
Reason.
It was You who turned me upright now.
Yes.
So, this is how our life began.

One late summer night.
Two stars collide.
Luau in July.
Purple Palms.
Flamingo Cups filled to the brim.
I smoked a little too much.
Reality lost its touch.
They say that Dreams are made of this.
Who was I to disagree?
Unexplained emotions brewed.
Swirling questions upon questions.
Endless thoughts of You.
And your laughter.
Reminder of good vibrations.
Leaving me breathless.
Yet, you felt like fresh air.
It sounds crazy,
but I'm not crazy.
Usually so restless.
My entire being soothed.
Your presence.
My companion.

What I didn't know then
I understood now.
You were the more that meets the eye.
The calm to my aching core.
I wasn't supposed to be here.
This wasn't my scene.
But everything in life
has its reasons.
has purposeful meanings.
This was our season.
Our destined re-meeting.

You lit the Spark.
In my bonfire heart.
I was bare.
Fate don't care.
Whats meant will always be
And transparency had you
Seeing right through me
You rose me up.
While my layered walls
silently fell apart.
I was a complicated maze.
But, your kindness conformed me.
It was your eyes,
Those eyes that looked me over
After that,
I was completely swept under.


As if my life was at Stake.
I became more awake now.
For it was this one night.
That changed everything.
That truly changed me.
I walked away that night
More dazed then confused
Because deep down.
I think I always knew.
That this was that love.
The kind that's endless.
Once in a lifetime.
And, I thought to myself
That if forever should start today.
It had to be with You.
Dedicated to the one I love. Forever and Always.
Dec 2015 · 431
Heart in my hands
Why do humans hurt other humans.
Why do we pick at the seams of our souls
Why does the essence of who I am
not seem enough for anyone?
I have been rejected
with my heart in my hands
I am your fool. You crush me.
Puppet played on a string.
Where is my integrity. Why do I cave in?
Where is the moral in love?
Does that word not stand anymore.
Am I much too much for my own good
Wisdom tells me to listen and learn
why do I feel like I'm crashing and burning
Pick up my ashes and spread them wide
Does this mean im free
When My whispers in the wind ask you
Am I enough now?
Oct 2015 · 416
Rivets and Knots
I want to disappear
Leave no note
Erase my existence.
Fade away
like dead leaves
From sycamore trees

I can't stand it
I feel too much
I say more than I should
I cover my mouth
But I can't take it back
When will I learn
I'm so naive
So quick to run
At the slight chance
It will burn

I don't want to care
Even after you leave me
Time and again
Just standing, there
My mind is racing
My thoughts always
So complicating

My eyes see
But I don't know
I don't care
I don't care
Yes you care
I don't want to care
This hurts too much
I try to be strong
I've tried for too long

Should I quit
Surrender this heart of mine
Would it be so kind to die
To wave my condition
On the tears
of my mother,
father,
sister,
brother,
foe

No, not I
I didn't come this far
To ditch my life
Or to spit on my name
My birthright is claimed
And my purpose lay waiting
Though I know glory is laid
in the hands of my father.
Yet, still look at me, I falter
So quick to jump
That much is clear
So quick to love
Whom do I fear

Dear inner me
I say to you
Pity the fool
Who turns from you
You are everything
You are the essence of truth
You are love wrapped in clover
You are divine
And your soul is a fire
Those too weak can't carry
Don't aspire to capture the liar
Just desire the light within you
There you'll find the proof
Your strength is of many mountains
From Generations passed
To Generations come
Your worries are of only a mustard seed
Your heart is the greatest
And it is the capsule you read to world
I ask you to lay in wait
For much more is to come to you
Rise and claim your victory
Oct 2015 · 762
Free at Last
Hinemi
They say
To form a new habit
You have to feed it everyday
5am worship.
6am 10 minute meditation
Hinemi

I've been so broken.
I was so lost.
So preoccupied
Needy with lust
Hinemi

He says
I'm free at last.
Every fiber of my being
Wants to believe
I have peace
I am peace
I give peace
Hinemi

I started with
The Our Father this morning
I closed my eyes.
I breathed
In and out
Deeper
Hinemi
And
Deeper
Hinemi
I waited
Hands open
Mind racing
But quiet
I sat still
Hinemi
He came
He sat before me
Beautiful in all his glory
Facing me
I burst into tears
I love you
Father
Hinemi
He came
He placed his hands over me
His love poured over me like rain
My eyes in awe
He came
For me
To give me peace
To pray over me
Hinemi

The time passed
Like sands through
An hour glass.
I didn't want you to go
Please don't leave me alone
I cried longer
Your love pressed harder into
My bruised, and frozen heart
You placed your hands on my hands
And said I am never alone
You are my home
I am home
Hinemi
Oct 2015 · 382
10-3-15
I broke my vow.
In the eyes of my God
I failed.
I waited.
28 years.
For someone to come.
The one.
For my love.
I broke my vow.

