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adolescent women
below adulthood,
high in heels,
and validating
worth by regret
and planting
seeds in beds
of alcohol,
pulling over
sheets of hair
in dorm room cemeteries,
seeking acceptance
in snowless Januaries,
because the
beginning is
supposed to be
this cold
 Sep 2020 estie wari
Rumi
I’m drenched
in the flood
which has yet to come

I’m *******
in the prison
which has yet to exist



Not having played
the game of chess
I’m already the checkmate



Not having tasted
a single cup of your wine
I’m already drunk



Not having entered
the battlefield

I’m already wounded and slain



I no longer
know the difference
between image and reality



Like the shadow
I am

And

I am not
Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do, till you require.
Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour,
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour
When you have bid your servant once adieu.
Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of naught
Save where you are, how happy you make those.
    So true a fool is love that in your will,
    Though you do any thing, he thinks no ill.
I heed not that my earthly lot
  Hath—little of Earth in it—
That years of love have been forgot
  In the hatred of a minute:—
I mourn not that the desolate
  Are happier, sweet, than I,
But that you sorrow for my fate
  Who am a passer-by.
I saw thee once—once only—years ago:
I must not say how many—but not many.
It was a July midnight; and from out
A full-orbed moon, that, like thine own soul, soaring,
Sought a precipitate pathway up through heaven,
There fell a silvery-silken veil of light,
With quietude, and sultriness and slumber,
Upon the upturn’d faces of a thousand
Roses that grew in an enchanted garden,
Where no wind dared to stir, unless on tiptoe—
Fell on the upturn’d faces of these roses
That gave out, in return for the love-light,
Their odorous souls in an ecstatic death—
Fell on the upturn’d faces of these roses
That smiled and died in this parterre, enchanted
By thee, and by the poetry of thy presence.

Clad all in white, upon a violet bank
I saw thee half-reclining; while the moon
Fell on the upturn’d faces of the roses,
And on thine own, upturn’d—alas, in sorrow!

Was it not Fate, that, on this July midnight—
Was it not Fate (whose name is also Sorrow),
That bade me pause before that garden-gate,
To breathe the incense of those slumbering roses?
No footstep stirred: the hated world all slept,
Save only thee and me—(O Heaven!—O God!
How my heart beats in coupling those two words!)—
Save only thee and me. I paused—I looked—
And in an instant all things disappeared.
(Ah, bear in mind this garden was enchanted!)
The pearly lustre of the moon went out:
The mossy banks and the meandering paths,
The happy flowers and the repining trees,
Were seen no more: the very roses’ odors
Died in the arms of the adoring airs.
All—all expired save thee—save less than thou:
Save only the divine light in thine eyes—
Save but the soul in thine uplifted eyes.
I saw but them—they were the world to me.
I saw but them—saw only them for hours—
Saw only them until the moon went down.
What wild heart-histories seemed to lie unwritten
Upon those crystalline, celestial spheres!
How dark a woe! yet how sublime a hope!
How silently serene a sea of pride!
How daring an ambition! yet how deep—
How fathomless a capacity for love!

But now, at length, dear Dian sank from sight,
Into a western couch of thunder-cloud;
And thou, a ghost, amid the entombing trees
Didst glide away. Only thine eyes remained.
They would not go—they never yet have gone.
Lighting my lonely pathway home that night,
They have not left me (as my hopes have) since.
They follow me—they lead me through the years.

They are my ministers—yet I their slave.
Their office is to illumine and enkindle—
My duty, to be saved by their bright light,
And purified in their electric fire,
And sanctified in their elysian fire.
They fill my soul with Beauty (which is Hope),
And are far up in Heaven—the stars I kneel to
In the sad, silent watches of my night;
While even in the meridian glare of day
I see them still—two sweetly scintillant
Venuses, unextinguished by the sun!
The noon's greygolden meshes make
All night a veil,
The shorelamps in the sleeping lake
Laburnum tendrils trail.

