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 Aug 2013 explorereality
Redshift
baby is supposed to be in bed.
if baby doesn't sleep,
baby doesn't mend
daddy made me promise
to rest my aching head
but baby is too tired
baby feels too dead.
 Aug 2013 explorereality
Redshift
peanut-butter sleep
from a green and yellow bottle
via a little
round
white
pill
i'm scared to sleep because i have nightmares. when i take the pill i still have nightmares. only i can't wake up. ...so i sleep. i guess that's what they want.

dad keeps asking me why i'm always "forgetting" to take it.
 Aug 2013 explorereality
Redshift
all i said
was that i'd always wanted to own a used bookstore
since i was a kid
and you replied
that you could get used to
seeing my **** ***
behind a counter
i don't mean to be cliche
but that kind of escalated
rather quickly,
******
 Aug 2013 explorereality
Redshift
try to throw up the little white pill
baby is
too scared to dream
but it's too late
it's already in
your bloodstream
stand up
pace the black room
fall
over
lay panting
fall
asleep

d                    r                    e ­                a              m
 Aug 2013 explorereality
Redshift
you are a beautiful little box at the bottom of my screen.
and somehow i am always shocked
when you want to talk to me.
the first thing i remember you saying
involved naked women and steak
and we were
twelve...
you're more awkward
than anyone i've ever met
and
the way you carry yourself speaks of unfamiliarity
with everything
and i feel like two planets trying to smash together
to make one
when we talk
because somehow
we never get
our point across...

...but
i
spent several years of my life loving you
a quiet little box
on the bottom of my screen
and you spent several years
loving a girl
with the prettiest feet
i ever saw

...i feel ok about this now.

dave,
i would make you pancakes
but instead i wrote you this poem.
to one of my best friends.
 Aug 2013 explorereality
Redshift
i blame a lot.
i blame myself
i blame the people around me
i blame the people that left me
i blame this town
i blame my family
i blame
i blame
i blame.

but what if no one is to blame.
what if this actually is just some freak of nature
and this is just how the universe plays out
a sick dance of broken family trees
a pageant frilled up
for all the soul ******* humans
to see
and partake
maybe i was meant to be awake
maybe sleep isn't for me
for a reason
maybe i'm supposed to be the alive one
maybe dying makes you breathe
maybe i'm just not seeing
what i'm supposed to see
maybe everything is backwards
like my sister's overalls
at her backwards birthday party
when we were
three
maybe
maybe
maybe...

maybe destruction is actually


d       e             s              t             i      n         y
 Aug 2013 explorereality
Redshift
baby has given up on mommy.
it's been too long
to keep hoping she'll get better
baby needs to pack her bags
move on.
two years
countless chances
to make something
anything
just a little better
countless chances
missed.
baby doesn't need a mother
baby has two arms
baby can hug herself
rock herself
tell herself
to behave
to
smile
baby has a heart
and a
head
she can
breathe
she doesn't need
a mother
she doesn't need
she doesn't

need.
- the head and the heart
 Aug 2013 explorereality
---
We are tainted
Poisoned
Weakened by our societal
"Needs"

We are bound
Bound to this earth
By our greed
Our lies.
Our pain.

Take the antidote
It is within reach
Remove your bindings
They're loose.
It's your choice.
I wrote this for a piece of art I'm planning, hence the odd two-word title...
Its hard to find my way.
To realize my mistakes,
My actions' effects.

Everything has an effect.

I always turn to dead ends
And confuse myself more.
Twisting and turning and panicking and...
Breath. Breathe.
I'm thirsty.

I need... Answers.
To my one and only question.

*What should I do?
stabmesoidontdoitmyself
evenifimdreaming
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