I still get nervous when you're around
(And that means everyday)
When you are near, my heart is never sound
(And I still forget what to say)

My hands still get sweaty from just the idea of you
(And I could almost fill a deep pit)
I guess I never will get used to you
(And I have no intention of stopping it)

My heart drenched in wine
Alcohol in my mind
Cigarette burns in my lungs
Drug specks in my veins

*Your wings against my chest
We are such a beautiful mess
My lips brush on your skin
Your scent enters deep within

I'm sorry* is nonchalant.

How is it that you are already tired

I am the monster of my own destruction;
and the slave of my own chaos.

i wonder

where your eyes will set
whose hands you'll hold
whose lips you'll tease
whose shoulder you'll lean on
whose presence you'll crave
what you'll stare at for hours
who you'll want
who you'll need
who you'll love

a year from now

Meet my eyes and smile
Throw your head back and laugh
I'll place my hands on your hips
Keep on being happy, just like this

Don't mind the other stars
Let yourself afire
You're shining ever so brightly
You are the iris for me

Such closeness,
little things,
fingers entwine-

Even so, we can make it against all odds.

You are my oceans and seas
my flowers and bees
the joyous swaying trees
and all the present wind breeze

You are the hundred reasons of singing
you keep my hope hanging
you are the strummed strings
and all those pretty little things

I'll dry your tears when you're crying
though your thoughts are closed
and your moons be hiding
I'd still be here, darling

You make love sound like fiction
it seems unreal, and patiently
you put me in a dimension
where everything is placed perfectly

And then that world slows down
Your stars are dangling low now
Reaching for me, keeping me sound
In our universe, you're all I found.

I hope you cannot breathe without me
I hope you'd rather be lonely
than love anyone else besides me
I hope that when we end
you will never get over
the love that we had in hand
I hope you'll never be sober
I hope you'll beg for me to stay
and if you let me leave
I hope I will have the last say
I will say it is better that way
And then your heart will break
and break
and break
and break
and it will never end
I hope you'll never forget me
I hope you'll lurk
at the back of the Church
looking at how
I kiss the man I chose
I hope your mind will be dark
because you lost your light
you lost the path
the path that keeps you still
I hope you'll have nightmares
because you lost the girl
the girl of your dreams
and the lady who promised
she will be with you until
the chaotic side of you ends
I hope you cry for me
I hope you will love me
and love me
beyond what love can give
I hope you'll be crazy
I hope you'll lose your sanity
over this girl
who lied to you
who ignited you
and let your fire burn out
I hope you will keep on
sheltering me
even if
I am not yours to protect anymore
Because you realized
that I was the only one
the only one
who loved you
when you cannot be loved
loved you so, but
only for a numbered infinity.

I was broken -
And I never knew what that felt like
until I was made whole again;
until I caught your sight,
until I made you smile
and until I realized
someone is worth living for
again

and from that moment
I already feared
that I am starting to depend
my happiness on you
from that moment on
I already felt scared
that I am beginning to see
the light I once saw
The light that was once too bright
and burned in the dark
but still taught me
that flames don't last forever

Here I am again
Thinking that if you'll break me
Then so be it, darling
It's okay
I'll be okay
Maybe we won't be forever
But I want to spend an infinity with you
So break me
And shatter me
Until then
I will love you
Like I have never loved before.

There is still so much wine.

But there is so little time..

Please stay.

What will my parents say?

I'll take you home.

I can do it on my own.

Come on, one last drink.

One more and in alcohol I will sink.

The night is still young!

Oh, the lies spoken by your tongue.

I'm not faking it, I want you here.

You are completely drunk, I bet you cannot hear.

Yes, I am drunk.
And you, you are **** beautiful.
I can see it, I can see.
Tomorrow I'll be sober
and I know you would still be.

You know what you give me?

A year ago I would have said I would rather be in bed than in school.
Nine months ago I would have said I would rather be quiet than make a fight.
But yesterday was a starting point.
And all the other days before that were flames that needed to ignite.
Today there will only be you and me.
Right now, I don't know what I feel,
but I'll know when you come back here.
One, five, ten years from now, what would we be?

