Every single day I lie to myself.
I paint my reality with only the colors that I want to see.
Ignoring those that are too harsh.
The colors that are too bright or too dark, for my eyes to handle.
The fear of rejection and the fear of being too happy, covering my eyes like a blindfold to all the things that could truly make my life vibrant.
I lie to everyone else every single day.
Getting stuck in the cobwebs of my mind.
Letting my fears pour in and spill over into my day.
My worries like broken glass pricking the bottoms of my feet with every step I take.
The gnawing feeling that I cant escape pulling on the back of my heels.
And the smile on my face that tells all my friends I am happy, while the weight of my depression pulls down on the corners of my mouth.
I lie to myself and everyone else everyday.

The room; a safe place
where I find myself on days I can’t forget
A cinema of all the memories I don’t want to remember
But can’t seem to let go of

Love’s shackles are holding me hostage
Stuck in the in-between of waiting or moving on
Trapped in the lies we both believed about me
Two voices both claiming to be my own
Guilt flavored kisses and regret filled eyes
They say love is supposed to hurt.

Sometimes I fear the parts of you I love the most, are the parts that are going to cause us to break. It feels like the fabric of what makes you who you are is going to tear a line between us and cause space to creep it’s way in. And the miles you will travel, are the miles that will keep us from growing closer together. I want so badly to be close to you and to know that I won’t lose you, but you aren’t willing to make promises you don’t know if you can keep. That most likely you can’t keep. Deep down I know that our passions and dreams in life may be the very things that lead us in different directions. And I know you’d be okay with that. And I wish that I could be too. I guess what I am trying to say is that I can’t get too attached to you and I have to love you from a distance because I know in time that is exactly what I am going to have to do.

All I can see is my reflection starring back at me
All I can see is your thinning brown hair, cold hands
All I can see is a ghost of who you used to be starring back at me
Who knew ghosts could seem so real?
And I know a piece of me will always believe you’re still in there
But sometimes I wonder how long it takes until you stop believing in happy endings
Starring back at me, I see empty space.

You are as sweet as honey, but you sting like a bee
You are as warm as the sun, but you leave me sunburned
You are as strong as the ocean, but I drowned underneath your waves
You are freshman Spanish class, but I don't speak your language anymore
You are lazy Sundays, but we've run out of time
You are my future, but I don't know if I want it anymore.