rocking on this swing again
where I crept into the moon
so many nights with
and without you

twirling tongue spells
whispering kisses on the wind

I sat in blackness
sky light communion
praying begging manifestivals
for just the slightest uplift
in your shadowed lids
to peep ignite

while you steeped in other brew
as if I could pry you
from your own entrapments

you employ them
in places you won't let me
because you're scared
to open your hand
fully

dailies distract the knowing
and warm your frigid sheets
then you wonder why
there's no space
for we

I know I'm Sunday mornings
flung swift at your door
requiring all your insides
from turned-out pockets

but I'm also
high-gloss, full-color
edge-of-your-seat
content symph in inter-D
and every last **** one
of the funnies

plus those coupons in the middle
to places you've never been
they kick back everything
you've thrown in
10,000 folds

uncreasing dewy
unto you

then pushed into
grey matter *******
asphyxiating pump white
from red life

rising together
then falling
apart

I walk
through forest char
reminiscing, not so much
plumes of combusting hope,
as the feeling of
not alone
in core

you were my ooofo
come to wake me
home

sinks
leaching into
my hollows

immobilized maybes
orbit the shatter
of our halos

until
it doesn't

and light shrapnel
starts accreting

is how my mood
(current longing latitude)
affects how deep ink seeps
and flavors it releases

sometimes
I’m numb to it

but when I set down
shield and doubt

feels sucker-punch me
imprint other pattern
stain singe teeth felt

My Abandonment Issues cordially invite your Abandonment Issues to usurp their lack-of-****-togetherness with a fusion of festivities!

What: A.I. Fusion Fest
Where: Sunny Padded Land
When: Now - You Can Never Leave

Activities Include:

- Acro Yoga
- Tandem Biking
- Graffiti Affirmation Wall
- Cuddle Puddle Grotto
- Synchronized Trust-Falls
- Sock Puppet Heart-to-Hearts
- Fear Archery w/ Custom Targets

Don’t miss the main event!

Three-Legged Race

Utilizing all the greatest affixing technologies (including, but not limited to: rope, Duct Tape, Super Glue, Gorilla Glue, wet cement, bungees, resistance bands and all variety of *******), the race will begin by the Fountain of Unknowns, ascend over Mount Paranoiac and finish down in the Valley of Chillax AF, where there will be infinite punch and pie.

No need to RSVP. You’re coming.

:)

I don't trust
the ****** moods

it's like, I hear ya

but I hear more
what's underneath

the unbridled hope
charred to dark spectrum
from an indelible rainbow

underwhere I sit and play
with all these words

that insist on having
their way with me

both bums me out
and ignites traces
of magical ether

like emo glitter

just feels so ******
like some all ages
HS reunion I never
want to attend

is gonna be
the death of me

full spiral
- once again -

lying in the grass
thinking of Drink Me bottles
and rabbit holes
to lose myself in

this is purge
toxic upchuck sludge
rigorous rigor mortis decay
it's not pretty, but it's real

wish I had cupped hands overflowing
with moon rocks and pixie dust
but I'm plumb out at the moment

these words are septic
and the valves rusted over
to get it running again
you gotta let flow

stomach sores fester
bloated bile gurgle
sloshing esophageal shores
the unsaid brimming ruefully

on the cusp of all that was, is
or doesn't even matter anymore
**** if I know

it's all stagnant murky

of underling
arising

viewing
of

past preceding
swirling now

it calls eyes
and demands
walk-thru of heart

I knew
the other night
was gonna be
intense

when I put
the chemicals in
the ones that tend
to make elate

it’s what
they’ve done
every time
since
you

to varying
degrees

they’ve become
therapeutic purge
leaning lone

just sit
in my ****
under the gloss

you are not alone
in thinks
in feels

they want air
and mouth
and hands
to catch

you know...

facing you
was the hardest thing
I’ve ever done

harder than
walking
out

of that
dead-end

it summoned
every shred of every
insecurity ever felt and
every failure face-planted
every inner negative creep
and ear-jammed program
the toxic false news
of six long years

to think I
get something that’s good
and not just good, but like
made special just for me
with this secret switch
somewhere that goes
glowy unknown
like too few are
lucky to know

after sucksessive bad
it just didn’t compute
when I looked
in the mirror

if you had not been
so ******* stubborn
I would have
never

returned.