Impulsive.
Oh my reckless heart.
I was lost in the lust of it all
A stranger.
Less than 48 hours.
Lessons you learn
Flashbacks that burn

Two days of bliss
A Forbidden wish
Bruised lips
Your scent left on my pillow.
The sound of your heartbeat
Your arms on my arms.
I never experienced this.
Watching you sleep
Regret sweeps deep within me.
Mine for a moment in time
You're not even aware.
I want you. Not you exactly.
I want this. But did I want this night?
And every moment that passed
I knew it wouldn't last
A stranger in my bed.
A fantasy you played
In my head.
I wanted it to be love
with the one I love.
But, This isn't real love.


Now tomorrow came
No take backs
Just a mess of my bed
And my head
But the mutter
The clutter of thoughts
They cleared.
I can breathe again
I can feel again
I am me again.

I already miss the feeling
The anticipation of your arrival
The stir in my stomach
The aroma of your perfume
It's haunting me.
Everywhere.
You were here.
The proof of your kiss on my lips
Of a body next to my body
A presence occupying
The lonely space
For so long
My heart was
Just a lonely place
What do you mean
When you said
You miss me?
Don't tease me.

Even you rejected me.
Left me neglected.
Tempted and emptied.
Is this what it feels like.
That's what I waited for?
Humanity
they can't all be
Just like me.

When I saw you last
I knew it would be
The last time
Selfishly I wanted to say
As I watched you walk away
Please don't go.
I don't want to be alone
Not because I wanted you
But because The loneliness
is leaving me spiraling

No longer the tightest bud
My petals strewn about
I left my mark
And you left yours too
Piece of me
For a piece of you

The stupid things we do
To learn
To find truth
Harsh as it may
I ask
Please don't judge me.
Lord above me, please forgive me.
Oct 2015 · 381
Mind on You.
You're the spoon
I'm the ***
You stir me up
I get real hot

You're motivating me
To go places
To do good
Be better
But I don't think you know
How much I want you
Very much so.

It's not about the way you move
More for the way you think
More for the dream
Even if it's just a dream

I hope for more
I hope for all the things
We spoke about
But mostly
I hope you don't forget me
Sep 2015 · 632
Desolate
Days like this come
Time after time
When my lighthearted gaze
fades to darkness
No life. No color. No flavor
Like a blank canvas
I've lost my way

Matters of the heart
Have me tightly bound.
To a cocoon prison
Around my heart
Inside my mind
I feel like I have no air.
I'm suffocating.
Just breathe.
I think I'm going to lose it.
I can't seem to keep
My feet on the ground.
I am so foolish
And I lost focus.
Leaving me feeling
Desperate and hopeless

I lack sleep.
I feel alone
I lust for those
Whom lie
Emotions
You swirl me
Subdue me
And shut me down.

I still ask,
Why doesn't somebody love me?
Is it I?

Father I cry
But the tears
Have run dry.
It's just an ache
In my chest
A bottomless pit
A low so low
I'm groveling
Palms up
Mercy me
Finish me
Hineni
Sep 2015 · 437
Thursday's that suck
Alarm goes off.
Get ready.
Make ups
Good
Hair is
Good
Outfit
Eh.
Breakfast in a bowl
Out you go.
Leaving on time
Yes.
In the car
Put your bowl on the dash
Never a good idea btw
I learned
Next thing I knew
Passenger side covered in goop.
20 min to clean
Now I'm running late
****
Wash your hands
Be Quick
grab something to eat.
This will do.
Ugh.
Out the door.
20 to 8
This is no good
I'm late.
I'm really late.
Sure enough
Traffic.
20 min really makes a difference
All I keep thinking is
I'm hungry
Please let there be a parking spot
****
This hair went from
Good to disheveled
Finally
820 arrived on campus
Why do people drive so slow.
Ah
There's parking.
Grab it.
60 min to spare.
Sun is searing
But I can barely
see through my windows
I remember
Windex in the trunk.
Tattered rags
College students pass
Crazy girl washing her Windows.
Yea that's me.
Ugh don't beep.
Embarrassing
No I won't wash yours next
Laugh
Cringe
Can I go back to bed
Thursday's that ****.
We first locked eyes in the computer lab
You didn't look away then, but I had to.
It happened once more a week later.
Same reaction.
Same pit of my stomach feeling.
Why do I blush so **** easy.
You give it away.
Think nothing of it I said.
Today while working in the coffee shop
I looked up and there you were.
Look away.
Don't make eye contact.
Body betrays me.
I look back.
He's staring at me.
We both don't look away this time.
What is this?
Interest?
Attraction?
Curiosity?
Lust maybe!
My eyes betray me because he appeals to them
But for now only in the physical sense.
One day there was a ring on his married finger.
Today there wasn't.
The naive part of me wonders if it's just a ring or is he married?
The rational part of me says
He's married!
Stay away.
This bad boy is not for you.
He's probably just stroking his ego anyway.
Maybe I'm just lonely.
Maybe it's just me staring.
He can't really be looking at me like that.
Right now I'm curious.
Right now I kinda like the tease.
Although deep down I know
this could be trouble.
I

