i'm taking you with me when i go
and most people would think that that's a threat
that i am trying to drive you crazy
both been there, both done that
but they're just ******* idiots
just ******* idiots interjecting themselves for the thousandth time
only just to make their bubble-wrapped lives
look all the more impenetrable
i am taking you with me when i go
because i can finally stop thinking long enough
for the good to outweigh the burden of caring my heart around with me
because, you
you, alone, will always be the good
and your love will always make me feel at home
it is just so hard to hurry along with me
but i am taking you with me when i go
and i refuse to think myself out of something to wonderful

I am in love with a boy
And all of his friends
Because they are so nice
So kind
So smart
So good to me and each other
And I want to hold them
And never let go
And I want him in me
Forever

and he loves me
but he's scared of me
terrified of how he looks
at me
and can't say a single
bad word about me
other than
i want her so much it makes me ache
and i love him
and i tell him all the time
because i want
him
to know that i won't hurt him
like i did the rest
he makes me want to be good
he's a little boy at heart
trying to stay safe
without the guidance of
a mother
the hand of a father
he is shaking
in the air that surrounds us both
he loves me
i love him
*i will give him time because it is all i have to offer

when i look at him
i think of all the times
i have been wronged
beaten down
by the stupidity
of so many before him
that looked the same
and smoked the same
and held me like i was water
but this time
i am not afraid of him
of it
of myself and my tendencies
to throw away used hearts
used bodies
weathered lips

i know that he will stick
because i'm okay with staying
and he's only a frog
sick of being a ******* prince

i'll give you a book of one hundred poems
all worse than the one before it
i'll give countless lines about
his fingers in my hair
and my hand in his
and the way his breath would
tickle my neck
cause an earthquake inside of me
and i'll give you all the lovey dovey
all the happily ever after
and all the heartbreak
that always follows
that always gives us something
to hold on to
i'll give you hundreds
i'll give you thousands
and it'll all be a ******* lie

you won't know any better
no one ever knows any better

it's silly to read into drunk texts
as if they are coded messages
with all the hidden meanings
you've been longing for
it's masochistic
that silly boy
with silly hair
and not so silly fingers
(wink, wink)
doesn't love you
and you don't love him
you love the way he makes you feel
the way his drunken slurs make you feel
you love that he makes you feel anything
in the first place
his drunk texts aren't your open door
they can never be your salvation
silly you

that phone of yours
that mind of yours
is playing you again

this week i have spent the night in a boy's bed
twice
and both nights
we woke up together and
made my toes curl
and both mornings after
we laid in bed
and we talked
and kissed
and it felt so good
not because i'm in love with him
(because i'm not interested in that)
but because he makes me feel so
normal
he looks at me like i make sense
and that is the most
comforting thing
i've had yet to feel