Trapped in a well
That's what it's like
I am trapped in a well and I am screaming.
I look up and I see the light shining through.
I see your shadow.
Is that really you?
I scream louder.
My voice is hoarse. My throat hurts. My lungs are burning.
I start crying. I shake my head. I start climbing.
I am a fighter! I will get there. I will get there. I will get there. I fall.
I climb. I fall.
I climb. I fall.
I climb. Is that your voice?
Are you coming down to save me? (Save me)
Are you calling for help? Are you telling me to try again?
I can't hear you!! I'm falling. Tears are streaming down my face.
I see you moving around. Are you leaving?
Do you know why I'm here?
Do you see me? Do you hear me? Do you care?
Why aren't you helping me? Why aren't you trying?
Do you not love me anymore? I climb.
Tell my dad I forgive him.
Tell my mom I'm sorry I was never good enough.
I'm falling.
I love you.
I'm tired. Can I rest now?
Will you forgive me? Will you still love me the same?
Can I close my eyes?
I'm falling.
Can you hear my heart breaking?
Was that your voice? What are you saying?
I'm falling.
Did you think your heart could change my mind?
Did you think your heart could save my life?
I'm sorry.

I want to choose myself and put myself first and be strong enough to see myself through and be who I am meant to be. I want to have a good relationship with my family and I want this house to be home. I want to get things right this time; I want to stop keeping secrets. I want to fully accept that this life is my reality, on borrowed time. I want to be the girl all the people I love believe me to be. I want to be beautiful, smart, strong, and deserving, on my own terms. I want to reach my full potential and be happy and content with the hand I have been given because I owe myself that much. I want to chase my dreams and not fear the consequences. I want to be myself and have that be enough. I want to stop wanting to go back to the past just to redo a few things. I want the present to be so good, I stop wishing for the future. I want the fact that everything gets better to be in etched into my heart and mind that I don’t need other people to constantly remind me. I want to do better in school. I want to make myself proud. I want to be healthy and full of soul. I want to be better. I want to give the world a genuine a smile and I want to stop faking my I’m fine’s and my I’m okay’s. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I want to go through each day believing that I am earning my way to deserving all the good that’s happening to me and that everything will make me stronger. I’m still here and I’m trying. I hope you’re proud of me.

I know what it's like

To feel alone in room full of people

To cry yourself to sleep every night,
Cursing the universe for conspiring against you

I know what it's like to just be

I know what it's like
To have heart a heart so heavy
You get down on your knees and pray to a god you don't believe in

This boy you love

You won't find salvation in his embrace
His forehead kisses won't save you
Having *** with him won't complete you

Get down on your knees and beg

Beg for him to feel anything
Beg for him to make you feel alive

Beg for him to love you back

He won't

You deserve so much more than half measures

You deserve a 'can't wait to read your favorite books' kind of love

A 'can't wait to to listen to your favorite bands' music' kind of love

A 'can't wait to watch reruns of your favorite show- no matter how lame it is, just to see you laugh' kind of love

You deserve someone who will do anything in their power to watch you walk down the aisle, with a smile on your face and tears in your eyes

You deserve someone who chooses you every day
Puts you first
Makes you truly happy

You deserve that



Please let go

I wake up at 4 am every day just so I can see the sun rise
I look out my window at 6 pm so I can see it go back, set, rest
I marvel at its grandeur and I muse over how the universe can draw Breath and contain such a thing
You, my love, are my Sun

I watch the moon go through all its phases - new moon, first quarter, full moon, third quarter
I think about change; I think about its beauty, its air of mystery
I recall those articles I used to read about how the moon only shows you one side- the near side, from Earth
I ponder on all the reasons why the human race goes through all the trouble just to see its other side
You, my love, are my Moon

I look at the stars and get lost
I try to fathom all the reasons why they exist so close, yet so far away  
I attempt to conjure all the possibilities of a night without them
I think of what it would be like to lose sight of the only thing that keeps us connected to the unknown and the unexplored, the beautiful
I look at the stars and think, YES, they are the windows to the universe
You, my love, are my Stars

I think of you, I think of me, I think of us
I think of all the infinities between you and me and the truth jampacked in just three words, in just eight letters
I love you, merely words coming from my finite being meant to transcend all that there is
We are the universe

Shekh ma skieraki anni
Until the sun rises in the west and sets in the east,
Until the rivers run dry, and the mountains blow in the wind like leaves
I will love you, I will always love you
Perhaps I always did

There is no other place I would rather be than lost in every thought of you
You are the answer to all the prayers I never knelt for, the gift I will always strive to deserve
You are the fire that keeps me going
You are my fuel when I'm running on empty
You are joy and pain and everything in between
You are my happy and sad, my high and low
You are nostalgia for a love that hasn't happened yet
You are responsibility, compromise, selflessness, and presence; magic, excitement, hope, and potential
You are the full measure I will always take, the battle I will always have to win, the choice I will never regret
You are my blue skies
You are my yellow sunflowers, my red roses
You are the flash of lightning, the eye of the storm
You are my anchor
You are the sun, the moon, and the stars
You are the Perseus to my Andromeda
You are home
You are you
If there was a longer time than forever
If there was a way we could drag eternity for us to truly have no end
I would find a way to spend it with you
I don't expect it
But I do pray for it
Every night
Down on my knees
To any god who will listen
There are
Some words I will never learn to spell
Some words I will never learn to define
Some words I will never learn to understand
But love will never be one of them
I love you
Simply
Always