The sly reeds whisper to the night
A name-- her name-
And all my soul is a delight,
A swoon of shame.
 Sep 2020 estie wari
Raj Arumugam
they could you know
put my face on currencies of the world;
I mean it’s so simple an idea and ingenious
and so original, I’d think -
though you may beg to differ
or disagree most violently
depending on your humor
but still
I wonder no one or nation has thought of it
this simple act of having my visage
on the national currency

It’d lighten up things you know
and people all over the world
might have a lively conversation point
as when they see my Alfred E. Neuman image
and they’d say to one another:
Who’s this ****** idiot?
Or someone else might say:
Anybody knows this clown?
And then they’ll really have lots to talk about
as they wait for their planes to fly again
anytime after nature decides
to send smoke signals in the skies

So really
I don’t understand what these nations
of the world are waiting for,
do you?
OK, I mean they might have inhibitions
like copyright and privacy issues
(like how’d you put a living man’s
face on a national currency?
but really, if they want to put
my face up on world currencies
that are legal tender and linked to real sovereign
states recognized by the United Nations
(banana republics need not apply)
maybe this poem will resolve the issue




Look, my face could go
on the American dollar
and they could say:
Honorary Citizen
Or, OK:
Alien – not the movie, but the person
The British could
put my face on the pound
and have the words below:
Raj for King of the UK
And my own fair and beloved land down under
could put me on a hundred dollar note
with the words:
Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
Yeah, my destiny in life is to provide mirth;
as long as others are happy, that’s good enough.
Or Australia
could dump British Royalty
from the five-dollar note
and put my face on it instead –
I don’t mind going cheap, you know…


And imagine what good might happen
if they decided to put my face on the Renminbi:
Hey, the Chinese yuan may just appreciate
and what luck that’d be for America –
which brings me to another reason
why the Americans should put me on their notes:
surely it’ll have a downside effect
and their currency value will go down naturally
and give them a competitive edge over the nation behind the Great Wall;
and the Indians, yes, they could ask dear old Gandhi to take a rest
and use my face instead, with the words:
return of the prodigal son
after being a swineherd…



Look, the Euro Currency could have my face
on a Michelangelo David (naked)
(and they could change Euro to Eros?)
and it’d draw a lot of attention away from
the financial woes of Greece and Italy and Spain;
and surely the United Nations could do well
to teach humanity a lesson by negative example
by minting UN money and having my face in its first issue
with words of gold clearly below my visage:
Not the way we want to go…


But look, whatever the countries
of the world may decide
they’d better decide fast
for I might just change my mind
overnight
or even change my face
(you know plastic surgery and the lot)
and quite frankly
they’ll have greater copyright issues after I’m dead
with a garrulous widow whom I’ll leave behind
and my poor desperate progeny
who are still trying to save some money for a deposit
for their first home in the lucky country…
So government leaders and Presidents
and Prime Ministers take note
you don’t need to queue
there’s no bureaucracy
and no forms to fill up
even though you are world governments
I know I’m dealing with –
just do it
but do the have the decency to send me a note….
just so I know…
and you might, if the notes are legal tender
and completely revolting to the citizenry
on seeing my visage and countenance
on their national currencies
(which wouldn’t surprise me
cos I’d just be quiet disgusted
to see their faces on my currency)
you might send me all the money
so long as they are all legal tender…
My life is a Lie; I have been raised to keep shut since I first cried
I cried for my mother’s milk but she was dead
I cried for my father’s love but he was gone
I was termed as a curse by everyone
Only I wanted was a little comfort to those little eyes that searched for care
My adolescence was even worse than my childhood
I was tied into the ****** politics of marriage
A stranger intruded in my mysteries of life
I was forced to accept
My life is a lie; I have been raised to keep shut in front of men
I have been searching for a soul that can enlighten me to relive
My dreams my aspirations have all been shattered
I need a voice
I need a voice to reach out
I need a voice to express my pain
I need a voice to fight the masculine voice
I need a voice to raise my arm and rule the world
And then I realized
I am the voice
I am the voice of modernity against traditional views
I am the voice of goodwill against temptations
I am the voice of those disgraced souls searching for a custodian
I have fought through the darkness and reached the lamp of light
I will rise and shine and rule the world
My voice shall not be tamed …
It will make a mark for the centuries to come
I will lift up again if you put me down
My tongue will tell, lie no more
I am pure and chaste
I am a voice of your inside..

— The End —