It's nights like these that everything reminds me of your brilliant face,
It's nights like these where I can't be bothered to do anything but think of you,
It's nights like these that every song reminds me of each memory we've ever made,
It's nights like these that I trace your name on my notebook instead of getting any studying done,
It's night's like these that I write countless poems about you.
I'm not a fool because I still think of you,
I'm a fool because I wonder if you still remember me.
It's nights like these that I count the stars and compare them to your eyes,
But none of them ever seem to shine quite as bright.
It's nights like these that my coffee can't seem to warm me up the way you once did,
It's nights like these that my mind wants to be set free,
But your memory is all I've got left of you.
It's nights like these I wish I could wonder,
But nothing I find is as astonishing as you are.
It's nights like these that I wish I could light up the sky so that the stars would spell your name,
It's nights like these that I wish I could be wherever you are,
It's nights like these that my mind visits the place I first caught myself gazing your way,
And it's nights like these I wish I had the chance to meet you again for the very first time
Just so I could be amazed by your enchanting ways the way I did that night,
And just so I could fall in love with you all over again.

All the stars line up to chase away the darkness in my head,
But you’re the only one who could ever turn my gray world into a painted masterpiece.
I miss the colors you used to draw upon my life,
And I miss seeing two shadows when I looked at the ground,
But ever since you’ve left, my world is once again gray and colorless,
And the only shadow I see is my own walking toward the ends of my life.

I’m slowly letting go of everything I thought I needed.
Today when I saw you with her,
My heart didn’t break and my mind didn’t crash the way it once did,
My stomach didn’t drop the way it did before when I thought of you being with someone else,
And the image of you kissing her on the swing set we sat on the very first time we went on a date didn’t burn me,
Thinking of how you’d let her wear the sweater you lend me when we walked along looking at Christmas lights didn’t make my heart cold,
And seeing your fingers wrapped around together with hers didn’t make me miss how perfectly ours once paired up.
And if I live to see you with her everyday walking around the places we used to go to,
I won’t be bitter and I won’t get sick of you rubbing your new relationship in my face.
I bet you’ll tell her the same things you told me,
But frankly, I have already forgotten half of those lies.
I used to think maybe time didn’t heal all wounds,
But today when I saw you with her,
I didn’t feel a thing.

Your lips tasted like washed up seashells deserted on the ocean tide,
And the cold wind whispered your ***** secrets in my ears.
We walked among the lonely city I've been trying to get away from,
The only reason I'm still here is because I can't stand being too far away from you.
The day I found you,
You were ready to die,
I never believed you were ever really alive.
How can someone so lovely carry so much hate for themselves?
We layed back and counted the stars,
And for each one you'd find, you'd mention one of your flaws,
You never stopped repeating the words, "I want to disappear",
But frankly, you're the only reason I want to stay alive.
Your eyes were drowed in the tears you'd never let me see,
And even though I loved you, I had to let you be free.
I still think of you every single day,
And I still wonder why such a beautiful heart ended up being so fragile.
You never said goodbye,
So now my heart is stone that is always burning for your presence.
I could've saved you,
But you chose to be your own hero.

Your enchantment was a spell to my heart, along to everyone else who's ever been unlucky enough to cross paths with you,
The world loved you,
It kissed you every night and drowned your ***** secrets so that no one could see through you,
But you could never really love anything back.
I watched you destroy me every single day,
I wanted to get away,
But your soft touch felt like a sweet lullaby kissing my ears,
And just like a lost, fragile soul,
It always lingered me back to you.
You starred at me with eyes that made me feel like I was the only one you've ever loved,
And when you held my hand,
The bitterness inside me seemed to fade.
If I had known back then,
That you'd hurt me the way you have,
I never would've gone back.
But then again,
I was so certain it wasn't all in my head,
I still would've stayed and braised myself for a heartbreak.
Now I'm lost and you're looking for me,
I haven't got anywhere else to go,
But if I stay where I am today,
You'd only use your hypnotic ways,
To make sure that I never go away again.
But you don't do this for me,
No,
You can't stand the fact that I'll be the only one in the world who you can't get to.
You've left me completly destroyed,
But I've learned to run with a broken leg and a bruised body full of scars that I once believed I could call your love,
But you could never really love anything back.

