fnshfq

fnshfq Jul 2017

you said you'd be my white blood

fighting,
all that was wrong

all that was harmful
sheltering me from storms

from nights so dreadful
from devils with masked horns

but here we are
where did it go wrong?

how'd it all turn so quickly?
a sudden shift of heart

you were supposed to save me
said you'd be my white blood

now here you stand
the hand holding the gun

and here i lay
trying frantically to hold on

-

you told me you'd protect me from everything that would hurt me, you failed to mention you were going to be the source of my pain

fnshfq Jun 2017

fana

type my name in google,

i am death
i am annihilation
i am eternal damnation

"meaning of fana"
press enter,

i am suffering
i am transitory
i am the extinction of oneself

how do i be happy
when it seems like i was destined for sorrow

my own name
a haunting taunt
a reminder
that i am a walking disaster

i am fana
and my name defines me.

couldn't you have chosen a different name, mum?

fnshfq Jun 2017

nothing

it was nothing

but everything, all the same

i felt the familiar throbbing start

slowly washing over me

blanketing me in a wave of subtle pain

it gets stronger

"its nothing, don't think about it"

it starts to get unbearable

the tips of my fingers go numb

the base of my throat swells up

it was nothing

but it was everything, all the same

fnshfq Jun 2017

soft

i am soft

"gentle"
as people have said

"graceful"
as they watched me

"kind"
they told me to stay

"naive"
to a certain degree

i am soft

like the waves that roll onto the shore
like the clouds that drift evermore

i am soft
like a feather dragged upon skin
like water cleansing your sins

i am soft
but am i?

my heart feels empty
from giving too much of myself out

my mind is wary
the whispers in my heart never spoken out loud

for the fear of not being accepted
my sins, my desires, my mistakes

every time you tell me i am perfect
i feel myself sinking into a pit of despise

i am not perfect
stop telling me i am
i make mistakes
and here alone i stand

the girl who was supposed to be everything

here i stand

the girl who is nothing

nothing more than
white scars upon wrists
fingers throat-deep
skin littered with a stranger's kiss
no one's soul to keep

i am soft
but am i?

— The End —