I want to cry like a grieving mother
My heart just wants to burst
Wanting these freaking questions to be answered
And now this sadness begins killing all my happiness away
Making me hide under this skin full of lies
Angers overflowing but I can't do anything
Just hide, think and die
Perhaps my life is built to hide
To be part of a perfect pretend
Sending things unto the unreal
This dream begins turning into a nightmare
With the darkness and fears
Why does it turns this way
What a journey it had been
Only to know it ended this way
No turning back that’s what I say
But regrets follow me everywhere I go
No one listens anyway
Floating with my dreams and imagination
But realizing it’s true after all
Believing in the untruth
All of my illusions are gone
And I promise all you can see is black inside my head
And maybe so soon
So soon…
Cuts and knife would be my best friend
Making me understand that I’m still alive
And wounds will hurt like hell
But ending my life would be a problem
And maybe sleep will be my best friend as well
It’ll be the one holding my body
Hugging me till I dream
And I wish it will not let me go.

Someday,
I’ll be sitting just before the shore
Watching the sky fading to blue
And all I can hear is the waves from the ocean
Maybe someday I’ll be there with you
Holding my hand and watch as the waves takes the sorrow away
Capturing smiles in my lips and stars in my eyes
Someday I’ll be there maybe alone
Enjoying my life and realizing it’s beauty
I’ll be calm and all will be
I’ll stay as long as it will
And I’ll hear the birds chirping , wind blowing, trees swaying
Just before I close my eyes
And maybe I’ll be there feeling as the wind carries my emotions
Witnessing the day changing into a magical night sky
I’ll be staring at it pointing my stars, counting them one by one
I’ll be cold and full but nothing’s going to stop me
I’d be happy and sad and no one can hold me back and for that moment
I’M LIVING FREE.

"mommy please don't forget me"
words that come out of her mouth
with her shaking voice as she held her hand
at the hospital bed,
with the doctor's breath
every words a stabbing knife
pain is all she felt,
a tear that becomes a memory
then all of a sudden a blank space.


day by day worrying she'll forget,
her mind becomes this unwanted ghost
erasing every happiness;
throwing those excitements,
forgetting the most precious memories
the child she bears;
the boy she loved

losing it every day
like a money to be spent it's penny
gone , gone , gone
waiting for it to come
she's saying goodbye to her
with her crying eyes
as she said those words


"who are you?"

i cant let him go
i love him now
but does he?
all those stares we've shared
skins that touched
the moments you came to me
and tell me everything
what  does that mean?
assuming there is something more
it just breaks my heart
for i know it will never be true
all these confusions never ceased to complicate me
now i'm messed up
without any consent from my own mind
please please
just tell the words that will set me free
tell me you don't love me like i love you
or tell me other way around
just tell the truth
because i cant bear this pain
this anxiety you bring
all these confusions just kept tearing me apart

Let’s create an illusion of the stars
Where i can dream that I couldn’t wake up
I’m holding that cloud I once chase
Yet here my loneliness exist
lying between the ground I stand

Like a rose been picked
One day it’ll bloom
The other day it’ll wither
How nice I f I just stayed
It wouldn’t be this hard

Like cards being reshuffled
No one knew where to begin
Too many way to start again
You always lose in the end

"you doubt your value, stop running away from who you are!"*
-Aslan (Narnia Chronicles)

feeling safe within your arms
it felt safe until your lips kissed mine
until your hands hold mine
a kiss that changed me
the kiss that makes me want more
made me want it night by night
till my eyes closed and
my body float
and till my heart got tired
of asking for you
and cry
and try
and goodbye
till it's gone
till i thought of it as a mistake
till i thought of my regrets

Im scarred with pens and knives
Deeply wounding my life
Before ending a dive
Counting thoughts one to five

A nice winter weather
With Wrists covered with scratch
Hiding with a sweater
Then a tear after a punch

Broken bones of lovely skins
A touch of silver ever since
Felt like fleeing under the sky
It felt like done after a sigh

Then a splat in a concrete ground
All scattered but not my mind
This is the mistake they all regret
That mistake... they didnt listen.

i'm so sick of making people understand me.

Bring out the scarecrow now they play
Open dust in  breeze of auburn hay
Wipe the pumpkin and call it jack
Go get the candies and the sack

Masks and capes in red of the night
Get rid of the rats dont get it right
Up in the roof are howling  rags
Full of juices and chips in the bag

Watch slowly as the stars light up
Bring the joy in your falling smile
Stare at the moon till your tears drop
Dont worry honey , go on and cry

Watch the fall tree waves you goodbye
Look at the crows fly you goodnight
Look at the sky till you feel light
Dont forget this delightful sight

Everything's  orange , red and green
Remember it all that you've seen
Days are all done and I am too
My last halloween, spent with you

how did i ended up liking you
loving the way your glasses fell to your nose
the way you stare right back at me and smile
loving the way you sit next to me while my heart beats fast

what is this feeling that made all the butterflies fly
it made me feel like I'm on cloud nine
made everything gone
only flowers and the scent of roses

tell me the reason why
why did you make me feel this way?
you know how it hurts
that hoping is a painful lie

tell me the reason why
why did you let this happen to us?
that even smiling in front of you
makes me want to cry

tell me the reason why
why that every time I look at you...
every things go wild
and I ... stayed still looking at you...admiring every inch of you