i appreciate all you do but ...

It’s what we dwell on
It’s what we cannot forget
Something we’re trying to live down
Breaks us down and buries the good
The past isn’t always what it seems
It’s either the beautiful yet sad
Or it’s the ugly and damaging
Pick

Whether it be drugs, liquor, or people
You have no remorse
Ripping through towns like a tornado
Look at all the damage caused
Some messes cannot be cleaned.

I am lost
in time
in mind
in heart
in your arms
How do I get out

heart is shattered in millions of pieces
which piece are you going to follow
if you follow at all
hatred filling your veins
without your consent
but it wouldn't be the first time

It’s all a part of your mental
Who you are & who you become
So be strong and kick *** through life
Sometimes we fall down but we all have wings

Lost in time
Days pass
Nothing to remember
Zombified walk through
Drugged out minds
***** bodies

I seen you at your worst
Still think you’re the best
Holding you tight
Pushing your broken pieces back together
Saw the wounds on your heart
Stitched you back up
Is this love

the bottle
your hugs
the pills
your kisses
the blade
your fists
at what cost do I beg for warmth

my right hand, my go to
why did you have to go too
told you everything
now you're gone, leaving
my best friend
now I play pretend

seeing him after years of feeling free from his grip
jolting up straight, holding back tears, rapid breathing
why does it still hurt so much
the bruises went away, why can't you

Pick up the bottle to drink away your sorrows
Pop another pill to not feel
Snort another line to remember you’re alive
Grab the blade and slice away the pain
Let the bad things define your soul
Hurt a little more
Love a little less
Who are we living for

Time is effortless so they say
We get lost like it’s the path we belong to
I cannot escape the dangers of the man who watches me in the shadows
Always there, waiting & watching
I cannot speak or I will be punished with his whip of harsh words that break the skin and soak into my veins like the drugs that I snort.

those little lines were always more important to you.

After pills
After liquor
After trauma
After ***
After drugs
After hurt
After love
After death

Crimson dots appear as the cold metal draws beautiful lines as straight as the roads that take you to nowhere
Black skies and lying eyes tell all
Long sleeves conceal the secrets held ever so tightly
How deceptive of me to make you believe that the words “I am okay” truthfully read that there was nothing to worry about
Bleeding out and all you can hear is my veins emptying like water tapping on the roof after a big storm

They take all parts of you until there’s nothing left
Stuck with the memories of the trauma
Do I grab the gun or the bottle
So tainted from others hands
Thoughts are drowning me

don't get to see you grow old
never hear your voice again
losing your joyous smile
the emptiness of your bedroom
children wondering why
your smell burns now

it still wasn't enough for you to stay

I never loved my name until I heard your voice say it
Explosions of love burst in my heart
Your touch is ever so gently
Each kiss reminds me why I fell in love
You kiss away each part of my self mutilation
Together we are a beautiful disaster
Both broken like we’re about to drift away like dust in the wind but together we’re stuck like glue
In this story we don’t break, bind, or bend
We love, trust, and care

Sometimes we lose people for our own good
That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell
We get way more sad then we should
I cannot change what has happened
I guess I can only move on from here
It will always hurt just know that
I’m sorry things turned out to be so bad
I wish you well even though you destroyed pieces of me
You never deserved me in your life
Your loss