I tried to hold her close,
I tried (but mostly I wanted) to be the only human walking on Earth that she would allow to comfort her.
But she didn't want my shoulder,
She didn't want my eyes to meet the hurt in hers,
She didn't want any of it so she pushed me away.
I waited in my truck,
I waited there at 2:45 in the morning in front of her house looking at the stars,
Just waiting.
I kept looking back a her front door hoping she'd be there looking at me,
Looking at her.
But she wasn't.
Soon it was 4:05 in the morning and I starred up at her window,
Her room lights were finally shut off and her pillow was probably drowning in the many tears she had wept tonight.
She laid back to get some rest without any warning,
Not even the removal of her curtain and her glance down on me indicating that she was going to sleep.
Nothing.
But yet here I was,
4:15 in the morning,
Parked in front of Jane's house,
Waiting for her to open the door.

Your skin shivered in the midnight wind,
Your hair blew swiftly in between the spaces your gel left freely,
Your lips kissed the top of your cigarette and your crooked smile starred off into nothing in the darkness.
We passed through trees and the soft soil under our bare feet,
We were running away,
But the ghost of our past followed behind us.
We roamed the world trying to leave it behind,
But no matter where we found ourselves,
It always came along.
We traveled at speeds that could **** us,
But our demons were faster than any motorcycle that could allow us an escape.
We tried to forget,
But the memories never failed to return.
And when we thought we were ready to start a new life,
Our demons conquered us inside our dream now turned into a nightmare.

She wore pearls around her neck,
Her dress hugged her body in a way that was impossible to envy her beauty,
Her glorious curls fell heavenly down to her waist.
Her kingdom all bowed down to her and cheered,
A new prince would be among them,
A prince chosen by her father,
A noble man who interfered with his daughter's happiness,
The reason her smile would never be sincere again.
Soon it was time,
She was walking down the aisle,
And when she finally made her way to the end,
She'd be a wife.
But her eyes couldn't stop gazing at the one who sat with the rest of the fooled people thinking this act could be called love,
He fought tears to make her believe it was okay,
But he was destroyed as soon as she got in that dress he'd hoped she'd wear on their special day,
But they couldn't be together.
No,
She wore diamonds,
And he polished her floors.
But when the king left the castle,
And when the queen wasn't looking,
She'd sneak him in her room and they'd talk of all the places they would see,
They talked about running away,
Because home was only where they could be together.
But now she's getting married,
And her happiness is slayed.
And when she made her way to her new prince,
The servant and the princess discovered that not all farytales have a happy ending.

I stayed up all night debating which color to paint your eyes,
I know the real ones are painted with nothing but lies,
But this is my own invention of the way they shinned when I first looked into them.
The rest of you was already painted in blue
And water colors to bring out your smile.
But the empty look that your lack of eye color created
Is the exact same way you look at me now,
Colorless and faded,
Just like your love for me.
Should I paint them red, the way my lips were the night you first kissed them
Or should I paint them black just the way you've left my mind?
The truth is, no matter how many times I paint your picture
I can never get it just right.

-E.R

The summer wind brought a chill down my spine,
My sloppy walk with the sound that my flip-flops made faded as we jumped in the lake,
We gazed at the willow tree where you had kissed me the previous summer and acted like we didn’t remember,
We walked through the soft grass barefoot and laid down on a sunflower filed,
The leaves tickled my toes and you laughed at my sudden shriek when the odd looking bug climbed up my leg,
This was the way it was before you left after that year’s autumn.
I spent Thanksgiving Day grateful that you ever crossed my path,
But I was bitter when I thought of starting a new year without you by my side.
The sunflowers we used to love to stare at were all dried up and dead,
But I missed your presence  more than any silly flowers.
The cold air hit my face and I became rancorous as I thought of the warmth your body created next to mine.
I felt the nights grow older and I only became colder.
When snow started falling, the only thing I seemed to think of was the way you hated the cold and that if you were here, you’d probably wish you weren’t,
When fireworks struck the sky at midnight on January 1st, I couldn’t help but think of how much you would’ve loved the view from the lake we swum on every summer day.
Eventually snowflakes stopped falling over the once green grass,
The ice on top of cars and houses melted and the Christmas’ songs faded.
The wind became warmer, the grass became greener, and the flowers started growing,
I walked to the lake you loved so much and sat under the willow tree hoping that someday I’d find you swimming in it like you always were,
I waited, and waited,
But you never returned.

