yeah i'm angsty,
angst-ridden,
angst-infested,
angst-infected,
weren't you
(i leave the question marks off rhetoricals because it's only honest)
no no no no no more metaphor. i'm crashing headlong into this one:
i am a person. i write. i am a writer-person or maybe just a too-clever-person.
my parents are in debt, and my parents' parents went back to work at eighty.
my friends' parents are debtless and their parents' parents never stopped working.
there may only be a year of water left in California, but i need water, i run hot and my skin is uneven from cracking.
i'm tired from only resting one eye when i lie in bed, i sleep a solid eight hours each night. (just how sturdy is time)?

like when we told
ourselves we'd be
there for each other;
i'll clean up your
splattered brains
if you take out the
trash and do
the dishes.
wine-stained eyes
and sweaters wet
from the rain outside--
flecks of possibilities hitting
the tin panels or shingles,
                            or glass.
but
pages don't turn themselves,
and kindling isn't suicidal
or into pyrophilia.
planets don't just
           fall
into line like soldiers
or silly wire hangers,
it takes time.
and i'm scared,
       (terrified)
that in my
waking hours
mortal minutes
squandered seconds
and so forth,
i'll miss it.

a
little more
than 160 proof,
little less than
you.

i wrote you
letters last January
so many, i
had to pull the sterling rings
you gave me
from my cramping fingers
just to keep
putting bone against black
and ease you
out of me gently

*** was never as good
with the dishes done
or the laundry folded
and we never
held time
for chores
once we
were finished

morning: 2,
future: 0,
reasons
to smoke
cigarettes:
just one.

remember to never let a ****** change you
without permission

-
an old friend
came back to town
only to hit a patch of sand
and be forced to meet the curb
again, whereupon i learned
the value of almost being shot
in the back for the first time
in my life, and by the
end, i hope i'll know
how to take a bullet
to the chest
-

iwillnotindulgeinbreakuppoetry
*nomatterhowgooditfeels