"How can someone love you
If you don't love yourself?"
The words of therapists trying to help
Won't go away

They're right
I'd been thinking about it all wrong the whole time
There's
         Nothing
                     To love*
They didn't want me to be happy
They just wanted to put me out of my misery

On another night when I can't sleep,
I am, for once, grateful for my solitude.
I've been using again,
wish i could say it were drugs
but it tends to be more valuable tender.
Witchy cravings
for love and fulfillment
sought out in the arms
of whomever might be around
just now.
and just for now.
No making attachments now.
I never asked for that.

and it's 3.40am now
on a moonless night
and i'm lying wrapped in a blanket
wondering why it is
I'm not yet one with the stars
or the trees
or the wind.

And i've got commitments to fulfill in the morning,
the real morning,
but my brain just won't let go of this moment
because you never do know
if it will ever come back.
and i never do you know
if you'll ever come back.

And
just

the whole time you
were talking I was
watching your hands
and thinking about
how I'm going to
miss the way your
fingers drum on
your knees and
always make their
way over to me and
start a beat on every
surface of my skin.

I can't do this.

But we are
simply
not made
to only see
each other
when we
wake every
morning.
I've lost
you.