Surprise me.

What I want so much is for the worst to diminish
And be left with all the good ones
What I want so much is to vanish -
Everything, even myself, all at once

But all I am offered
are time and the awaited remedy
All seems blurred
but right now this is all I can be.

i used to think that when we get old,
we'd only spend time reminiscing our youth
and so i did all these things
these scrubbed things
to fill all the spaces
that deserve color

now all i miss is not wanting to grow up
not thinking
and not doing
just being
plainly
there.

I don't want a lavish celebration. I don't need new dresses, new shoes. I want you to be happy that I accomplished these kind of things. I want you to pray to Him and say thank you for everything He has given. I want you to smile and say things like you mean it. I just want you to be proud of me.

is as still as enormous walls,
as good as coffee in the morning,
no one could ever be as tall,
and yet she is calm like spring

is as brave as lions and tigers combined,
as bright as the afternoon skies
she could not be easily tamed,
she has her own plans to take

is as beautiful as the lit evening stars,
as **** as the burning flames of fire
she could handle all the past scars
and she is only mine to desire

I never really ruled the world
it was never mine to hold
will never be mine to cherish
will never be mine to kiss.

Though I can inhale
I can breathe
My body is working
I can move my feet
My mind is present
I can be what I was meant
I have been given a life to live
I have been given something
to call a home
A home which I can never really own.

I'm glad I never knew
How different love could be
I'm glad you feel it too
I'm glad it's you and me

I still ask, though I'll never know
Why a heart like yours
Fell into my love hole
And stayed 'til morrow

I still ask, though I'll never be answered
How an electric soul like yours
Could love me, an ember shattered
Still you want to call me yours

Cinemas were made for us to watch movies, but it seems like they are the one watching us.*

How right the world was then
We held hands and you opened
The world I have never seen
The buzzing was too much
I remember how you were so tensed
God, what could have happened
If I didn't close my eyes?
We were not even inches apart
You were listening to my heart
Every move was burning
Every touch, every spark
What were we watching again?
Oh ***** that, dear,
our lips were now getting near
to the most awaited bliss
to the most awaited first kiss.

It's wrong when people say
Love doesn't usually come our way
It's always here, let it remain
Twas there for a while, even if it is gone
So why wonder who will love you tomorrow
if yesterday already took away your sorrow

Morning comes and my thoughts are changed
Today knocks and I am saved
I hear those songs once more
And I end up closing the door.

the problem about them
is that they write about everything.
so if they write about you,
are you really different?
if they romanticize
the way your eyes close when you laugh
and notice the way you walk,
isn't it normal for them to see all these things?
what makes their adoration special
is how they can tell you all the words
that they have written at midnight
face-to-face, upfront, straightforward.
what makes their love for you special
is how they combine it with petals
and notes every morning.
how they are not contented with their own rhymes.
how they want you to feel special,
so they will go all the way up
just to make you feel something.
how they do whatever they promised.
how their hearts go crazy when you say those three words.
how they fall in love with every particle,
every scent,
every vibration,
every touch,
every word
you have ever said.
what makes you special
is the fact that
you are the only one
they see when the sun wakes them up.
what makes you special is that
you are the only one
they think of when the stars bid good night.
what makes you special
is that they take their time
trying to catch your every breath
everyday.

2:30
stop fading, please
stop letting go of this
stop hiding in your shell
maybe i just want you to tell.

3:20
one hold and i am still
one stare and i broke the deal
it is weakening, it is too strong
it is a thing i dont want to last long

4:13
here we go again
walking down the runway of stares
what have we done? is this a sin?
to escape this, we climbed the stairs

4:30
let our silence do the talking.

5:10
what even is kissing?

5:30
we should really go home now
no, stay.

