Fish The Pig: Favorites

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

13 Days

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Jeremy Duff

13 Days

It only takes four or five
of those little yellow pills
to make me wonder why I ever sobered up.

My thoughts aren't lingering
and piercing the inside of my skull
as they have been.
Maybe tonight, for the first time in four days I'll be able to sleep more
than three hours.
Maybe I won't wake up shivering
before having to run to the bathroom to lose whatever dinner I managed to eat.

It had been thirteen days since I swallowed, snorted, smoked, or drank
any form or derivative of opiates, and now it's been 45 minutes.

Immediately after I took half of what I had, I dumped the rest in the toilet,
contemplating purging my stomach of any narcotics.
I figured if I had made it this long without even feeling the urge to partake of that which is hidden in a gold lipstick case under my bed, that I could reward myself.
I dumped it down the toilet so I may not use it again tomorrow as the temptation will be stronger than it was an hour ago.

I'm sorry if you have read this far,
as it means very little to you,
but getting these words down,
getting my thoughts down
helps me understand them.

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

I am the worst of these.

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Matthew Walker

I am the worst of these.

I am the greatest liar I know.

Watch as I pretend to
stand for something.

Purity?
Listen as I tell you,
I've never kissed a girl
or even held her hand.
I'm saving everything for my wife,
isn't that grand?

Maybe physically modest I've remained,
but the confines of my mind are rotting.
Witness the perversions unveil
on my search bar as I fail to abstain.

My bathroom is a battleground.
Countertops stained from failed
attempts I longed to call victory,
shower rugs withering from endless moments
on my knees, begging you to forgive me.

Darling, I wish I could
love you as you deserve.
But the depictions flicker
behind my eyelids in every
blinking moment,
and despite the constant
praying, I can't stop preying,
the craving screams my name
through bleeding lungs
and a parched tongue.
I've lost all control.

Demons are clawing their
crooked fingers through the cages
of my heart, of our heart,
and my ribs are cracking
as our romance is shattering.

Love, I'm so sorry.
I have tainted all you were,
my nightmares have mutilated
your innocent perfection.
I am not worthy to hold you
in my arms, even if you're the first,
these stains cannot be erased.
I have left cobwebs in your corners,
they'll never be clean again.
It's my fault,
I am a vicious poison.

I don't know how to change.
I've lost the power to say no,
I don't have a cast for the broken bones,
the bodies are still littered beside
my personal porcelain Hates.
I hate me. You deserve better.
I can't perform an exorcism on myself,
and I can't wipe the webs off the shelf,
I can't even reach the top without help.

I wish I could say I love you.
But love is sacrifice
and the only thing I've
sacrificed is my commitment
while betraying my integrity
and slaughtering the promises
I stole from you.

In this moment of brutal honesty,
I'll admit my inadequacy
but as soon as morning
I'll forget about reality.

Watch as I fight to become
the best failure I don't want to be.

*m.w.

4/11/14

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

A Girl and a Boy

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Riley Key Cleary

A Girl and a Boy

Try as he might, she plays him still...
The truth, evident. Denied with a will.

The good men are few, yet he is one.
And he worshiped her as some do the sun.

Dead as a stone, she toys his heart.
He refuses to see her tear him apart.

His passion loud as roaring thunder.
For him I hope they get torn asunder.

A coterie of men, for her, behave.
God forbid she make him a slave.

I know this isn't too profound but I wrote it to make my friend think a little bit about a girl who played his heart strings.

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Poetry is Hard.

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Dolores L Day

Poetry is Hard.

Poetry is hard.

Not because of writer's block
or the fear of judgemental readers

Not because you can't decide whether or not to rhyme
or you check your profile all the time.

Poetry is hard because of the knowledge you gain.
The dark secrets of people's lives are so
so
so

sad.

Girls that I know in person to be sweet and wonderful
suffer from demons that I couldn't dream of.
Boys that seem to breathe nothing but affection
tell of abusing the worst of substances and the best of women.

Poetry is dark and scary and makes my problems seem so
so
so

insignificant.

When I see your face at school, I know how sad you are inside.
And it's not fair.

It's not fair because I can not help you
I cannot help you
and I feel like a terrible friend.
I am already selfish and would like nothing more than to say "Just get over it" and for it to work but I can't because those are your problems.

Not mine.

I won't tell anyone your secret

Poetry is so
so
so

hard.

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Be Cool (Edit)

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Jeremy Duff

Be Cool (Edit)

Just by the method in which you breath
you create a sort of paradise for me to live in.
You're just my kind of man,
you're a stand up kind of guy.
Now yell at me until my eyes bleed
and stare at me until my ears pop.

Breath life into this breathless song
and breed the love until it is of pure blood.
God knows I'm bad with habits.
They pile up and I can't properly feed them.
So try to be cool.

