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Eshan Mar 2011
Nikle to hum bhi the ghar se yahi soch kar ki shayad is bar manzil tak pahuch jayenge,
kyunki daudna to unhone hume bachpan mein hi sikha diya tha yeh kehkar,
ki agar nahin bhagoge to woh tumhe peeche chod jayenge.

Daudne ki kuch aisi adat se ** gayi hai ki pair ab rukne ka nam hi nahin lete,
lekin hume kya pata tha ki itna age nikal ane se, apne hi paraye,
aur woh sabhi raste anjane se ** jayenge.

Sabse door rehte hue bhi, in anjanon ki bheed mein woh ek chehra apna sa lagta tha,
lekin woh bhi hamesha kisi aur chehre ki talash mein rehta tha.

Sahi raste ko dhoondhne nikle to the, magar yeh nahin pata tha ki itni jaldi thak jayenge.
Kabhi kabhi to lagta hai ki ab ruk jana chahiye, thoda aram kar lena chahiye,
lekin woh bhi namumkin lagta hai kyunki, ab to sapne bhi ajeeb se ate hain.

Chalte chalte, wade to kafi kiye the is safar mein, kuch unse, kuch apne ap se,
lekin yeh andaza bhi nahin tha ki un sabhi umeedon par pani ferte hue chale jayenge.

Yeh mehsoos bhi nahin hua ki apne hi apnon ke pankh kat chuke the,
talash thi to bas us kandhe ki jo is ladkhadate hue ko sahara de sake.

Fir bhi, dheere dheere is katon ki chadar par age badna hai, dil yahi kehta rehta hai,
kyunki jhoothi hansi ki kuch aisi adat si ** gayi hai, ki ab chahte hue bhi dard ka ehsas nahin hota hai.
Eshan Mar 2011
Kagaz ki kashtiyon mein kai bar safar kar liya,
ab ek lambi udan bhar lene do.
Aj in bandhe hue pankhon ko khuli hava mein sans le lene do,
kyunki ab girne ka khauff nahin raha.

Daudne mein ab koi maza nahin hai,
kyunki yahan to hava jaise tham si gayi **.
Ab rukne ka bilkul man nahin raha,
aj to toofanon mein sair karne lene do.

Dayron mein rehte hue adhi zindagi guzar gayi,
aj to un hadon ko par kar lene do.
Dar dar ke kab tak khamosh rahoge dost,
zameen par jeet jane mein kuch nahin rakha ,
aj to uchaiyon par jashn mana lene do.

Unke chale hue raston ko kai bar nap liya,
aj mujhe bhi apni pehchan bana lene do.
Kismat ka rona to sabhi rote hain,
aj mujhe bhi apne naseeb ka kora kagaz rang lene do.

Kabhi kabhi to man karta hai ki
un azad parindon ki tarah hava mein bas tairta hi reh jaoon.
Asan to kuch nahin par sochta *** ki
aj namumkin ko hi apna dost bana loon.

Kitabon ke panne kafi palat liye,
aj mujhe bhi do shabd likh lene do.
Hans lene do jinhe hansna hai mere in mazboot iradon par.
Kya samjhenege who is khuli udan ki masti ko,
jinhe kabhi bharosa nahin hua khud par,
aur hamesha rakha tha apne armanon ko pinjre mein kaid kar.

Khule asman mein aj ek bar ud lene do,
kya pata kal wahan bhi zaroorat se jyada bheed **.
Kai dinon ke bad aj ek bar fir azad hone ka man kiya hai
Tod do in bediyon ko, kyunki aj ek lambi udaan bharne ka iraada hai
Eshan Feb 2011
Why are you so scared? Why do you look behind? Did you just see your dreams being blown into fractions?   Isn’t it suffocating, when your past gives you a nelson? Have you lost the right directions?           There is darkness at the centre of this brightness,          but why do you fear that, isn’t it the only place where the reality is hidden? So where are you?

In real life, there is no time out;                    there is no one to see your distress call. Sometimes the only ones to hear you say            are these dead plastered walls.          There is no point in knocking at his door, don’t scream.       But why are you losing your sense of control? Why don’t you go out and feel the open air. Breathe

Does your vision gets blurred by the pace of the road? Why do you fear the asphalt? Will your feet get sore? I know that you can pull it together,           then why have you locked yourself in your room? Why are you hiding behind your chair?     Do these two faced people frighten you?              This reality is hard to accept but you have to move. Why have you buried yourself? Why are you hidden from the view?                              

There are lessons to be learnt every day          Believe me, most of them are going to hurt.                                   These sadist blisters caused by the cold reality      are what really going to make you surge.                 I can see those slashes, your linchpin being turned in to ashes.          This is how you will survive………. sometimes pain is the only thing that tells you are alive.