6:01
it's the rain that's telling us to leave
**i know, but let us stay.

little rain, please do stay
i have nothing but you
please take the pain away
i will, if you do too

little rain, make me stay
i've got nothing to do
please fall on me today
let me admire your view

You said I am chaotic, so why choose me?*

Ah, sweetheart,
where shall I start?
Your surging tides,
your silent cries
Your mystifying desire,
your beauty afire
Your flashing radiance,
your captivating brilliance
Your unending wit,
and your eyes' mist
Your pretty soul, my love,
The truth in your dark half
You use your hands and enlighten
The painful past I have written

So why not, sweetheart?
What's not to love?

It is in the loudest crowds
In the darkest room
In the hardest hour
In the midst of sadness
In the time of depression
In the moment of longing
It is here, and all around
Where I always find you.

You want to know a secret, darling?
You're the one who keeps me breathing.
But stay quiet about it,
they might take you from me.

I almost like it when they whisper;
behind our backs, silently
It keeps them ignorant, and us betrayed
but I don't care, it is well-played
by our own actors and actresses
they are what keeps this world in distress
but I don't care, it is the only time
when they sound like
they do listen to what I say
Like wow, you remember that?
I almost like it when they stare at us;
when they judge, silently
It keeps them ignorant of what we have,
and they think we are so foolishly in love
but I don't care, it is when I realize
that yes, we really are crazy in love
I don't care because it is when I know
who cannot be here when I am low
I don't care, keep on talking about us
There are days I am happy
and nights that are melancholy
There are days that your looks can affect me
and nights that your words can stab me
I don't care, but other times I do
I don't care, but right now I do

My problem is not the society,
it is the way your minds work.
My problem is not the school,
it is how you imprison us.
My problem is not the laws,
it is the way you interpret them.
My problem is not the people,
it is how they crave for superiority.

And don't even tell me I am too young to understand all the ******* you keep on feeding us. We know the difference between things that can empower us truly and things that are cruel.

it's starting to get colder
but with you i feel heat get stronger
the nights are longer
and my days are brighter
paper lanterns begin floating
as i am perpetually falling

We'd sneak out at midnight
I'd bring everything we need
Let us make this night lucid
Enlighten the road we'll take
It's too late now to not risk it
I'd be in pajamas
and you'll be laughing all night
We could drive
Or better yet
We could run
Free and in love
Young and strong
Let our bodies be one
Let our souls make charts
of how love should be done
Let our destiny start
Out of here and into the woods
I will come with you
I will let the silence fill the words
Of an admiration so true
And when the night is close to an end
I will breathe back the sin of love theft
We'd sleep in my truck and there I will mend
All the broken things we have left.

i do care for you
i give you real smiles too
i dont like seeing you sad
i dont like it when you're mad
i dont like it when youre obviously fake
and sometimes i couldnt take
all your lies and hidden truths
you say you're being real
i see the good in you
but you wont let me make you feel
that we are here to guide you
we are here to support you
but
all the moments we spend
are compressed into pitch black
whenever you turn your back
and whisper things to people.
youre stabbing us with the knife
we never thought you'd hold

i love the thought
of having someone -
to be with,
to love whenever,
to be angry with,
to cherish forever
someone who can
keep up with your darkness
someone who was made for you,
who levels with your madness
a someone
who could be so dear
who would not mind if she hears
all the voices in your head
and she would even be the one
to fight those thoughts and
who will put an end

i refuse to believe
that you are being true
you tell me the fault i have
but you act like that too

If my slight Muse do please these curious days,
The pain be mine, but thine shall be the praise.

We pretend the other does not exist
to know if we could resist
We lie for other people's sake
to know how much we could take
We stay silent to answer what this is
to know what we will painfully miss
And so we ignore
to know if we will search for more

boy, you fill my days with sweet words
and she was right you can do it better
i saw how your eyes shined
i looked at them for a long time
there were roses in a field
i wonder why chaos is what i need
i wonder why your smiles cannot take me away
just like how hers do
i wonder why your touch cannot lift me up
just like how hers did
i wonder why you cannot brighten up the day
just like how she does
i wonder why, you see,
because she shouldn't be different from you,
but she is.

get your own ******* love life and stop staring at ours.

no dictionary has the words,
not even my mind can make one
what is it, then?
is it more than love?
or just a common crush?
bu how come whenever your breath
touches my cheeks,
my whole body shakes?
inside and out,
from skin, down to my bones
blood rushes up to my face
and the whole place gets hot
even if you are far from me,
i feel like when i think of you -
your presence is still there
no matter how much thinking i do,
i cannot fathom the feeling
i cannot translate it as humanly as possible
i cannot write it down
i cannot explain
i cannot define
how much i yearn
and yearn
and yearn
and yearn for you
everyday.

