and maybe i waited for this time,
i looked down on a wishing well,
i kneeled for hours and begged,
whispered words only i can tell

*who am i to ask for your stay
what did i do to have you this way
who am i to ask for redemption
when did i start hurting you this way

i still wonder why there should be faults when it would not be worth it in the end.

I told you
I haven't done this and that
I like breaking my curfew

I didn't ask you to break them with me,
to do those things and make them so memorable

*I didn't expect you to be here in the first place

I used to go home for a smile,
a little escape,
a little love from
vibrations and messages

Now I go home with a smile,
a vast void of solace,
an immense adoration from
stolen kisses and glances

I used to think I'd rather be the one in pain
than to see my lovers hurt
I used to think they are dainty
and aren't capable of sorrow

Now I think I'd rather risk the battles
than to see this fade
Now I think the one I have is too brave,
and is too giddy for tomorrow

I used to be so afraid
I used to be so careful
I thought sacrifice might save them
as I hoped it might redeem me, too

Now I want to break these rules
Now I want to be aggressive
I think I cannot ever let you go
as I hope you would never, too

We haven't been sharing,
Every step we made was lurking
in our shadows that we cast
and all the barricades we built
I want you to see that I am here
For three years now, I have proven
that I am a friend,
I could be trusted
I will stick with you til the end
But when will our end come?
I hope it never will
Joanne,
with you I have laughed,
I have shared secrets
and ***** memories
but all of them are treasured
weak or strong,
real or not,
I am here.

If only you know you are wasting that pretty face,
that scarred body,
that filled mind
and those skillful hands,
your sweet words and fake kindness

If you could only let go of the dark,
I am willing to walk you down the exit
we could be actual friends,
we could actually be true to ourselves

I craved for bolder,
stronger,
badder
than what we had
but what I received
were
much more of an impact,
a combustion,
much
much
more
*cosmic

Sweetness in every hold,
the grasp of you can keep me still
hold me, forever and beyond and up until:
The connection gets stronger
the strings get tighter
and this infatuation float higher
Every move is flagrant -
every touch burns
too much to not be obvious,
Love, sweet love,
cohesive as can be
happiness in every stand
Let us burst in flames
let us ignite in this intensity
until we are nothing but ashes
Ashes that could cover up their eyes
let them shake their heads
let their minds see we how cogent love could be
Routines become us
and we become the universe itself,
and we become the life, the life itself.

What is the point of faking your smiles,
faking your feelings
towards someone you do not even care about?

What is the point of giving time,
sharing laughters
to somebody you do not even want to be with?

What are you even thinking
when you are with me?
Conversing thoughts
and taking in every minute possible
without actually absorbing
all the words I am constructing

Seeing a person
vanish
from paradise
to inferno,
from extreme gladness
to transcendent disappearance -
would make you see how sublime
they look in their darkness,
and it would make you realize
how much you can adore
one
person
so
so
so
*much

I don't want to lose you
I don't need to hold onto something
that isn't gonna last
I don't want to hurt you
To let go now wouldn't be easy
but just when I am about to -
Your whole existence blocks the view
of endings and sadness,
and replaces them with
escape and bliss

Promises may run out of rhyme,
but remember that the
Ubiquity of you is around me all the time,
and though
Rapid losses of love may occur,
but the
Peace that you bring me everytime is the
Living proof that all endings have an end,
and
Endings don't happen all the time.

how will i know you?
if you are here, but i dont have a clue
yes i feel but what does it mean
when endings are all i have seen?

how will i know you?
how dare you lay down your own hues
you let people color my days
but after a while let them fade

how will i know you?
you control my life without a cue-
on where i shall start ceasing to feel
you adorn my life, knowing that it's real

how will i know you?
if you would introduce yourself
as the scent that lingers on me everyday
and with that one smile that lightens up my day

what hurts the most
is feeling that it's real,
how our kisses sealed
all the past lovers we had;
being the best we could be,
holding you so close to me
but realizing right after
that this was meant to happen
but not meant to last
and i knew, i just did,
that one day this could end.

I planted kisses on your shoulder,
the cloth was not thick enough,
so I gave kisses on your back, only softer,
and they were enough.

I saw how the sun shines on you,
it was beautiful,
it was a bliss,
it was radiant.

Those three words have two meanings;
One is a promise,
and the other is the secret that lies in it:
Will I or will I not leave?

Those three words have two endings;
One is forever,
and the other is the pain that lies beneath it:
Will this or will this not end?

Of all the stories that ended,
who am I to think ours wouldn't?
Of all the tragic love that has happened,
what is ours compared to all of them?

All I know is that I'm hoping
that ours won't be the same
Like the stars that are fading
time and time again.

A kiss would be cosmic,
A snuggle would cause palpitations,
Absence of such things would be devastating,
A kiss would be cosmic.

Change my perspective,
Teach me how to love you,
Like I have never done it before,
Change my perspective.

