I just woke up from a long dream
One  which I hardly know how to classify
It felt like a nightmare, yet it was appeasing
And I longed for it…

All the same, I just woke up!...

To find myself caught in a thorn bush
Thorns piercing into my skin,
Choking me to become one with them
Red thick blood gashing out
Everyone staring at me, shouting
Their eyes fiiled with sorrow and sadness
The voices in my head screaming
Asking me how we got here

I’m gasping for air
Can feel my heart beat so fast it’s about to burst
Veins in my body telling me to leave now
Every fibre of my body yelling out in anguish

I m scared to leave
I don’t know if I can leave
I dont know if I want to leave

These thorns embrace me so much the pain feels fulfilling
I crave for their touch
They are a part of me; I am a part of them
Together we are a sweet, bitter thorn bush.

If I leave I will be left with scars to haunt me  
If I stay I will die and be one with the thorns
And pierce those who will stand by my grave to weep

Help me... save me
Somebody, anybody
But this I know ....
I am my own saviour
No one can pull me out

I am tangled by death
Yet it’s the best feeling I have ever had

The laughs. The tears
     The trouble
        The heartache
Moments of pleasure
         Gone forever
The shattered dignity, wounded pride
             Almost broken  

Gone
      The strong man
             The fighter
                   Weakened
Yearning for home
        Africa

A dream unrealized
           (till now)
Life long ambition, unfulfilled
Life long ambition, by others ignored
Never returned to a country adored

The loss you feel
The pain you feel
The emptiness inside
Like a limb torn off
A giant void.............

That all important person
                     gone
Cant forgive
            The world that killed him
Cant forgive
             The people that let them
Cant forgive
              The drink, drugs, the clubs
               The friends, the boys that used him
The country and the system
        which degraded
               then ignored him  

One morning you wake up ...........fine
       Then suddenly
A sharp nothing, a poignant space
        Something wrong
Something happened the day before
                Then
                      Remember


Then
            A cry
                       Dad
                                Gone
Then the anger
           Followed by enigma
How could you leave me?
How could you give up?
Then blame God
       How could you take him?
        Knowing that i need him.........?

The open wound bandaged with love
              and care
The pain, the loss, the anger
                  the warmth

FATHER and DAUGHTER never closer
                   Always Remembered
Visions of the past
       (Always with me )
Just cant and wont subside.....

That is what I am, that is who I am
No one dares look at me twice
Every where I go, they ask themselves what happened to me
Kids point at me and hide behind their parents
My face is smeared with ****** scars
When they ask me why I’m bleeding ,
I tell them about you!!!!!

I tell them of the late nights i spent in your arms
I tell them of how passionately we made love and the words you whispered in my ears
I tell them of our long conversations and the echo of our laughs
I tell them of the promises and the vows we made under the moonlight
I tell them of how deep my love for you was and how it would have followed you to hell

But I also tell them of the wet pillow I put out every morning after crying myself to sleep
I tell them of how you left me shattered like glass with no desire to live
Of the nights and days I strangle myself to death in my dreams just to escape the pain of not having you
I tell them of how i have died more than once
I tell them of how I had to rip out my heart because your name was tattooed on it
And I could not bear the thought of you in someone else s arms

Of how I long for your love
And how I still have vivid memories of your scent
I tell them of how even at my best, I was never good enough for you
I tell them of how I never meant anything to you other than a fling
Finally I tell them that the scars I have are just proof of how much I ever loved you

I engraved your name in my heart
To make you a part of me
One that i would never lose
Little did i know that mine in yours,
Was written using dust
And you were just a wind passing by


You blew me away with the strength of your touch
Swept me off my feet, made me soar high
Under the influence of your tornado i was,
Only to drop me to my death


I ask of you, erase  your name from my heart
Or better still give me a new heart with no scar
How will i bear to look at the scars
Scars made by my love for you

Nature should have told me
Of the strength
Of the illusion the wind carried with it
How it filled one s eyes with dust
Preventing to see a clear image of love
I would have waited for the stars
And them would i have engraved in my heart

I will await on you time
To untangle me from this bound
I cannot untangle this tie.