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Forgotten Diary May 2015
**** it , I can't help it
Every time i see you
My butterflies build me up again
My daydreams go crazy once again
And yet i can't even mutter a simple 'hello'
Forgotten Diary Apr 2015
Why can't you be more like your younger sister?
Why can't you do better?
Why can't you get straight A's while she can?
Why do you always bring disgrace to this family?

My answer?
Because I'm not her
Because this is my maximum capacity
Because this is the best I can do
I never meant to be a disgrace

I'm sorry okay?
I'm sorry if I can't satisfy your expectations
I'm sorry she'll always be the one you're proud of
I'm sorry if I'm only a shadow compared to her
I'm sorry if I was a mistake

You always use her as a basis to set the bars
You always compare her to me
You always tell me that you treat us equally but act otherwise
You always praise her and insult me

So what if I can't satisfy you?
So what if I'm not perfect?
So what if this is the best i can do?
So what if SHE'S your favorite?

Accept me
I'm begging for your love
I'm broken, can't you see?
I'm crying here in the corner and yet you still praise her
I'm suffocating to give my best and you tell me it's still not enough

Do i have to beg?
Do i have to kneel down in front of you?
Do i have to act pitiful just to receive your love?
Do i have to be like her just to see you smile at me?

But what if I cant?
Will you spit me out? Be disgusted in me? Hate me? Disown me?
All because SHE'S your favorite child?
Forgotten Diary Apr 2015
Hey, how are you today?
Are you okay?
You look sad, are you alright?
Can you hear me?
Are you even listening?
***** this, you're not worth my time

I'm fine. How about you?
Yes, I'm okay.
I'm alright.
Yes, I can hear you.
Yes, I'm listening.
Wait, don't go.

All the thoughts i want to let out...
All the words i'm just dying to say...
All the words i want everyone to hear...
All the insights i want to let the world hear...

I can't say it. Because i'm scared.
Because i don't want society to hate me even more.
Because people won't understand anyway.
Because i'm scared  people will leave me once they hear what i've got to say

So in the end, here i am.
Unable to respond to you, your questions, your worries
Because society has shut me up
And now you leave me
Because I'm voiceless
Forgotten Diary Apr 2015
Hey you! What the **** are you doing?!
Get out of my way! Can't you see that i'm more important?
I bet that when i die billions of people will come to see my body,
But you? Ha! You get nothing! No one! Because you're ugly!
Because you're unneeded!
Because nobody wants you!
Nerd! Freak! Geek! Ugly! Worthless! Speck of dirt!
Society doesn't need you!

Look at what your words have done to me
Look at what I see myself as now
Unneeded. Unwanted. Nerd. Freak. Geek. Ugly. Worthless.
Society doesn't need me.
I'm only a speck of dirt anyway

All the love? Gone.
All the self-worth? Gone.
All the confidence? Gone.
All that's left with me? An empty shell. Nothing.
Because your words broke me.

I got fed up standing up for myself.
Trying to love myself.
Trying to convince myself that everything's okay.
Trying to rise 6 ft underground.
What i see myself as is now nothing.
I am nothing but an empty shell.

All because of you.

— The End —