being and not being,
siting and laying there in front of me
the reflection which jumps into my eyes
with a matted finish portraying its age
of being and not being.

I saw you sitting atop your sprinkled leaves
where you stayed perched to pass the day
but when the gentle wind blew a breeze
you turned to run away.

I do not fear those things; no longer.
I will not hide from the face of the unknowing.

in the puddle beneath the pear tree
I watched the galaxy weave its web
and my fingers could tug it's strings,
like a pianist at the keys,
tugging at infinite light and sound
pulling me closer to this eternal truth.
guiding me through the endless paths
and showing me the difference

between those
and rabbit holes,
folding into folds,
unfolding into new,

you whispered in the night, "i'm here".
but I couldn't find you in the sunrise
or in the field I cleared for you.

I've got you another name
but the moon is waxing towards new
and I won't have much light to see your shape
so have the chorus hum some softer sounds
while I lay my head on the overgrown ground
searching the skies for the letters I need.

it shouldn't take long, few hours at most,
but I need time to shed these invisible clothes;
to strip myself clean from these things I don't need.

I've found that other place
but I don't know if I can stay
your name was there, but something had changed
and you couldn't convince me there was any other way
this wouldn't be the first, shall not be the last,
but you gave me water and watched me grow

so ill find you anew
where i won't know your call
but my ears will, even if my mind cant

my bed rests in my sisters old room
and some pictures of her friends remain.
my duvet is stitched from hands and machine
of the woman i forgot to love.

i can't even begin to describe the truth.

the sheets underneath were bought by
the girl that ****** me best
but the lady i love is no where to be found.
complex on complex on complex.

i can't even begin to pretend i'ts not true.

that song does me better than the best drugs can
and I know that feeling well.
the peak before the spill, like
sunrays reaching land between a clouded sky.
don't remind me of that tiny dancer
because my linens can't stretch the distance to where you are.
gonna take this as it goes
like a boulder breaking loose.
i'll crumble in the downfall,
shattering from impacts like a firework at night
but my saving grace
is being scattered about with all the others
which time has performed it's endless task.

I dare and try to stop it.
stand beneath where cracks have formed.
place my hands high and hold the weight
as it begins to shift from the freeing of gravity.
could i be Sisyphus? or be Atlas?
my mythology hasn't developed in depth
but I am no disgraced God.
i am man with a heart filled of fever dreams
that doesn't know his own strength or worth.
i'll try forever and endlessly come short
its no different than where i stand today
but i'd find myself crushed flat if i didn't try.

you didn't want to swim, said the water was too cold.
so you dipped your toes in from the jetty.
you've spent too much time in the south
grew thin skin like those reptiles and warmed yourself in the sun.

I dove in knowing what this might mean
so I took off for the depths of emerald green
where I could barely make out your image
or see my feet treading beneath

symbolic in more ways than one
I didn't stay long for consideration of your chilling blood
you asked if I felt refreshed
even though you knew I was.

innuendos abound
we spoke strictly in subtext
until I asked for clarity
and that's when I found myself drowned