It's been over seven months
And I don't miss you any less
You haven't left my thoughts once
And my dreams are still a mess

Two days ago, I wept for an hour
I cried out your name with each fallen tear
Last night I ran from sleep seven times like a coward
Stop haunting my dreams, I need you here

I'm starting to forget the way you formed words
The few syllables I still remember sound like art
It's as if you're silently begging to be heard
Your voice quit making me smile, it just shatters my heart

It's been two hundred and thirty days
And I still haven't gone a night without seeing your face

Burning and popping still Lingers in my minds eye, I look down to see a crinkle in time. I walk through seeing flashes if gleaming memories. Smoky gray glass silently floating, wondering, but forever still. Blue twisting and spinning through all thoughts, like everlasting bruises of the sea. Gut retching anticipation of silent questions always answered, paused and stilled. Never again to be caressed by the silent husky laughter of memories past. Light begins to reappear through the memories of black and white photographs. Loneliness suffocates me as if all those years ago with water filling my veins.  

I had been so lost, so alone. I was drowning in it. The effort it took to smile like I cared was so minimal. I scared myself with how much I didn't care. Voices running ramped through my mind. I was falling farther and farther into oblivion. Two hands reached out to scoop up the remains of me.

Silent and still I say there till I crumpled as if to be thrown away. Birthday wishes never come true if no one if wishing for you. Tears held in, hair pulled on with dead inside hands like a toddler in the night. Until a shy smile came into sight. Timid and warm but is there more?

Time pasted, wounds began to heal. Words became fewer till non were spoken at all. Pain searing. Water calling. The sinking feeling was all I was missing. Sights and sound faded till all was blank. Pain all I felt, love betrayed. Torn and beaten till nothing remains. No smiles, no silent laughter, no words to ever to be spoken.

The water beckons.

The feeling of water flowing around me, never stopping. Hands that once has held me up now push me under. Circulating, pushing out pain. Searing life on the brink is all that's left. Black oblivion rushes in like the mistress of the sea's tide. Warm salty water flows as if from a broken facet. Till it all stopped.

I talked to a cat the other day,
No, that’s not lingo for dude,
I literally talked to cat,
I asked this cat,
“Hey cat, why are you always laying around?”
And it said told me,
“Because human, sometimes you just have to relax,
Stop moving all the time and take a moment to breathe.”

I talked to a dog the other day,
I asked,
“Why is your tail always wagging?”
He said,
“Because I find happiness in the little things,
I’m joyful because I have food to eat,
And because someone loves me.”
“But sometimes your owner gets mad at you,
Why do you go back to him?”
He said,
“Life is too short, it isn’t worth hating,
Forgive and keep on smiling.”

I talked to a rat the other day,
I didn’t have to ask him much,
“What’s the point of living when you’re known as ****,
What’s the point when you’re just a rat?”
He told me,
“Man, life isn’t about what anyone else thinks,
It’s about choosing to be who you want to be,
Accept that fact and you’ll be free.”

I talked to a bird the other day,
I asked her,
“Why are you always singing?”
She told me,
“Because music brings me peace,
In times of pain, it rescues me.”

I talked to a man the other day,
I asked him,
“What’s the purpose of life?”
He stared blankly for a few moments.
And then, with his head down,
He uttered three simple words,
“I don’t know.”

Sometimes its alright to look to the simple creatures,
Instead of the almighty man, for a little bit of wisdom.

Of course,
None of this actually happened,
Because animals can’t speak.

Or can they?

Perfection is happiness

Sitting in class it's so silent
We are supposed to be writing poems
But what is a poem...

Does it have rules
Do I have to rhyme
And have rhythm

Or can I just write about whatever the **** I feel like
Can I just share these feelings that are weighing me down
They feel like stones on my chest
Slowly crunching me to my death

I cry myself to sleep every night because I don't know who to tell...
I want to tell someone, anyone who would listen
But I stop because the words taste so sour on my lips
So I run away and hide

I run to my room and hide those feelings in that drawer
That drawer that is crammed full of feelings and sad thoughts
Because we are supposed to be happy...

So I try to live like society always being happy never telling or showing anyone who I really am
Because who would like me If I told them that I am depressed and broken and have  scars so deep that I will never heal
Would would love me if I told you that...
Would you?

Well I don't think you would because I don't even love myself
I can't remember the last time I looked in the mirror and smiled at my reflection...

That fat all over my body
Those pimples
Why can't they all be gone
I want to be perfect
Because u can only be happy when you're perfect right?
That's what we are taught as little kids

It's so sad and sicken I just to open that draw and throw those feeling up in the air cause I don't give a **** anymore
I want to run up and show everyone my scars
To yell at them and cry because I'm tired of hiding
I want to be free of this weight

But instead of sharing it with anyone I'm just sitting here writing  a poem that will end up in the drawer
And if the teacher calls on me I will just not answer because I'm scared to share this with u...

Even at this place I call home
I feel completely alone

The ones I love most
Know nothing of my troubles

I act like everything is alright
But the second someone comes near
I raise my walls
Prepared for a fight
Holding in every last tear

I can’t be myself
I can’t let them see

So I bury it all
Deeper and deeper
Within me

But hiding only brings more pain