The board snaps and the red light indicates the doors are secure
and the entirety of the manor rejoices when you walk in.
You're ten minutes late but you brought 4 grams of
cleverly disguised bad intentions and for that everybody is eternally grateful.
But I'll try and be cool.

I'm the only one who could ever have any fun
but that was only when I was with you.

So be cool.

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

A String of Thoughts and Happenings Part Three

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Jeremy Duff

A String of Thoughts and Happenings Part Three

"There are moments here:
only dots on an endless timeline.
All the motions of ordinary love"*

It's hard to find meaning,
but it's harder to excuse meaning.
It's harder to deny that these simple routines
of waking up and continuing
are meaningless.

Things happen.
More specifically,
today a boy told me that
people like me give him the energy to keep living.
I've thought a lot about that
and I'm still not sure why he would say that
but I am sure that he meant it
and even surer that if I all I can claim
to have accomplished in life is giving this lovely boy
energy to keep living
than my life will be worth having lived.

I am sure the endless monotony
of repetition will cease
and things will seem new and fresh soon.
I've tried to bring about these changes
by doing simple things;
I've stopped eating meat
and using painkillers,
I've bleached my hair white
and have been on dates with a very pretty, if not comely, girl.

The only way to change that which bothers me
on the inside is to change those things around me
that bring upon the molestation.

It's amazing how I can sit down and begin writing with no clear objective or outline and as I feel the energy of writing leaving me,
I feel as if i have accomplished something.
I look back on what I have written and feel
that I have helped myself achieve some sort of clarity,
I can turn the zeroes and ones into comfort,
I can turn the digitally remastered music into love
and I can feel it.

My uncle once told me he couldn't believe I could be sad,
that I wouldn't believe the things he's seen over seas,
both on and off duty, both as a soldier and as a traveler.
Maybe he's right,
maybe I shouldn't be sad,
but it's only when I'm alone I feel this way,
and even then it's only some of the time.

Three years ago I was close to taking my own life,
and I remember that then I was only happy when I was alone,
and even then it was only some of the time.

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Taking Without Asking.

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Jeremy Duff

Taking Without Asking.

No means no,
not right now means no,
stop means no,
silence means no,
lack of consent means no,
anything other than yes means no.

It makes me sick
and it turns my face red
and I can't think
when I hear about him.

When I hear about how great of a guy he is
and how it's only alcohol that turns him into
the monster that I see him to be always.
In sobriety he makes me just as sick.
Anybody that takes with asking,
that doesn't listen,
that feels entitled to *** when it is denied,
makes me sick
and should be hung,
should be shot,
should be ****** on
and torn apart limb from limb.

Boys will be boys is not an excuse,
alcohol is not an excuse,
ignorance is not an excuse.

There is no excuse;
a bullet for every ******.

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Krautrock

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Jeremy Duff

Krautrock

Faith falls out
of the lottery winning man
just as it is absorbed
by the cancer ridden man.

Nothing makes sense
in this world in which we live
and everything is gray in the relationship
we allow to live.

God creates man,
man creates God,
sheep live blissfully ignorant
without a need for a god.

The fastest man on earth
partakes of the green,
and the fastest man on water
partakes of the green,
yet the laziest men on earth
criminalize that which is our birth right.

Freedom's legality is a matter of discussion,
it's a matter of luck and
place of citizenship.

Depending on where you are
you may speak your mind.

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Fae and our Folly

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Riley Key Cleary

Fae and our Folly

You don't know the fae.
Your tales are lies.
Those with the sight,
have truly cursed eyes.

Ask the wrong question,
they'll take your tongue.
They've shattered love,
and stolen our young.

If you are there,
you best behave.
Demure their fruit,
or be ever a slave.

When being stalked,
Iron is your friend.
So keep it close,
to the possible end.

Decisive by nature,
always be wary,
do not create
A vengeful fairy.

I know the fae.
Take this to heart,
give them a second
and they'll tear you apart.

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

The Best Rolemodels are Children

Apr 2014 Fish The Pig

Riley Key Cleary

The Best Rolemodels are Children

I envy the young,
their eternal bliss.
I have ten years
I'd never miss.

It's more than age though,
It's what comes along.
With responsibilities
It's hard to be strong.

Maybe I'm weak,
but I'm not ashamed.
If it's anyone's fault
society's to be blamed.

Greed drives us,
and the need for wealth.
This is skewed philosophy,
what we need is health.

Money has made equality a lie.
We did it to ourselves,
The question is why?

It's human nature
to be better than others,
yet this doesn't exist
when new from our mothers.

I envy the young.
Future in the making.
The virtues they hold
will keep us from breaking.

Sometimes the youngest people are the best role models.