I can spin
the webs in mind
so thick, my stories
my characters
and how I’d
painted
self:

plain, dim
undeserving
unduly inadequate

it comes up
for processing
not to road-block
but be cleared...

thank you
for what you said

I needed
to hear

precisely that.

the residue
of smoke remains
but I know

soon

I will
breathe deep
get meshed with
dodecahedrons
trickling down
my walls

whispering
the things, all

our ****-ups
even reek

of meant-to-be

it's all so
I can't even...

but
I will find
a way to say

how our
dominoes tripped
over each other

flicked from
the synchronic fated one's
luminous middle fingers

yours, left
mine, right

colliding in
the in-between

I've been knowing
for quite some time

and yet,
my brain still
tries to deny
it's all so...

no ******' way

but
yes way
it

- truly -

sure-as-Shinola'd-****
did

go down
like so

I've realized
I can ignore you
for a little while
get ****** up
in other stories

but then the
electromag compass
pulls at me
it's just this thing
beneath the sternum
wants recognition
beyond eyes

and you are
the truest north
it's ever known
so far

it was never the words
but what they represent:
our scripture, an effigy
to ineffable deities
morphed and mirroring
inside those holy moments

my mind says, **** this ****
but my heart cries, I want some more

you shouldn't ever
have to wonder

if you'll be meeting
your unborn child
on the other side

instead of in
this life

and the last thing
you'll ever see

is his hateful mug
feeling zero remorse
as you claw
desperately
for air

so happy anniversary
of yesterfray

when I peripherally laid
my eyes on you

the day I
didn't believe
because why???

it didn't compute
so my brain pushed it
away away away

because how
could you find it so easy
to replace me and ricochet
between four arms that were
not me

that was my logic:
if you loved me, if it meant
- anything ever -

you wouldn't have
made those decisions
like a haphazard hellbat
rattling off the tracks

so it was
quite obvious
I was just hallucinating
just pasting my aching heart
onto some random guy
who was oddly
not dancing

the truth is deep
and I'm trying to not
have you OD but I think
it's time to increase your dosage
and we're getting closer
closer still to
a mouthful

and one demispoon is
I noticed you the instant
you hit my periphery
maybe 15 feet away

I guess by noticed
I mean my stomach
did a nosedive down
through my intestines
resounding repetition
internal to the tune of
this isn't happening

as you made your way
in front of me

I was petrified
losing my mind
it made no sense

but that feeeeling
had your name
beating down
my lips

and I even pondered
tapping you on the shoulder
to ask something as asinine as
do I know you?

so, here comes
another serum dose

it wasn't until I was
contemplating the potentials
of reactions by you
or not-you

that I remembered
I wasn't alone -
I was, how you say...
with someone?

and maybe you can relate a bit
to how I could possibly find
myself in that situation
so quick

dear Watson, I can certainly now
understand how easy it in fact is
to fall into the arms of someone
you have history and unfinished
karmic business with

when you're
so alone and lonely
feeling lost and hungry
for connection you bypass
all the utterly obvious
ill-fitting cardboard edges
that aren't even the same image
and just focus on the one or two
that click right in, so comforting it is
to walk down the same old street
even though you already know
how and where it ends

it was certainly
a welcome distraction
from picking glass splinters
out of crippled crimson fingers

and now I understand
how you did what you did
and that is why I came back
again...

because it took me that long
to let go of feeling
unloved

and realize
you did

blab fuckity **** **** gab
buncha tryin to be some-
thing real or whole

x-press(ion) squeezing pleads
into hypnotic hymnal
humming breathe

up my thighs
now, not numb
but tingling throes

I feel all the
nothings winking
at everything con-
tained therein

and I squirm
toward the right

where it
overflowed

is starting to do
running leaps
at my uvula

from bile pool below
where it's been stewing
for quite some time

it's going to latch on
real good and tight
with white-knuckle fists
one of these days

and herald in
songs of sorrowful
karmic oneness

(and hopefully
some laughter
at the absurdity
ushering humility
with eyes wide
seeing through
the slits in salted
facepalms)

and lessons
oh my, the lessons...

