once when we were speaking candidly
in the car or maybe at breakfast
I told you how much I love the you
that comes out at night in your room,
the Bogeyman beneath your glasses who
leaps out of the shadows and, like a
ravenous beast, topples me over to
devour my tasty flesh —

you shrugged at my suggestion and I
wondered if it ever occurred to you
that your lust simmers so near the
surface on those nights that smell
so heavily of *** —

when I asked if you noticed any
Bogeyman in me, you only admitted
that I become more “blunt”, not
commanding, necessarily, but
straight-forward and concise —

it makes me think of those shivering
nights without clothes when we haven’t
made it beneath the covers yet
as something like a ritual where we
shed our daily roles and put on
those of the beast and his master,
where I conquer you and clean up
your spoils, leaving only a
slick orange sweater and a
hasty a capella symphony, a
prelude to sweet and somber slumber.

Your face is not the loveliest I’ve seen
Sometimes you’re condescending and you’re mean
But I was drawn to beauty in your soul
You seemed to be the one who’d make me whole

I could not my feelings cloak
Logic, reason up in smoke

My love was just a dimly glowing light
I thought you needed more and I was right
I was a fool, you never felt the same
My heart is empty and I bear the blame

Unmatched love, the cruelest joke
Dreams, desires up in smoke

You’re worldly and experienced, I’m pure
You’re charming, charismatic, I’m demure
You’re wrong for me, and I am wrong for you
There’s nothing more to say or left to do

Once again, my spirit broke
Confidence is up in smoke

The time has come for me to let you go
From pedestal, join us now here below
My life moves forward though this love is gone
New page, new start, it’s time for moving on

Resolve is like the mighty oak
My life will not go up in smoke.

There was a time when you consumed my mind
I spiraled down; I knew that I was blind
A silly, oft repeated tragedy
I thought of you, you never thought of me

From desperate dreams at last I woke
Sweet sfumato, up in smoke

I wanted you so fervently, my dear
But my desire was covered by my fear
I loathe it so, my naïve, childish heart
It makes me stop before I even start

Destroyed by words I never spoke
Hopes for us went up in smoke

Beauty doesn't matter if you're shallow and selfish.
With no depth to your personality it's no wonder you have a difficult time making good friends.
If you surround yourself with **** you will start to smell,
you become one of them.

We can poke fun at me all we want because yes,
I don't have many friends,
but at least I have friends that would never abandon me.

Blood is thicker than water but I feel no connection to you anymore.
Your abuse towards me is unforgivable (especially since you've never directly apologized to me)
I will never forget the things that you said,
I would have expected them from someone (you know exactly who),
but never from you.

It's sad to say but it's a firm decision:
I am done with you,
I feel no remorse about this.

Cutting people off is a common occurrence in our family.
So this was unavoidable,
I wish it wasn't so soon,
I wish you'd realize the err of your ways,
I wish you'd stop being such a sociopath.


Goodbye.

I died back in '85
but I was told my whole life
I was alive

the mattress I sleep on
is stained with my tears
multiplied with the years
of emotional trauma and fear
fear of dying alone

I pour my heart into different bowls
add some water and mix it with a brush
then sling it onto the blank walls
of the asylum
I built inside of myself
where I go to forget
that I have died before
and this is hell

the colors bent with the corners of the room
a different part of myself is in bloom
I'm redecorating my mind
as an abstract collage of everything I've learned so far
in my short amount of time

I entered back in '85
and it took twenty eight years to realize
that I have been dead this entire time

You are that book I love to read...
the one that is unreadable-
no matter how hard I try...
I cant get my head wrapped around you

you are unreadable...

and it's driving me crazy,
because I m sure I am falling for someone
who has no interest in ever catching me...

but I'm not stopping now
id rather fall and get hurt by you...
to take the chance...
than to maybe someday live with the what-if's

and we cant hold hands...
we cant embrace...
there is no physicality involved...
it's lost somewhere in the thousands of miles that separate our hearts
but that doesn't stop me from listening to the saved voice-notes
and saving your photo as my wallpaper

because every time I look into those mystifying
,yet somewhat mocking brown eyes...
my heart skips a few thousand beats
Those bushy black eyebrow's ...
that cute button nose!!
it all makes me hope that someday...
all the goodbye's we text,
will turn into the goodnight's we whisper in each others ears...

but for now I'm fine with smiling at the screen....
for now I'm  fine with crying when I play your voice-notes...
blushing when you flirt with me...
because...
for now...
I'm okay with listening to the harmony...
of two heartbeats in the distance

The moon has become a dancer
at this festival of love.
This dance of light,

This sacred blessing,
This divine love,
beckons us
to a world beyond
only lovers can see
with their eyes of fiery passion.

They are the chosen ones
who have surrendered.
Once they were particles of light
now they are the radiant sun.

They have left behind
the world of deceitful games.
They are the privileged lovers
who create a new world
with their eyes of fiery passion.

When I tell you that you scare me
I want you to take it as the biggest compliment
That I could possibly give you.
Because people who come and go
Who just scratch the surface and leave
Are easy to deal with.
They don’t make me believe that if I cry hard enough
All the bad will be washed away
They dont make me want to kiss them for the feeling of
Time passing and not regretting one second of it.
They dont make me fall apart like
A crumby piece of cake squished by a toddlers hand
They dont make me laugh until you cant even hear
My sound let alone my words
They just don’t make me feel anything.
So when I tell you that you scare me
Its because you make me feel things in extremes.
Its because I know that there is no possible way
That I can get out of this and not be changed
I will never be able to go back to the person I used to be
Because you wont scratch the surface
You will break me, and scatter me into a million different pieces
And maybe thats why you scare me so much
Because you make it seem okay
To not be a whole
And just be pieces of undetermined fate.