Girl where have you been? Have you been in the clouds and just a little too far in?  What do you see when you look in the mirror ? Do you notice that your beautiful, with your brown toned skin, your size 10 waist and your beautiful sculpted face.  Why do you have a wall?  Don't you have the key to the gates? Are you ever going to escape...are you ever going to escape? Where is your release? Are you anywhere near your B16.. Why are you hiding your face? Your eye liner is smudging and your lipstick is all you can taste. Wipe your face, are all your tears worth the waste ? What are you crying for? Not this beautiful face. Have you discovered your destination? Are your dreams far from reach? Where is your mind? Will you ever be at peace? Still tryna find the tunnel to gate B16, but your just a little too far from the scene.

I want a love like, me think of you, thinking of me, thinking of you type love.
or me, tell my friends more than i ever admitted to myself about how i feel about you type love.
or hating how jealous you are, but loving how you want me all to yourself type love.
or seeing how my first name just sounds so good next to your last name.
****, i wanted to see how far i could get with out calling you but i barely made it out of my garage.
see i want a love that makes me wait til you fall asleep then wonder if your dreaming about us being in love type love.
or who loves the other more.
or what your doing at this exact moment.
or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts, closing my eyes and imaging how something so good could hurt so much when your not there.
and **** , i love not knowing where this love is headed type love.
and check this i want to place those little posted notes all around the house so you never forget how much i love you type love.

and not having enough ink in my pen to write all there is to love about you type love.
and hope i make you feel as good as you make me feel.
and i wanna deal with my friends making fun of me when they went through the same type of love type love only difference is this is one of those real loves type loves.
and just like in high school i wanna spend hours on the phone not saying **** and fall asleep and wake up with you right next to me and smell you all up in my covers type love.
i wanna try counting the ways i love you then lose count in the middle so i can start all over again.
i wanna celebrate one of those one month anniversaries even though it aint really an anniversary but doing it anyway cuz you know it makes me happy type love.
and check this i wanna fall in love with the melody the phone plays when none of us dial into it type love then talk to you til i lose my breath you leaves me breathless.

You ever feel like your dreams are caged? Prisoned. A bunch of ideas without a way of exiting. Flooding your mind with scenery that only you can see. A piece of life that oneself only has access to. The beauty that the mind creates, a scenario to escape.

I fell in love with a prize, this guy, and my flight..
I couldn't believe I won, man it all came so soon and yet again I already started loosing it.
Five years strong and still couldn't get enough of you like you were codeine drugs. My codeine raw, I took you straight up like you were my bottle of jack only thing was you weren't in a jar.
Age ain't nothing but a number, it ain't seem to tear us apart. We still fell in love and ****** like we were making a scene to **** hub, aha, that was us.. I was told once that love don't come easy but love come unpackaged.
Laying in my bed, two weeks later .. There wasn't a sign of a code red and the pain of that .. Was well you know, you get that. Rest in peace to our son or daughter. Glad I met ya father.
Lately I haven't been myself, I've been that girl .. A girl, trapped behind a window, looking on the outside of what I've created. It's not all sugar and spice, it's not even nice. my mind so clouded it's almost like I see myself in flames already. But you, you changed my life, and I could never say thank you enough,
Getting away from you has got to be maybe one of the hardest decisions I've ever made, it didn't want to hurt you when i knew it was my time to go..I hope you know it was because I love you. I love you so much I forget to love myself, and as you read this, just know this is my letter to you, this is my ticket to you.. I thought I let you know, before anyone else told you so, that I'm no longer breathing, I'm with the angels now, my angels and yours ..and I'm above you saying hello..

Why do we lust over things that we do not have?
Why do we want of those things? Is it because of the glare in it's look or name that may follow with it.
Why do we look at people and want what they have?
Is what we have not a satifactory? We hunger for the things that lust in our souls.
Materialized items, that we use for show and tell, but it's not worth gold.