When you fall in love,
It'll never happen the way you expect it to,
It doesn't happen who you expect it with,
Or when you think you deserve it.
Love has seen too many failed attempts of ever lasting happiness,
We rush into love and confuse it with the first stage of love that is the "Getting home late but not caring because he looks so **** good in that jacket" or the "I don't want to leave because I don't want to miss a thing about him" and the "My teeth hurt from smiling too much and these butterflies in my stomach may turn into puke if they don't go away soon" phases.
Love is calling back after an hour of arguing on the phone and him hanging up on you,
Love is dancing to his favorite slow song even though you never learned how to,
Love is writing poetry about how he's the best and worst thing in your life.
When you fall in love,
It never happens the way you expect it to,
But when it does,
The boy in the football team will not come close to comparing to the one who understands you,
When you fall in love,
It makes sense and everything finds a way to come together.
It's kind of funny,
The way love works,
It causes you the most pain and the most happiness life experiences,
But when  you fall in love,
Don't lose it.

The cracks on the sidewalk you like to walk over represent the way you’ve left my mind,
The rain falling down from the sky represent the way I’d fall for you over and over again,
The puddles you splash around in while wearing your red rain boots represent the thoughts I had of ever getting my sanity back,
The movement my guitar strings make to create sound represent the way my stomach felt when I saw your brilliant face,
The airplanes in the sky represent the way you’d make my mind drift away as you held me in your arms,
Everything I see or hear is suddenly a reminder of how messed up you left me,
I’d say you broke my heart but I’m still living, but everything inside me has completely dried up and died.

We're sitting in your car staring at an empty park,
And it feels like the playlist was made specifically for us,
So that we can look into each other's eyes and fall in love,
Even though I know this very moment will be the sweetest to remember,
And also the saddest when it's over,
I can't help but lean in closer to you,
Preparing for the first kiss we will share that will start a new beginning and will later on destroy me.

I got left behind in the darkness to die,
I had to learn how to fight with two bruised up fists
And I had to learn how to run with two broken legs.
I learned to sleep with one eye open
And I learned to hide when I heard noise in the streets.
Was I not pretty enough for the world?
Perhaps I wasn't skinny enough,
Was my weak body not as untouchable as yours was?
Could the world really move on without my presence?
They could and they did,
They kicked me to ground and put me in a casket and forgot my name,
But the way they didn't  me around was the way I no longer needed them.
I was raised from the dead and flew over their heads,
They asked me how I grew wings,
I responded by telling them that when you're underground for so long you give up on someone finding you because after a while people stop looking,
I had to be my own hero because I wanted to live.
I wanted live while others were content with dying,
That's how I grew wings.
Their heavy words can't stop me from rising anymore,
My demons can't take me back anymore,
And their ugly truth is now a beautiful dream that I live every day.
You thought me left me there to rot,
But I will dig myself out before giving up and letting myself die.
-E.R.

My heart was desperate to be loved back,
I let you drown me in a puddle of pain just so I could say I've felt something before in my life.
My legs kicked and fought the water that would soon let me be someone who’d you’d only remember,
But when I die,
What will you remember me for?
Will you remember as the girl who could never say no?
The girl who sat alone behind the classroom lost in the words of her book?
Or the girl who wrote down everything she could never face herself to say out loud?
Will you remember me as the girl whose best poems were about you?
Will you remember me as the girl who was okay with missing the parties everyone went to?
Or will you remember me as the girl who sang when she was both happy and sad?
Will you remember my white dress and flowers in my hair?
Or will you remember my red lips and black skintight dress?
Will you remember me for my messy wavy hair?
Or will you remember me for the way I straightened it every day just so you’d notice I was there?  
Will you remember me for being brave and letting you walk me to the dance floor?
Or will you remember me as the girl you left that night at the bar crying after her first heartbreak?
Will you remember me as the girl who dreamed of seeing the world?
Will you remember me for always trying to be stronger than I was before?
Or will you remember me for my fragile heart you enjoyed shattering?
Will you remember me for my voice?
Or will you remember me as the girl who could never speak out and tell you how broken she was?
Will you remember me for my Sunday’s best?
Or will you remember me for my midnight’s runaways?
Or perhaps,
Maybe,
When I die,
Will you simply remember me as the girl who just couldn't fight the water anymore and let herself be drowned in it?