Fear
Everything
Always
Raef

Why am I afraid?
To dream
To love
To have
To hold
To touch
To laugh
To cry
To make love
To accept love
To fail
To disappoint
To succeed
To rise
To die

It seems maybe I'm most afraid
To live
Sep 2015 · 441
In Another Life
I’m just like a waterfall, and these tears are for you lately.
There aren’t any trains back to happy valley.
I missed the last one when the sun went down.
I waited for the next one to come around
But when the sight of the moon shown,
And the shivers formed from the cold
I put my hands together so tight,
And prayed to the dead of night.
That anybody was listening.
That the beat of my heart
Still lay beating, breathing...
I watched the train make
Its way toward me, closer and closer.
The sound of its whistling.
The bustling of the
Brakes screaming.
The lights so brightly blinding
It was now or never.
Be in the front or take cover.
It was my decision to make,
One I couldn't choose.
So I used my last cent on that one way trip.
To where, not anybody would care...
Just anywhere around the world,
Where I could be invisible
In a new city or street.
So with my glasses raised,
I bit my already chapped lip.
Took ahold of the rail...
One last look around before I go.
The knots formed in my throat
The corners of my eyes
Blurry by the betrayal of clear
Liquid drops forming.
I brush them away
From my already rosy red crisp cheeks.
Hand the gentle man my ticket...
Two steps up,
And down the narrow strip
To the marked row 33 seat C.
I sit and stare out the foggy window,
I form a heart shape by the pane.
The train starts to hustle
My heart fades.
I keep my eyes fixated on the one daisy
Laying smashed on the boardwalk.
Specs of black lay marking its petals
Left from the harsh weight of somebody’s shoe.
I quietly say my last goodbyes
As the train makes its way.
No one outside to wave
Or blow a single kiss.
No one to say my name.
Just the sound of the winds breath.
I watch the daisy as far as I can see.
Till it disappears.
The ache still lay there
Inside and outside.
I close my eyes, prepared to dream.
Wishing when I wake
Somebody will be waiting...
Readily holding out a hand for me
A smile forming
So happily as they reach for me.
My breathing slows
And the ride becomes steady.
It’s almost time to go
So I then hitch a ride in a faded yellow taxi cab
Till I start to see my stop up ahead,
To the house on top of the bright hills I say
A light blue house on the left
With the peach colored porch
You could hear the wind chime humming.
The rows and rows of white picket fences
The sweet pup chasing fallen leaves.
I step out onto the pebbled rocky road.
I wipe the strands of hair
From my face, and take a step forward.
Feeling the fluttering of nervousness
Forming beneath my arm
Which lay strewn upon my stomach.
As the screen door brushes open
I'm blinded by the light
Too bright to see clearly at first
So my hand takes its place above my eye like a salute...
The light dims and the shape starts to form
My heart racing at my sight
The exquisite beauty that lay before me
Her strawberry blondes blowing in the wind
Hand waving in the air
Smile forming as she sees me
Arms reaching out to hold me
The moment so surreal.
No dream could ever captivate.
I make my way towards her
A walk forming a run...
Stopping short to catch my breath.
I touch her face
The wrinkle by her eyes,
The dimples in her smile
The twinkling of her eyes.
The scent like I remembered.
Together we are again
Now reaching the steps to which had no end.
Just a constant bright light shining the way.
She squeezed my hands a little tighter
I no longer felt the sadness
Which haunted the open sore
Of my broken heart.
Nor the aches and pains
From weakened bones
Or my bruised up soul.
Just the butterflies
Which strengthened and stretched
Within my body.
Walking together hand in hand,
Not breaking our stare
She finally mouthed
Two simple words
"Welcome Home"...

Francesca M. D'Amico
December 19, 2011
Revised Sept, 24, 2015
Loss brings out the writer in me.
Sep 2015 · 317
Minds corner parking spot.
Dust dancing in the air.
I ride in a car of ash.
Piano keys press in the background
But my ears can't hear the sound
My minds fogged up with other things.
Other things.
All the things I crave
All that I desire
To make me better
Or even make me smile
I'm still waiting
I'm still hoping.
Can I do this?
But maybe today I'll feel better.
Just say you'll be fine.

— The End —