i hope you care about
me as much as
you say you
do.

My beautiful, darling, angelic Isla.
My heart is crying a thousand oceans tonight, and it will for days, weeks, months and years I am sure. For over 12 years you were one of my best friends.
Not a day passed when you did not ask after me, support me, or love me.
If the heavens could ask for a perfect friend, they would choose you.
In all those years we never once fought or argued.
You were only ever the strength that completed my need for a back bone, which enabled us ultimately to both get through and fight through life.
To know, as with Elin, you have taken your life, I bleed for you. I ache. The pain is so deeply embedded in my chest that I find myself gasping to even breathe.
I will probably write to you a million times over, knowing that in your place of safety you are talking back at me, sitting by me, answering my prayers.
I am beyond devastated you took your life, one so young, and yet I also know that, despite endless fighting, your demons would not rest. That was never your fault. Your past was never your choice or fault. I love you with all that I am, and I know, every day, you are with me.
I feel you here as the tears hit my cheeks and drip on to the keyboard.
I could never replace you, change you, or ask more of you.
Thank you.
Thank you for gracing my life and saving my life, many times over.
How will I be without you my darling… with me. With me. That I know. I love you, and may you rest in safety, security and love.
All the things you so desperately craved from this world so cruel to you.
Rest in peace princess.

© Sia Jane

with you
i am a
singularity.
i am
nothing and
everything
all at the
same time.
you make me
feel like i am
so important,
then like i am
not even
alive.

will i make the big bang or will i
be a one in a million shot like
all the other universes
were?'

Lets turn
   Letters into
     Words and
       Words into
          Poetry, babe.

people ask me what i
believe in all the time.
maybe god or buddhism or
maybe even poems that
rhyme.
but i believe in
the universe and
the art that surrounds me
so,
there is a black hole in the
middle
that not many people
do know.
i believe in art
and the smiles on
her face,
i also fall for her
and her un denying
grace.
i believe in books
wether fiction or
not,
i believe in the facts that
tell me the sun is
hot.
I've heard that there isn't
any room for God in
science,
but maybe there is if
you show some
appliance.
and the stars that shine
above,
are hydrogen gases that push and
shove.

the middle of our galaxy is
a massive black hole,
not even light can escape,
nothing ever whole.
you see the parts of me,
and you think, "oh shes so fine!"
but deep inside of me is
that black hole heart  of
mine.

Sometimes I wonder
when I look into the stars,
back to when I was younger,
back to when I was drunker,
back to when I was funner,
back to when we weren't at war.

I think about the details in your face
and how you talked with such grace
and how your hugs felt like forever,
didn't we have so much fun together?

Then my head started to ache
while my heart started to break.
Were your feelings all fake?
But now I'm so awake
my fingertips shake,
as the bottle falls,
I just miss you above all.

Once upon a time
is as far as I got
in writing my fairy tale
before I lost the plot
my princess was beautiful
her story was not
where she thought she'd found princes
she'd only found frogs

along came a stranger
from out of the blue
with the sky in his eyes
from looking for you
searched all his life
for too good to be true
along treacherous paths
barely bearing his wounds

his pain was forgotten
in a blink of your eye
at a hint of your smile
at the thought of you mine
all the things that you've taught me
when the pain subsides
when they have a chance to combine
will allow me to smile

again

I hope that you know that you are magical
and I will always be under your spell

The End

I keep a little notepad in my car to ensure writers safety
Because words spontaneously throw themselves around in my mind
Without a conscious thought to
But I still lose a few lines every now and then
And I can't help but wonder
Where do the lost words go?
The beautiful lines we'd love to recollect
Our own thoughts
Ones that will never be told to anyone
Or read anywhere
I wonder if they come back without us knowing
I wonder if they make up the lines that don't exactly fit anywhere else
The ones that we want to backspace
And erase
Backspace
And erase
Until they're gone again
I wonder if some things
Are not supposed to exist
Until they do
If some things just do not fit

So I write in pen
And I undo all the backspacing, too
Because I also wonder
If maybe everything has a place
And we just have to make them fit