Keeping you around was the hardest part of loving you,
I never found the way to ask you to stay but I hoped that you would.
We shared 2 a.m summer nights in my bed and driving around the empty streets in your car,
We shared my body and you saw my naked soul.
After two years of happiness you decided it was not enough for you to stay around any longer.
I put my little black dress on that drove you insane and found someone new,
But sleeping with someone else at two in the morning that isn't you  can't make me feel any less alone than sleeping alone.
You left your finger traces on my skin and I can't seem to wash them off.
I scrub and visit new places to try to forget their presence,
I like to romance everything I see that will help heal my wounds,
But your traces have left scars and I've ran out of makeup and short party dresses to cover them up.
-E.R

I find comfort in tall trees and a nice cool breeze,
The world looks so much better when I'm staring at it from the window next to your passenger seat.
It's cold outside and there's a lack of color everywhere you're not,
The flowers didn't bloom and the bees didn't whisper in their petals.
The world spins around a couple times before knocking me off my feet,
And when I finally get up,
Everyone is gone.
All I wanted was tall trees and soft soil under my feet,
So that I could run freely until I found a place I could call home.
For the first time in years I don't feel like a tourist,
I would rather dance in a storm with you than stare at blue skies with anyone else.
I was hungry for a place to stay and you smelled just like home.
-E.R.

I've tried my hardest to forget you,
I traveled a different city to see new faces that would allow me to forget yours,
I kissed new lips to forget your taste,
I took new roads to avoid your doorstep,
I stayed away from pen and paper because I no longer wish for you to be who I find myself writing about,
But tonight you called and answering came too easy for me,
Rain is falling down my window and my radio plays countless songs that remind me of you,
And once again,
I've written a poem about you.

I never asked anyone to check the bottom of my bed for monsters because the real monster slept in a bed with another woman who wasn't mommy,
I never learned how to fish because you were never there to take me to the lake like every other daddy took his daughter,
I didn't believe in super heroes like the rest of my kindergarten class because on Halloween, my teacher said that the real heroes of the world were our fathers,
No one ever taught me about sports so when i was seven, i made a goal in my own team's net,
Every year I stayed up waiting on your call and gave up at twelve because it would no longer be my birthday and you would no longer have a reason to want to talk to me,
Now that I'm sixteen you called mom to tell her to not let me get pregnant like she did,
You told her to  tell me to watch out for the boys who will later on break my heart,
But you broke my heart long before any silly boy got the chance to.
-E.R

It’s a quarter past 2 in the morning and I feel numb.
The wrong words are shouted while the rain hits my windows and I don’t have any strength left in me to fight for much longer,
Darkness is all I can see but it’s no different than the way I am feeling,
My head is being buried in a funeral but there’s no one here to watch.
I am stranded on an island but no one is looking for me.
My head is an ocean,
And without you,
I’m drowning.
The sea and the storm quiver my boat and refuse my salvation,
The waves break through my wooden boat and crash inside,
The angel shouts for revenge but the devil stands still and watches my life slowly ending,
The water reaches my lungs and I suffocate while holding my father’s apology letter.
I’m sorry daddy, but you waited too long to see your daughter.
You waited too long to break the silence.
Darkness is rising and my eyes are no longer set on you,
This is the end.
The storm will pass, and so will this feeling.

The world is a cold, cruel hearted place, so please don’t forget to take your favorite jacket
And when you’re driving through the freeway to a one way ticket world only you know about,
Don’t forget to put your seat belt on, I’ve heard many have died because they didn’t.
And when you make your destination to a sunny, happier town,
Don’t forget to put on sunscreen before you leave the house.
And when you’re walking through the streets, don’t forget to look both ways before you cross,
And when you start to miss the lonely city, don’t forget you can always call.
And when you feel you’re on your own, don’t forget I’ll be waiting for you back home.

We spent two unhappy years together taking pictures and holding hands to make a fool of the rest of the world,
I swore I loved you and although I sometimes believe I still do,
I know that deep down I never really did.
You were my first kiss in a movie theater and even though it was the first time anyone had held me that close,
Your breath tasted terrible.
Your hands were rough and your palms were sweaty and although you had good intentions,
You were holding on too tight.
I needed space and by that I meant I wanted a break,
And by a break I meant you were the worst lover that would ever make his way to my house at 3 in the morning,
You called me every night but sometimes I just really wanted sleep.
I made promises to you I knew I would never be able to keep but you believed me any way and I'm sorry for the false hope I gave you.
We sat in your room and we closed your squeaky door and I let you see places of me no one had ever seen,
But you would not be the last one to do so.
I hope it didn't hurt when I stopped answering and never called you back,
I hope it hurt less when you heard he had left me after he found out what we did while he was away.
We spent two long years together,
But you seem just like a stranger I sometimes find it hard to believe this wasn't some kind of realistic dream I had.
I hope you're not upset anymore and I hope what I did to you won't keep you from believing that she will do a better job at loving you than I did.
I hope you haven't gave up the dream of becoming an artist,
Just so you know,
I still have every hideous painting you gave me.
I haven't really changed much in the last couple of months,
I'm still a wreck confused on what is real and what I've only made up in my own head.
Don't miss me too much or you might accidently say my name while you're whispering in her ear,
I still think of you but I don't think I miss you as much as I should after two very confusing years.