Ignore me
Hurt me
Break me
Shatter me
Love me
Ignite me
And be me
Be love
Be fire
Be tired
Be the battle
Be my warrior
Protect me from all the flames
But let me be the flame
Let me shelter you
In the heat of this adoration
Let me be
Let it be
Let us be

i know that look, dear
you're always seeking
tell me what you want to hear
you are just stealing
some glances only i can catch

like a song of fame
you make everybody sing
and i would definitely be lost
if you let them hear it

know that everyday
i wish i could do better
i wish i could satisfy your worth
in order for this to work
you have to get what you deserve
know that i am yours to love, my beautiful girl

how can you enjoy if endings are all you think of?
i dont know,
i guess i never thought
of cherishing every moment
i never thought of having fun
maybe because
i want
hard
painful
destructive*
love

since you already reminded me,
i am going to love you
like i have never been broken

closer, closer
i want to trace your features
i need to see more,
to touch more,
to make you feel more

lay down with me
hover your hand just above my body
prove me the buzzing motions,
the strength of our connection
breathe me, breathe me

taste the love, feel the lust
give me what i desire
press those lips against mine
go harder as i yearn for more
kiss me, kiss me

I visited that site today,
where all our memories are laid
I don't know why but I miss it somehow
I guess I just can't forget
I guess you never taught me how
Sometimes I wish we never met
But all is well now, I suppose
All is good for me and you
We have adapted to all our losses
I hope you have beautiful days, too
I am okay, if you really care
That was how you left me
Those were your last words
You said your soul is torn
You said I was a horcrux of yours
You told me you hated that you still think of me,
You still cry for your forever
You keep all my letters,
all the stuffed toys and little things
It smells like me
You remember my touch,
and all of it still lingers
It reminds you of innocence
and all the bad days
It reminds you of me,
your longest fling.
You used to remember my lips when you kissed hers
I pitied her at some point
She didn't deserve a love like that
But who am I to care about you two
You didn't even care when you inflicted pain on me
I guess our doors are closed
You say we are in good terms like we had a negotiation
It was nice until it lasted
Lately I found out that
God made another one of you
to love me better than you ever will

All is well now, I suppose
All too well, I guarantee.

burn for me, let's be reckless
turn every path in flames
break for me, let's run away
and in return, i will stay

You say it's just my mood swings,
When tears can't stop from falling
and yes, the reason is nothing
But I feel this -
these annoying emotions
and troubled thoughts

It is not because I am a girl
having another day of sadness
It is because I am empty
having another day of worthlessness.

Three years, three years
And I never asked the reason
behind those crying and tears

Forever, forever
But whatever it is,
you will never lose me, not ever

Christina, Christina*
I love you today and everyday
I love you when you're breaking
I loved you (from a distance)
I love you when you're crying
I love you when you're happy
I love you when you're clingy
I love you when you're shy
I love our inside jokes
I'll love your fake smiles
If you want me to provoke
I love you when you're sad
I'll keep you when you're mad
I loved you from afar
I love you when you're mine
I love you when you're not

Know that these spaces
cannot intervene
with all the faults we have
because I have found the reason
to love you all the time.

I snapped you out of your dreamland,
Hey, wake up
It seemed to be getting out of my hands
Aloof and distant, wake up

Make me your inspiration,
I strongly said
No, you're a distraction
And maybe I was the one who woke up

I snapped.

Yes, a nuisance
A worthless piece of annoyance
Ready to ruin a life so young,
so fragile.
Prepared to break a perfectly whole heart,
to cut the wings of a freely floating angel.

*A distraction, a distraction, a distraction