f this.
and that.
f the soul-******* siphons.
f the **** ******* on all the things.
f the wretched that ravages souls.
f plundering the vast unknown. f the broken that breaks us apart. f the pain that can’t find the exit door. f the non sequiturs that never stop. f all the thinks I'll never get to know. f the desert that evaporates technicolor dreams. f the reams of unsung ink.

f getting up too early. f never enough sleep.
f having no focus because mind is always trying to escape.
f the architects of this unending industrialized violent puppet reality TV.

f not having patience for utmost important because basic survival in this free range slave menagerie is just too overwhelming and chips away daily at already threadbare sanity.

f the aches under these ribs always begging for more.
f the abyss that eats cravings caved in for breakfast.

f the knowing that knows how awesomely amazingly brilliant loving flipping mind-glowingly ecstatic and jovial like a MF this existence could be.

it haunts me:

iridescent reflective ascendant peacocked wings
fluttering phoenixflies burst from ill-fit cocoons
surfing air so ******* fresh
even the Lorax ain’t got **** to say - he’s dancing
with kombucha in one hand and a DMT pipe in the other
at the festival called, I dunno, Just Because it’s ******* Monday

and we could
love and make and dream and play
all day every day every year every life...

and I look over
at this giddy ******
epic little boy version of me
and I think:
****

I have to keep trying
keep believing in the things
because the thought of leaving him
in this world, as-is
without me

is the hardest thing
I’ve ever had to think

learn some UX/UI best practices
and above all the annoyances,
PLEASE STOP trying to be cute
with the perpetual edits
to the HP name

it's annoying
and distracting
from actual things
I want to read

thankyoumkaybuhbye

pimiento angeldust,
where have you been
all my life?

though I wish
I met you sooner
let's not bemoan
days gone by

but start now
in agape mouth
with a thorough intro
upon eggs and 'cado

and this tongue
that loves you so

the curiouser
wants to know things

like:
how many times
I've curled the edges
of that holy mouth

how many flutters
almost caved the roof
on that blood-red lockbox

how many times we've climbed
each other's walls, coming down
on soft dew clouds
inside your mind

and
how many times

you held yourself shaking
when I wasn't there

these things matter
to me

and I wish
I could overlay

my parallel trend line

every inch of me
is tattooed

with lines
of you

you know the days
the ones where you regret
every stupid thing you’ve ever done

look back over your shoulder
wistful at wisps wilted and slipped
through numbly fumbling fingers

while you were busy tightening
your heavy cloak of unlovability
the love you longed got stuck inside
the mirror of nonsensical symmetry

we are like children
inexperienced and naive
never taught how to handle
snow globes brimming with God

disagreeing over methodologies
to get it across the finish line
self-righteously wronging
from craves crumbled
to do it right

because it’s Us in there
enshrined in white orbitals
frosted characters waiting
for whirls to still
so they can be seen
on collapsed knees

opening
to the same page
at the same line

unshattered

today
is one of those

if my writing is getting worse
or if I’m just trying less
to make it good

either way, it’s OK
it doesn’t need to be
anything

other than

smoke signs for other
caged reflections to breathe
transitory fragments branding screen
that felt fleeting happened indeed

and for a moment
this was me