#1 = we are the creators

of our hells
and our heavens

into bare
I scan surrounding

it's all headthrob
fog veneer

but I trust
diamond moments
more than I

open palms to this
thunder pulse of now

squinting eyes at current
as it drowns ideals
of yesterknown

skeptic, disrobe
mystic, throne

I trek the flickers
wherever they
may glow

my hips
skim petaline
love every flit lit
in the direction
of my reflect

I want you
and all your molecules
blissfully unruly

if and when
we’re in a space
screaming fuckyesicandothis
face-to-face

expectations shall be level-set
at (or below) exploratory, bizarre
mutual muse meanderings

and if ever
we find ourselves wrapped
around each other’s necks
each baring half
of one cracked, flaming heart

we will know without a doubt
what is and isn’t possible

I’m not looking to force a relationship
just someone to ride shotgun
on my mental trips
and yes, I am driving the spaceship...

and if that becomes
best ride ever
just know

the thing I’ve always wanted
is a best friend

I can’t keep my hands off of

I have zero concerns
about Part B

and Part A alone
is no consolation prize

I want you in my life
no matter what we are

even if just symbiotes
like now...

;)

staring down stars
seeking signs inside the fire
I can't tell the color of my own eyes
anymore

just the bright whites
staring back into mine
flitting above the smile
that I struggle to give

where, who, what, when

why.

the Q’s transfuse into
plasmatic stew on spun plate
overfloweth

af.

seriously, the W’s
bend me over without even
a hello

at the navel
part me
with your tongue

lickstrip the human
until primal claws
my soul undone

a shuddering peak
of milky peach
carnal prowess
rippling beats thru me

marking territory
in teeth and cream

latching onto
every inch
of salted slick
tentacle binding
your swell
into my
deep

I drink
your being
coming
raw

shaking thighs exorcise
leaking all I'm not
in glisten streaks

we pry
the edges
and escape
our bones

worlds parting
at ripe lips

surrender me
in drip glitch haven
where your every
eye roll, ****
and murmur

sends me further
than I ever
knew

I could go

I hear they opened
a **** recycling facility

right next door
to the ***** store

apparently
**** can be reprocessed
manufactured and molded
into most durable caliber
of ***** ever

***** that bend
but never snap

***** that pull
but don't shove back

***** that give
for evermore

rapping
(articulately, symmetrically)
across adjacent chamber doors
flung off rust hinges
obliterated ornamental remnants
upon electric yellow sidewalk
chalked with stardust parallels
thresheld holding, walked over
most excellent righteous ride
corset finger writhe
on Other side

(evidently ******* is most valuable
as it’s so transparent and malleable)

bindings beg to be pulled
from glyph-gorged stacks
to temp risen laps
finger grasped
spreading pages

indecisive craves
begat overdue fines
so many times
for lackluster endings
and characters not
worth the crack

so many stories
heroes and heroines
man vs. mechanisms
(of mind)

these rising acts
will parachute down
into denouement nets

but our parallel strands
have already been sewn
in galactic hammock

and I know we both
just know

there will
never ever be
another story
as wild and mystical
combusting magical
as how
we

came
into being

only timelapsed
soulvolution will tell
if we get happy endings
on repeat

get to spin our tell-worthy yarn
to a sea of wide-eyed disbelief:

heartstart firecracks
luminous on India ink black
unlikely alchemy everclear
writ by hands parallel

on the most
pivotal

night of my life

waters run
down the center
slice opening

droplet forming
flow between
edges skimming

tracing vinyl
you pull music
from me

dervish spun
attuning frequency

blush flush blooming
unfurled petals bow
to nectar rush
in river's mouth

tethered dependent mental patients
and we've made a showroom
out of the waiting room
for distraction hacks trafficking ills
bought with souls sold off
straightjacketed addicts
aching to take the sting
out of this taut
existence

truly feel the impact
of old school swears

and that makes me sad

I can only hope
in four hundred years
after we're dead

some poor HS freshman
is searching the new wave
hologram CliffsNotes
to define idgaf

cradling
star suicide

matching wristlets
carved with capitals
of other...