My queen, I know you may feel unfurnished, worn out, and unclothed but believe me mama you shine brighter than gold. I've seen you hurt, and nothing will ever compare to the tears you've shed, all those late nights in your bed.. All those brusies and scars feel like they'll never go away, still forced to be locked on a soul that should no longer be attached.. But, your mind has it like it's a latch. He hit you, and nothing compared to it. You feel hurt and unable to get away from it.
My queen, light skinned and round, have you smiled yet? You look tired, and haven't laughed yet.. Your beauty shines, something that hasn't left, still there and irreplaceable, no one can beat that.. Hustling for the rent and all your babies realize it too. One day I'm going to take care of you. Because mama, I love you.

You,
Nineteen and confused.
Asking god what your purpose is..
Do you think you have a fuse?
Do you think there will ever be a cut off?
Nineteen and tryna get there
But who's with you on trying to get there?
Can anyone ever understand your grind?
Ya pops..
Where is he? Has he visited, has he sent any coverage. Did he care? Does he care?
Your own flesh and blood,
Left in this world to become a man on ya own, that wasn't fair.
Only leading you to the mistakes he made but your nothing like that man .
That one person who understood it all, face as brown and smile can turn ya mood around, sick and trying to fight off that sick frown,
Cancer only brings disasters,
That pretty smile, she's gone now and only wanting you to do better now,
Birth is a beautiful thing, aunty knew it. Beautiful mind and still pushing until that last fatal line, now we only wonder what's she's left behind, all three of them knew she had the time, same circumstances as you, forced to raise yourself, **** where's the clues?
Can you bare it ?
Baby, I wonder where ya heads at.
Don't explode, he wasn't tryna see that.
Let's go get ya mind cleared up, you need a air vent, only but to turn around and her that nine click.
****..
Blood on ya clothes,
All in ya hands..
He was  ya manz,
As confused as you were..
God only showed you the glance, life support was keeping him in ya hands, rest his soul, he was the man.
PURPOSE.
Who do you have left?
You fighting and have a mental D-STRESS..
Asking god what is there left?
There nothing more that you could take from me, so I'll take something from you
Ya self.
Got that nine, locked and ready.
Click, click..
****, why it jam?
You had to go check,
You hit that door and all the bullets left.
God was saving ya self but you still ain't realize it yet,
Running back up stairs, knives in ya hands, you knew that you were destined to go, so you stabbed up ya legs, only seconds away from that last breath, ya door break down and a voice behind it, yell.. "It ain't ya time yet"
You good now,
Until that one day momma came with a speech, hitting you and hitting you, ya blacked out and only remembered pieces, you'd never raise ya hand to ya momma, that's ya queen and ya love her. The women you saw struggle and all you wanted was some closure.
Hearing you'll never be ****..
But all you know is that street tech,
Nobody there to motivate you, so **** success.
But none other than the less
There's a girl who wants to see you progress, waist 11, smile pearly and white, perfect curved lips and beautiful brown hips, you've pushed her away and she still stays, because she loves you and doesn't need a pay,
She's just another story though,
And she isn't going anywhere, because she's your first love and some more.
And I know there's more to the tail, but he's far from where he was then, he's different now, and he's that successful man now, he my man, he's my purpose and he's breathing now.

Am I confused
Where am I?
My life seems like it crashed all in one day
Like I can't get it back
My mind has been in just one bundle
And I'm too far away
Where do I go?
Who do I see?
It's not fair that she's there,
It's not fair that I'm not there
Is this a wake up call..
Or is it a scare..
God was on my side,
But why am I not there?
Why am I not laying there?
The guilt.
Am I even built for this ..
Am I meant for this?
I'm high without a pipe,
I've made many decision but why do I still have my life?
What is my purpose..
I don't deserve a life..

Why have you not realized I'm there for you? I care for you, something that others may not realize because they won't bare with you. If you cared for me, you wouldn't do the things you do. After I make you my priority and you treat me like a option to you.  But my love for you, it's always me for you . That I do accept what you tell me and there's nothing more I ask of you . I aid you in the business you conduct and pretend I don't know it's concerning you. Yet,  I don't recall myself ever saying no to anything I put in front of you.  Your reminded of the little noise I make  to remind you what a good person I am to you but a good person wouldn't be here right now putting up with you.