Oh darling.
Oh darling!
Help knot this noose.
Spill out the contractors spindled spew.

My leash is as tethered as my thoughts.
Kick the stool angled foot
Remove tension,
don't slack.

I've decided I just don't want to keep my thoughts inside.
They aren't always sane,
but have tendencies to seek the "in."

My departure welcomes the cold and bitter.
As the winter.
To which the tree holds the sight of.
Chlorophyll picked away from leaves
to fulfill a coming life.
I will restore the color back in the splintered rings held inside.

This withered branch; my neck.
Ready to untwine
From burdening weight balanced on my spine.
SNAP!

Fingers snap to my fall.
4 counts per measure
Each conducted with quietus posture.
A contortionist to the meaning of nurture.

Oh you
Oh darling
Oh me, oh my.
Hanging from this tree oh why says I.

Do I have to die?
Oh right,
NO! Wrong let's lie in light.

That tree giving color,
given hope.
Painted again by my deaths brush stroke.

What I thought would be so warm and welcoming...
Is only what I had before...
Nothing.

We've probably spoken four words aloud since
we met and you
probably couldn't recall my name if you tried
And although you're gone physically
somehow I can still feel you here, inside
And that thought, that you could somehow
appreciate me both helps and haunts my mind
I know we had our differences
And i'm too fearful to start a conversation but from what i've
heard your friend say to me
my feelings were probably matched by you
unfortunately, i'll never know because
like I said i'm
frightened i'll be utterly wrong
and left hanging for everyone to see on
a noose in my own bedroom
I literally cannot go one day without
wishing to see you smiling, and
talking with your friends
or even waving at me, like that one instance in the school halways
after my religion class
but then you would go home, we wouldn't talk at all
and I'd be left to go to a horrible science class
to think about "What if?"

I woke up alone
I wish I could change
they're tearing me apart inside
I'm just a travesty
and you aren't my friend, keep all you've got
keeping this up, whatever it is,
dear it isn't safe
give me a solution
your expertise is not for me
that arrogance can't get you anywhere
just smile at everything they'll
be fine with or without you
you've never been my friend
you'll be lucky if a memory of you even remains
choke on your misery, darling, because
my lungs are giving out
and the waved crashing on the sea
could pull me under
you're a fool
you can't tear me apart like a blade, a hurricane
I'm a bone, flesh, you're just a boy
but I'll continue to smile at everything
and keep misery to myself

As I choke on my breath
I watch you leave out of the corner of my eye
It's cold here now without your sun
drunken sun that you are
And now I'm conversing with a gun
It's frightening me, as I fly forward into
those million ways to end my
unnecessary life
I hope you're having a really good time with her
I try to think of happy thoughts but
the only thing of a million ones
clouding my mind is you
I'll wash you down with something strong,
and watch stars fall
until everything I have known is a blur
and it is all the same
It's still cold
You slide into her bed
lull your darling into sleep
Palm Springs has nothing on the luxurious life you two lead
that ****** taste you left still remains
torturing me
and I hope you're having a wonderful time