but under scarmantle
flow fathomless
immortal sprawls

exclamation
shaken cores

churning metallic
until forged

when it feels safer
than love

...

spoiler alert:
it's not

have
the words

burned

on each other’s
tongues

we really did birth
a world of words

and it's fused
to both of us

no matter
what?

like our thoughts
ran off together

and left
these bones

in the dust

inside my heart
and the beats blanket me
unrolling out and around till
my blissed-still tongue vibrates
all the way down to my bare toes
like the beginning of goosebumps
but I never get cold
just icy-hot chills
emanating from
thawed soul,

I remember
the whole

while I was locked
and gagged
inside me

I took the time to
do some crucial things
enabling me to
face you
shakily

I went back
to the beginning
ate each and every thing
I thought was a no
and inked over
so hard I
ripped

the paper
with yes

I edited
our timedlines
inside my mind
struck thru rejections
Sharpie marked in insecure
pushpull bulls puncturing
red cloaked fear
with horns

I engineered
utmost empathy
by stumbling through
scenes I thought I knew
in your dusty kicks
forlorn and weary
in a bath robe

and I prayed
with heart splayed
between wide legs
whispering my truth:
your name

animating your fears and
character assasinations
in my direction

(as an attempt
by your ego to protect
that black-iced velvet heart
that's dying to know
the me I really am
or already does
and wants a reunion)

I'll be here

just
being me
this brain, this pulse
this history all on display

and FYI, I've
never shown mine
like this to anyone -
every millimeter of skin
every satin-wrapped dream
every jagged edge of broken
every malady that made me

me

your ego says
oh hell no, because
it knows my laser eyes
and furnace heart are gonna
burn that mother to the ground
with just one look

(a.k.a. 10,000 jade-lit
kaleidoscopic stones)

and in its place,
architect realities with maybe
a mother-in-law cottage
for that grippy gripe old bat
(at best) out back

behind crystal palace
atop bone graveyard
while we dine on serifs
washed smooth by
thrashing shores

on cosmic waterfront lot
with sugarsand paused
crystalline, still and
completely
ours

could it be my tummy
trying to digest all these
heavy conflicting feelings

the love and the pain
the missed and the discarded
the conjoined and the severed
the forgiveness and the blame
the righter and the wronging
the know and the dismay

or maybe
the wine and the pizza...

I'll go with
C) All of the above

rages rearranged
spun splays delayed
faded fates in disarray

balmy balsamic
accumulating cyclonic
ruminative cumulonimbus

wet flecks foretelling
saturate somethings
this way coming

wishywash
rinse, repeat
annoint me

in space
behind your ribbed cage
and if your captive heart beats
like it might
combust

I'm here
to sprinkle sugar
on that somber skull

to pipe fuchsia roses
and circle purple petals
around those two blind holes

where decay caved in
and bloom your sight
again

I decorate your death
because what comes next

is life

decompose
fester
rot

go through the dark tunnel
let the painful push you out
to the other side

honor the circle
the end is never
the end

death is not morose finality
but grandiose opportunity
prerequisite necessary

in this Holy Unified Scheme
of infinite resurrection

figuratively
and quite literally
it's beautiful, really...

the One is ever clever
with the poetic symbols

if you stop and stare
into silken fractals orbiting
the pistil of a lotus blossom
you'll see

truth whispering
through a sliver of eternity

who you are
how you feel
what you
want

and how
to get there

but these

slit serifs
shielded wounds
and white knuckles
are some things
in the way

give them
fresh air exodus

the walk is through
never around

remember:

the quickest way
between two points
is always & forever

a straight line

supple skin braille
concave instigating
letterpress caress

crescent palms grasp
milkrose hourglass
suppressing sand

as we
glide the sky
midnight to bright

Venus dimples
when she smiles
from behind