Give me a summer breeze because I'm tired of my cold breath,
Give me nights to remember because I'm tired of having to stay home finishing my homework,
Give me a room full of flashing lights and dancing because I'm tired of standing still,
Give me a group of people who are ready to let loose because I'm tired of feeling tired,
Give me the chance to rest my hand in yours because I'm tired of seeing you around with her,
Give me beach ***** and sand because I'm tired of my mind feeling like the rush of the ocean waves,
Give me red lipstick and a little black dress because I'm sick of wearing my school's uniform,
Give me nights out in the forest by a campfire because I'm tired of the unbroken silence,
Give me shorts and one shoulder shirts because I miss the sun hitting my skin,
Give me late nights filled with moonlights and stars because I'm tired of my dull nights,
Give me long hair and tanned skin because I'm tired of never looking my best,
Give me laughter and happiness because I'm tired of being so serious,
Give me summer, because I'm ready for things to get better.

I know you say you wish the world was smaller,
Because you've always dreamt of seeing it all,
But frankly, I'm glad that the world is large in size,
Because that means I can go everywhere with you.
And once we go to every state and every city,
I'll confess to you that throughout all of our trips and all the places we've seen,
I've discovered my own little world,
You.

I've grown tired of trying to figure out what you mean when you spit words out in the open,
You're a puzzle piece I've desperately tried to put together,
But none of the pieces fit together the way they once did .
You paint me a picture of the perfection I hope we'll find together,
But you pull it off the wall and slam it into the ground when I spend too much time admiring it.
I do not ever wish to hate you or to stay away for too long,
But lately being away from you is the best I could've done for myself.
Sometimes I spend time at the train station wondering if I should get on,
Sometimes I stand in front of the phone booth and fight dialing your number that's written at the top of my head.
It isn't hard to fall asleep anymore,
But I'm always awake at 2 in the morning wondering if you're sleeping alone.
I wish I could see you in the black suit I saw you in the night we first met,
But I burned that too as soon as you walked out on me.
I still hope we find our way back to each other,
But it's hard to return back into your arms when I can't tell if you actually mean it when you say you never want me to leave again.

I'm in the bed of a boy who barely knows my last name,
He doesn't know my favorite color or my favorite kind of flowers but he knows the way I taste after I've had a couple drinks,
I am thinking of you while kissing his lips,
He doesn't know the color of my eyes but he knows the color of my skin where my tan line ends,
He touches my skin and all the places you once discovered and I can't help but feel disgusted with myself after he finishes,
He slides his tongue through the place I only allowed you to kiss because I miss you so much I'll take whatever makes me feel the way you once did,
He kisses my neck while I lay emotionless wondering who you're doing this with tonight,
I look over at him while he drives me back home and I can't understand why I do this to myself,
He kisses my lips and I only taste the alcohol in my breath,
He doesn't know the way my eyes get heavy after I cry when I'm alone in my bedroom but he knows my awful drunken laughter,
I let him see my naked body but I could never let him see my naked soul the way you did,
I'm in the bed of a boy 5 years older than me because I need someone to love me back and this is the closest thing I've got since you left.

It's such a shame, my best poetry comes from when I think of your name.

I gave you my armor in war,
I faced your spears and your guns without carrying a shield to protect me from the shots you’d throw at me,
But when another enemy tried to take you down,
I dove in front of you to protect you although you had all the tools that would keep you safe,
It wasn’t till I looked around and saw the ****** faces who weren’t prepared to fight that I realized what love truly meant,
For you, I’d let myself turn vulnerable and fragile with the lack of protection of my own,
I gave you all that I owned just so you’d stay alive,
I’d let myself die just so you could breathe a little longer,
You were protected,
You were untouchable,
But if I witnessed anyone launching at you with malice intensions,
With a naked soul, I’d risk myself to protect you,
You had all the armor you needed,
But I always wanted to give you more even if it meant I wouldn’t leave this war a living soldier,
So when you ask me what love is,
Think of me in a fragile suit killing anyone who stands in front of us,
Just so you won’t get your hands covered in blood.

