This
is
a visualization
exercise-- Take a
breath and close your eyes.

You wake up,
in a world moving too slow
to ever be significant,
and while laying in your bed
you realize something:

Nothing's changed, except who you're *******

---

Twenty years later,
you wake up in a different bed
horrified by a single thought:

Everything's changed, except who you're *******

The law said her body was made for love
The kind of love that wants to show you
just how much it loves you
by sticking things inside of you

hard
fast

Then slower

The kind of love that wanted to make the bible blush
make you quiver; the
kind of love when you put a female and male hamster together.
The kind of love that wanted to make music out of your ******

Love said "This is what happens
when you use
Needles to ingrain the words love
on peoples skin"

It feels a lot like pain did

Like when the first boy you ever loved
said I love you back
And proved it because he held you after
sticking sticky things inside of you
Like how he said hed wait untill you were ready
then said "You're gonna make me wait forever.."

How that guy on the third date said
"Come back to my apartament
So I can put what I want into you
Until you are empty
Because we might call it love"

Until you met a boy
who untaught what the word love meant
never asked you when you wanted to have ***
whose hands never roamed as greedily
searching for places to settle on your body
who didnt wish to make a home out of you by filling you senseless
and calling it his furniture
art
who traced outlines of constellations on the palms of your hands
and played
"Guess the Nebula"

Whose hardness never prodded you in the back
like a protest
in the early morning
whose breath always came easy
never hard
or fast

It was just holding you with no intention to
*******

He said
"Love isnt what you put inside a person
In hopes of making it stick;and naming it after something beautiful
I can pin my thoughts on you but
you are not my canvas. That wouldnt be fair.
I respect your property."

There was nothing broken when he left.

It's been a day,

     It's been a nostalgic day

There are plenty thoughts in my head
To keep me up and awake

You said the right things
          the right way
at the wrong time
     on the wrong day

And now we'll never be okay
Nothing could ever be okay

   Again



.
.
.


Shopping at The Wedge
     I ran into an Ex
We started talking again
   We both only wanted ***
We kept in touch,

               we craved the touch

But I left her again,
          Because it felt like too much

     too soon

Much too soon,
     I couldn't handle being alone
with a lover in the room


(Dot)
(Dot)
(Dot)



Sometimes I'm desperate
Sometimes it's desperate for me
Drowned in a cruet
Sometimes I just need to breath

Oh God, I'm trying
          Why can't you see
Please stop taking everyone
     I love
                          away
from me

You're going to make a life
Even if it kills you
The irony, a silver bullet,
Is hollow tipped and true
I've become a conscience,
The Hand of the Queen, a guide
The whisper of a realist
With nothing more to hide
We've found the perfect balance
Between a balanced mind and something new
We've lost ourselves in time
And now all we need is truth

Just because I stumble doesn't mean I'll fall
Just because you have touched the skies
It doesn't make you tall

Scared: the invaluable opportunity life provides us to be brave.

I'm sitting
waiting
"will he speak
no
he won't speak
he never speaks"
I open the conversation
I type "hey" slowly
I consider erasing
should I add a smiley
maybe two e's
two y's
I decide to leave it as it is
"I'm taking too long"
if he had the chat window open
he would have seen I was typing
then that I stopped
I erase "hey"
slowly type it back in
press enter
but
the message can't be sent because
he's already gone.

one day
      you will only own memories -
   so keep them.