To watch the stars and be with you,
It would summon the goddesses of hearts,
It would make the nymphs cheer with joy,
For their favorite destined love has come,
For you have given me the chance,
To watch the stars and be with you.

As I was desperately trying
to end the life I am having
Something called upon me
Ay, it's serendipity

A gust of wind came passing by,
You're too strong, I tell her
She said I am not, that is a lie
From then on, I wanted to go deeper

From then on, she let me breathe her.

Embellish my life with sweetness
Fill my desires with gladness
Heighten my hopes like soaring birds
And fit my poems with fancy words

with thoughts simmering
i finally sat down
why cant my heart just stop beating?
on that note i frown.

for this life is nonsensical
without my muse,
i confess,
my days would not be lyrical.

this shall end tonight,
this should be my last,
but should i fright about
the shadows she had cast?

yes, for it will follow me
wherever I will be.
no, for i don't want to be free
let her shadows be with me

i tried to stand for all i care,
i tried to eat because they stare
i tried to move but i could not do
i almost wished you felt it, too

You were my first love
I still hope you chased me
I still wonder what could have happened
If you begged, if I stayed

What could have happened, honey?
I actually thought you and me
Would be the first one to sail
and the last one to fail

My, my, my lost boy
My Peter, my escape
The first promise to ever break
My first love, you were all mine to take.

I tell you everyday how much your friends love you,
how beautiful you are,
how eccentric your life is -
Not everyone is that loved.

I hope you know that you worry them too much,
they want to be with you,
this is not just jealousy,
they want to protect you.

You are their dainty angel,
as you are to me,
and they don't want you to fall,
they don't want you to get hurt.

I hope you can see how important you are
I don't want to lose you
You know I cannot leave,
but how about them?

I'll fight for you if you want me to
but if battling the winds can make you loosen your grip
onto something that has held on you forever,
I will be forced to kneel

I shall build a wall,
I will protect you from the enemy,
which is I,
my dear.

love is a sacrifice.
and sacrifice is the only thing stronger than love.

The first time i loved forever
was when he came up to me
and said ever so sweetly,
"i really like you, please accept this flower"

he was glorious and all,
a boy not a man,
he really made me fall,
gave me smiles when nobody can

and boy, my heart was whole,
it was nice, we were good,
it was me, it was full,
at least until it lasted.

Everything changed when i met my sunshine;
the one who taught me bad things,
who made me shoot comets,
the one i fed stars and those in between -
when i met the one

i learned how to sew stitches,
i swallowed a needle,
i ate stardusts,
and accepted burnt candles

my heart was flashing bright,
i was blinded by the sight
of how deep and gentle love could be,
if only we were meant to be...

Nothing can come out of sadness?
therefore you should live again
for sadness gave me a lot,
sadness gave me my solace
sadness found me an angel
sadness lifted me up from hell

we built towers and fortresses,
we are catching the falling
and patching the holes
of a broken heart's great desire -
to be whole once more

If you could only see me think of you when I am drunk, then we would both know how real this is.

i fell in love with the way i woke you up
i waited for seconds before i did
i wanted to watch you forever
but i needed to see how your eyes flutter

you should never cut your hair
i love the way you run through them
keep them down, keep them
they give me feelings i could not bear

we will go to the oceans, a beach
i will lay on the sand
you can play, after all it is our land
i will know your laugh as i watch

you can wrap your fingers around mine
i'll hold you tightly and scribble signs
this is nothing but real
this is the start of something surreal

you make me lose it all
the sleep, the lies, the sadness
i'd throw away the vices
just assure me this won't fall into pieces

we dream of all these dates
of seas and comfort
of silent rooms to fulfill our desires
all we need is the guts to drive

we'd build a card house
red in color, of course
where mornings save you
and nights can be true

we'd buy what you want
we'd do what you want
we'd be anyone you want to be
let me in and i'll make you see

i'll make you believe
that i can never leave
and to all the people who are trying to take you away from me
i am not afraid to throw them the key

i'll let them know you are safe with me
i'll let them feel our infinity
i'd hold you close and let them see
how much i want you to be with me.

if i give much to you, would you hold her safe?
if i hand this much to you, would you keep a promise?
that whenever too much happens, you'll caress her face
and tell that you'll never let her little love go to waste.

i have never been chosen.
i was the saddened,
i was the source,
but i was always the less.

the fight boils down to seeing her cry,
you cant really help it when they do.
their eyes, the tears and that broken voice (my, my)
you wipe their cheeks and cant help but wish you got hurt too.

the moment points out that you do not need angels, you do not need saving.
you need hard, painful, destructive love.
you are not worthy, you are nothing
compared to all the adoration she gives to you.

but no matter how much pushing,
no matter the hurtful words,
she will always be there
to lift you up
like you pushed her down a cliff
and she would tell you she is sorry
for standing so close to the edge.

