red wine
sugar, cinnamon
sliced pears
nutmeg

boil boil boil
stir

pricey cheese
**** food
****** mood

I expected something like memories,
lost eyelashes marking the paths
where our laughter bounced off of buildings
disturbed birds and audacious shouts

Something within me said, yes,
this is the feeling, this is what I was waiting for
blue eyes and full lips
Hair as beautiful as your hands
white teeth, beautiful back

But as the day dripped by
slowly like molasses from my fingertips
I heard nothing
not a smile, not a sigh
not a look from your eyes, not a sideways grin

I did not hold your hand
or run my fingers down your side
I did not touch your lips
or bump thighs on the sidewalk

because you do not exist

or you did not, in the moment that i wanted
and now i hardly think
you ever will have the chance again
the water that was my soul
is resealed in its tupperware

and the dolphins in my pockets
have been erased away just a little bit more
fade fade fade

fade until there is no more
fade until it's all rock hard

like cauterized nerve endings

and hollow cheek bones

and the names in my pocket book of **** yous.

my body wants to shatter into thousands of tiny waves,
with dotted i's and flawless traces
my thoughts are soldiers walking to their graves
stolid grins, formed feet in iron spaces.

Silverware, silver wear, a face staring into the depths of my soul, eyes focused, pupils dilated, one beat
two beats, three beats, a mountain naked in sulphur water, and ******* clad nature
hands warmed up around all the bread you can eat
and wait you're

gone again. that brief space where i saw your zero zone undressed
silk scarves unbound: your hair floating over your *******

you floated away again in the wind after you scoured the roads
saw how much you could ingest until your swollen body implodes

Wake up at 2 am, pull the curtains back
eyelashes dusted with moonlight settled on the black
little love sighs dancing with snuggle-time dreams
goodbyes issued by jazz men and dancers on their beams

my iron-clad stag
trotting the rag tag jag
singing in the band
-- a rogue hearted brigand
heavy hearted and pale
words useless and stale
terrified

terrified of everything: of the heart i don't understand
of the yesterdays in the sand
and the wan-waxed-moon
this blood-red flesh-torn tune

and the way we lie intertwined
like my soul's lost its mind
on this bed that smells like me
but not what was a soliloquy
not the future i can foresee
on waves of waves and seas of sea

but put your arms around my waist
lick my neck and savour the taste
because i'm floating away
but unlike the night-chased day
i'm losing this game;
this game of no shame
no shame, and I blame
the wind-tossed demon

and the gods of the sky
whipped by the clouds

and throw high and dry

I've taken this half baked body of mine
and put it in a safe

two nights it's been in there
and nobody inquired

I opened the casket
and discovered where my heart lay
melting in with the knots in the wood
and shining like the iron locks

I found these fingerprints all over it
crisscrossing to my hand

I found you in them,
friend
I followed you into the land

Of bees and antelopes and margosa trees
scattered and fat like you and me
with olive brains in the sandy beach
and candy eyes as white as bleach

I peered into your delirious face
and with my white, cold frightened hands
tried to scratch your knuckles
into existence
"Wake up!" I said, "Wake up, you man!"

You said, "let's analyze the form"
and I decided you were completely torn

Your zipper lines from head to toe
were hanging out, you let them show

Little tea cups lined the path to the bridge
I looked at them and their tiny cracks
the painted flowers had no beginning nor end
the handle was liquid from the bend

I sat
and waited
and thought
and pondered
and existed
and more

about whether I was meant at all for this place
or if I should have left my mind
in the casket
with the knotted wood

Or if it had already been lost
drifting away with the marmalade sea

up and down
down and up and up and up again

melting laughter pouring all over your limbs like syrup,
circling around your pierced *******

and up and down again
down down down till i lose my head and everything from inside me

crave you crave your touch just put your hands on the sides of my face and kiss me
kiss my forehead,
the salty sweat of the sunken line down my back
touch touch touch me till i come alive with you pushed all the way inside of me

and down
climb up
switch reverse
pant
bite

outside the rain is hitting the glass
jealousy
mellowed out lamp light reflecting from every glistening drop
inside and out

two papers sitting a while away
clicking and rustling every time you breathe
dry like dead flowers or leaves or regrets
wholesome candles standing tall as pillars on the moon
white pregnant crystal

there is no me or you anyway
no my yours theirs hers
just us right now
until our locked legs uncombine and fall away like solidified jello
ugly again, tainted again
when nothing matters now

breathe
**** in the fire light till your body ignites and wax pours out from your membrane
scream and fall away until your particles are mixed with mine
in the juices on my bed

i wish nothing ever mattered