It all comes down to this.
I'm just not appealing to guys my age.
Apparently by simply being myself I'm intimidating.
I come off as too mature, too collected, too confident, too smart.
I'll never play the role of stupid and easy,
but I'm not confident in the slightest.
I doubt myself and wince at my reflection daily.
Maybe some nights I just don't feel like showing everything.
Maybe there are parts of my skin I'd like to save for a lover.
My idea of commitment is too old fashioned for my generation.
I'm expected to be fast and easy and vulnerable in all the right places.
I'd much rather wait instead of wake up in some mistake's bed.

Just when you were the last thing on my mind
it's as if the breeze picks up and like two fallen leaves,
we're swept together again.
I'm forced to realize how complicated my feelings for you have become.
Our lips meet, it means nothing, and yet you still look at me that way.
You don't have eyes for me, and yet you can't break your gaze.
As if you realize it too, how we should have started here instead.
How long before you realize that it's always me you come back to?
We would be so happy together if you just dared to consider it,
and yet I'm too numb to all of this to tell you I'm right for you.
Who am I tell you what you want?
Maybe you'll figure it out this time.
All I know is I can't survive another collision with you.

I think I'll take this chance
to open my rib cage,
as I watch the leaves dance,
and retrieve my little candle flame.
It once was a pulsing fire
sparking with hopes and desires,
but for what's become of it, I'm to blame.
I set my heart down and watch it flicker,
weakened by a simple breeze.
Who'd have known that developing
an affection for someone
would turn into such a dousing disease.
I once wanted my candle to be a guide
to someone just as lost in the dark as me,
and yet now the shadows are my dress
so delightfully flattering and numbing.

There are days when it rains
and I just want to lay down
with my back on the pavement.
I'd stare up at the tears
of the nameless.
Pretending every chilling drop
is a faintly stinging kiss.
Then I'd fade away from it all
without notice or being missed.

You picked me up
then made me spiral down.
Like an auburn leaf
lying on the ground.
So this is how it feels to fall.
I'm crushed I don't want to feel
at all.

I want to make you sink.
I want you to drown in the sand
where my heart once was.
I want to drag you down,
suffocating you with the emotions
you once claimed to not understand.
I want to make you cry and beg and plead.
I want you to apologize to me
while I make you suffer the way I have
for ever having developed affection for you.

Your body aches for something more.
Your mind and logic fall in defeat.
Your heart stands over it all,
dragging you through every emotion.
Be they slight as eyelashes or
rough as glass shards strewn on pavement.