tonight i kept on asking myself
why did i worry so much
why do i even care
it should not be like this
it should not be this hard
this is high school
this is love
and this is a game for fools

everything ends
when high school ends

i want to compare
i want to undo
i want to rewind
i want to stop
but
how do i compare
how do i undo
how do i rewind
how do i stop

when i am
deeply
madly
truly
crazily and
clumsily
falling in love with you

i bid these worries goodnight
it should not hurt if you say goodbye,
because of all the pain i have been through,
they should not be different from you

everything ends
when high school ends.

we could be anywhere,
i'd learn to drive by next month
i would bring you to places
we have never been in

we could be anyone
i'd be yours if you want me to
i would show you the sides
we have never seen

we could be anything
i'd be a slave as i already am
i would let you hear the music
we have never heard

we get little moments together.
though we have never had a time where it's just me and you,
i always think about the tiny sparks and colossal impact;
and wonder if you write about them too.

i went home with your scent
don't ask me what my words meant
i want to say it, but i cant
three words, softly written

is this the right moment?
tell me what you are waiting for
you have fixed all my dents*
you've proven, now i want more.

there is something so frustrating about not writing after feeling.

youre wrong when you said no one wants you.
i do. i told you i just cant love nice and pretty things. i always crave for sadness and loneliness. i crave for pain and loss; for gems, not gold. for hell, not angels.

she gave me letters
i always thought they were real
i knew they were, until
the burning came

she gave me necklaces,
if these turn rusty, i'll leave
until now, i have never worn them
i never wanted them to be rusty.

she gave me stuffed toys,
this one will sleep on the right side of your bed,
because you always wake up on that side
so that you'll think of me first thing in the morning

she spoke words
and numbers
and screamed to me
whispers of a loud night

i gave back more;
necklaces, bracelets
kisses and tight hugs
movies and strong hands
stuffed toys and letters, too

above all, i gave her songs to sleep with,
poems to live by
and promises to look forward to

she told me
*you shouldnt have,
we both knew we were never enough for each other,
right?

i want to love you so much i'd shove all the others away.

you don't have to heal me
not because you already did
but because it isn't your duty

you don't have to make me forget
not because it's working
but because i am not to be kept

you don't have to give me solace
not because you already have
but because just staring at you all my days

- from five distances,
ten hours in twenty-four -

can already make me happy,
can already make me lay down
all the chances
i have on you.

who acts as barricades,
protecting their angel
- who does not want to see her hurt,
those who embrace her wings

- who thinks she can never fly by herself
- who thinks she is too weak to handle pain

look again;
you have a brave girl right in front of you,
vulnerable and ready-stand
to experience hurt
and breaking

open and ready to fight
for the greatest love she'll ever find

one day i'll tell you, dear,
what you've always wanted to hear

and from that minute onwards

i wouldn't care if you tear me apart
and break my heart

you can lead me to wherever you desire
and let every moment afire

today i decided i want to live in your eyes
stay in your arms
and be with your light

for december to end
january to forgive
february to reminisce
and march to forget
april to calm down
may to vanish
june to be out
july to stop
august to fade
september to break
october to remember
and november to last

i need to live in them first.

i love it when you talk to me
poet to poet,
writer to writer.

i found an angel in hell
are you lost?
we are definitely lost

we dont belong here
i go here,
but am not actually

i noticed you arent too
we can run away if you want
to the seas, far from this land

we dont belong here
i know so
i watch you fade into your own world everyday

When I try to sleep it off,
it makes me wonder more
Can I stop now?
Yes, but I don't want to.

When I do sleep it off,
the dreams intrigue me more
Does this mean anything?
No, it just so happens that I think of you more often now.

When I say I don't need it to mean something
I need it to stay like this
Nothing more, nothing less
We'll get there.

When I say I want it to mean something
I want it to be like this
More than this
We'll get there.

Unlike the stories I have heard,
I hope this will never end.

the thing is you dont have to tell me
we're going to be forever
you dont have to tell me
we'll always be together

you dont have to tell me youre staying
you dont have to tell me what youre feeling
you dont have to shout your love
you dont have to do anything

'cause baby when our enigmatic silence floats
thats the time when i think of you
and how much of your presence
is actually there

i want to go back
to when i could come up to you,
sing you an old song
and nobody would look at us

i want to go back
to when i could sit so close to you,
tell you an old story
and nobody would look at us

i want to go back
to when i could cover your eyes,
make you say my name
and nobody would look at us

i want to go back
to when i gave you poems,
read you my entries
and nobody would look at us

i want to go back
to those random moments
when you wrapped your arms around me
without malice, with no second thoughts

and nobody,
not even you,
would look at us

i want to go back
to when i sang you that old song,
remember what you said?
"if only you were a boy"

and i guess thats when everything changed. you didn't care if i wasn't a boy.

Against all odds, remember?*
from then on, you started talking like all of them.