Why do your hands tremble when you go near that lock?         I know you have got the key,                why don’t you want yourself to be free? Look at those slipshod clouds soaring above so high… But why does everything else appears to be so still,   why is everything so same?                        Maybe there are certain things in life,            which you can’t see from your window pane.
Eshan Feb 2011
Now……..all over me, fly these treacherous bullets and bombs, I have got no other option, but to tussle in this Satan’s home. His hazy silhouette, his jagged bayonet........                                                  somehow, withholding that emotional torrent;      covertly, cowardly, I did what I was supposed to do,               eased his misery, I freed his soul.                          Deep down I can’t accept that my hands are now defiled, but Mother shed no tear for me……….please, don’t you cry.

Father, I still remember that toy gun,                         which you had bought for my birthday.                       Its ironical that even after several years,                         I play with my gun, night after night, day after day. But when I realise that it can never be that toy I had, the clatter it produced, which  is now the theme song of my life, dismay is all I got, it kills me from inside,                                                                         but father shed no tear for me....... please, don’t you cry.

Brother, do you remember that day ,                    when I had pushed you from behind,                  you bruised your knee on the ground, in dust lay your broken bike. Forgive me , for the sake of those good old times, Hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, when we walked in the wild, hiding from mother, and running away from the frets of our lives. I am sorry that I will never be able to see u rise and shine, but brother shed no tear for me....... please, don’t u cry.

Sitting here , in my  garrison ,                        I think about all those things that I have done.               It is my choler that I can no longer contain,             because this may be the last time, when I lift my pen.                 I have to accept this reality with great composure composure                                      but I have made u proud, haven’t I?                                   So Mother please smile, as my last breath will be for you,                     in your arms I shall die.
Eshan Feb 2011
Now all I want you to do, is read these words carefully, Real slow, not boisterously,
cos there is a reason why I write all this.                      What other option do I have really than being silent, as my hope now walks on the bed of sweltering embers.

You always try to fool me with your words....          They are really short and sweet,                    But now……now I know what they actually mean.         I am lost in the maze of walls around your mind, trying to figure a way inside,
I am really confused, there is no escape, there is no way outside. Let me tell you one thing,  that I am not going to cry, ‘Cos I know that someday everything will be alright.

Brighter than thousand suns is your smile,            But when the cold reality dawns upon me, that its not for me.... Deep inside it’s like a needle piercing my heart,        It gets torn apart...........                                   I don’t know whether all this makes sense to u or not, All I ever  wanted was you to be mine………    But why cant you hear the perpetual cry of my rusted heart?

Why don’t you see that my words are genuine? Can’t u see the sincerity in what I say?  Why don’t you believe in me? You always take my breath away.............                        Should I be euphoric, as I know you              Or should I cry that you don’t know me.             Look what you have done...... look what I have become Will there be no end to this suffocation?

My head explodes with the hundred questions that I want to ask For hours and hours I waited for you near that road till dusk, I wasn’t pretending that I had gone astray. Now……I will die convincing that I don’t care,         I can fool others, but what about myself?                      Surely this is not going to be easy,                    Because my world twirls when I have to accept this reality.

Tell me what should be done to assure you that I will be always there for you Tell me is there a way I can know you more than I already do. Now you really ought to believe me,                  I want you to have the time of your life, I want you to smile. If you ever see what I intend you to see,             I will be always there for you at the end of those roads. That’s all I wanted to say, as of now.....               Now......... I am getting out of my words
Eshan Feb 2011
Sometimes I am afraid to look them in the eye,
Fear grips me , confusion fills those dark dungeons of my mind,
I try to look down but the voices behind
chanting their mantra, suppressing my voice.
Protesting, I stood there alone,
Hoping that they would stop smothering me...
Because I am afraid to look them in the eye.

Those sleepless nights which I spent, in delirium
Trying to figure it all out, trying to reason it out with myself
I looked behind but darkness was all that surrounded me
Helpless , I waited for sanity to strike me again....
Absurdly, I asked for HIS help was really foolish of me...
As I am afraid to look them in the eye.

I am tired...........
Tired of pretending what I am not,
tired of hiding myself in that empty closet of yours
behind those doors, I am feverish ,
fooling myself with my chant
Its OK its all good...... that tomorrow would be a better day...
But how will I look them in the eye???

Now I have reached the zenith of my silence...
Their voices have dug me up,
Not complete, but I am not yet hollow
Deep inside, what is left of me is resilient and resolute,
I don’t want to fade away just like that... that is for sure
Because now..... I will look them in the eye.

— The End —