I watched you drive away and you left me alone with the street lights shining above me,
The wind was cold against my red dress you loved so much and my feet were hurting from the walking I'd done through the lonely streets.
I tried to tell myself this was just another one of those silly fights we would get over the next day but I knew I would never find you standing on my doorstep holding roses.
I knew you would never put your jacket around me when the sky was dark and the night grew colder,
I knew you would never make me another of those mix tapes I loved so much,
I knew you would never hold me tighter when I was being a coward and closed my eyes when the movie was too much for me to handle,
And I knew everything we ever went through would only be memories we would think back on in the future.
I was a girl alone in the cold wearing a red dress and carrying a shattered heart,
Trying to fit the pieces back together and ended up with burning cuts,
When the boy standing across the street offered his hand,
I took it.

You picked me up at 6 today and I no longer felt those stupid butterflies all over my stomach,
You kissed me gently and the feeling I adored lacked to make itself present,
You looked me in the eye when you spoke but I found myself continuously looking out the window next to where you were standing,
You held my hand but my fingers have become way too small to possibly fit into yours.
I do confess,
Things have changed.
Your smile doesn't make feel any happier than when you aren't looking my way,
And everything you say has a way of bothering me.
Maybe I have grown out of the habit of you being the best part of my day,
But I still haven't quite figured out how to make my ever lasting love for you end.

I used to enjoy long car rides at 2 in the morning while the only noise we heard was the soft music playing as you held my hand,
Now music is the only sound we hear because we no longer have anything to say.
You used to stare at me without saying anything because you admired me from head to toe,
Now you stare at me in silence and wonder why you're still with me.
We used to sit near the ocean tide and fall asleep next to each other in the wet sand because we liked feeling the salty water rushing over our toes,
Now you fall asleep only to make time pass faster.
I was never comfortable with the silence in my own head,
But lately you're all I've been able to think of.
If I could say anything that would persuade you to stay,
I'd remind you of the time we went on a hike and you fell in love with the way my eyes wondered around admiring everything that crossed our path.
Even though I've gotten close to losing you before,
I'm running out of excuses to give you to make you believe things will only get better.
Sometimes I make myself believe that I rather be alone than always starting my days worrying that today will be the day you will finally reach for the door,
But the feeling you give me when you kiss my forehead makes the days filled with anxiety worth it.
The weather's been tense and I think I need you more than ever,
I'm walking through the empty streets while you're in bed not even thinking of me.
You take me through the vapid ride of an emotional rollercoaster I can't seem to get off of,
And even though I wish you would just leave instead of giving me this feeling I hate,
You can lay with me until there's no more stars in the sky to look at.
I guess im just a poet who no longer knows how to find the right words to say.

I know the night is cold,
And I know tonight you're all alone,
I am on this side of the door but I haven't left the spot I sat on that will make it easier to unlock it.
You are on the other side of the door probably pacing my doorsteps,
You're probably fighting sleep and probably wondering if you should just get in your car and go home.
I've got one hand on the door handle and the other holding my glass of wine.
I've been listening to your apologies but they get faker by the minute,
I rather listen to the sound of the wind blowing though the emptiness that is the other side of my door,
But to be completely honest with you,
I don't want you to leave.
I know I make this hard for you but if you stick around,
I promise it'll be better than the night you first kissed me on the other side of the door after our first date,
I'm scared to hold you close because I never learned how to let go.
And even though I've been gone,
I still need you on the other side of my door.

I haven't quite came to an understanding with my 2 a.m. thoughts,
My whole day was filled with laughter and people I made jokes with,
But here I am staring at my ceiling trying to convince myself that things can only get better.
There are people in the world who aren't surviving and have it worse than me,
But I am in a battle with my own head that seizes to come to an ending,
I want to feel alive and I want to be able to feel pleasant things again,
I'm not quite sure how I got this way but I do know that my heavy rain cloud makes itself known when the lights go out.
I have tons of friends but I have no one I can trust enough to tell how my 2 a.m. thoughts **** me,
I'm not sure this is something I can blame on anyone else but myself for letting myself get this way.
I'm not alone in this world but at night it feels like I'm the only one awake in a battle for sanity.
I used to enjoy staying up late at night but now it's a reminder how much time I have to think,
When the thinking isn't lovely the night seems to last longer.
I never believed anyone could be completely happy but I've grown to realize some people can be completely unhappy.
I wish I could fall asleep to numb this pain and forget about the world watching me break each night,
But here I am laying on a twin sized bed in the corner of a four wall bedroom fighting my 2 a.m. thoughts.