If you really knew me,
you’d know that
I’m far from happy,
I can’t handle life,
I almost committed suicide twice,
What if 3rd time’s the charm

If you really knew me,
you’d know that,
I attract abuse,
Physical, Mental, Emotional
I’m strong though, I can take it.

If you really knew me,
you’d know that,
I can’t trust, I don’t trust,
Especially men,
They’re nothing but hurt.

If you really knew me,
you’d know that,
I hurt myself,
Cutting and Burning,
I wanna make the pain the same.

If you really knew me,
you’d know that,
I’m not that smart,
Yeah in school, That doesn’t count,
But I don’t really know what’s goes on around me,
I can’t handle it.

If you really knew me,
you’d know that,
I hate myself,
The way I look kills me,
I think I’m fat, always have,
Puking and starving, hospitalized.

If you really knew me,
you’d know that,
I’m not happy,
I’m not perfect,
I’m alone.

As I look at the person I thought I knew
Sticking a needle in her arm
About as skinny as a twig
toothpicks for legs
only veins she shot up in for arms
She was my protector
until the drugs took over
Now, nothing that protects
just the oxygen tank that keeps her bleeding
It’s all she can hold and keep close
The only thing she’s unable to sell for a “fix”
The only thing trying to save her life
she gave up a long time ago

Passing this trait to both of her daughters
Can’t let it happen to me
I still have a future ahead
I can’t let her ruin my life
Even though I ruined hers
I have to leave

She was a role model
now she’s a charity case
images of what not to be

I always promised her
I would stay no matter what
what if I had stayed
didn’t let her push me away
why did I ruin her life
she always tried saving mine
why did I **** her

I have dreams,
Bigger than you could ever imagine,
Going to college,
Valedictorian,
Even finishing would be enough.

I have dreams,
Bigger than you could ever imagine,
My own business,
Someplace to better me,
My community.

I have dreams,
Bigger than you could ever imagine,
A house,
One that’s all mine,
Small yellow house, White picket fence.

I have dreams,
Bigger than you could ever imagine.
A husband, bunch of kids, even some pets
One family,
One happy family.

I have dreams,
Bigger than you could ever imagine.
I’ll take care of my mommy,
The way she always took care of me,
Build her a house, a pool in the yard,
Money in the bank,
She’ll never have to worry.

I have dreams,
Bigger than you could ever imagine.
I’m gonna be successful,
I’m gonna be,
Happy.

All the time wasted, all the time spent,
I don’t think you know how much you really meant,
All of nights just sitting here doing nothing,
The secret confessions, the hugs and the kisses,
The thought of you is all I miss,
I miss the arguments about our strong opinions,
I miss the way you were always unexpected,
But your predictableness is what I really miss,
The way I could finish all of your thoughts, because they were thoughts we shared,
All the long nights we spent on the phone, and the way your voice just sits in my head,
The long summer days, the cold summer nights, 3 years strong,
All ended in 1 night, 1 night of pain, 1 night of sorrow, 1 night of realizing you won’t talk to me tomorrow,
There’s still so much I have on my mind,
Everything I wanted to say to but there was no time,
I know everything I wanted to say, everything I wanted to do, no of that I did so I didn’t hurt you,
So this is my last goodbye, my last *******,
I’m sorry but I’m not, because now I know that all your ******* is done,
And without you, things will be a lot more fun