When you don’t know the answer to your problem and you feel that everybody is against you.

When all you want is peace and love and happiness but you cannot get not even one.

When you just want to do your job, at least well, but no one appreciates your effort.

When everybody has its own opinion and it feels like yours is not worthy to be heard of.

When you’re trying your best to understand everyone and everything but all you can get is ‘because you’re too kind! You’re to good. ‘

Is it bad to be a good person? Is it bad to spread kindness? Is it bad that I’m too emotional less of intellectual compared to other people?

Is it bad to ask for understanding when the people who you serve treat you inhumanly? Is it bad that you don’t treat them the way your boss treat you? Is it bad that you accept all the bullets instead of dodging them just to protect people you care? Am I dumb for doing all of these?!

I hate this life that I’ve chosen. I hate myself now.

2018 why are you so harsh to me?

You are the unexpected twist of my 2018,
my knight in shining armour,
my milktea buddy,
my rant-support system,
my more than colleague pal.

You keep me sane when things unsteady,
You make me laugh when I feel down.
You remind me to take care of myself,
You make me feel like a woman.

But forgive me if I need to stop this
Just for me stay away from gossips
For you are a married man,
That I will never call ‘mine’

Yesterday I was happy.
I was full of energy that radiates to people I meet.
I wasn't even thinking about you-- Im slowly forgetting everything about you.

BUT

Today I feel like I'm drowning.
My thoughts float like a lazy sweep,
sliding, bouncing, swaying with what people says.
My arms are heavy, my legs cramps-- but nothing compares with the sad emotion that my heart silently cries.

I don't want you to suffer. I don't, too either.
This love that springs between us should stop before it grows and bear bad fruits.

I will try to unlove you. I will try to keep swimming away. I will not call you back just to keep you with your family.

P.S.
Do not worry because I know I can do this.
I just need a little bit time to adjust and not fall with your eyes