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I am standing
at the mirror

loving every scarred
unruly thread unraveling
in this breathing tapestry

it wasn’t my fault
what happened to me
my patterns were scored
long before I knifed them in
over and over again

picking people and paths
to validate my false hypotheses

unworthy kept me from
letting you love every one
of these holy spastic molecules

until I loosed grip
on erroneous
self-loathing

and I am so sorry
I really needed you
but I couldn’t let you
be there for me

because I wasn’t

and now,
here I am…

scoping silver under glass
making silly faces for me
blowing kisses at myself
and giving a little wink
over my shoulder

as I walk out
able to embrace
the wild unknowns
that await me
underneath all these
prosaic proclamations

the kind of poetry
that rises on its own
climbing your throat
from pump overflowing
and pirouettes off
the tip of the tongue
somersaulting thru ether
into sherbet blooms
underneath every
faerie footprint
they are sampling:

Infinite Loops
Shredded Fears
Sunny Bunches of Whoa
Iridescent Pebbles
& Cream of We

no obligation to buy
just satisfy that
curiosity

while supplies
are lithe
I've gotten to the point
where I can feel
grateful for

arms that held you
when I couldn't
love that found you
even if it didn't
break through

cradling my lovely
while saving me
the ache

of a try
not ready

and if you
are my future
then they are my past
and I will love them, too
it's too bad love
got mixed up
with pain

because it's
the only thing
that can heal it
in a holy instant
even though
I so can’t wait
to **** this town
I know I’m supposed to
Be Here Now

I often detest
knowing everyone
and everyone also
knowing each other
craving the anonymity
of unfamiliar places
new spaces, discovery
coasting below radar
of expectations
of history
of who I
used to
be

every day
every drive
every place I go by
is dusted in memories
or rote routine
either yanking on
my heart strings
or lulling me into
monotonous sleep

but maybe
those two things
are just what I need

an ever-present challenge
to stay alert and in heart
remember the who
I was before
while becoming
the who I am
going to be

and if I can stay awake
clear, centered, grateful
to the new-now me
here, where it’s all so
seemingly same-old

I can do it
anywhere

so maybe
my problem is really
a perfect opportunity
who instigated
Block this Caller
functionality

but that MF
deserves a Nobel Prize...

digital deuces
while they prattle on

to no one

and I oh-so enjoy
the silence
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