I am one of the few
blessed with
the most lovely curse
of self awareness.
I can't take a substance
to drift off into my youth.
Through potions and vapors
my being still haunts me.
I'm fully aware of
who and what I am,
and I cannot escape me.

If finding the "one" is possible
when will we become two?
When will I finally find you
and we'll be lost in each other.

When will I find you?
I wonder about you
so often now
it seems I spend
most days in a cloud.

When will I find you?
Spotting you in the crowd
like a fallen star amongst ashes.

Our attraction is automatic
the physical tension is palpable.
Your poisonous thorns try to hook in
and burrow deep underneath my skin
but finally I am immune.
Though your eyes light my heart's darkest flame
now I have strength and we won't be the same.
You're the perfect kind of toxic
but now my only thought is
I'll only allow you to be a friend.
You better savor that last kiss babe,
because it's never happening again.

How am I supposed to truly live when,
no matter what I do or how I play it off,
my heart rests in your hand.
It was something you looked upon fondly once.
Now you only admire it as trinket you found,
an object you unknowingly toy with idly.
Some pretty thing you picked up off of the floor.
Though my mind strains to move on
the rest of me remains your thing, your locket.
Closed to you, and yet so painfully yours.

I have you back and we're better than before.
Lips locking until we're breathless,
laughter bouncing between us.
We're lighter and yet it's so much heavier
that all we can truly be is "friends".
It's so bittersweet to be better
yet settle for less, lines clearly drawn.
I'm fine with it as long as I can still have
some kind of hold over you.
My heart is darker than I had imagined it.

I picked my poison.
My poison is you.
You're so bad for me
but you said you're sorry
and here I am accepting
that we can start all over
again.
Maybe we can make it
if we start as friends.

My brain declares "no"
but my heart screams "yes!"
Begin again and take a guess
is this a sweet wine at my lips
or another glass of venom.

I almost forget you.
I almost forgot you.
Then a friend jokingly
mentions your name
and I hate you
but I miss you
*all over again.