The unique smell of your apartment
How it was stain on
your hair and my self
When I would lay down
With you at work
And finally feel happy for once

I just finally came out of shock
Even tho most days lately I cant breathe
I could just be angry not just at you
But at me for even telling you i love you
Now i just feel an unexplainable pain

I can barely see the truth
When i cant see my guilt
All i ever did was to love you
As i always wanted to , all i need
Your beautiful soul, your oblivion

Sexism naked under a pink silk
Is the same as opinions on a blue flannel
Her body must be of royalty
Simply for she discards it that way
Kingdom of fairy tale glamour
Hidden behind dread locks and her
It happens that no one is really worthy
Of your friendship, or god forbid
The mortal things , immoral, selfish selflessness
Maybe you would be more special if you
Werent so cold and selfish
And maybe equality will stem forth as the past
In the future and the term feminism
Which comes from 1895
Will be washed away when you realize
Every man hates his own father

Replaying the past in my head
The night I let you in, and how did I?
How easy it was, to forgive and trust
never again, fear no serpents in my bed
addicted to the feeling of connection

My trauma filled heart- invaded in seconds
Thorns stripped away, thickness of your skin
Roses with bleeding peddles, persuading me
To stay in this feeling of false harmony,
How deaf am I?

Pretty ******* deaf
I didnt hear them knocking at the door
How dead am I?
Just dead enough to wait for them
To relocate your pale body before
Your soul drifts though the ceiling.  

So when we grow up
maybe or not
maybe you won't notice
But maybe you will
                                    do me the decency
Of letting me know you are alive
And that you knew what you wanted?

Persuaded by wonton doubt
While wanting to live again
Inebreation, a deadly device
Sure I can sit in solitude
But only in the past...
It is gone like betrayed comradyery
How it was so indigenous to my species
But now is so lost upon different faces

Tonight my friend said
How come the weirdest things
Happen to you ?

It made me more sad
How it was a question
But yet one without an answer
Except
Me

My brains not scattered on the wall
Just because im special.
And i have friends
How selfish right?
Oh well i guess we all have a right to live
God given? Sure. Right to the pursuit of happiness?
I persistantly sure as ****
Hope to god thats true

Oh well
All is biding in due time
Will happiness come from pen strokes?
Or the stamping of pitter pattering letters?
All I knows is that it will come from my hands
Even tho the only way i relieve tension
From soul and body
Is by screaming or singing out the hole
In the front my peripherals? Hobby?
Maybe
Calling of an egotistical standing
Singing for myself feels more becoming

Sea ore,
I am vain and think I am an omnificent
Creator
Of my own happiness
Decider of my own destiny


Defeat

Cold winter deceit
Is reminding me

I am greatful that
I do not know
Everything
That would
be such a burden
To be different
      From
   Everybody
  Else
Eek